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ShawnaB
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| Posted: Oct 16 2007 at 10:11pm | IP Logged
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...doesn't "refining" sound more positive than "changing the way I do things once again." By "refining" I'm not scrapping my plan and starting over, but rather improving, tweaking, and yes, elimintating parts of my plan that are not working.
I have been homeschooling since the start, and this is my 3rd year of having a truly "school age" child. In this short span, I have changed my curriculum, my planning strategies, my instruction strategies, my home management systems, the location of my furniture, the location of ALL our school things, so many times, I have lost count.
We are into the school year only 6 weeks, and I just totally rearranged our learning space yesterday (once again!) because it (once again!) WAS NOT working for my 2 two-year-olds. (Actually, they were having a blast, but I was losing my mind...too many no-no's)
I'm not sure why, but each time things are obviously not working, I really resist re-doing things. I think its my pride, and I get a little stubborn. I also feel its a waste of all the work and planning I put into the previous non-functioning system.
However, I'm starting to understand a little more that refining and changing and adapting are intrinsic parts of the homeschooling journey. Two years ago, I had 2 newborns. Today I have two toddlers-going-on-preschoolers. Our lives have literally changed every few months as the little ones have cruised through each developmental stage.
So why is it such a struggle to shift gears when they clearly need to shift?? I do know that along the way, I have discovered some treasures in terms of methods and materials that REALLY work...that I may not have found if I had not been open to change.
Does anyone else feel this way, like you are constantly changing, refining, and adapting the way you do things in your home and with your children?
__________________
Shawna, wife of Jacob, mom to Abraham 8 Amelia 5 and Jillian & Jonathan age 3 years http://www.psalm121family.com
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Cay Gibson
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| Posted: Oct 16 2007 at 10:24pm | IP Logged
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ShawnaB wrote:
| Does anyone else feel this way, like you are constantly changing, refining, and adapting the way you do things in your home and with your children? |
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Oh, yes! Colleen and I just had a phone discussion on this very subject this morning and it's a big reason I decided to take a blogging break.
I can't very well write about our day when I'm not sure what we're doing.  Until the end of November I don't see anyway of getting out of the landscape I planned and developed for us in September. To change and adapt my plans would go far beyond "refining".
Sometimes it's as simple as talking about it with a friend. I know our day went better after I got off the phone with Colleen and I know she made me feel so much better about myself, my children, and my homeschooling. I got off the phone with a burden of guilt lifted off. 
The thing I'm having problems with is finding beauty in our homeschool. We are busy and the children are constantly doing things and I arranged it this way because for the past two or three years we've stayed home and haven't done much outside the home. This year I went back to extending myself because my dh doesn't seem to want the children to just sit home all day. What's crazy is that he doesn't like the gas bill at the end of the month or the lack of supper on the table at night either.
I just don't know who to please first.
The children?
My husband?
Myself?
Colleen had good feedback but I'm not good at paraphrasing. 
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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Chari
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| Posted: Oct 17 2007 at 12:17am | IP Logged
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Cay Gibson wrote:
| Sometimes it's as simple as talking about it with a friend. |
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I am NOT EVEN going to approach your topic.......way to wiped out for that........but, I will agree with Cay here in the statement above.......and add: sometimes that friend is even Shawna 
ETA: Duh! And, sometimes that friend is Willa
She was a great friend during the end summer blues.......helping me figure this all out........HOW could I have forgotten! Duh!
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Chari...Take Up & Read
Dh Marty 27yrs...3 lovely maidens: Anne 24, Sarah 20 & Maddelyn 17 and 3 chivalrous sons: Matthew 22, Garrett 16 & Malachy 11
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Bridget
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| Posted: Oct 17 2007 at 6:22am | IP Logged
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I think constantly refining the system and the plan is normal for homeschoolers. Maybe especially, in a smaller home. You have to get very creative in how to use the space.
My struggle has been discerning when a change is really needed and when I just need to cowboy up and work my plan. Every time things get difficult doesn't mean an overall is called for.
Sometimes it means I need to relax/smile more. Get up earlier, be more consistent with something...
Sometimes it means I have to let go and accept I can't control every thing and it won't work perfectly.
Keep praying and asking God to show you where changes need to be made.
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God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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LH
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| Posted: Oct 17 2007 at 9:15am | IP Logged
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ShawnaB wrote:
| Does anyone else feel this way, like you are constantly changing, refining, and adapting the way you do things in your home and with your children? |
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I thought we were supposed to be tailoring to the child? withing the realm of Mom's tolerances of course.
I just have the one student and I feel pretty set on my goals, what we what to accomplish by when, and what to use to get there.
Small family though. Maybe my situation doesn't count for much ! 
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missionfamily
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| Posted: Oct 17 2007 at 2:17pm | IP Logged
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Don't have much time to respond right now, but as Cay mentioned, I've been thinking a lot about this...I hope I can respond later when the kids are in bed. Right now, there's powder in the clean laundry (toddler fun), a crying baby and a whistling tea kettle to attend to.
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Colleen
dh Greg
mom to Quinn,Gabriel, Brendan,Evan, Kolbe, and sweet St. Bryce
Footprints on the Fridge
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Willa
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| Posted: Oct 17 2007 at 2:54pm | IP Logged
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ShawnaB wrote:
So why is it such a struggle to shift gears when they clearly need to shift?? I do know that along the way, I have discovered some treasures in terms of methods and materials that REALLY work...that I may not have found if I had not been open to change.
Does anyone else feel this way, like you are constantly changing, refining, and adapting the way you do things in your home and with your children? |
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YES...
This has been a big mental project for me this year. After years of resisting change (feeling like I was "giving up", feeling like there was something unsteady about me, feeling a bit resistant that my family changed so often!) -- I finally decided to just acknowledge that this was something ongoing and work it into my planning.
The metaphors for "seasonal homeschooling" that Leonie, Lissa and others have come up with during the years can be helpful in understanding and dealing with the way things shift over time.
Elizabeth and Kim's ideas of the role of "rhythm" in beauty are also helpful, but I had better stop listing influences or I will never be able to stop!
Leonie once said something very useful to me -- that she keeps a list of things that she would like to change, things that aren't working or things she would like to add. Then she PLANS to work them in. Doing this has allowed me to keep continuity even while things are changing. I feel proactive, that the process is a dynamic one -- "refining" : ). I make priorities -- obviously, a character problem cropping up is more urgent that something I would "like to" do but that there isn't a need for right now. But sometimes jumping into the "like to's" is fun for when I'm demoralized and bored with hsing.
But anyway, just acknowledging that this is the way life is right now (you blogged about this once, I remember) and embracing that before figuring out the best way to deal with it, has been helpful for me.
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AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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Cay Gibson
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| Posted: Oct 17 2007 at 6:03pm | IP Logged
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I just posted under Molly's thread and wanted to share it here because the revelation hit me on the head this morning like a ton of bricks...only the stars I saw where the loveliest things I've seen in weeks. 
While hanging clothes this morning I was thinking about taking care of my home and giving my children things that "mattered" to do. My children have spent too much time flying by the seat of their pants and my youngest asked me the other day why I was on the computer so much. OUCH! 
I was editing two books, that's why, but I didn't tell her that. I only knew that the image must change. Thank heavens the books are finished. Having these next few months completely free is the best Christmas gift I could receive.
Anyway, I've been waiting patiently for Alice's new hospitality book to come out so the girls and I could do a full-blown hospitality/home ec study. We have so much happening on the outside of our home, I want us to focus on the good things of home when we're here. I realized that is the beauty, peace, and rhythm we need and have been missing in our home.
It isn't the curriculum I'm dissatisfied with. It's the homemaking and the beauty of home life that is missing.
And I realize the reason I haven't felt like I could breath or proceed with anything else (in addition to finishing books and going on retreat) was because I'm suspended in space while waiting for Alice's delicious book to arrive.
I want the books and plans on my table. I want someone else's plans to inspire and motivate me. Yet I also realize that waiting on someone else to tell me to do it isn't good discipline or good management.
No more time...we're having to leave the house again... , but I've decided we start Monday when I return from retreat. We won't be ditching the curricula we have or adding to it or tweaking anything. We will be taking the time we have outside of lessons and refining our home life. That's refinement at its very best.
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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enjoythejourney
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| Posted: Oct 17 2007 at 6:07pm | IP Logged
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Shawna,
YES! I feel like this often. And I really didn't think about it the way you worded it, but yes! I'm constantly shifting and refining based on the kids needs, etc.
For instance, with my middle daughter, we have to navigate school around her many doctor/therapy/surgery appts. It is hard at times, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
No advice, just a hearty "yes!" from me!
__________________
Lindsey
(here to learn more about the RCC)
Mom to:
Cleo (7)
Marcy-Marie (4)
Reece (3)
http://justenjoythejourney.blogspot.com
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Cay Gibson
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| Posted: Oct 18 2007 at 12:07pm | IP Logged
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Cay Gibson wrote:
It's the homemaking and the beauty of home life that is missing.
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We're getting there.
__________________
Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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ALmom
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| Posted: Oct 18 2007 at 9:22pm | IP Logged
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Yes, we refine all the time. Some of my best learners are the ones that plunge in and keep tweaking till they get it to work, taste good, look nice. They don't freeze for fear of mistakes. I still cringe at my dd cutting into beautiful fabric without a pattern or my dh disassembling the car dashboard to make it more ergonomically efficient before the warranty has expired - and yet they ended up with wonderful end products besides learning along the way. I tend to panic and either freeze or abandon the course before its time. However, I have learned to refine in the best sense, though I still do the panic changes from time to time as well. I have found my dh to be the best source of guidance for when to stay the course and when to change and learning to lean on him more and more is making our refinements more and more on the mark.
I need to spend a lot of time on this in discerning - is the refinement a necessary one (am I looking at the child and what they really need) or is it one of those pie in the sky dreams of finding a schooling solution without so much work ? When it is the second, I can end up having too much changing going on and we lose continuity and perseverence and .... I finally realized that (still fight it mind you but at least I now know) that this venture is work, is meant to be work and is a means that God is using for my sanctification. The work can be quite enjoyable like the mountaintop experience but it can be plain putting your shoulder to the plow and persevering through the dessert too. We can be making tons of progress with our children (and ourselves) without actually seeing it for quite some time. It is impossible to figure out the right paths without help from God. My dh seems to be the way that God chooses to guide me in this aspect.
Janet
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ShawnaB
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| Posted: Oct 19 2007 at 3:54pm | IP Logged
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Bridget wrote:
My struggle has been discerning when a change is really needed and when I just need to cowboy up and work my plan. Every time things get difficult doesn't mean an overall is called for.
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Yes, I totally relate. Sometimes the refinement needs to be with mom!
ALmom wrote:
I need to spend a lot of time on this in discerning - is the refinement a necessary one (am I looking at the child and what they really need) or is it one of those pie in the sky dreams of finding a schooling solution without so much work ? |
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What a great, probing question! Yes, there is the lure of finding the perfect, easy, homeschool rhythm. I think that's why homeschool moms are such a great market for curriculum retailers, always promising just that!
However, homeschooling is hard work, no matter how you cut it. My mom, who is my biggest cheerleader, pointed out that one of her oldest friends has been a 6th grade teacher for almost 20 years. Over the years, she has refined her curriculum, and she teaches the SAME thing, the SAME way now every year. She's a terrific teacher, and her classroom has a wonderful sense of order and rhythm. As homeschool moms, we enjoy no such luxury of teaching the same age group each year. Family dynamics can change from month to month! And so, I think the process of refinement and discernment, as well as personal discipline, will probably be ongoing. I'm starting to accept that I may not ever be able to fully find my groove and stay in it for the long haul.
I guess that's what makes having a strong educational and family mission is so important, because the principles can stay constant even when the methods may not.
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Shawna, wife of Jacob, mom to Abraham 8 Amelia 5 and Jillian & Jonathan age 3 years http://www.psalm121family.com
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hereinantwerp
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| Posted: Oct 20 2007 at 12:30am | IP Logged
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YES, "refining" all the time here.
Which for me seems to mean doing less . . .
and then less . . .
and then less again!
School-age child #2 has been so completely opposite of school-age child #1. I like my kids to be pretty independant, I am pretty independant--but he isn't!! Somehow I have to figure out how to work with him, it isn't coming easy--lots of trial and error, and error, and error--lately between the Waldorfy thinking and the Unschooling thinking I'm starting to find a "way" with him. But just watch--soon he'll hit age 9 or 10 and it will all change again!
I think a lot of it has just been my need to relax. Over and over again the Holy Spirit (or, my long-suffering dh!) points out to me that my expectations are just not unrealistic. (eg., You mean kids are supposed to be immature much of the time? Not miniature, self-sufficient adults?) But that doesn't seem to stop me from jumping with both feet back into another day with the same probem!
"Home is not school"--that's one for me to think long and hard about!
But it is a good thing the older one can be fairly independant, as he is at the older age where he needs more challenge and work re. school.
In any case this has been the most frustrating year ever, the year when I am tempted every other day to quit!
(and may the Lord bless you and help you ever so much with your 2 2 year olds--I only have one and I feel like I'm going nuts lately, so I can hardly imagine! )
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Angela Nelson
Mother to Simon (13), Calvin (9), and Lyddie Rose (3)
my blog: live and learn
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Topic: Refining, Refining, Refining
