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Mackfam
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One of the busiest seasons of the liturgical year is behind us, and most of us are likely turning our thoughts to resuming lessons soon. Raise your hand if you sat down to contemplate lesson plans today and started thinking about ditching the whole thing in favor of focusing on renewing some habits???  I did!
Charlotte Mason, Vol 1, p. 97 wrote:
| The formation of habits is education, and Education is the formation of habits. |
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I can always tell when I haven't been consistent enough in helping to form habits - either in myself or my children - because those actions are the first ones to disappear when the season picks up with activity and I'm not being as attentive as normal to habit formation.
I'm afraid I can't confine my list to just one habit we'll be working on...I'll be lucky to keep it under 10.   . I really want to focus the children and myself especially on:
GENTLENESS
CHEERFULNESS
KINDNESS IN WORD
THOROUGHNESS
OBEDIENCE
MANNERS
USE OF TIME
READING FOR INSTRUCTION
FAITHFULNESS TO AND PERSEVERANCE IN DAILY PRAYER
BETTER OBSERVANCE OF SUNDAY AS A HOLY DAY
FAITHFULNESS TO A DAILY TIME OF READING FOR MYSELF
I'm re-reading Laying Down the Rails and finding it to be a good refresher for me. Miss Mason encourages the focus of one new habit being formed at a time while a watchful eye is kept on other habits already formed. She also discourages nagging, encouraging instead a gentle, firm voice for reminding the forgetful one.
What habits are you working on in your family?
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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dawn2006
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We definitely need to work on KINDNESS IN WORD.
Jennifer, can I take your re-reading of Laying Down the Rails to be a recommendation for the book?? (please enable me and say yes! TIA)
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Dawn Farias | wife to Ariel | mom to Gabriel 9, Daniel 7, Elizabeth 5, and Michael 3 | blogger at Be Absorbed | native Texan but currently living near Seattle
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aussieannie
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Mackfam wrote:
| One of the busiest seasons of the liturgical year is behind us, and most of us are likely turning our thoughts to resuming lessons soon. Raise your hand if you sat down to contemplate lesson plans today and started thinking about ditching the whole thing in favor of focusing on renewing some habits??? I did! |
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Yes, me too! In Australia, this is a new year of schooling and I have ALOT of planning ahead of me. I intended starting that today but we had to work on the habit of TIDINESS and chores. I rude shock to everyone including me
I firmly believe that unless my house is ordered and tidied and we experience the peace and serenity of that, the schooling will not resume with that same feeling and function.
We started back to daily Mass today. This was something that had to be let go when I was very ill in the early part of the last year, but the break continued on due to never being 100% well. It had to be let go, I didn't really have an option. But I can see that in our situation, it is a bedrock basis to our spirituality on which my ability to impart virtue by example is hinged upon. We still may not get to Mass every day, but certainly more days than not.
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aussieannie
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Mackfam wrote:
| FAITHFULNESS TO AND PERSEVERANCE IN DAILY PRAYER |
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Yes, much needed here. I am working on learning some of my prayers off by heart, so that I can be reciting them as I rise and do my very early chores. St Patrick's Breastplate is what I am endevouring to learn off by heart at present, because even though it is long, I say it for each member of the home, I need to be able to say it while I am doing other simple morning jobs. I wish to teach my 3 oldest children this long prayer as well. Learning prayers off by heart are so important, I still recite so many beautiful, long ones from childhood.
I wrote last year about a Catholic lady, Hedwig Kronsteiner I love her daily habits of prayer, everything flowed on from that and her children are a great testament to it, I am wanting to re-inspire myself with her story, it is a beautiful one.
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CrunchyMom
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How beautiful Annie!!! Thank you, and thank you for the book rec in the post. I *really* been wanting to read more about the married saints, and have been intending to ask for just such a recommendation! I am expecting an Amazon rewards card any day now, and it is definitely on my list!
Jenn, with my word of the year being diligence, a rereading of laying down the rails for myself and for my family is definitely on my list. I wonder if there isn't a way to incorporate that into lenten activities now that my oldest is better able to get such things. Though, I guess lent isn't upon us quite so quickly as it was last year!
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Mackfam
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Dawn - I do recommend "Laying Down the Rails". It is great to read over the summer and focus on habit formation....and apparently great to re-read over winter break as a refresher!
aussieannie wrote:
I intended starting that today but we had to work on the habit of TIDINESS and chores. I rude shock to everyone including me
I firmly believe that unless my house is ordered and tidied and we experience the peace and serenity of that, the schooling will not resume with that same feeling and function.
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I couldn't agree more, Anne! I do a deep, deep clean over the summer months, and then I do deep cleans during Advent and Lent to keep up with the influx of stuff and maintain order. If I don't deep clean three times a year the house gets beyond me so fast and I am overwhelmed. I absolutely cannot do any planning unless spaces are ordered and tidy. I just self-destruct.
Over the years I have learned the importance of order in a home. I used to think that you could just deep clean once a year and that would be enough. My thoughts on order and cleaning are evolving and changing as my family grows and changes and I've learned that not only do I need to clean down to the baseboards on a regular basis, but I need to stand inside a room on a seasonal basis and ask myself if the room is functioning for the family in the way it is supposed to? Is it bringing glory to God? Or, are we all getting lost in the clutter? Are we not using the material blessings in that room to their full potential because they are lost under a sea of stuff? Am I being a good steward of the treasures my dh has generously provided us by keeping them in good order? Or, have I squandered them by just stacking and stacking and stuffing and shoving until they can't be found? Stacking and stuffing just happens in a house full of children and activity, so periodic order checks and deep cleaning helps me (read forces me) to see it and deal with it. Following the natural penitential seasons of the liturgical year seems to fit natural with discarding those things that have become blocks to seeking God and fulfilling my vocation.
Lindsay, I do think Lent is a natural time as well for habit check-ups. I'm intimidated to print and use the checklist for Laying Down the Rails in the back of the book...it just looks daunting. But, I think it would be a good way to be intentional and keep myself accountable to this worthwhile task. I like your idea of using Lent as a natural check-up time to pull out the checklist and see how we're doing and where I haven't been as intentional and consistent as I should have been...with all of us.
Do any of you use the checklist in the back of Laying Down the Rails as a reminder and as a source of accountability for yourself in the area of habit formation?
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19, ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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SuzanneG
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Mackfam wrote:
I'm intimidated to print and use the checklist for Laying Down the Rails in the back of the book...it just looks daunting. But, I think it would be a good way to be intentional and keep myself accountable to this worthwhile task.
Do any of you use the checklist in the back of Laying Down the Rails as a reminder and as a source of accountability for yourself in the area of habit formation? |
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I've been using it as a "brainstorm partner". I agree....it IS COMPLETELY DAUNTING! But, I try to pick a page and then just read until I find something we/I should work on, it doesn't take very long  . Otherwise, I'd lose myself in despair....  . But it IS so nice to have a list......but then, I always love a LIST  .
Back later with our couple habits.....
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Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
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Willa
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I was thinking about your habits topic while I was washing up this morning, Jennifer. I find that most habits start with me -- seems obvious but helps me understand why some habit-training is more successful around here and some is less so.
One of my habits in mind is very simple -- teach the younger children to bring their plates to the sink after they eat. The older kids do this completely habitually, at least most of them do.
One is more general -- we all have a tendency to leave things lying around and by the end of the day or week the house is a jumble. I haven't figured out exactly HOW to approach this yet -- whether to have general pick-ups twice a day, or whether to work from the source and train the little ones to pick up directly after themselves.
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I just looked at the list and WOW! It is daunting!
I guess we're (starting this morning) working on Order and Regularity over here. This means I'm trying to stick with our routines: morning, before and after meals, and bedtime. I agree with Willa that it starts with me. I'm the one who needs to stay on track with my own chores and routines, following up and inspecting theirs and giving consequences if necessary.
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MarilynW
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Willa wrote:
I find that most habits start with me -- seems obvious but helps me understand why some habit-training is more successful around here and some is less so.
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I find this so true Willa - and I am working on this. If I am prayerful, so are my kids. If I am gentle and soft-spoken, so are my kids. But the reverse is also true
I would like to come back to this thread, but we are back into the swing of school today - and putting a lot of good habits back in place So I shall revisit tonight...
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Mackfam
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Cheryl wrote:
| I agree with Willa that it starts with me. I'm the one who needs to stay on track with my own chores and routines, following up and inspecting theirs and giving consequences if necessary. |
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I agree. I think this is soooo true, Cheryl. And yet at some point, I fail to follow through and thus the habit formation is set back. I need to work on Fortitude!
In mulling over my list all morning, I'm wondering if I should reflect on it a bit more and confine it to one...like the word of the year????
Perhaps, just pull out one family trait that we can all work on together? I could see us all working on KINDNESS or DINNER TABLE MANNERS. But, that doesn't seem to help the individual children with particular weak areas...what to do then? Do you take on a family habit and then focus individual children on one particular habit at a time?
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Jen Mackintosh
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Wildflowers and Marbles
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BrendaPeter
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I mentioned over in this thread how inspired I've been by the Duggar's new book. I walked away from the book with SEVERAL concrete solutions to many of the things I struggle with and that some of you have mentioned.
Studying the virtues is a huge part of what they do & it really shows - even in the vocabulary of their children. I've done a few searches on what we can use as a family to delve more deeply into the virtues and am considering purchasing P.A.C.E although I don't know as much about it as I'd like to.
I did go ahead and order Managers of their Chores as there are several positive reviews on this forum. I plan to have their last card say "check in with mom" so that we don't miss that crucial step of making sure everything's done. What I want to get away from is that "always reminding (i.e. nagging!)" mode that always seems to happen and the unreasonable expectations that cause negative feelings. Both my dh & I have been talking alot about the importance of things being written down. I expect alot from my dc but I'm learning that it's often unreasonable to expect them to consistently do things without being reminded. Now the cards (or a list outside their bedroom door, etc.) can do the reminding.
What has been most incredible though is that we started a Yes Ma'am/Sir Chart like the Duggars and this new-found attitude of instant obedience has been not only contageous but has also created a joyful attitude throughout the house. How can mom/dad be upset with children who are always trying to be obedient ? Yes, it's really to get a penny but children typically need these little external motivations which eventually lead to good habits.
It was a great book to read around the 1st of the year. Just praying we'll be able to keep it up!
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KC in TX
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We really need to work on habits here as well. I've been slacking as I've been feeling so ill with nausea, but my kids behavior (and mine as well) is suffering. One big one is speaking gently.
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aussieannie
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BrendaPeter wrote:
| I mentioned over in this thread how inspired I've been by the Duggar's new book. I walked away from the book with SEVERAL concrete solutions to many of the things I struggle with and that some of you have mentioned. |
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Thanks Brenda, I've just ordered this book, both dh and I have been inspired by things on their website, it will be nice to read their book.
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amyable
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We're covering a few of these this month - I think overall "kindness" sums it up, but it's more of a "don't argue with your sisters, don't backtalk your mother, don't roll your eyes when I ask you to do a chore" kind of thing in practice. Maybe it's RESPECT of others?
What we are doing is filling a small jar with nickles and pennies (I didn't have enough nickles ) and for every infraction money is taken away. *IF* there is any left at the end of the week we use it for a family treat - a dessert, a Redbox movie and popcorn, etc.
This is only for the older three. If I included my 3.5 year old, we would be out of money before the first day's lunch.
I'm not too thrilled with the whole punishment/reward aspect of what we're doing, but nothing else seems to reach my kids right now.
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Bridget
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amyable wrote:
I'm not too thrilled with the whole punishment/reward aspect of what we're doing, but nothing else seems to reach my kids right now. |
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m-n-m's have always worked minor miracles with my kids. I used them in December for "yes maam" and ran out but they are still falling over each other to say "yes maam" and comply.
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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BrendaPeter
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Bridget wrote:
| m-n-m's have always worked minor miracles with my kids. I used them in December for "yes maam" and ran out but they are still falling over each other to say "yes maam" and comply. |
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Too funny . Same thing going on over here. Hoping it lasts long enough to stick & become a habit!
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Brenda (mom to 6)
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Mackfam
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BrendaPeter wrote:
| Studying the virtues is a huge part of what they do & it really shows - even in the vocabulary of their children. |
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I was thinking about this, Brenda. I almost brought it up the other day - the way that many of these habits fall right under a specific virtue. Like thoroughness and attention fit under Fortitude. I even spent some time looking it up a bit in the Catechism. I think I'm going to start drafting some plans of my own - a sort of Garden of Virtues. I think Michelle Duggar is wise to instill a great value and emphasis on virtues in her home.
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Jen Mackintosh
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missionfamily
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We are going to work on gentleness this month....since I have five boys, I am playing up the idea that they are supposed to be GENTLEMEN...what does that mean? The list I want to get to is so long, this was a nice way to start, because it really entails all the other good habits...gentlemen are kind and generous and have good manners, etc....
I really feel like this focus on growth and virtue is the primary purpose for us to homeschool. Part of me considered drpping all else in it's favor, but then I realized that when we are in a good rhythm of prayer, learning, and play, and we are working together to bring order to our home, the school of virtue is in action. That's when we work out our holiness, not the other way around. So now my thought is to use that to help me stay faithful to the routine...if I can remind myself that it's not about the math or history or clean sheets, but about being Godly, that is great motivation for fortitude.
Jenn--I'd love to be a part of those plans...let me know if we can brainstorm together in some way.
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Colleen
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Erin
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One of our words of the year is HABITS, I'm starting with bedtime routines and personal hygiene. I'm very embarrassed to admit that these are two big ones needing work bigtime.
Actually our other word for the year MEMORIES could come under habits as the block for those things happening is my laziness, my own lack of good habits.
BrendaPeter wrote:
| I plan to have their last card say "check in with mom" so that we don't miss that crucial step of making sure everything's done. What I want to get away from is that "always reminding (i.e. nagging!)" mode that always seems to happen and the unreasonable expectations that cause negative feelings. Both my dh & I have been talking alot about the importance of things being written down. I expect alot from my dc but I'm learning that it's often unreasonable to expect them to consistently do things without being reminded. Now the cards (or a list outside their bedroom door, etc.) can do the reminding. |
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Brenda
I really encourage writing it down, I write everything; chores on fridge; visitors coming and we need an immediate cleanup I write on whiteboard with allocated name next too it. It really takes away the nagging for some reason, they check the board, they are not conflicting with mum as it is the board they are answerable to not me, not sure why.
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Erin
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: Let's talk about Habits...
