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Becky Parker
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| Posted: June 09 2010 at 8:16am | IP Logged
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In this thread the discussion turned to fostering independence in our children. I was thinking it might be good to start a new thread for this purpose.
This is something I'm really feeling the need to do since I will be having baby #6 in December. I know that's really not that many children compared to many of you, but for me, right now, it feels overwhelming.
I'm thinking the only way to survive, and really, the best thing for my children, will be to get them more independent in their schoolwork, and other areas as well. I'm looking for tips and suggestions!
I'm finding that workboxes help here, and this post by Sally about binders could help even more.
I also know that when I stand firm, our Managers of Their Chores system works well at helping the kids to be more independent with that.
Any other ideas?
Is this a Mom-attitude that I just need to overcome? My feeling that I need to have my hand in everything my kids do? Or is that a natural tendency of a mom and I just need to accept it?
Just thinking out loud, hoping you all can clarify the toughts of an overly emotional, hormonal, pregnant 46 year old! 
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Becky
Wife to Wes, Mom to 6 wonderful kids on Earth and 4 in Heaven!
Academy Of The Good Shepherd
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Mackfam
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| Posted: June 09 2010 at 9:55am | IP Logged
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Hi Becky! I really enjoyed reading your question. I've been following along on those other threads as well!
I see myself as a mom who is very involved, but who manages best when I delegate appropriately and foster independence with my children in age appropriate ways. Here are some ideas I've got for you:
A realistic, workable routine helps. I don't do well with scheduling certain things at certain times, but I do work well when I consider and detail a block of time between 6 - 8:30 and list the details of our morning routine for that block of time. These blocks allow for some flexibility, but they also set a routine which guides the day and fosters independence. All the kids know that we start our morning work between 8:30 and 9 am.
Consider plans carefully at the beginning of the year, and again at the beginning of each new term. Investing a little time on the front end considering and listing details and expectations yields big dividends for me when the rubber hits the road. I write out a yearly plan listing books. I then break my list out into quarters of the year and detail how much of which book will be read each quarter. Clear expectations free up a lot of time!
Consider how you will offer your time during the day. This is important for the littles who do lessons. Make a table or grid and consider on paper that if your 1st grader needs to work on phonics with you, your preschooler and 3rd grader will need some independent activities or an older child to help them during that time. Some people do this time management well on the fly - I do not! I need to see visually, on paper, how I'm going to manage my time...or I don't.  So, I'm offering it as a possible help.
Weekly meetings are wonderful for maintaining involvement and contact with my older students and help me make good use of my time. We discuss where they are, and where they're going next week. I offer input and they offer feedback.
For my 5th grader I write detailed daily plans for the week upcoming after our meetings.
My 9th grader has a quarterly outline which is laid out for her. We have two weekly meetings (of course we meet and discuss more...I don't mean to imply I'm unavailable except for two meetings, but these meetings keep us accountable to each other). During the first review we discuss the week past and the week upcoming, after which she is to write out her plans for the upcoming week based on the outline I've given her (this outline has a booklist and details such as how much work is expected per quarter). Her job is to manage her time wisely each week, and detail that on her plans. Our second review is brief as we look over her plans together. I offer input as needed.
Detail work on plans in a way that fosters independence. I list independent work for each child on one section of our plans, and family work in another section. It's a little like layering plans. If needed, I can rearrange or drop layers, but the children know that it's their job to complete the independent work assigned. Written details are listed so that expectations are clear!
Narrations keep me in touch with what they're reading! I so cherish narration time! They share their joy and thoughts about a book, and I'm involved as I listen. Narrations are creatively placed throughout our day - while doing chores, cooking, over lunch, on errands, etc. This might help you to continue to feel involved, Becky!
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Were these sort of what you were looking for, Becky? The more independent the work and the child, the more I try to maintain involvement through guidance and ongoing input as well as offering clear expectations in terms of lesson plans or an outline or a goal. Keeping consistent routines assists the day and also promotes independence - it's about clear expectations again. When we start slacking around here, I know I need to review those expectations and routines, improve as needed, and communicate them again. HTH! 
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: June 09 2010 at 10:11am | IP Logged
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Mackfam wrote:
Were these sort of what you were looking for, Becky? The more independent the work and the child, the more I try to maintain involvement through guidance and ongoing input as well as offering clear expectations in terms of lesson plans or an outline or a goal. Keeping consistent routines assists the day and also promotes independence - it's about clear expectations again. When we start slacking around here, I know I need to review those expectations and routines, improve as needed, and communicate them again. HTH! |
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Yes Jen, your points are very helpful. I see some things that we're already doing, like a daily routine, but I also see that maybe the expectations need to be looked at carefully, and communicated better. I'm not sure my dc really know which things I expect them to do independently. I think you wrote about meetings with your children on another thread somewhere because I have jotted that note to myself for my dd next year. She will be in 6th and I think, if I have an official meeting time with her each day she can work fairly independently.
I too value narration time. I'm blessed because my kids love to talk about what they are reading! My oldest son was difficult in that regard - it was like pulling teeth and very frustrating for me. But my younger kids can't wait to talk about their reading.
I was hoping my post didn't give the impression that I want to seperate myself from my children. That's not the case at all. (Nor did your reply lead me to think you read it that way Jen!) I'm just picturing myself on the couch in November waiting for this baby to come with no energy at all. If I don't have my kids working independently, at least to a degree, everything will fall apart!
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Becky
Wife to Wes, Mom to 6 wonderful kids on Earth and 4 in Heaven!
Academy Of The Good Shepherd
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ALmom
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| Posted: June 10 2010 at 12:04pm | IP Logged
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Becky:
One thing I discovered in working with mine at different ages, is that I have to learn how they best remember assignments and actually know what is expected. I also have to be sensitive to their own learning styles and temperments in order for independent work to be a really good thing all the way around. With some, too much independence deprives them of an opportunity to work with others. For another, it can result in insufficient records. There is always the danger that they become isolated. Yet, just the sheer numbers of people and the fact that you want to develop that internal discipline, and the need of teens to be more in control all make independent work an important thing. I spent a lot of time asking them to tell me what worked/didn't work for them. They were good at telling me that I talked too much, there were too many words, they couldn't sort through what I really wanted, etc. When I didn't understand what they were talking about, I asked for more specifics. Then we could adjust to communicating in a way that really worked for both of us.
Some of mine really want daily plans - everything they need to do in a day written on 1 sheet of paper. Others are fine with a looser - do 30 minutes of science. Some of mine like weekly and then divide things out themselves - others find this overwhelming. A lot depends on what is the passion and what is the avoidance subject. Mine can be totally independent in passions, but need more daily accountability in areas of severe avoidance. Some areas and topics, I would never want them to just read and do things their own way - I want to be sure we are discussing these together. Other things, they are fine to be mostly teaching themselves but I still need a means of having an overall idea and know when to step in with appropriate questions or guidance or safety rules.
Some of my children were sometimes (or in some of them it was a lot) not following through on an assignment I gave them and I mistakenly thought it was lack of discipline at first. In reality, it was that I lost them with all my words, and they went away only remembering one little part. I had to adjust how I communicated to the children in order for them to really walk away with a clear idea of my expectations.
I would suggest that you pray and consider your child's best learning style and utilize that in how you do things. Also think about strengths and weaknesses and put those strengths to maximum advantage while providing appropriate support for the weak areas. Talk to the child about their organizational style - are they stackers or filers and provide the appropriate tools. I always provide written instructions - mostly because I require them to even remember anything. But also because most of my children never retained oral instructions. I will alway go over things with the children - and put it in a format most suited to them.
Think about how introverted or extroverted they are. Also, if they have natural organizational abilities, you may find that they thrive on being given more control over their own schedule - but they may despise last minute changes so you have to be sensitive to this.
Be sure to keep an introvert engaged in gentle ways to help them learn to work in a group, to develop public speaking, etc. and you will probably have to ask specific questions of them to make sure materials fit.
How do you plan to stay in touch with what is going on - both academically and in the heart. Informal catching the moment will work just fine with some children. With extremely systematic people, you'd better have it scheduled in somewhere. How you keep in touch will be different if you have an avid talker than if your child speaks only when required and it is essential. As you set up for more independence do keep these things in mind. The way you set things up really can differ from child to child - both depending on the age and on the personality traits.
Also keep your own comfort zone in mind and your own style. I really have a hard time without something in writing - so I write all plans out. It actually helps me remember not to keep adding to the to do list which was a sure way to shut my children down and make them simply not do things. Because my children are not talkers, for the most part, I found that writing out points of discussion gave them more time to have thought about it ahead of time and not feel so on the spot - plus it helped me remember what it was about this assignment that I wanted to be sure we discussed. My children appreciated time to ponder, that I didn't waste their time trying to remember what it was about that book ,etc. and I found my children willing to share a bit more. Our discussion could become more efficient. Of course there are plenty of informal things - and questions, etc. I've found that when my children ask a question, it helps me to keep a running list because most of the time the questions are really deep and not something I can answer off the top of my head. They appreciate not having to listen to me blab as I think it through. They are more willing to ask their questions now.
Janet
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: June 11 2010 at 6:47am | IP Logged
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Lots to think about here Janet!
I really understand your comments about different children needing different things. Mine are all so different. I've been reading various books on Learning Styles and I see that my kids all have their very own, which requires different things from me.
My ds, for instance, loves workboxes, but they have to be in the same order every day. He also doesn't get excited about new fun things in them because it's not the routine. He could do his school work all by himself, BUT, he needs me to be there whether he likes it or not. (He reminds me of the child you mentioned about who would be in danger of becoming isolated.)
Then there's my dd who is very capable of working on her own and getting things done, but she wants me to be sitting there with her so we could have little conversations after every other math problem!
So yes, I strongly agree I need to consider my children's differences, and make sure I'm keeping in touch with what is going on academically, emotionally, and spiritually. I'm seeing that this might mean a different system is required for each one, or maybe a system I can tweak to meet each of their needs.
I think, as Jenn mentioned, weekly meetings, narrations and detailed work plans will be the way to go with my dd. I'm thinking I will also include a checksheet of her daily responsibilities so she can check them off and I can see at a glance where she is at. The weekly meetings will allow me to make sure she understands the various concepts she is learning and allow me to explain new things, while the narrations will provide that time with me that she needs on a regular basis.
For my boys, since they are younger, it will mean daily meetings. And, really, my 1st grader will need me by him the whole time. But I see that as a "meeting" because his work really only takes about as long as the meetings last for the others.
My plan, before I go any further with planning , is to sit down and write out my goals for each of the kids. Some of them need more independence, while some of them really need to be able to work on communicating what they are learning. And then, there's that discipline that we all need!
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Becky
Wife to Wes, Mom to 6 wonderful kids on Earth and 4 in Heaven!
Academy Of The Good Shepherd
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Erin
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| Posted: June 11 2010 at 4:27pm | IP Logged
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Becky Parker wrote:
[QUOTE=Mackfam]
I also see that maybe the expectations need to be looked at carefully, and communicated better. I'm not sure my dc really know which things I expect them to do independently. |
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For me this was a vital key in tackling our problem. I was too vague (perhaps because in my head it was still a bit loose anyway) Once my expectation become clearer more independence was fostered.
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Erin
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: Fostering Independence
