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cornomama4
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| Posted: Aug 06 2009 at 11:14pm | IP Logged
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Over the years I've been on and off of some pretty bad habits. I always seem to be able change my ways when the situation dictates, but I suddenly find myself involved in several bad habits at once and am feeling a little freaked out about how to address them.
I'm only recently willing to admit I need to make some changes, and of course prayer will be my first line of attack, but since I'm the one who actually has to stop these habits I feel like I don't know where to start.
When you've tried to make major changes in your lifestyle, do you try to do it "cold turkey" or habit by habit? Maybe if I try to end one bad habit and add one good at the same time, habit by habit, I'll feel less pressure?
My biggest weakness/sin is self indulgence. My lack of self discipline is shameful, to say the least. If I feel like doing/having something I just do and later feel guilty. Luckily none of my vices are sins in themselves, but the sum total of them is not what I want to be, KWIM??
How do you end bad habits/make lifestyle changes?
cm4
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Erin
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| Posted: Aug 07 2009 at 12:15am | IP Logged
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I do indeed know what you mean 
I'm trying to address several issues myself at present and like you my biggest failing is self discipline, it holds me back from fulfilling my dreams.
On a practical note, I've written down what I want to be and taken a hard look at what is stopping me, what I need to be self-disciplined about.
This week I started out on part of my list, I can't do all at once. And instead of getting depressed by the end of day 2 and giving up I tried again on day 3 with better success. Part of the reason for success was I changed my habits for the times when I would be tempted to fall back into old patterns. Small step at a time.
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Erin
Faith Filled Days
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Aug 07 2009 at 10:47am | IP Logged
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Oh goodness...I have enough bad habits to keep me busy for the rest of my looooooooooooooooong life undoing them  . Last year around this time I was very, very concerned about many things and decided to start chipping away at the most pressing of my problems. One of the biggest general helps that helped me face my different challenges was to figure out how my thoughts were undermining my efforts and motivation as well as triggering misguided attitudes and emotions. Forgive me that I'm sounding like a broken record on the topic of "thinking distortions" but I'm currently discussing the topic here which also gets you to previous discussions.
Here's a quick example using the habit of exercise:
Do you fall into the trap of all or nothing thinking? Either you have to exercise for an hour each day at the assigned time or you don't exercise at all? Either you exercise every day or if you go a day or two without exercising, you quit doing it at all?
Change the thoughts to: any exercise is better than no exercise, I can start small and exercise 15 minutes a day, if I miss a day I just get back on track asap
Do you overgeneralize? Exercise is sooooooooo hard and so time consuming and so not worth it.
Change the thoughts to: 15 minutes of exercise isn't that hard or time consuming and I've already decided that exercise is worth some of my effort
There are more thinking distortions to include: mental filter, disqualigying the positive, jumping to conclusions (mind reading, fortune telling), magnification, emotional reasoning, should statements, labeling/mislabeling, personalization. Figuring out your main "go to" distortions can really bring relief quickly about some issues. One of my biggies is the "should statements." I should have exercised, I shouldn't have let myself be distracted from it. These thoughts can quickly lead to feelings of disgust, frustration, burden, and worse. I switch that thought as quickly as I can to "Oh well, I made a mistake. I can make mistakes. Now I just need to get back on track." Sounds easy enough but for me this is hard and ongoing work!
Praying for you and may God bless you for your desire to become saintly  .
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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lilac hill
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| Posted: Aug 07 2009 at 11:02am | IP Logged
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I can only work on one habit at a time.
And honestly, I take months to establish positive behaviors. Alternating big change with small change keeps me form feeling overwhelmed.
I break the change into smaller chunks and work through.
I realize that taking months to change is not impressive but I back slide less and get less discouraged.
Hanging the positive behaviour onto regular activities ( I make and drink coffee every morning, a good time for quiet prayer. I always have a book near my bed-having a "good" book helps me get though all the literature I have seemed to missed.) is helpful
Journaling, paper not computer, is my support.Sometimes having a measurable goal keeps me going. My daughter challenged the family to run a 5K race this March. We all had fun at the event and the prep and have plans for more runs this fall. (BTW, we are not fast but we get through) This helped make exercise a part of the routine.
I figure that I have had 48 years to develop my laziness/lack of order so 48 days/weeks is not too bad.
OK, the mail just arrived--getting theough the paperwork is my new habit-so I am not going to stack it but get through it 
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Viv
Wife to Rick (7/83), Mom to dd#1(6/87), dd#2(1/90), and dd#3(6/94) in central PA.
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Erin
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| Posted: Aug 07 2009 at 6:03pm | IP Logged
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Angie
Thank you! So much for me to mull over.
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Erin
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cornomama4
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| Posted: Aug 09 2009 at 11:29pm | IP Logged
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Thanks so much for all the words of wisdom and encouragement 
I realize that I really am an "all or nothing" personality. This has served me well in times of high productivity, but really gets in the way in my day-to-day life. I'm also way to compulsive around temptation: if it's in the house I'll drink it/eat it/ smoke it/ or find a way to take a nap on it! It's almost like I need things to get to a crisis point before I act and this doesn't work well for anyone, especially in my role as mommy/wife/teacher.
My DH is really an inspiration if I would just admit that he has the whole "take care of business" thing worked out He loves to kick back and relax as much as anyone, but he does his work first. Sometimes he'll work 14 hours a day for what seems like weeks on end, and then he'll say "I'm done" and spend a day or two just vegging out with TV or computer games (he plays Bookworm Adventure with the older kids...very educational  ) The point is he can relax and enjoy the time off because he really did do what he needed to and has earned a break. To him, worrying about what he could have done better is a waste of time and energy, and since he has us to support he cannot afford that "luxury." He always just encourages me to chip away at things and do my best, and that will be enough.
I've been very far from the Church and receiving the sacrements for several months, always meaning to return to weekly mass when things "settled down" after our move and my Baptism by Fire into farming life. Now that I and the older kids are going to Mass again, I can see how this time away has erroded my spirit. The worst habits have grown during my time away, so turning again to God gives me hope that many of my issues will reduce now that I've returned to the loving arms of our Lord. Don't get me wrong, I didn't lose my faith I just didn't realize how important regular reception of the Eucharist and Confession really were (I'm a convert, so weekly Mass still seems optional when things get crazy)
I also had recently decided to name our farm (partially so we can register our animals) and when I decided on Trinity Valley "because everything we do here should be in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit", I realized that ideal was FAR from the reality. A more appropriate name would be "Hypocrite Acres" or the standing favorite "Lazy S Farms"  So, of course, I got more discouraged.
With all the good advice here and a few days to pray and think, my best course of action will be to start small, but have a larger plan. Like when I did my Doctorate, there was a goal at the end but that goal was years away. Each sememster I had to complete specific small goals to stay on track for the big pay off at the end. I think if I envision my ideal life here, while maintaining realism, and then set some specific and attainable small goals for myself and my family and really focus on the successes I should be able to deal with this. Almost like a course of study.
I also decided to offer up sacrifices (like "oh man, I sure don't want to clean up the kitchen before bed" or "gee isn't 2 beers enough tonight") for the conversion of DH. My struggles seem so minor if I really think about what others have to deal with, but sometimes I whine and complain inwardly until someone yells "Oh my, I smell burning martyr!"
Thanks again, and if anyone has a mintue to offer a prayer for us and especially for DH's conversion I'd really be grateful.
cm4
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Topic: ending bad habits
