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3ringcircus
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| Posted: Jan 29 2013 at 5:24pm | IP Logged
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G has discovered the value of needing to go to the bathroom at critical times. He mostly does it just as we are starting piano practice. This week, he actually did it during his lesson! The process involves completely stripping, then taking his time to finish up and dress again. Now, this particular bathroom ritual started years ago, and I don't feel the need to micromanage how he attends to #2, but this interruption just can't be happening. I called him over to practice immediately after he went to the bathroom specifically to avoid this, yet he said he had to go about 5min. into practicing. The tough part about it is that even though this is largely a stall tactic, somehow he gets his body in on the plan and physically has to go! And how do you work with a little boy who is now uncomfortable? You'd have thought that if he needed to go, he would have taken care of it before I called him over since he was already in the bathroom.
But, when it happened today, I'd become frustrated, and now we layer on top of that some digging-in-heels refusal to cooperate garbage (piano is only one of the subjects he does this with). Long story short, my fuse was too short and I exploded. He got the work done, but completely through my total intimidation and his fear. I let myself lose it today because I believe that he and I have a relationship that we both invest in, and he has to understand the effect he has on me as much as I have to be flexible and patient w/ him. He knew on no uncertain terms, that he had taken his stalling and defiant behavior too far. That's not something I think we should burden our children with very often, though. I will remind him of this, but don't plan to let, "angry Mama" do the teaching very often.
It doesn't seem to be the amt. of work we do, it seems to be a question of how to start a new task and how to get into the zone of that subject. Once he's got a little momentum, I can coach him into being successful if I am patient and entertaining. Does that make sense? Sometimes just getting him to sit at the piano is the issue. Other times, he'll do the first thing half-heartedly and poorly and need to go to the bathroom. If I say 'no' or 'wait', it turns into a struggle=interruption of flow. If I say yes, it's a guaranteed break of at least 15min=interruption of flow and loss of precious time when the others are being quiet.
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Christine
Mom to my circus of boys: G-1/06, D-1/04, S-4/10
Started HS in Fall'12
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3ringcircus
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| Posted: Jan 30 2013 at 8:55am | IP Logged
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Uh, no suggestions on how to establish momentum when moving to a new task w/ a little one?
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Christine
Mom to my circus of boys: G-1/06, D-1/04, S-4/10
Started HS in Fall'12
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SallyT
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| Posted: Jan 30 2013 at 9:30am | IP Logged
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I don't deal with that kind of interruption, precisely, but with the habit of verbally interrupting read alouds, and maybe this strategy might transfer a little:
OK, so being interrupted drives me in.sane. And it always happens as we're settling into a book (so something of a transition issue) -- certain people in my family have trouble acclimating their minds to the new thing we're reading, so that they don't seem to process who said what, who did what, etc. So they break in with questions, which are disruptive and make me lose my place. And sometimes also my temper.
One thing which seems to help (certainly more than losing my temper!) is to start over, calmly, every time I'm interrupted. I at least backtrack enough that they say, "We already read this!" Oh, really? Sorry. The interruption made me lose my place, and I figured you hadn't heard it the first time. I hadn't really thought about it that much till now, but since I've been calmly doing this, the interruptions have fallen off.
So, ditto something like the piano practice (obviously you might not expect the piano teacher to do this). So you have a poor first half of practice, and he has this bathroom need -- when he gets back, calmly explain that what with the interruption, you have to go back to the beginning and pick up, because it's just too hard to pick up where he left off. This may make for a long practice, which may be nerve-wracking, but it may be valuable to push the principle that an interrupted practice session isn't a real practice session, that you can't just break off and pick it back up again after a period of time.
I don't *know* if this would work for you, or what the results might be, and it may strain things in other areas (how long can the little guys be quiet?), but it might be worth it to try moving the focus from "don't take bathroom breaks" to "Ok, take a break, but we'll have to do the whole lesson when you get back."
How long are his practices at this stage? When we've done an instrument at 6/7, and even later, our practice sessions have been no more than 15 minutes. I suppose another strategy (which I've used for things like math) would be to do five minutes of practice, and take a break. Then do five more. Then five more after another break. Of course, that's more transition, so might not be a good thing. But if you schedule the breaks in, proactively, that could defuse the situation. At the very least, you can say, "I'm sorry if you didn't go during break and you now have to, but you will have to wait five minutes." That may sound better than "Sorry, you have to wait half an hour." Gradually you could spread out the breaks and lengthen the wait time as he seems ready. Again, I don't *know* that this would work for you, but it might be another way of coming at the situation which puts you in charge of these breaks and defuses his ability to disrupt the session with his sudden need.
His teacher might address this in a lesson if it becomes a problem. In my FHC class, I have all the kids go to the bathroom right before class (they're usually in the room), and unless it's really an emergency, like sickness, my rule is no bathroom breaks in an hour-long class. (otherwise, in a class, they *all* start to have to go, because the party's in the bathroom, not the classroom!). It's not unreasonably to have a rule like this, for the sake of the lesson, and he may, for class, have to learn to adapt to that, even if it's with some discomfort at first, if the teacher makes that call. I would imagine, though, that if this really becomes a problem for the lesson, the teacher will talk to you about it, so you can decide together how to handle the issue.
Just really spinning some ideas here, in the hope that something will give you some thought to work with!
Sally
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 4:11pm | IP Logged
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My only advice would be to give plenty of "heads-up" warnings(for example: "we are going to start piano in 15 minutes. If you have to go, go now.")and to plan around these breaks. If you expect them and plan around them then they are not interruptions, but part of the schedule.
Also, plenty of praise for when he makes it through an entire lesson uninterrupted.
Could it be that he has a "nervous" colon and the stress of the lesson really does make him have to go?
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us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 7:40pm | IP Logged
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We finally took my ds to a doctor regarding the amount of time he spent in the bathroom. He was always needing to go, and he really did go. After testing we discovered he reacts to dairy products. We are two weeks dairy free but he's still having the problem so I don't know if it just takes longer for his gut to heal or if it is a habit. In some situations I also think he was nervous about the possibility of having to go in the middle of something and worrying about it made it worse.
We do as Theresa mentions and try to give heads up regarding things. Mass is a biggie. We finally started telling him he can leave at the offeratory collection but that is it. Knowing he has that one time to go helps him, I think, not to worry.
Just to add, I spent a very long time being angry with this ds, accusing him of interupting for bathroom breaks because he was bored or whatever. Then I really started watching and I noticed he would even stop his favorite video game or run to the bathroom in the middle of a good movie, so I realized it wasn't just the stuff he didn't like that he was trying to get out of.
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Becky
Wife to Wes, Mom to 6 wonderful kids on Earth and 4 in Heaven!
Academy Of The Good Shepherd
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4Real Forums : Planning and Ordering our Days
Topic: Bathroom breaks and other stuff
