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JSchaaf
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| Posted: Sept 22 2009 at 3:03pm | IP Logged
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My girls are all in public school this year. If you have been reading my posts for the last five years you'll know we've had alot of crisis and upheaval in our lives. This summer I finally hit rock bottom. I just couldn't do it anymore-"it" being anything-caring for the kids, being responsible for their education, the house, being a good wife...
Nick made the executive decision that everyone was going to be in school this year. So the girls are in 4th, 3rd, and 1st at our neighborhood school and the 3yo is in preschool two mornings a week.
School started 6 weeks ago. I must concede that it is going very well-the girls are learning, there are no problems with their teachers or classes and the environment here at home is so much improved. I think I read somewhere that it takes at least 6 weeks to start recovering from burnout. I think that is where I am. I've had time to think and pray and just breathe. By the time school started I was dreading being home with the kids for another day. I miss them now. I miss being part of their education and having a family centered life, rather than a school centered one.
Because homeschooling was such a failure when we decided to put the girls in school Nick said "So this is the end of homeschooling?" I said yes, thinking he meant the end of homeschooling here in Colorado (We've been here two years and will move next August). He was meaning forever. 
So I need prayer. I need to discern if homeschooling really can be successful for my family. Can I do this? Or will I be burned out again after 4 months? I also need my dh's heart to be changed-he really does have the best interest of me and the kids at heart. Could he be willing to try homeschooling again? We will be moving either to San Antonio, TX Dayton, OH or Quantico VA in August. I'm almost to the point of praying for rotten public schools where ever we move to make Nick more willing to homeschool them.
I need to start again. By the end of last year I was so confused/burned out that I thought a total change in approach would solve all our problems, so I ordered complete Abeka curriculum for each kid. That was a disaster. I've wasted so much time and money over the past years.
I need to start over, go back to when I had first heard of home education. I think that newbie enthusiasm is still there, deep inside me, just a little flicker of light.
What would you say to someone in my position? Do you think I can do this or should I just admit that I am not cut out for homeschooling? I am so drawn to CM and Classical Education (as described in The Well Trained Mind). Should I start "afterschooling" the girls? What should I do? Where should I start? I'm so confused.
When everyone went back to school I was ashamed to come and post here-I felt like a phony. But I really don't have anyone else to talk to about this.
Sorry for this being so long. I just started to write and couldn't stop.
Jennifer
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marihalojen
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| Posted: Sept 22 2009 at 3:22pm | IP Logged
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Jennifer, first - tons of hugs! 
Marianna is back in school this year too! I look at it as outsourcing certain topics  it really has improved parts of our homelife and relationships too. And, get this, morning times are relaxed now! School starts at 9am and without me stressing about a start time for "our" schooltime we sit and have a nice breakfast, she has time for a shower, we read (and go over homework too!  )
I've even been thinking of adding in the things we loved to do when we were homeschooling that always got pushed aside to do another lesson in Math or whatever. Liturgical Teas would be an amazing after school treat! You'd have all day to organize and set up and bake a goodie and have everything all set to go when the girls walk in the door. Or sub in Nature, Poetry, Art or Music and make it a tradition they'll look forward to everyday after school. They're at the perfect age for it to really gel, whereas Marianna's afterschool time is either the NJROTC Drill and Rifle thing or swimming. But those lovely mornings I just spoke of are very tempting...
I'm going to post quickly, I've got to start supper - First day of Autumn tonight! I actually planned a Fall-ish menu. PM me if you want to chat, Jennifer or we can keep it here in this thread. There are quite a few of us homeschoolers with kids in brick and mortar schools this year!
again!
__________________
~Jennifer
Mother to Mariannna, age 13
The Mari Hal-O-Jen
SSR = Sailing, Snorkling, Reading
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MrsM
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| Posted: Sept 22 2009 at 3:35pm | IP Logged
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Jennifer, I don't have any practical advice, but I hope you are able to feel the love coming through the computer! I think it's safe to say we have all fallen short of what we want to be as moms, we've all felt like failures, we've all been broken at times. I will pray for God to give you His peace, a peace that passes all understanding.
__________________
Lynn in California
Homeschooling dd13, dd11, ds10, and ds8
Mom to Miracle Baby ds3
Mom to darling Elizabeth and Francis, held in Mary's arms and always in my heart
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Natalia
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| Posted: Sept 22 2009 at 4:00pm | IP Logged
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Dear Jennifer,
My mom always told me "don't cross the bridge until you get there". Enjoy where you are at now. Recover, heal, enjoy, restore your soul and mind, and when you feel life coming back into your soul and mind THEN ponder those questions. It is too soon.
Just my opinion. A big hug to you,
__________________
Natalia
http://pannuestrodecadadia.blogspot.com
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Sept 22 2009 at 4:25pm | IP Logged
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Yes, very much what Natalia said.
Though you might consider talking with your dh now.. talk to him about if he would be willing to do homeschooling again. Talk to him about why things got to the point you're at. Talk to him about conditions that might help all of you.. perhaps you need to have a complete plan for him to see before you start? perhaps you could use something like the K12 program being discussed in other threads? If he would be willing to be your anchor, to help you stick to decisions, to make sure agreed on basics are done everyday no matter what (or at least what exceptions are allowed).
But this way you can talk to him and get his approval for doing it again and conditions for doing so.. so that you can work on healing for now.
Don't worry about how to homeschool again right now except as it relates to setting conditions for doing so.
Also, since you're not pressed for time (we need to decide to homeschool again right now). You can tell your dh that you'd like to discuss it but with lots of time for you both to think about the options and conditions, that there's no hurry and you don't need an immediate answer (except maybe, that he'd be willing to work with you on something he could consider allowing)
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: Sept 23 2009 at 6:45am | IP Logged
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I don't have much time to post now but I agree with Natalia and Jodie. Give yourself more time. I would take some extra time while the kids are at school to pray a novena (St. Joseph comes to mind), get to daily Mass, whatever you can do to "feed yourself" (for lack of a better way to say it.) Burn out is a difficult thing and you need time. Talking to your husband when you have lots of time to think about things will be less stressful than trying to talk to him about a decision that needs to be made right NOW. And, as I have learned, these sort of things are so much better when the two of you are on the same page. I'd go so far as to say you really NEED to be on the same page. Pray for grace.
My ds started at the local Catholic Highschool last year and it broke my heart. My husband felt very strongly though, that he should go to school. When we were making the decision I prayed that God would change my heart, or my husbands. Well, he changed mine. My son is now thriving at the highschool and I see that it was God's plan. My younger ones are all still here with me, and hopefully will be until they graduate, but I don't know what God has in store.
Just a side note, if you move to Ohio, I will say, having grown up in Dayton, that most of the public schools are BAD. My mom, a single mother of 4, worked very hard to make the money to send us to the Catholic School because the public schools were so rough. I'm sure there are areas of Dayton where they are better, but in the city itself, they aren't good.
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Becky
Wife to Wes, Mom to 6 wonderful kids on Earth and 4 in Heaven!
Academy Of The Good Shepherd
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Mary G
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| Posted: Sept 23 2009 at 6:52am | IP Logged
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Jennifer
Take a deep breath ... relax ... enjoy greeting the kids when they come home and get as involved with their programs as you can ... enjoy ... relax.
Homeschooling is NOT for everyone ... and regardless of Dr. Mary Kay Clark's opinion (this is where I REALLY have a hard time), you do NOT HAVE TO HOMESCHOOL. Maybe your dh has discerned that it is healthier for you and all NOT to homeschool this year ... next year ... forever ... and maybe he's right.
Relax ... enjoy ... stay active with your kids. Just because they are in "real school" does not mean you've lost them or sent them to perdition. It's ok. Make sure they're in good situations ... God will provide whatever you and your kids and dh need ... allow Him to do His Will and relax.
Ok ... coming off my box ....
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MaryG
3 boys (22, 12, 8)2 girls (20, 11)
my website that combines my schooling, hand-knits work, writing and everything else in one spot!
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JennGM
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| Posted: Sept 23 2009 at 7:32am | IP Logged
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Jennifer, I'm happy to "see" you here! Big Enjoy this time to relax and rejuvenate yourself. Everyone has given such great advice.
If you're missing some of the aspects of homeschooling, make a list of what parts? Was it the homey family-bonding times? Doing art? Read-alouds?
You can do the "after-schooling" but now it's not with the burden of checking the boxes, but just now family time. Jennifer's advice is where I would take this adventure. You can still go to the library and check out fall-themed books, have a pumpkin unit study for fun, celebrate feast days together....
And God will open that window if it's supposed to happen.
But please stay and chat...don't be a stranger. You still belong!
__________________
Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: Sept 23 2009 at 8:27am | IP Logged
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Yes, the feast days! I think it would be fun to have feast day celebrations when the kids get home from school! I always have big plans but there is so much else to do we don't ever get to really celebrate them like I wish. What a perfect time to "afterschool" the Liturgical Year and Catechism.
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Becky
Wife to Wes, Mom to 6 wonderful kids on Earth and 4 in Heaven!
Academy Of The Good Shepherd
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Stephanie_Q
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| Posted: Sept 23 2009 at 11:50am | IP Logged
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"I miss being part of their education and having a family centered life, rather than a school centered one."
I can understand what you are saying. When I sent my 6yo to Kindergarten last year I didn't realize how LONG the days would be with her away, especially because we don't live in town. If I remember, your kids can walk to school...but there still may not be much time to "afterschool".
Are they burnt out when they get home (i.e. do they just want get their homework done so they can go play?) That was a big struggle for us. I couldn't do much "extra" schooling because she was SO tired every day. I knew 1st grade had lots of homework - every day - with a big emphasis on learning to read (something she is struggling with) so we pulled her to homeschool gently...but she will probably go back later on because it's important to my husband.
They didn't have many "good books" at school, so I made sure we have GOOD books for story-time before bed. If you don't feel they're getting much religion, focus on the feast days with a special dessert and do a little "ccd" from a religion program that you love after dinner each night (with a special story and small project on feast days). If you want them to spend more time outdoors, plan special outings on the weekends that you can do as a family and have each of them bring along a backpack with CM nature study essentials.
Finally, look at the blessing you have with your pre-schooler, who is at home most of the time. ENJOY the time you have with him - you don't have to figure out how to keep him busy while you're trying to teach the older kids...
God bless you!
__________________
Stephanie dh 6.01
dd 6.02, dd 8.03, ds 3.05, ds 12.06 at Catholic school.
dd 12.09 at home.
Baby boy due 10.13
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JuliaT
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Jennifer, I am glad that you posted. I agree with the above posters that it is too soon to think about homeschooling. You need to nourish your soul first before you attempt to do that with your children.
This doesn't mean that you couldn't after-school, though. But by 'after-school' I mean doing nature study, a fun unit study, artist study--something fun that everyone would enjoy. This might get the juices flowing for you again.
Blessings,
Julia
mom of 3 (10,8,6)
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Sarah
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| Posted: Sept 24 2009 at 1:30pm | IP Logged
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Jennifer,
I have been pondering your posts for several days now.
This is hard to word without sounding offensive, so bear with me.
My advice is to take this time to figure out why you crashed and burned. Its usually not just homeschooling. There maybe be an issue in your life than needs to be ironed out before you can take on a taxing thing such as homeschooling.
Perhaps you struggle with perfectionism. Maybe its pessimism. Or chronic messiness and disorganization. Maybe you have too many possessions that made your house a mess. Maybe its a spiritual issue.
Maybe you have some anger that needs to be uncovered and you need to move toward forgiveness.
I am just throwing out random thoughts here because I don't know you or your situation.
Once you have done some serious soul searching as to what the problem is then you can begin to heal. Only then will you be able to consider homeschooling.
There are so many resources out there now for all the issues I listed above and more.
I would not think about the details of a curriculum yet. The well trained mind is very good but very very extensive.
I would think, pray, reflect on what was the biggest problem each day that you faced that caused the meltdown in the first place.
Not everyone is called to homeschooling. Spend this year on soul searching and healing whatever is ailing YOU, not your school. I would be willing to bet that your school was just fine. Something deep inside you might need healing before you can implement your good ideas.
I mean this with the utmost kindness and as someone who has had to do some soul searching and healing personally.
We are always quick to blame homeschooling. School is often called upon as the saving power. But I am throwing out the opinion here that maybe there is another issue underlying it all. The difficulty of homeschooling brings out what is festering beneath the surface.
I think you were wise to put your kids in school, don't get me wrong. Now use this quiet time in your life to evaluate yourself.
God bless and I hope this came out all right.
__________________
Six boys ages 16, 14, 11, 7, 5, 2 and one girl age 9
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stellamaris
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Sarah, your words are very wise. In both our successes and failures, God is working out His sanctification within us. Taking time to understand ourselves and the circumstances of our lives, to know our own weaknesses and strengths, is absolutely necessary to our salvation. The painful flames of purification do produce the most pure gold!
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In Christ,
Caroline
Wife to dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
Flowing Streams
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marihalojen
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| Posted: Sept 24 2009 at 10:14pm | IP Logged
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If I can quote Sarah...
Sarah wrote:
I mean this with the utmost kindness and as someone who has had to do some soul searching and healing personally.
God bless and I hope this came out all right. |
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Something my dh said the other night rang a bell with me and I wanted to share it and I really do hope it does come out all right.
With Dd in school now he basically said he likes being united with me again as parents vs. the teachers instead of parent vs. wife/teacher. Sometimes I think we mothers have a tendency to forget or discount or...(I'm searching for the proper word) the other 50% of the parental equation. Dads are super important and not just for the subjects we Moms happen to dislike or are not strong in or as a disciplinarian. If they have a concern about their child's education imagine how incredibly difficult that must be to bring up with the woman they love the most in the whole world! But if they can feel like they and she are standing together, facing together, someone else with their concerns, the family unit - the spousal unit is intact.
Posting with love and
__________________
~Jennifer
Mother to Mariannna, age 13
The Mari Hal-O-Jen
SSR = Sailing, Snorkling, Reading
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JSchaaf
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| Posted: Sept 25 2009 at 10:47am | IP Logged
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Thank you all so much for your posts and private messages. I'm taking a couple of days to think and then I'll come and reply.
Jennifer
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: Starting Over
