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At_His_Feet
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| Posted: Sept 02 2008 at 7:13pm | IP Logged
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We have only been homeschooling for 2.5 years, and I'm experiencing my first season of burnout.  
We have had a difficult year, for one reason and another. Mainly due to the stress of having 2 kids with special needs (aspergers and severe lang. delay).
I'm thinking that a year of school for my eldest, Thomas, would help me to balance our lives. I feel like perhaps he too needs a break from his brothers! I *think* that with one in school, I would be able to find more time to devote to the two with sp. needs, my marriage (which is under a lot of stress), and my home. But am I kidding myself? Would I just be swapping one set of problems for another?
When you hit the bottom,what do you do to start climbing up again? I feel like taking time off from academics would just cause me more stress, as we are behind already.
Thanks,
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Tricia
Mum to 3 boys 17, 15, and 10.
Do whatever He tells you
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cornomama4
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| Posted: Sept 02 2008 at 10:51pm | IP Logged
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Tricia,
I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I probably don't have much advice to offer, but here's a  .
Did you consider talking to your oldest about this, at least to get a feel for his opinion? His feelings about it might help you decide. Maybe he agrees that he needs a break, or maybe he just needs a little more privacy sometimes, like a special place to read. Sounds like he's at that age when kids start needing alone time (IMHO)
I don't know what method of HS you do, but maybe you could change up a few things while still getting some learning done. Like, if you use a lot of books or mom-intensive types of things, maybe you could get some good videos for Science of History or maybe some books on tape of some of the literature you want to cover. That might take some pressure off you for a bit and give you a few moments to figure things out.
And keep praying for guidence, as I'm sure you have been. You'll be in my prayers tonight.
cm4
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At_His_Feet
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| Posted: Sept 03 2008 at 12:47am | IP Logged
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Thanks cm4.
Our eldest is a bit of a fence sitter on this one like his Mum! He wants to keep learning at home, but also likes the idea of going back to school for a while! Knowing that if he returns to school he'll miss out on paid art lessons, hs ice skating, gymnastics, excursions (field trips) etc are good incentives to stay home.  When both his brothers are in the throws of screaming, or he's hearing about penguins AGAIN from his aspie brother, I feel sorry for him. But these things are just part of life in our family, school or not. 
I want to keep homeschooling through this season, and I think the Lord wants me to too, but when one of those days/moments hit, I rebel!
The video idea is good. My boys will LOVE that one, TV heads that they are! 
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Tricia
Mum to 3 boys 17, 15, and 10.
Do whatever He tells you
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ALmom
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| Posted: Sept 03 2008 at 4:18pm | IP Logged
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Tricia:
I may not be the one to answer this question as I may still be in burnout - and have been for some time. But it is considerably better now than in the beginning.
First, it simply is harder, takes more time and energy when you are dealing with special challenges and you get more criticism from the general public and less support in general. I work very, very hard but most of my efforts are hidden and unknown. My children are bright and "blend in" but have some odd learning challenges or styles that mean they don't shine on the standardized testing type things until much later (some may never). They have specific areas of strength but if quizzed on other areas or forced to write answers to questions, it does not adequately reflect what they know and understand. The typical suggestions for dictation or workbooks or.. just doesn't work. In the end, I have to taylor a plan using what works best. It is exhausting planning and implementing this. I have come to accept that this is the particular sacrifice that God is asking of me right now at this point in my life. I try to be faithful and not listen too hard to all the discussion about the time for myself and getting away and.. I'm not saying there isn't truth in that, but all things must be weighed in light of where God wants you right now. Knowing I'm supposed to be here doing what I'm doing really goes a long way. It seems that the other is sent me at the right time - and by no means am I a hermit. It is discouraging at times. It often means I feel like folks are judging our choices and find them short - even when they may not be but simply find homeschooling odd since they haven't been exposed to it before. Or they do not understand the philosophy of protecting innocence or the auditory processing difficulties that make a day in the parish in the gym with everyone running wild, something that really is beyond our ability to cope - and we are pegged as anti-social. I cannot simply push academics out the door as some can - and for us, trying to do that makes things worse. Having a realistic plan with the needs, abilities and challenges of my own family in mind seems to be the key for us. Once that is prayerfully set, I have to just move forward and ignore the naysayers a bit (doesn't mean I don't adjust to real need for a change in program or legitimate, constructive criticism). If my plan is realistic, then we can follow it without having to be too creative (the creativity comes in the planning, I'm too busy in the implementation to even think) and with minimal stress and distraction. My older children appreciate that they know what they need to do and can come to me as needed. I focus on therapy, religion and tending needs and providing materials - a role suited to my personality that meets the various needs of my children. If a crisis occurs, everyone isn't derailed. I think this becomes especially necessary when you are dealing with some with challenges - medical or otherwise. If I spend a whole week searching for better resources for one of my academically struggling children, the rest aren't left floundering. I have long since stopped looking at grade level or what you are supposed to be doing at a particular grade. Many of my children are all over the spectrum grade wise. I know where we have to work hard and where my children have strengths. If I looked at grade level, I'd be either over confident in a subject or absolutely despairing in another.
I have learned that I simply have to keep my focus on what we ARE accomplishing and take one step at a time. We are moving from where we are to the next step - and then the next step, etc. If I look too far ahead, I will panic. It isn't that I don't plan, etc. (I'm a plan fanatic in many ways because it relieves my stress) I cannot compare my house, to the family that I admire whose children are all shining in the traditional academic world. I have begun to recognize one of the real crosses I've had to bear is the lack of positive reinforcement for me (for others there is a lot of indirect reinforcement when the children score high on a standardized test, place in some major competition, or wax elequont in some paper. I remember reviewing another families work and thinking, wow, I still don't see that kind of handwriting or essays) - and try to use that as a reminder of how helpful it is to be encouraged. One mom, in particular, just recently said something so positive about our children and their character. I almost broke down in tears because of the relief that simple sentence gave to me during a difficult and disappointing week when you are wondering if your efforts are making any difference. It has been a long time since I've heard the positives (mostly it is the questions, the quiz scene to make sure you aren't ruining them by homeschooling - and when you are struggling to read at 9 and 10 and don't happen to know that Raleigh is in NC, well .. you know the scene. Or you hear about all the opportunities that others are creating for their children, and you barely have the energy to do the basics and don't know enough to move forward, it is so easy to look at the school as a magical answer. For us, it would not have been a solution at all, since my children would not have been able to thrive in a traditional classroom. AT the height of my frustrations, I was known to greet my poor dh with the phone book begging him to call the nearest school, I didn't care where (of course, really, I did, but the stress was killing me as was the feeling like I just didn't have a clue what I was doing). We really knew that homeschooling was the only option for us. Any traditional school would have only highlighted our children's handicaps not their talents and the late blooming, the vision problems and the fine motor lags that make writing anything a block to learning for many years would have been all that was seen - or worse, a misinterpretation that our most diligent, was lazy. When you feel like you have to weigh which is most critical, and family life, faith and therapy takes preceedence over advanced math and all kinds of projects to enrich science and history and... But, boy do you feel the temptation to second guess - what if we had chosen this instead of this? You simply have to keep moving forward one day at a time. It is easier for me now that I do have a child in college that survived our homeschool  and I know that we provided many positives in our home. Yes, there were things we couldn't do as well as a school, but we did what we were supposed to do.
It helped tremendously to express to my dh how much I needed reassurance and real support in decision making. The weight of making homeschool decisions and feeling like he was simply trusting me to do a good job was too much for me. I love that he thinks that much of my abilities, but frankly, I felt the confidence was misplaced or out of ignorance for what some of our days really looked like. He still is not doing day to day stuff, but conversations where I can express my doubts, frustrations and wonder what is best and where my need for some labor saving tools of the trade is up on the budgetary/priority radar, really has made a difference. I don't like to ask for the "expensive" things because I don't like his financial stress - but we have to come to a good balance that considers the impact of the stress on health and family life as well as the expense factor. I am much more confident when I know he was a major part of the decision making. I don't feel the weight all on my shoulders so much. It is never that he didn't want to do this, he often just went with whatever I thought I needed, but I needed someone to talk it out with and sort out what was worth investing lots in because of the benefits to lots of our children or the fact that it would serve us for many years, or a special need that I just wasn't good at filling and what was simply worth putting off or really was unrealistic. When he spent the time to ask me the right questions (and he did once he recognized this as what I really needed), the burden just seemed lifted from me.
I still laugh and cry - yep, here I am again teaching something else I'm totally unqualified to do. Right now I am working with 3 folks in therapy, a highschooler, a middle schooler and a beginner who isn't reading yet. I have had to accept that I will be tired, I will be short on free time, I will not look like the family who has 3 lovely, beautiful children who do shine. Nor will we look like the other large families I know. We are each unique; we can share ideas and support one another; but each of us is called to this particular family we are in the midst of and will not be a carbon copy of another. Sometimes I wonder what particular path God has in mind for some of my odd ball learners. They have so much to offer. I also think that all of us - including our older children, learned a lot of compassion, and the way a family works to meet the needs of all. Yes, sometimes one or another child seemed to get shortchanged in the attention category - but we shift and adjust, communicate our needs and are considerate of one another. Sometimes it was tempting to worry (and I still do) because for one reason or another (child's special needs, financial strain, location or region of the country, lack of expertise in an area) we could not provide all the benefits that we would have liked that would have made things a bit easier for our children. Sometimes it is hard not to second guess. My daughter is having to pay the bulk of her college education and I ache for her stress sometimes. We are doing bookoodles of therapies and hoping that the time and money help - but all we can do is, in prayer, make the best darn decision we can make and then leave the rest to God and let him bring good out of our inadvertant and inevitable mistakes. If nothing else, I am learning a great deal of humility from all of this.
Janet
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At_His_Feet
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| Posted: Sept 03 2008 at 4:54pm | IP Logged
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Thanks you so much Janet for your post. I've had a quick read, and will come back to your post again today. I should be making breakfast! Just knowing that another Mum is feeling similar things to me has helped.  I can relate to much of what you shared.
One of my closest hs friends is only schooling one dd now, who is a constant reader, and they do lots of great creative things. I try really hard not to compare but...
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Tricia
Mum to 3 boys 17, 15, and 10.
Do whatever He tells you
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: Burnout advice
