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violingirl
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| Posted: May 27 2009 at 11:04am | IP Logged
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Can I ask your advice on compromising with my husband about how school should look in our home? My husband went to public school and is more comfortable if we stick closer to a traditional school approach- pretty much a "school at home" type of thing.
I was homeschooled for most of my growing up. I've taught in a classroom as well, and my personal leanings are eclectic, leaning heavily toward projects, unit studies and good literature. Right now we have an area set up with Montessori shelves that my boys use (they are almost 2 and almost 4) and my husband sees that as a good for early childhood, but not really for Kindergarten. As we're getting closer to DS1 starting kindergarten the "how to" of homeschooling has become a common topic in our home.
My husband agrees with me that the early elementary shouldn't be a full day of school, but he really feels that if we're not sitting at the table doing paper work for 2 hours in the morning that we're not really having school. I feel that only having about 30 minutes of sit down instruction (not even all at once, but like 10 or 15 minutes of phonics and a bit of time for handwriting and math) is plenty for Kindergarten and first. He really wants what is best for our kids, but I think he worries that if our homeschool is too different from regular school that it will put our boys at a disadvantage.
We've talked about several options to make us both happy like having a more traditional approach 3 days a week and projects on the other 2 days, but I'm particularly worried that this will become a "his way" and "my way" type of thing and I very much want our homeschool to be "our way".
Does anyone homeschool in this kind of way between two different styles?
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: May 27 2009 at 11:24am | IP Logged
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Why don't you talk about WHAT they need to do for sit down work.. rather than the allotted time for it. Math for instance will likely be a given. And while you can do math games and things.. a work book does give you a nice progression.. my kids begged for them actually  So get your math for the year and see how much needs to be done each day.. and then show your dh that math only needs to be done for X minutes. But that you can also do these other things that let them use math in a fun way without sitting at the table doing worksheets.
But do that with each subject and look at the time that way.. maybe you end up with only 60 minutes of sit down work. But you've also shown that that's as long as is needed in a homeschool to accomplish what it takes a school half the day to do.
Also, ask him about the things he actually remembers learning in school.. not in a confrontation way but in a way to help both of you get a clearer picture of it.. surely if you really talk about it he'll remember trips to the library and recess and pe and quiet reading time and the teacher reading aloud and projects like a salt relief map or building a miniature indian village or the box with a background for figures etc. The coloring pages, the waiting for the teacher to answer everyone's questions.. just things that take up time in a school that are negligable in the home.
Find a third party you both trust that says approx how much sit down work actually happens in schools, could also help you set expectations together.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
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All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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teachingmyown
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| Posted: May 27 2009 at 12:05pm | IP Logged
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In Designing your own Classical Curriculum, Laura Berquist gives recommended amounts of time per grade level. If I remember correctly, Kindergarten is like 45 minutes, 1st grade an hour and a half. Maybe a reputable source like that could help the discussion and setting of expectations.
I think this is a very common discussion, especially because dads aren't home to see what happens during the day so they want to see "results" when they get home.
Good luck!
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Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
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Barbara C.
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| Posted: May 27 2009 at 8:17pm | IP Logged
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You might also consider doing a learning styles quiz. You, he, and each of your kids might have different temperaments or modalities. School-at-home might appeal to his temperament, but not to yours. I think Jodie is onto something, though.
And while I don't want to encourage you to be disrespectful of your husband, if the majority of homeschooling is going to be on your shoulders you should have the bigger say. If you are being forced to educate in a way that is too far outside your comfort zone, it could really lead to burn-out. And I'm sure that he wouldn't like you coming in telling him how he had to do his job.
I think Molly is correct about dads who aren't around all day looking for "results". They probably don't read and ponder all of the homeschooling literature, either, so they have a hard time understanding something other than what they are "used to" and have greater doubt about other methods that they might not understand.
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Barbara
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: May 27 2009 at 8:32pm | IP Logged
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This thread was full of resources that may help guide both of you:
A Father's Pocket Guide to Homeschooling
And then when specific things come up, doing a little digging and reading threads like this one together may help stimulate discussion about what is realistic, the differences between a brick-and-mortar-school and HS, and what your dc's home education will look like:
how much "school time" for a 1st grader?
I also found this one in the archives: Homeschool CD's for Husbands
I'm not advocating, "over-ruling" him, of course, or just shoving information in his face....just saying that this is a journey for both mom AND dad, and sometimes providing information in a non-confrontational way encourages discussion and helps to formulate a VISION and the nuts-and-bolts-everyday-life, that comes from the both of you.
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Suzanne in ID
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violingirl
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| Posted: May 27 2009 at 9:12pm | IP Logged
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Thank you for the responses, particularly the old threads. I've been digging around quite a bit in the last few days and reading a lot of old stuff looking for information and hadn't hit the Father's Pocket Guid thread.
Barbara, I really appreciate your view as I feel the same way- I'm the one who will be doing most of the work with homeschooling and I actually was a class room teacher for 5 years before having my first son. I like to think I know what I'm doing when it comes to teaching! I also appreciate the suggestion of the temperament test- perhaps that will be a more concrete way for him to see the differences? I'm a very creative type and he's mister type A.
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Martha
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| Posted: May 27 2009 at 9:56pm | IP Logged
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I'm with Barbara...
that said, I'd focus on why he is focusing on time.
maybe what he is really saying is that he feels they need more structure? it might not really all that much about sitting at the table.
You might try asking him what precisely he feels is the good of sitting at the table for a set amount of time like that? My dh has noted that some of the kids seemed to need to learn to focus for an extended amount of time for example. It really wasn't even a "school" issue.
If he has a valid reason for why he thinks it would be beneficial, I'd listen. If for no other reason than you might come up with another way to resolve whatever his concern is. 
With my current 1st grader I could easily sit at the table with him for several hours without a problem, and often we do. He enjoys this and learns well this way.
But yeah, some of his older siblings would have been melting to the floor after more than a 20 minute session per subject/topic.
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Martha
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Mackfam
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| Posted: May 27 2009 at 10:10pm | IP Logged
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You know, I think it's so hard for many dads to let go of their ideas of brick and mortart school and relax into a family centered, heart of the home, real learning style of education. It's a leap of faith, and at the beginning, it's hard to imagine Jr. turning out ok when all you see in his future are a bunch of beads and picture books. There is security in a lovely stack of books/workbooks with every blank neatly filled in.
Having been in this position myself several years ago, here's what worked for us...
I just relaxed and went with it, and the kids did all the arguing for me. They fell in love with learning, and I fell in love with teaching, and my husband fell in love with hearing all about it. We all learned right alongside each other what naturally fit for us. Homeschooling just became (and continues to be) a natural extension of who we were. And my husband began to see the benefits of learning "outside the box". He's the biggest fan and strongest defender now, but he needed to see it, to live it, to see the children survive it and thrive in it to be able to embrace it. He needed to see and live that learning takes place in the backyard, on the moldy bread in the kitchen, driving down the road, in the workshop...in the context of life.
So, I really think if you can just be charitable and respectful of his ideas while explaining your own, communicating about the why's and the what's, and then just relax and let the children show him the beauty in "REAL LEARNING". I think he'll be amazed, and in a few years, likely your biggest fan!
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Jen Mackintosh
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: May 27 2009 at 10:22pm | IP Logged
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Mackfam wrote:
| it's hard to imagine Jr. turning out ok when all you see in his future are a bunch of beads and picture books. |
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Ditto what Jennifer said. That's pretty much what happened (is happening) here too. Simply encouraging lots of fun, excited conversations at dinner will make the dads your "biggest fans" over an extended time period! Kids bubbling over with enthusiasm will be your biggest advocate!!
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Suzanne in ID
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Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: compromise?
