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UK Mum
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...well, I am a newbie to H/E. (my dd is 4.5) We have been at it for 4 wks (officially) & I am concerned. PLEASE PLEASE can i get some thoughts, advice & wisdom from you ladies? Here are my concerns..
I have just 2 daughters, aged 4 & 2. Byt the time we begin 'school' I am exhausted! we have a tight routine, get up, dressed, breakfast,chores, nappy change blah blah, then sit down to 'school' which again, follows a 'routine' number work, (games, geoboard, etc etc) Copy work (sandpaper letters, salt tray, C/W) then a unit study, be it nature or bible. I feel on edge all the time. I am such a control freak. & anything slightly different than i expect from dd freaks me out  I have to bite my tongue. How do I go more with the flow of learning????? I am *trying* to remember I am not filling a bucket..
Help!
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lapazfarm
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Begin with prayer.
Pray for the grace to see exactly what it is your dd needs from you this day, and the strength to give it.
My gut tells me that what a 4.5yo needs is probably a lot less structure and a lot more nurture.
It sounds like the things you are doing are lovely (games, unit studies, nature) in and of themselves. But could it be the structure and rigidity of it that is causing stress?
Can you break up your routine with cuddle-on-the-couch storybook time?
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chicken lady
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At 4.5 we would be playing and doing read alouds. Only if the child showed a desire to do "school" would I be attempting anything formal. She seems a bit young for copywork to me????? I know it is hard, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. It will be OK!! I promise.
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Mary G
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UK Mum -- I too am a "control freak" -- just ask my confessor  ! 
With just a 4 and 2 yo -- just play with them, be with them. Read, read, read to them. Sing with them. Dance around to classical music or jazz or whatever. Go outside and "do" nature study -- but don't make it a big deal.
The worst thing that "traditional school education" does to all of us is make us think that if there's nothing written down, or colored or something to PROVE learning, than no learning is being done.
Hogwash!
Little children, especially, are learning all the time. Teach them about themselves and you and your dh. Show them through good books how beautiful God's creation is. Don't worry that the 4yo down the street comes home and knows all her letters. Nurture your daughter -- tell her stories to make her eyes twinkle. Let her help bake bread or cake for dad's supper. Let her make a mess and then help her clean up.
For you: relax. Enjoy this time with your daughter. They grow so very quickly. Let both of your children know that they are loved -- and that you want to share their discoveries with them. Read, read, read!
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MaryG
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missionfamily
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Pray, read, and play...work on setting up gentle rhythms and creative play and art experiences rather than learning times. Enjoy them, let them wonder at the amazing world in which they find themselves...exercise your control freak nature (I have one too) by resticting what comes in and out of your home via media, toys, and books. Set up little baskets full of themed picture books and interesting wooden items, make them pretty and attractive. Play dress-up and have tea after nap time every day. Be little with them!
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UK Mum
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thankyou for your thoughts...I think some *pressure* comes from the fact that dh has given me 'a year...then we will evalute HE' oh & my MIL, who is a wonderful friend to me, was a teacher, &, apparently, dh knew sight words such as 'mummy' 'daddy' at 2 yrs 
At this stage number is all games, she has a full to bursting nature notebook, which she loves to fill will photos, drawing & paintings etc, to clarify, by copy work I do mean that when she has finished with the salt box & sandpaper letters, she copies 6 'in her very best writing' into her notebook. Is that too much?
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Becky Parker
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You've received such good advice above! Much of which I need to follow. I'm glad you asked the question because I so need to hear those little reminders as well.
My .02 is regarding your dh. PRAY! You have a whole year to pray for him, that he would be given wisdom for your family! I've heard many stories of dh's that are against HE, only giving it a year as a "test" and by the end of that year, they are more sold than the mom is! Pray to St. Joseph. Then, put it all in God's hands. Hopefully, you're dh will see the happiness, and contentedness (is that a word?) of your children and see the value of HE regardless of where they are at academically. The truth is, while he may have been reading sight words at 2 yrs, there are MANY children in 1st grade today that can't read - children that go to school! I'll send up a prayer for your peace and for your husband, that he would be blessed with wisdom!
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UK Mum
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thankyou Becky, for your prayers & words of reassurance
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Mary G
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UK Mum,
One thing great about your question -- it really helped me reevaluate my own .... we've been having a time of it lately trying to get the kids to cooperate etc. Today two were sick and I just played with the youngest! And it was so fun and I snuck in some schooling and we still played and had fun.
Relax -- I think it's particularly hard in your dh has given you a year to "prove h/e" and your MIL is a teacher. But God will show you the way ... one way or another ....
Blessings, prayers and hugs, dear!
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MaryG
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UK Mum
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Thankyou Mary
tbh, I think part of the problem has been I have been so busy trying to work out the H/S thing, I have left little time for myself & the Lord! duh!
Also, the CM short lesson thing has been stuck in my brain, but the main lesson idea appeals to me so much more, atm. As she is sooooo young, everything should be indulgent & fun, oh, you know what i mean! I really do believe that God wants us to focus on Him through teaching his word & through being in & learning about His creation. Sloooooow down!
I hope your children are better soon, Mary.
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Kathryn UK
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Lynn, I think it is harder here in the UK when other 4 year olds are in school and going through the "early learning" mill to relax with little ones. I know I did too much school-ish stuff early on with my eldest (now 12) and ended up regretting it. With my littlest one I will focus on enjoying each other, reading books together, getting outdoors and having fun with art and crafts. We will do literacy and number work if, and only if, she wants to. If the temptation to do something more formal rears its head I shall sit on my hands and chant to myself "four is too young for school". Repeatedly  .
I can understand that your dh seeing this as a year's trial makes you feel under pressure, but if what he sees at the end of the year is a stressed and exhausted wife that is not going to be a great advert for home ed. If he sees a relaxed, happy family, with children that are learning (and they will, they really will - it is almost impossible for a 4yo not to learn given time and attention) home ed will look more successful.
It has been said several times already, but I'll say it again. Relax! And enjoy your little ones. They don't stay little for long  .
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UK Mum
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I really thought about this last night, Katherine..& i get up & this is your post, LOL! I always feel i am 'rushing' & I have a pained look on my face If this is how i feel, how must the girls feel??????
4 yr old has gone to the zoo with my parents today, so i have 2 yo all to myself today We are going to *r-e-l-a-x*
over the weekend I am going to really pray about all this. You are so very right about the UK culture. It is worse, beacause dh was talking to some (anti-h/e) freinds the other day. He was saying how ahead of other kids her age E is..... in my opinion, she isnt. & one of the big reasons I didnt want my girls in school was to avoid them being 'forced' to 'learn'. & yet when i step back from what we are doing....
I think i am just very affraid...afraid of loosing what we have (H/E)
this needs prayer.
I am going to post another post about our new plans...will you take a look when it is up? Thanks, Katherine. Where are you, in the UK, btw? we are in lancashire.
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monica
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i was very interested in this post as i too have a 4.5 yo and a 1.5 yo and lean in the control freak direction. last year, i bought a preschool program, tried to follow the enclosed teachers guide and that lasted about 2 days. i think really listening to your child is the key. what are her interests, what does she seem curious about? i have relaxed a lot, but i have some non-negotiables that the rhythms of our day are centered around.
- prayer. we start each day in front of the icons and end each day naming what we are thankful for. i bought a preschool curriculum for learning about saints and the church calendar, but it still hasnt arrived.
- read everyday. cuddle on the couch and read. sometimes a chapter book, sometimes bob books, sometimes picture books, but no matter how crazy the schedule gets, that is central. this has been very good for him to get one on one attention while little brother is napping.
- nature. we get out everyday. sometimes its just doing yard work, sometimes its a full blown nature walk with pencils and paper, sometimes its just a walk to the store with stops for looking at bugs, blossoms and clouds. this one will get harder for me as the weather gets colder, but i am trying to do as much outside as i can now while its nice.
those three are really central for me. i try to do a "hands on" activity with him everyday, as much for our relationship as for his learning. it may be drawing, playdoh, puzzles, games, whatever he seems interested in. I also try to really listen to the questions he is asking and give him real answers or ask him questions that help him discover the answer. and incorporate reading and math as it naturally occurs. (ie, noticing a stop sign, looking up how many days on the calendar until dads birthday, etc.)
this is a magic, precious stage, where we are re-learning to see the wonder of the world through the eyes of our preschoolers. please give you and your daughter space to take it all in. it is beautiful
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Stephanie_Q
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This thread is very helpful to me. This is my first year trying to "officially" homeschool, though I've really been doing it all along...
I also feel pressured by friends and family to produce results and somehow prove that homeschooling works. The words of wisdom posted here have helped me relax a little, but I have another problem...My 4yo is getting everything: letters, numbers, etc but her older 5yo sister is struggling. I'm sitting down with my 5yo and her little sister is picking everything up just by listening and watching and playing along.
Perhaps it is "work" to my 5yo and "play" to my 4yo, so I just need to make it more fun for my 5yo?
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Kathryn UK
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UK Mum wrote:
I am going to post another post about our new plans...will you take a look when it is up? Thanks, Katherine. Where are you, in the UK, btw? we are in lancashire. |
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I am in Bedfordshire. And certainly I'll take a look  .
A book I ordered arrived today - Beginning Art with Toddlers and Twos, by Mary Ann Kohl - and one of the first things I read was that it should always be about the process, not the product. That has to be one of the hardest ideas for those of us with control-freak tendencies to internalise, because we really, really want to see that lovely product that will prove just how well we are doing . I dread to think how many times I have coaxed a product out of my children when they would have learned far more if I had allowed them space to enjoy the process.
A couple more thoughts ... if you are frazzled from getting through your morning routine, is there any way you can slow it down? Or just make sure you follow it with something relaxing for all of you - music, or time cuddled up on the sofa with some books.
Also, it is very easy to overestimate the time you need to spend on educational activities. Home education is very much more intense than school education. With a five year old I would spend about 20 minutes each on reading and maths activities - less if the child was having a reluctant day - and maybe 10 minutes on writing.
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SuzanneG
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I took all that advice about "not starting early" and "relax" (all the advice from above).....very seriously serveral years ago! I am SO GLAD I did! Part of it was from necessity and having lots of littles all at once, but I also felt it was the best thing to do (or not do).
At the age your dc are....the most important thing you can do with them is to "set the stage".....set your home up for FUN LEARNING, loving Jesus, playing outside and enjoying nature (with you and on their own) helping each other, learning obedience and order, lots of questions, good books, time with you and dh, and good relationships with the siblings. Be goofy, have fun, laugh all the time!!!! Everything else.....pashaw! 
My oldest is 6.5, then 5, almost 4 and 18 months. They have so much fun together now and they are learning together all the time! I am so glad I took all this advice.
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doris
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Just to second all the other points -- and remember that you don't have to do 'school at home'. As Kathryn said, an hour a day of formal stuff should be ample. That's about as much as I do with my 5.5 yo (boy).
My dd was in reception for six weeks and it was quite instructive in terms of how *little* they did (as far as I could make out) -- so much time was spent on lining up, sitting on the carpet, doing pointless worksheets/cutting and sticking, break time etc.
I can empathise about pressure from people esp dhs! Mine is anxious because our ds isn't reading (and is quite resistant). Dh learnt at 4 and thinks ds is way behind. I'm trying to calm him down!
All the best and hang in there. It takes a while to find your rhythm and what works for you all.
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SuzanneG
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Stephanie_Q wrote:
| but I have another problem...My 4yo is getting everything: letters, numbers, etc but her older 5yo sister is struggling. I'm sitting down with my 5yo and her little sister is picking everything up just by listening and watching and playing along. |
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I have this too, Stephanie. To a certain extent, the group learning is helping with this. I don't nec. go through things with the oldest....we do mostly "group stuff" together. I think they all pick up and learn what they need to from what we are doing.
Stephanie_Q wrote:
| Perhaps it is "work" to my 5yo and "play" to my 4yo, so I just need to make it more fun for my 5yo? |
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Yes! Also you may be inadvertently focusing on your oldest, so she feels more "pressure." I just teach to all three right now. And, then we have "alone time" with each child individually, but they get to pick what they want to do with me.
They draw their own lines in their own ways. ie: the two oldest WILL NOT use the same "readers" or reading program. Fine. At first I was annoyed with this; then we realized it's their way of differentiating from each other even though they are at the same level.
HTH,
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SallyT
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It is worth remembering that your children aren't you -- I think both my husband and I have to remind ourselves of that fact all the time. My husband allegedly read at 3 (or 4; the story changes all the time), but none of our children has. The now-13-year-old learned in a hurry, because we'd moved from the US to the UK and she was catapulted from preschool and learning to share, to Year One and spelling tests, overnight. Our second child, now almost 10, spent one year in Reception -- during which he was continually exhausted and, simultaneously, bored out of his mind (and the teacher got really tired of answering all his questions) -- and then, armed with a little phonics from that experience, essentially taught himself to read after we moved back to the US and started homeschooling. My third is now a young 5 (turned 5 in July), and we do a little reading here, a little math there, as he's willing and able to sit still. Right now the "meat" of his "reading program" consists of reading street signs as we drive along -- for some reason he's fascinated with them right now. My fourth, age 3, just plays along and soaks up whatever everyone else is doing.
My feeling about school, which has evolved over the past four years, is that especially in the younger years, all they're trying to do is to replicate and quantify what would go on in a good home environment anyway. Why exactly does a child need to go to school to experience cooking, for example (something my firstborn did a lot in her first two years of English school)? Or to play dress-ups, or make a model out of empty cereal boxes and toilet-paper tubes -- all of which are among the nicest things my kids did in school, but in hindsight, I'm not sure why I thought it was necessary to send them someplace else to do that!
I feel for you regarding the external pressure to perform. I have been blessed to be married to a man totally supportive of home education from the get-go -- which is to say, from the time we both began to feel very disillusioned about the education our children were receiving in school. It has taken some time, I think, for our extended family to feel more comfortable with our homeschooling, but they can plainly see that after four years, the older children aren't suffering -- in fact, they're thriving, which is its own testimony.
In our state one of the legal options for homeschoolers is to register with an "umbrella" school, and the administrators of our "umbrella" school like to give out one standard, and I think very sage, piece of advice. What they say to new families is that certainly the first year of homeschooling, and possibly even the first two years, should be considered "orientation." The first year is almost always a total experiment, whether you're starting from scratch, or whether, as in our case, you're taking kids out of school. Our first year wound up being an experiment in complete unschooling -- we did almost nothing formal at all, just read together and went places and got over school, and also our move from England, which had been quite difficult. Not only did doing nothing formal for a time not hurt our school-age children, who were then 9 and 6, but when we returned, gradually, to adding in more formal work, it was because THEY wanted to. (well, not always -- I will not lie and say that my teenager now does algebra for fun! She just does it because it's what you have to do in high school).It's also worth remembering that children finishing Reception are still all over the map in terms of what they can do, especially with regard to reading and writing, so that essentially, for each given child, even formal Reception is something of an experiment as well.
Again, I don't know if that's helpful! I know how my husband would respond to a bunch of my friends' trying to persuade him that I was right about something! But hopefully all this wisdom (mostly from people other than me) will help you to have some good, calm, solid discussing points when you do talk over these things with your husband, as well as giving you confidence in your day-to-day living with your children. I think the hardest thing about the first year is the wondering whether you have done the right thing, and the anxiety about whether or not they're learning -- it's so much easier to relax once you've had a chance to see that they are.
You will certainly be in my prayers.
Sally
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UK Mum
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Thankyou ladies
well, in the last week, I have changed things around...
Monday is 'art' day
Tuesday 'Bible' day
Wednesday "Maths' day
Thursday Language arts day
Friday Nature study day
We basically (after circle time) spend the morning o the topic of the day, for example, on maths day, we play board games, read number stories, play with cuisineire rods etc. I feel the pressure is off, so i hope dd does too. I am so fearful of dh pulling the plug on HE
anyhow, I can only live a day at a time..
Elizabeth, I have one of the Mary khol book..I think it is called pre-school art...i really do keep reminding myself it is the process!!!!!
sally, that is great advice, thankyou! Stephanie, I am thankful that i have realised the need to calm down with the accademics early on...I really want to enjoy our early years.
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: I need words of wisdom..
