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10 Bright Stars
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| Posted: Nov 12 2008 at 4:04pm | IP Logged
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Well, after another disappointing day, I am beginning to wonder if homeschooling in a large family is possible!
Either I have a handle on the house and not homeschooling, or a handle (somewhat) on homeschooling and not the house/life etc. I was making up the 1000th, "this will be the answer list" today, and I came across a whole box of "this will be the answer lists" that I had piled into a box, unused. So, I started noticing a pattern of "trying to get things pulled together" that obviously isn't working.
There are a few discipline problems as far as some children playing around instead of working or arguing about helping out with dishes etc. They older ones also complain that I am not able to "teach" them at the board as much as they would like since I am always helping the younger kids OR just trying to balance taking care of the little ones and getting housework caught up.
How CAN you balance it all? I was trying to set up blocks for our day, and I came up with blocks A-M. Block A was a 6 a.m. class of Latin, Bible History (rotated)and something else I forget. I am sure I am going to get up that early and do all this with the kids.  Right!  Then, Block B was breakfast prep, eating and cleanup, morning chores etc. On to Block C which was for school from 830-noon and on through the day.
So, that is 14 blocks of time in our day that I attempted to schedule the "have to's" of our day while still trying to balance the needs of life (i.e laundry, repeat all the food prep etc for lunch, for dinner, bedtime routines, numerous diaper changes, lost books, lost pencils, who cares attitudes, messy school room that makes it hard to think that we just cleaned last night, constant clean ups, school for 5 children in different grades with different learning styles who ALL want me to help etc. I had one "free" hour after I made a 6am-9pm schedule during which time I could make dinner. There were still numerous times that I could NOT fit in like the evenings we go to Mass or the days that something interupts like a docs appt. That would totally eliminate the laundry for the day and baths since they are "supposed" to take place during the evening time according to my schedule. How do you all account for these inconsistancies. Do you feel as if homeSCHOOLing is often in direct oppostion to the other needs in the family like taking care of the little ones and HOMEmaking? How can you find balance???
I had also thought about doing only reading, writing and religion/arithmatic most days and then rotating the other subjects over a few weeks of time or even half of the year, but they you get into things such as spelling which really should be done everyday. There are only so many hours in a day though, and there are so many interuptions. I know that I am not the most disciplined person and possibly waste a lot of time each day since I am not really scheduled. Schedules tend to stress me out, but maybe I just need to buckle down and commit to one.
__________________
Kim married to Bob (22y)
Mom of 11 blessings:
Bobby 19, David 17, Noah 14,
Mary 12, Gracie 10,
Isabelle and Sophia 8,
Gabrielle 6,
William Anthony 4, Joseph 3 and Luisa Marie - born in M
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LisaR
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| Posted: Nov 12 2008 at 4:13pm | IP Logged
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Eight Wonders wrote:
Do you feel as if homeSCHOOLing is often in direct oppostion to the other needs in the family like taking care of the little ones and HOMEmaking? How can you find balance???
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I have struggled with this all along. i don;t have time to delve into your post as it deserves, but want you to know you are not alone. I tend to lean towards having a heart towards HOMEmaking (cooking, cleaning, laundry (I LOVE folding freshly laundered clothes!!  )
I am not super organized or type A per-se, but I DO like structure and order.
something always is slipping, on a good day, and on a bad day, life just seems chaotic too often than not. I'd like a sense of accomplishment, but instead it seems everything is half done, or done half-heartedly and hurridly... sigh whether it is academics or home related.
I've tried unschooling, I know about rhythms, and all of that...
__________________
Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
Paul 14
Thomas 11
Dominic 8
Maria Gianna 5
Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
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10 Bright Stars
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| Posted: Nov 13 2008 at 12:26pm | IP Logged
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Thinking about this further, I think you have to just put the needs of the children first, and not worry about whether you (in this case me) are doing it "right". It's when I start to wonder if I am :
doing enough school
doing it correctly
keeping good enough records
keeping a good enough house
getting all the kids needs met...perfectly
....that I start to freak out a little! I guess there IS no perfect way and you just have to take it day by day. I have started to try to break the day into sections and to just get down to the classroom and stay there! The more I get distracted with every little thing, the less things will fall into place. If I am up and running around, I am bound to get distracted!
Also Confession and Mass seemed to help! Can't argue with getting to the sacraments more!!! 
I guess the end result just needs to be love and that I do my best in each moment and try to give them the best education I can with God in control and not me. Does this make sense? Maybe it always WILL be a juggle and not every day will be "perfect", but it is in living the day as pefectly as I can that brings peace, not in trying to control the day and losing peace in the process.
__________________
Kim married to Bob (22y)
Mom of 11 blessings:
Bobby 19, David 17, Noah 14,
Mary 12, Gracie 10,
Isabelle and Sophia 8,
Gabrielle 6,
William Anthony 4, Joseph 3 and Luisa Marie - born in M
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teachingmyown
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| Posted: Nov 13 2008 at 1:31pm | IP Logged
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Kim, I almost tried to answer this yesterday but decided against it. My reason was that by the standards of others I know, I am actually the poster child for it not being possible to homeschool a large family!
But, I am feeling brave, so here is what I think. It is possible to do. However, you have to work within your limitations. I have to admit that even without kids, I would not be Martha Stewart. Add eight kids to that and Martha Stewart would faint if she came into my home.  Even with one child, I would not be Laura Berquist or Elizabeth Foss. Laura would probably faint if she saw our school day. Elizabeth wouldn't faint, she knows me!
I have struggled like you for years to find the "one thing" that will make it all work. I think I have finally settled into a state of self-knowledge that works for us.
So what are your limitations: are you prone to messiness or do you need order to think? do you need quiet time or do you need to get out often? do you hate to teach? do you loathe science? do you lack follow-through?
Once you have figured out who you are, then set expectations. I am a messie with messie kids. My expectation is that the floor needs to picked up at least a couple of times a day and the carpets need to be vacuumed. There is almost always a pile of unfolded laundry on the couch and shoes in the foyer. I don't like that but I deal with it.
I lack follow-through, so programs like Teaching Textbooks and Rosetta Stone are great for us. I don't like to teach but after so much searching around, I have found a few key products that I don't mind working with. I need quiet time, sometimes an hour or so, but sometimes longer. The kids do their thing and I do mine.
We are relaxed homeschoolers, bordering on unschooling. I am blessed with kids that read, constantly. It is part of the family culture. There are days when I need to do laundry or catch up on paperwork or scrub the kitchen. Those days are a little less academic. The kids still read, do math, and play together. It might not look productive to more rigorous types, but I know that my kids are learning and growing.
My oldest resisted school from day one. He loved to read and was competent in math. He went to school in 2nd and 3rd grade. From 4th through 8th he did the bare minimum. We often joked that the last grade he finished was third. He rarely picked up a pen to write other than in a workbook. But he walked into the local public high school in 9th grade and got As his first semester. Not that public school is the standard we want to measure up to, but I did at least see that he wasn't "behind". In fact, he had a better understanding and maturity about life than his friends who had sat in a classroom for the past nine years and spent their evenings watching TV!
In summary, I would guess you are probably do a far better job than you think. If you can foster a family culture of reading and discussion, and get the laundry and dishes done while raising kids who love God and each other, I think you are a great success!
Good luck! 
__________________
In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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Willa
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Eight Wonders wrote:
I guess the end result just needs to be love and that I do my best in each moment and try to give them the best education I can with God in control and not me. Does this make sense? Maybe it always WILL be a juggle and not every day will be "perfect", but it is in living the day as pefectly as I can that brings peace, not in trying to control the day and losing peace in the process. |
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As a frustrated perfectionist, I can definitely relate.
I've found that my best reason for nurturing my perfectionism a little bit is that it helps keep me reaching to do a bit better.
But when it has an opposite effect -- when it freaks me out, discourages or paralyzes me -- I have to let it go FAST, because then it defeats the goal.
A lot of my internal workings are about this balance. It's a very difficult thing for me. I stumble fairly frequently and FALL regularly, so part of the process is picking myself back up when I realize I'm falling.
I think you're so right about love and about trusting God... I always remember Mother Teresa's words --- faithfulness, not success. He can accomplish the success part if we just keep trying and listening.
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AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: Nov 13 2008 at 2:55pm | IP Logged
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teachingmyown wrote:
If you can foster a family culture of reading and discussion, and get the laundry and dishes done while raising kids who love God and each other, I think you are a great success! |
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Thank you for these words, Molly!!
__________________
Suzanne in ID
Wife to Pete
Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
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theresa-lynn
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I can sure relate to this too... I have regular meltdowns because of my own perfectionism too. It's such a curse sometimes.
What I have learned and still need to learn really, is that we need to live our lives and our vocations one moment at a time. While it is important to plan and schedule, we have to be mindful that God will give us enough grace for each moment, when it is needed. The only way we can live with peace is to live in His Grace one moment at a time.
If you are worrying at 10pm that there is no way you are going to be able to get up at 6 to teach latin and then you'll be too tired to clean up after breakfast and think about supper, and when are you going to get those advent candles yet.... (it goes on and on in my head sometimes)
Stop. Pray, and ask God for the grace to get through the present moment, one moment at a time. You don't know what will happen at 6 am. The only moment that is important is now, and the only people that are important are the ones in front of us.
It sounds so cliche, and you could probably give me much much more advice than I can give you... but that's what I've learned since having twins (and thus 5 kids 5 and under... and trying to homeschool through all the chaos).
Smile! You are doing a wonderful job and God is so proud of you :-)
__________________
Blessings,
Melanie
Mommy to dd 8, ds 6, dd 4, dtwins 2, and another due in october.
Our Lady of Tuscany Academy
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10 Bright Stars
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| Posted: Nov 13 2008 at 8:05pm | IP Logged
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Wow, guys, (or gals..sorry) such encouraging words!  I really appreciate them and it is really helpful to know that someone understands!!! I think it is perfectionism. I constantly judge myself. My closest friends always tell me, at separate times, not together, that I am "too hard on myself". So, maybe I just lose perspective sometimes.
I did find that having the school room picked up COMPLETELY changed my outlook today and I made a mental note of that. Keep it clean in there and I don't feel like a failure as soon as I walk in the door. So, I will try to accmplish that. I actually had an awesome school day today as compared to yesterday, so that was interesting, making a mental note that I got to Mass and Confession last night, so perhaps that is key too.
I will print out all of your kind words to re-calibrate with when I feel overwhelmed or wonder if the kids are learning as they should. There are often too many choices with all of it I think; different curriculums, different schedules to try, things you want to do, wish to do, have to do etc. I think it is true what Melanie said that I should try to live as much in the moment as I can, plan as I can, but for the most part, trust that God wants it to work out more than I do!
I try to sometimes reflect on how I will feel when they are grown and gone. Would I have cared so much about the petty things that bother me now, then? Will I have wished I encouraged them more, accepted them for who they were, and just enjoyed them more as opposed to caring about pushing them so hard academically and wanting everything perfect etc.? (Although I did give up on perfect a long time ago. I would just settle for "acceptable" and peaceful now. I think sometimes my stress level is compounded by the fact that the older kids get bored and fight with one another and then I wonder what that is all about and it causes stress and ruins the peace. Lately, I have tried to think about what I was doing in middle school and then I think they are doing quite well! So, perspective is another key!
__________________
Kim married to Bob (22y)
Mom of 11 blessings:
Bobby 19, David 17, Noah 14,
Mary 12, Gracie 10,
Isabelle and Sophia 8,
Gabrielle 6,
William Anthony 4, Joseph 3 and Luisa Marie - born in M
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TracyQ
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Kim, I also had to finally realize that maybe GOD's plan for this was not my plan, and maybe what HE thinks is the most important is not what *I* think is most important.
Once I realized these things, I printed them and kept them saying them over and over...
*God does not call the equipped, He equips the called!*
He WILL give you everything you need in order to do that which He's called you to do.
*Your primary goal is not to prepare them for college, it's to prepare them for heaven!*
It's not that education is not important, but it's that their faith, and their salvation is even more important, and that this is the opportunity that God has given us to bring them up in our precious Faith, something more difficult now than ever before in this world climate.
*Comparision is the DEATH of contentment!*
Once I decided to stop comparing my homeschool to everyone else's, my kids to everyone else's, and our home to everyone else's, I was a much happier camper, and much more at peace. We are unique, and God knows that, and uses it for His purpose. Let go, and Let God!
And lastly, my favorite Scripture verse is:
*I can do ALL things THROUGH CHRIST who gives me strength.*
I cannot do this on my own, but I often try to. It's when I try to do that that everything ends up not working. But when I give it to God, and allow HIM to lead and guide our home, our family, and our homeschool that things become much more manageable, and much more at peace in my heart.
I hope these lessons I've learned in the 14 years I've homeschooled (I'm a slow learner ) will bless you too.
May God bless you and your precious family always.
__________________
Blessings and Peace,
Tracy Q.
wife of Marty for 20 years, mom of 3 wonderful children (1 homeschool graduate, 1 12th grader, and a 9th grader),
 homeschooling in 15th year in Buffalo, NY
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Devoted
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| Posted: Nov 17 2008 at 8:09pm | IP Logged
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Well, this is funny. Not in an actual funny way but . . . you know.
I have one. I have this romanticized idea of how it would be with lots of kids. They'd pitch in and the house would be spotless. We'd school like LIttle House on the Whatever or Anne of Green Gables. The littles reading to the bigs from their readers, everyone lining up to do math problems on the board. Above all, A.b.o.v.e A.l.l. when I said, "Go play." there would actually be someone to play with. They would use the faric scraps to make costumes and put on plays for Daddy and me instead of putting them on by herself and populating them with lego ppl and stuffed animals. She'd have someone to talk to besides me. She'd get to play games any day and not just the days i'm caught up on the laundry or finished the dishes or . . .
I don't know. Just the joy of having siblings and loving parents sounds like enough to me. If any other parts of the dream come true, that would be fun too. not essential but fun.
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asplendidtime
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| Posted: Nov 18 2008 at 9:17am | IP Logged
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I really enjoyed this thread. I am right there with you. I have 8 dc my oldest just turned ten. It is hard work, I have to remember that this isn't going to be "perfect" I am socializing eight little people everyday...... Or you could say I am surrounded by eight little unsocialized people everyday. So I have to maintain perspective and a sense of humour.
Also I try to make what I do count. So I bulk cook; if I am cooking, I might as well double my recipe and have a second meal made at the same time. When I do laundry it has to be put away.... So I have time in the afternoon when this is done with the dc or they don't go outside until it is done.
I used to feel like I was juggling all of the time, homemaking, cooking and school. There are seasons when it is easier to juggle than others, sometimes I feel I am always dropping a ball. And sometimes when I am juggling smoothly, I realise I have been too busy to enjoy the wonder of my children.
I can't maintain perspective at all on what I am doing here and why, if I don't regularly tend to the garden of my soul. So make prayer and good reading for yourself a high priority, the rest will fall into place, sometimes not very smoothly, but it does. Find God's priorities, His expectations of you are within the realm of possible.
__________________
Rebecca~Mama to
Noah 17,
Katie 16,
Mary 14,
Tim 13,
Jonah 12,
Josh 10,
Zoe 9,
Will 7,
Peter 6,
Laura-Mae 4,
Emily-Joy 2,
Genevieve & Gabriella 1
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helene
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As Elizabeth Foss said once, "Good enough is the new perfect!"
Try to let homeschooling break you a little each day so that you can be more molded into the shape of God's will for you and your family!
__________________
Happy Mom to five girls (20,17,13,11and 4) and five boys (19, 15, 10, 8 and 6)
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Topic: Beginning to wonder if this is possible
