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Angie Mc
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| Posted: March 28 2008 at 10:03am | IP Logged
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One of the most attractive elements of Charlotte Mason's philosophy for me is the attention given to habit formation. There was a time in my life when I felt doomed by *who I was* and found great hope in the idea and programs that I could *change* who I was, one habit at a time. This was well before I met Miss Mason, who eventually validated in the context of home education what I had learned haphazardly on my own.
Right now, and for what seems like eternity, I have been trying to change my money management habits. I found this article called, Six Habits of Finacially Responsible People today and appreciate the intro:
Funny thing about habits. Bad ones just happen while good ones are usually the result of considerable effort.
Habits are what personal character is made of, and basically they come in just two varieties: good and bad.
Some people act as if their habits were as predetermined as their blood type and are about as likely to ever change. But there are a select few who live by the truth: It is possible to learn good habits and unlearn bad ones, no matter how ingrained they are. It’s all a matter of choice.
The secret of learning good habits or breaking bad ones is in choosing to repeat—or refrain from doing—something over and over and over again until it becomes a natural response, a habit.
I'm curious!
*What individual (you, your dh, and each child) and family good habits have you developed in the past that have stuck and served you well as a family?
*What individual and family good habits have you developed with relative ease?
*What individual and family good habits are you currently trying to establish?
*What individual and family good habits have been your nemesis?
*Any principles or tricks of the trade that help you and your family with habit formation?
I'll think on this myself today and get back later. Have a great day!
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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domchurch3
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| Posted: March 28 2008 at 7:38pm | IP Logged
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Very interesting question and will be following this thread.
I never liked the way my family growing up used to answer, "what?" whenever our name was called. My husband and I both agreed that it would benefit our family if we would answer "yes" when our name is called. I'm so glad for this simple change because it's a simple way to show respect.
Apologize. The habit and sin of pride made this one hard, but it has become easier to repent and ask for forgiveness.
A big one for us is what we call redo's and Popcak calls do-overs. Basically, we redo words or actions that were done uncharitably. All of us do this to and for one another. It has become almost second-nature to request and go through a redo.
The ones I'm trying to establish currently are also my nemesis. ORDER! Getting up when the alarm sounds and not sleeping in just a little because the dog's barking kept you up the night before. If anybody has tips on this one, I'd love to hear them!
You know, I read Holly Pierlot's book, A Mother's Rule of Life. Each time I tried to establish a routine, I fell down in the valley of depression for a short time (1 month) afterwards. I'm a little scared to try to implement order again. If anybody can relate to this, I'd love to know.
And thanks for the question!
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Willa
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| Posted: March 28 2008 at 7:43pm | IP Logged
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Angie, great questions, but I can't answer any of them! That is a bit scary.
I am thinking that most of our good habits just came about naturally, not because we're saints or anything, but just because that way seemed to make the most sense.
The biggest issue we're having right now as a family is messes. It wasn't always this bad, and I'm trying to figure out just why it's so bad now.
Anyway, as you can see I don't have much to add to this. I'll be following the discussion though.
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Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
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CrunchyMom
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| Posted: March 29 2008 at 7:33am | IP Logged
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I think the easiest ones for our family have been word habits--like donchurch's example of "what." My three year old will tell us that we don't say yeah or yep but "yes." And having each other hold the other accountable for the habit already established has made this easier. All the pleases, thank yous, pardon mes, etc... are pretty engrained.
I am undisciplined in other areas, though. And I can very much relate to the cyclic nature of establishing good habits and then having the "rule" fail and having a hard time starting again.
I am wondering if looking back over my rule, I can find the "pegs" that are most important, prioritize, and introduce them one "Rule" at a time instead of the whole shabang at once. I do want my home to feel ordered as it does make the house more peaceful in many ways.
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Lindsay
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Taffy
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| Posted: March 29 2008 at 10:02am | IP Logged
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I've been pondering this question, Angie, for a while now. I can tell you the habits I need to foster quite easily:
My children and I all need to develop better routines. This is number one since I am pretty confident that my poor physical fitness and excess weight are directly tied to it. I also realize, more now than ever, how much my family would benefit by having one.
I identify quite a bit with Holly Pierlot in that I really find myself resisting routine and am slowly coming to the realization that a rule for me would be a good thing. So easy to write and say but so hard to follow through on!
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Susan
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: March 31 2008 at 10:45am | IP Logged
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Thanks for replying!
Like domchurch3 and Lindsay, our family has also had a lot of success with developing habits around how we speak. Right now we're back to trying to say "yes" to each other rather than "ya." Notice how I said "back to?" This one seems to not quite stick (especially when Little League season rolls around.) We had the "what" reply whenever we called each other. Now, our reply is "I'm coming," because most of the time I need someone to come to me to help me with something or other.
I rate making amends as the habit that keeps on giving for our family. It took for what seemed like forever to develop, but now it is firmly established. I'm thinking that it has become a habit in part because we have to practice it so much   .
We also *re-do.* I don't remember where we first heard of this...7 Habits of Highly Effective Families maybe? I do think this is very powerful and helpful. When I behave poorly it is often linked to me being low on energy. When I'm low on energy my first reactions tend to be old yucky ones, sigh. So re-doing a bad scene helps me to reestablish who I want to be. Re-doing also helps to make amends in many cases.
Willa, I do know what you mean. For example, our children do not back-talk and I have no idea why. I've had friends ask me, "How do you help your children to not back-talk?" and I have no answer. We have never "worked on" the habit of not back-talking. I think that it must have something to do with my complete lack of tolerance for it. In other words, back-talking must be such a button for me, that I react each and every time to it. That type of consistency is rare for me, I'm sorry to admit.
We have spent an inordinate amount of time on order, routine, and the like . My latest challenge and relief has been to find discipline within exceptions to our routine. I really appreciate what Lindsay writes about pegs and priorities and tending to our most important habit needs. This is a humane approach, especially when dealing with a variety of different needs and personalities and temperaments within a family.
Back to my questions...
Habits that have stuck: making amends, evening prayers, morning routine, family meeting after Sunday Mass, Family Management Saturday
Habits with ease: no back-talking, discussion, listening to music, reading, re-doing/re-phrasing
Currently establishing: good posture, table manners, eating high fiber foods
Nemesis: yard care, weekly money management, bedtime/getting enough sleep, ...I'll stop there for now:).
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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momtimesfour
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| Posted: March 31 2008 at 4:27pm | IP Logged
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*What individual (you, your dh, and each child) and family good habits have you developed in the past that have stuck and served you well as a family?
The standard "please," "thank you," and just answering/acknowledging when spoken to have served us well. Another habit my parents always modeled and that my husband and I model for our children is we tell each other what we're doing. If I need to run to the bathroom, I tell him. If he needs to run to the hardware store, he tells me. I think it's a lack of respect to just go about the day and not give a simple update on where one is or what one is doing. And as parents, we need to be aware of who is minding the children!
*What individual and family good habits have you developed with relative ease?
Relatively easy personal habit - making the bed. This is NOT one that the rest of the family has picked up yet. But I find that a made bed just sets the pace for my day. Another relatively easy habit, but for all of us, has been to leave our shoes by the front door on a set of shelves. No more lost shoes! (Well, FEWER lost shoes.) And we get out the door much faster now.
*What individual and family good habits are you currently trying to establish?
I am trying to answer my children cheerfully, with a smile, and also trying to say "yes" more often. I have to say "no" to so much it seems, so I am trying to find a way to say "yes." So if my 12yo wants to play with the boy across the street, I can say, "yes, just after you pick up the clothes in your room." I'm also trying to get the kids to use a less biting tone with each other. I think the tone of voice has deteriorated here because of the issues with my 3yo. (That's a long story, but he has severe speech delay, GERD and is more than a handful.)
*What individual and family good habits have been your nemesis?
Order is my nemesis, which is weird because I'm a bit of a control freak/neatnic. I like things to have a home and be put away. But the other 5 people in my household don't seem to agree just yet. It makes me crazy and then I just give up. But I do keep trying.
*Any principles or tricks of the trade that help you and your family with habit formation?
I haven't figured out what helps habit formation just yet. I think just time and not focusing on more than one habit. But it's very hard for me not to try to tackle everything at once.
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: April 01 2008 at 2:56pm | IP Logged
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momtimesfour, I'm with you in that my desire for order is MUCH stronger than anyone else in my family...keeps me humble  .
This post by Catherine Levinson describes CM habit formation in general, and the habit of attention in particular.
OK...I'm going outside. Before I do, I'm getting my timer and am going to divide our yardwork into doable segments. I'm going to make lemonade and have an end time established (or we could do this all day, sigh.) If I see anyone getting distracted before the timer goes off, I'll redirect. I'm pumped up  .
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: Habit Formation for all
