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Bella
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| Posted: Nov 24 2007 at 2:48pm | IP Logged
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Hi Ladies,
I have been at this for five whole years, and lately our lifestyle seems so unnatural. Is this normal? I mean, I have always gone through the stage of self doubt, accompanied by the horrible comparisons to other HS families. This is different.
There are a few things that may be contributing to this feeling. For example, we have gone without a vehicle for over two months. At first, we saw it as an example to enlighten the DC about how heavily we Americans depend on cars.....and even just pointing out that people in big cities often don't drive everyhwhere due to the availability of public transportation. We walked,took the bus, the DC rode their bikes, and we depended on others at times for rides. But it got really old. And truth be told, quite isolating. We are getting our new vehicle next weekend, so maybe things will feel different then.
Then, there is the gradual change that has been taking place in both DC. DS kinda joined the ranks this year as an official HSer. And at times, I think I will lose my mind. Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful to our Lord for blessing us with two children, one of each gender.....or I never really would have imagined the amazing difference between raisning boys and girls. NO matter what my sisters and friends have shared!  Then, there is DD. She just turned 11.....need I say more?   Seriously, she is like a differnt person somedays. Most days she begs to do something with her friends. She wants to do her math while listening to music on our laptop with the ear plugs in.  She and DS seem to constantly be at each other, and I find myself daydreaming about what it would be like if we were a large family. Each DC would have someone else to play with-other than each other.
Finally, there are the questions that seem to have come out of nowhere regarding why DD isn't in school, and how long do we plan on doing *this*? I am avoiding certain relatives just to escape the never ending questions and interrogation(sp?). 
I'm not sure what I am wanting as far as a response, just wanted to share.....and see if anybody else ever feels this.
Thanks a bunch for listening!
Christy
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Bookswithtea
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| Posted: Nov 24 2007 at 4:02pm | IP Logged
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Caveat: I'm almost 40 weeks and my patience level is low so if I sound *tough love*, I'm blaming it on hormones, k?
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Its a stage. I think lots of hsing moms go through this when a child hits anywhere from 11-13. People get nosey about your "future schooling plans" and it all hits when the kids get very hard to deal with (middle schoolers can be worse to deal with than teens), and everything starts to feel like its falling apart. Its not actually falling apart, but changes need to happen, as the children are moving into different ways of developing.
I don't know what its like to have only 2 this age, but my oldest two are a boy and a girl over 3 1/2 yrs apart (2 miscarriages inbetween), they have little in common, and if I would let them, they would pick on each other all day long. Also normal, but that's no excuse to tolerate it. I would tell 'em to can it or its mouth-time-outs all around.
Once you get a car, I'd get them *busy*...kids this age can find trouble, whining, or less than educational/whole activities if left with too much free time. My olders need at least one activity weekly each to look forward to, and it seems to work better if its not the same activity for both of them (given their ages and opposite genders). People will stop asking if you are going to continue to homeschool after awhile. In the meantime, just smile and keep telling them, "We take it one year at a time" or tell them "you can't imagine doing anything else" (even when you don't feel that way, because it covers you for the moment  ).
One thing to NEVER do...don't complain to people who aren't living the same lifestyle you are. Its good to vent here or in hs circles...we all need that. But if you vent to the outside, you will get an earful that will make your hair stand on end...I know...I've made that mistake before...
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Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and  due 9/10
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Elena
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| Posted: Nov 24 2007 at 5:04pm | IP Logged
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If I were you, I'd do school with your daughter first thing in the morning. Give her all of her assignments and then let her have at it for the rest of the day - including letting her listen to music with ear plugs! As long as she can get it done, that's a small sacrifice to make!
You will probably be able to get both kids done in the morning.
Then in the afternoon you could read a book together. I am finding that the more we share by reading books together, the closer my kids get because they can talk about the story. We also combine bible, saint stories, science and geography as a family and I have 3rd, 4th, 6th and 9th graders.
I think if maybe you try something like that - some one on one time and some time with all three of you together, you might like it more. What do you think?
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Elena
Wife to Peter, mom of many!
My Domestic Church
One Day at a Time
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Bella
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| Posted: Nov 24 2007 at 8:22pm | IP Logged
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Books and Elena-you are wonderful!!! Thankyou for your replies!!!
DD is a new 11 yo. DS turned 6 in July.
Elena- someone had told me to do the opposite of what you suggested-get the younger one going-then work with the older one. Well, *that* isn't working! So, I will take your advice...and try to get DD going, then work with DS.
Books-thanks for your time in replying. I am praying for you,your baby, and your family! I truly appreciate you replying to my thread. FTR-you do not come across as snarky!! Your sage advice is well needed! It's so funny that I really tried to make this fall simple-very little commitments. I am certain God had a hand in this *plan* of mine-our van broke down-how was I going to get my little family around? Yet, staying close to home has not been such a great idea for DD! I am taking your advice, and moving forward with a couple plans.
I think too, we have been sidetracked by allergies,colds,etc. Even though we are using literature-based curricula, it has been so easy to fall behind.(I hate that saying....we are exactly where He wants us to be!) I need to maybe let go a little-ya' think?
A lot of my frustration, is the fact that I tend to have a pity party about our small family. Like everything would function perfectly if *only* we had a larger family!  (I know, I know!!!)
I so need to remind myself(daily!!!!!) that He knows the needs of our family. He wanted our family to be just the size it is, and our DC the age and gender they are!
Thanks for listening,
Christy
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SallyT
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| Posted: Nov 26 2007 at 10:53pm | IP Logged
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Christy -- I'll second what Books said about girls and 11. It is a phase. Teenagers have their ups and downs, as I am discovering with my oldest, but the pre-teen years seem to be far more hormonal, with far less maturity to balance it out.
My two oldest (of four) are a girl and boy, now 13 and 10. Their younger siblings are 5 and almost-4, and this older set have been alternately best friends and worst enemies, especially in the past few years -- hmm, since the oldest turned eleven. Funny, that. Girls at that age, and older, can be very snarky to younger brothers, who then get all wound up about it. Other than reminding certain people to listen to their own voices occasionally ("Hello, dear, is this lovely, the way you sound right now?"), I try not to intervene, but to turn a deaf ear. The more I get involved in their dynamic, the worse it is.
And yes, that "one year at a time" answer is a good one -- I've used it often. People mostly just can't believe you'd even consider homeschooling high school, and as that time approaches, those questions seem to come up more. FWIW, I find homeschooling high school a challenge, but a lot more fun, in so many ways, than homeschooling late-elementary or middle school was with this particular child. Anyway, the nitty-gritty of what you're doing, or plan to do, is nobody's business but yours, so with people who want to interrogate you, all you really have to do is smile and give an upbeat-sounding but noncommittal answer.
(I have had people I have just met say to me, "You homeschool? You're crazy!" invariably followed by "I could never spend that much time with my kids!" Occasionally this has happened when I have felt that I, too, cannot continue to spend this much time with my kids, but I still just smile and say, "Oh, we have a good time together," or, "You know, I've been amazed at how much I've learned," or something like that)
I hope the new vehicle will help some of the doldrums you're experiencing. We lived without a car for four years (in our pre-homeschooling days), but in a place where it was easy to get out and do everything we needed to do on foot. Now I would find it very hard to be without family transportation, and I feel for you -- feeling that the walls are closing in can't help your spirits, especially when other things are difficult. It's tough, when you need variety and a change of pace, not to be able to jump into the car and go do something else.
Praying for you -- hang in there!
Sally
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Barbara C.
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| Posted: Nov 26 2007 at 11:23pm | IP Logged
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You all have me dreading the days when my girls turn eleven. My oldest is already dramatic and mercurial enough. Maybe I won't really notice a difference.
I believe me; I understand what an adjustment it can be moving down to one car. We sold our second vehicle before moving out of state. My oldest was a difficult baby and I didn't feel like taking her out much anyway, but I later regretted it as we were kind of trapped all day in our fourth floor apartment with no way to get out and make friends.
It's now been about 4 1/2 years, and I've really gotten used to being a one-car family. It helps that my husband's work schedule has lightened up since he has been there long enough to snag some internet classes. We also moved to a townhouse in a community where we can actually walk to the library and the town hall/amphitheatre where they have free festivals and shows all summer. Plus, we joined a local homeschooling group, and while we can't often make it to group activities it has matched us with others in our area that we can get together with in the afternoon when my husband gets home.
Whenever my husband is off from school on a break, we end up rushing around trying to do tons of activities with our homeschooling group, and I'm often glad when we're "stuck" at home again. I've learned to appreciate the slower pace, and I know we save a lot of money by not just being able to hop in the car. My kids still get out a few hours a week for activity classes, but they're also learning that you can't expect to be entertained every day.
I can understand how suddenly losing "your freedom" could be a shock to everyone's system. There's a difference between me making a decision to give up my second vehicle and you losing yours non-voluntarily.
Good luck during this frustrating time. Do you have a favorite homeschooling book that could pep you up and help you get re-focused on while you chose this lifestyle? Personally, I always get a boost from Lisa Whelchel's "So Your Thinking About Homeschooling", but we each have our own inspirations.
And if you haven't come across it yet, I highly recommend "Siblings without Rivalry". I really wish that my parents had read this; my sister (who is ten years my senior) and I are just now getting to a somewhat friendly point in our relationship. I really try to keep myself from falling into behaviors that aren't conducive for my girls' relationships with each other.
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Barbara
Mom to "spirited" dd(9), "spunky" dd (6), "sincere" dd (3), "sweet" dd (2), and baby girl #5 born 8/1/12!!
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hereinantwerp
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| Posted: Nov 28 2007 at 11:21pm | IP Logged
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We hsed w/o a car for several years in Europe. Big cities, great public transportation, but STILL. I had a very hard time with it sometimes. Because it is much more work & more time consuming to get to places and activities, you simply don't. And things like getting groceries just took so much more time, b/c you can only carry so much. I felt very isolated. It helped a lot to finally have a car and be able to plan outings, or be more spontaneous sometimes. So I hope this does indeed help you!
I remember being quite horrible around 11/12. Just really, really horrible, especially to my very gentle and quiet Mom. But I am sure it would have helped me to be able to talk about things, relate, have someone understand, have someone there to "usher me in" to growing up more---she worked FT and she is not the aggresive type to pursue it when discouraged. And I certainly did not encourage it when my parents tried to talk, but---I think I longed for it all the same. For me as a parent I try to keep it first priority to stay "connected at the heart" with my kids. If school doesn't happen, if there are problems, whatever, I feel like things are going to work out ok if we can just stay connected like that. But it isn't easy!!
I think different years can feel very different when your kids are in different ages/stages. I have had a much harder time doing homeschool--and enjoying doing homeschool--since I had my 3rd baby (now 2.5). In fact I feel like I'm dragging myself through it lately, and not so sure of anything! Sorry, that is less than encouraging!!
Also I wonder if having some "space"/separateness from a younger brother might be a good thing. Doing school in a separate place, doing some activities away from him---as she probably feels hormonally like she is pulling away from the "little kid" phase. This can be really hard for the younger sibling to understand!! We're in that stage too, with little brother wanting to play, and big brother just not interested anymore. And it is not always easy to find positive, wholesome ways for our young hs adolescents to connect-----I'm also dealing with that. We've been trying with boy scouts but the troop in our new town is really pretty disorganized and chaotic.
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Angela Nelson
Mother to Simon (13), Calvin (9), and Lyddie Rose (3)
my blog: live and learn
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Bella
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| Posted: Dec 11 2007 at 10:15pm | IP Logged
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Ladies, thankyou so much for replying!
We have a vehicle now, but I have been fighting a virus for too long, and haven't been able to get to the computer. I have a little to share,and a lot to thank all of you for!
I'll be back when I have a litte more time...
Christy
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Topic: HSing is feeling so unnatural these days.
