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mamaslearning
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| Posted: Aug 10 2011 at 4:32pm | IP Logged
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I need to find a new normal, so please help me think trough these issues/concerns.
I've got mornings covered with morning chores, breakfast, schooltime, meal prep, and other daily tasks. Afternoons are a free-for-all!  I don't want to, but I think I might have to plan out each day and put everyone on a timer. We are finished with school work by lunch, so afternoons are open. Here are some issues:
1. I have one napper (baby) and he still nurses to sleep and rarely naps anywhere but in my arms. I don't know how to transition him to a crib for the afternoon since I've always held each child until they were about 1-1/2 or older.
2. Afternoons are going to be the only times available for cleaning, yet I want to spend time with dc. I can't let them outside by themselves because of the almost 3 yo. He's too young and I don't expect the 7 yo to be able to watch him. That means I have to go outside and then I get nothing done inside. What's a reasonable block of time for cleaning? 1-2 hours?
3. While I want to help them learn how to tackle boredom and make decisions about what to do, I also want to tame the boredom sulk. If they complain too much, do you make them do an extra chore or something to help stimulate their brain? I try to offer suggestions like read a book, build a house, etc. but I'm often met with an "I don't want to, or that's boring, or I can't".
4. I don't like going outside in my neighborhood. It attracts other kids, and while it's okay most of the time, I wish we could be outside by ourselves. Now my kids think that they HAVE to play with someone if they are going to be outside. I can't get them to just *be* outside and enjoy nature (we have a nice backyard that backs up to a small wooded area). I long for a couple of acres of land so I can just sit in the middle of it and breathe. Maybe we'll need to take more frequent trips to a park once the weather drops below 90.
I keep reading and re-reading The Mother's Rule of Life, and I'm still not able to translate into a good plan for our family. I've browsed the old threads on housekeeping, and managing a home, but I'm still lost. I've read countless books and blogs, but I still can't figure out how to manage our time in the afternoons. Plus, my house is still a wreck! I know there is no magic cure, but I keep searching and thinking that the next book or bit of advice will be the one that clicks and sets me on a new path.
Thanks for reading!
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
St. Francis de Sales Homeschool
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Aug 10 2011 at 4:45pm | IP Logged
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OK I'm just sitting a minute for a break.. so this is all very off the cuff..
Plan for extra/just fun read aloud/quiet time while the baby sleeps.. you can read or you can get audio books (some great threads about those lately). That solves what to do with a baby in your arms.
Then once that time is over have some free time for the kids while you get some stuff done (good time to prep dinner even if you won't start cooking yet). THEN have everyone do their share of the chores.. they'll just focus better if they've been still/quiet for a while if they get some freedom.. plus you're more likely to get some hands free time while baby is just awake and happy.. you can always supervise while carrying baby.
then something fun.. always good to have that carrot at the end of chores.. maybe a game to play if it's too hot outside.. hullaballoo is a hilarious game that even the 2 yr old can join in on with help and it's active.. or water play outside (if you can.. I know some areas with the drought can't really do that)..
For a while with outside time you might do something like a scavenger hunt.. giving the kids 3 things to look for in the yard something like that.. so that they're focused on doing something outside not just getting outside and thinking.. now what.
somewhere in here you have the straighten up before dad gets home time plus making dinner.. might be a good time to get out crayons or playdough at the table.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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jawgee
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| Posted: Aug 10 2011 at 5:43pm | IP Logged
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I don't have much to offer, but I've had a few children who would only sleep on me, too. It got a little inconvenient after the first one. I ended up using an Ergo with the baby on my back. What I loved about it was that it forced me to be up and moving (because the baby couldn't stay asleep if I was sitting down). I was able to get all of my housework done, go for a walk with the older kids, or even do some schooling!
When my DH first got it for me I really balked because of the price. Now, over 5 years later, we both agree that it was worth every single penny. I've used it everyplace imaginable - at home, at the playground, in the airport, even at a wedding reception!
Don't know if your little one would consider sleeping on your back instead of in your arms, but I thought I'd throw it out there.
(Oh, and my favorite chore list is Motivated Moms because chores are listed individually. If I have an extra 5 minutes here or there, I check the list for a quick chore I can do.)
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Monica
C (12/2001), N (11/2005), M (5/2008), J (8/2009) and three angels
The Catholic Cup on Facebook
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kristacecilia
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It sounds like we have children of a similar age- mine are 7, 5, 3, and 1. I DO let my 7 year old and 5 year old play outside by themselves in our yard. I even let them take their 3 year old sister. I just check on them out the window every few minutes. But I know my kids and I know my neighborhood and I am okay with that. I definitely don't recommend it for every situation.
I pretty much don't plan anything for the afternoon. We, like you, have school, chores, etc, in the morning. After lunch we have a quiet time and that free time usually extends up until dinner time. The kids play, I browse online or do housework. I sit down and read them books if we so desire. Starting this winter the boys will be doing some masterly inactivity type free time in the afternoons and hten having free play time. We do family pick-up times very quickly and they are pegged to meals- before breakfast tidy, before lunch tidy, before dinner tidy, before bed tidy. So nothing has a chance to get terribly messy.
I have started expecting the oldest to help with some of the bigger household chores. He actually enjoys cleaning the bathroom (I let him use just a spray bottle of vinegar and a washcloth on the mirrors, sink, counters, as much of the shower/tub as he can reach, and the toilet. I come behind him and do the toilet bowl. The boys can clear the table and work together to empty the dishwasher. The oldest can put leftovers away. They are all required to make their own beds, clean their own rooms, and tidy up all their toys. Both boys can dust and run a vacuum. One day they even mopped the floor for me, but it was as a consequence for something very inconsiderate so I wouldn't expect them to do that often!
Anyway.... I guess this was just to encourage you. Maybe it's time to start trying to figure out if your kids are capable of new things or more than they were before.
I really could do more things in the afternoon.... I am just always tired and ready for a break from the focused attention on the kids and they need to burn off their energy. I can't spend all day standing out there watching them play. They know the rules of the yard, how far they are allowed to go, how to watch out for each other.... I can trust them outside by themselves. If I feel like the three year old can't be trusted, I keep her in with me and let her help me clean and then we read books together or she can play starfall on my computer.
My biggest hassle right now is keeping the 15 month old off the counters and tables 
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Krista
Wife to a great guy, mom to two boys ('04, '06) and three girls ('08, '10, '12!)
I blog at http://kristacecilia.wordpress.com/
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mommy4ever
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It takes time to make it work, but they can all have a quiet time, it refreshes every one. YOu'd have baby sleeping, but you could read just for you in that time. Your other ones can listen to audio books, or look at picture books, do simple puzzles or other quiet activities IN THEIR BEDS. This is really a blessing for me when I get it to work.
My kids are older, but I care for little ones, so I get what you're saying. Today it was 17, 14, 12, 7, 4,3,2, and 1. ALL Of them have a quiet time. Mom needs it or she goes batty.
my 12yo is the hardest one to get to sit still. For her, I have her practice piano(digital with headset. She can sit there for a half hour, she seems to be able to relax after that and content herself to read. But she needs a little something to get there. After that, we head outside for a bit. The little ones have their slides and balls, cars, the older ones the trampoline. DD7 had a garden to tend, that keeps her outside for awhile, watering and weeding. After 45 minutes or so, we come in, the littles have a snack while I prep supper. I get the kids doing some chores during this time. We do more in the evening chore wise, as the little people do need us. I also wake an hour before them to just focus my day, pray, eat and get a few things done.
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mamaslearning
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| Posted: Aug 11 2011 at 6:56am | IP Logged
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kristacecilia wrote:
It sounds like we have children of a similar age- mine are 7, 5, 3, and 1. I DO let my 7 year old and 5 year old play outside by themselves in our yard. I even let them take their 3 year old sister. I just check on them out the window every few minutes. But I know my kids and I know my neighborhood and I am okay with that. I definitely don't recommend it for every situation.
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I would let the older two play outside if they stayed in the backyard. Unfortunately, they want to always play up front so when I suggest playing out back they say no. It's not that I'm afraid of them playing in the front, it's that it attracts other kids. Then I feel like I have to be outside to supervise a group of kids 7 and under when I'd rather use that time doing something else.
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
St. Francis de Sales Homeschool
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mamaslearning
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| Posted: Aug 11 2011 at 7:06am | IP Logged
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Jodie, thanks for the great suggestions. I've been thinking about audiobooks. That might get them seated for a quiet time like mommy4ever suggested. I think reading at her level is still a bit frustrating, so adding the audio might be a good boost.
Krista, I did want to relate that my oldest scrubbed the kid's bathroom floor for complaining the other day. She actually enjoyed it! Thanks for sharing your daily routine. It helps to ease my anxiety of not doing enough, since it sounds like we have similar afternoons (except that my baby is still a bit younger at 10 months). My soon-to-be 3 yo is my climber. He'll climb anyting to get something he wants - bookcases, furniture, etc. It's such a constant battle! I can't wait until he grows out of it because it doesn't appear that consequences are working at this point.
Edited to add:
Monica, I almost forgot to say that I have one of almost ever type of carrier - sling, soft carrier (like ergo), wrap, Mei Tei (sp?). I loved, loved carrying the babies but can't this time around (that's a whole 'nuther post about not being able to wear the baby  ).
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
St. Francis de Sales Homeschool
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kristacecilia
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| Posted: Aug 11 2011 at 7:17am | IP Logged
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mommy4ever wrote:
It takes time to make it work, but they can all have a quiet time, it refreshes every one. YOu'd have baby sleeping, but you could read just for you in that time. Your other ones can listen to audio books, or look at picture books, do simple puzzles or other quiet activities IN THEIR BEDS. This is really a blessing for me when I get it to work.
My kids are older, but I care for little ones, so I get what you're saying. Today it was 17, 14, 12, 7, 4,3,2, and 1. ALL Of them have a quiet time. Mom needs it or she goes batty.
my 12yo is the hardest one to get to sit still. For her, I have her practice piano(digital with headset. She can sit there for a half hour, she seems to be able to relax after that and content herself to read. But she needs a little something to get there. After that, we head outside for a bit. The little ones have their slides and balls, cars, the older ones the trampoline. DD7 had a garden to tend, that keeps her outside for awhile, watering and weeding. After 45 minutes or so, we come in, the littles have a snack while I prep supper. I get the kids doing some chores during this time. We do more in the evening chore wise, as the little people do need us. I also wake an hour before them to just focus my day, pray, eat and get a few things done. |
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Mine used to be so good with quiet time! The baby would nap in the cosleeper in my room and each of the other kids would have to sit quietly on their beds and listen to an audio book, read a book, or play quietly with a favorite toy. I transitioned the baby in to the bedroom with my three year old daughter so now she can't have quiet time on her bed or she wakes the baby. Ugh.
I tried having her sit quietly on the couch but since she's in the same room with me, she can't be quiet. She wants to sit on me, talk to me, watch what I am doing... I tried having her sit on my bed but that was a recipe for disaster. All she did was jump on my bed and get into my stuff.
I really want that true quiet time back. I will have to figure something else out. She will sit still and play Starfall on my iPod. I might have to 'save' that activity for quiet time and see if she can sit on the couch and do that without bothering me.
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God bless,
Krista
Wife to a great guy, mom to two boys ('04, '06) and three girls ('08, '10, '12!)
I blog at http://kristacecilia.wordpress.com/
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kristacecilia
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| Posted: Aug 11 2011 at 7:21am | IP Logged
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mamaslearning wrote:
kristacecilia wrote:
It sounds like we have children of a similar age- mine are 7, 5, 3, and 1. I DO let my 7 year old and 5 year old play outside by themselves in our yard. I even let them take their 3 year old sister. I just check on them out the window every few minutes. But I know my kids and I know my neighborhood and I am okay with that. I definitely don't recommend it for every situation.
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I would let the older two play outside if they stayed in the backyard. Unfortunately, they want to always play up front so when I suggest playing out back they say no. It's not that I'm afraid of them playing in the front, it's that it attracts other kids. Then I feel like I have to be outside to supervise a group of kids 7 and under when I'd rather use that time doing something else. |
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We have other kids come play in the yard occasionally, too. I guess I don't feel like I need to supervise them? If their parents are okay with them running around the neighborhood I just assume they are okay with them playing unsupervised. Is there a reason you feel like you need to supervise them?
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God bless,
Krista
Wife to a great guy, mom to two boys ('04, '06) and three girls ('08, '10, '12!)
I blog at http://kristacecilia.wordpress.com/
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mamaslearning
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kristacecilia wrote:
| We have other kids come play in the yard occasionally, too. I guess I don't feel like I need to supervise them? If their parents are okay with them running around the neighborhood I just assume they are okay with them playing unsupervised. Is there a reason you feel like you need to supervise them? |
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I guess I feel like they are on our property, so I'm responsible for them?  Most are ages 7, 5, and 4. They just seem so young to be out alone. I trust my kids, I just don't trust other kids.
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
St. Francis de Sales Homeschool
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mommy4ever
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mamaslearning wrote:
I would let the older two play outside if they stayed in the backyard. Unfortunately, they want to always play up front so when I suggest playing out back they say no. It's not that I'm afraid of them playing in the front, it's that it attracts other kids. Then I feel like I have to be outside to supervise a group of kids 7 and under when I'd rather use that time doing something else. |
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We put the gate latch to the outside. This prevented the little ones going out. When I had issues with other kids coming in the yard(looked out my window once to see a 2 and 4 yo in my yard, my kids were still sleeping, no parents around these kids ever, they played in a heavy traffic area 3 blocks from their home as well), I put a lock on the gate. Kept other kids out, and my kids safe inside. I've never really understood the appeal of playing out front when we have a great play area in back. My littlest is 5 years younger than the next child, and she plays for hours by herself content. I've even coached the ones I care for to play independently. I don't play with them for hours on end. Their parents have thanked me as they are only children and had become quite dependent on mom and dad for all entertainment. Even a 2yo is capable to look at a picture book and tell themselves a story. I school all the kids. I will be doing grade 3 and 7, possibly 12 this year, my grade 9 is going to school :(. I do preschool with the younger ones as well.
It's not like you don't spend time with them. You teach them. By getting them to do a quiet time, then and independent play, that is teaching the how to take down time, and how to self-entertain. Skills that so so so many children lack.
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SuzanneG
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mamaslearning wrote:
kristacecilia wrote:
| We have other kids come play in the yard occasionally, too. I guess I don't feel like I need to supervise them? If their parents are okay with them running around the neighborhood I just assume they are okay with them playing unsupervised. Is there a reason you feel like you need to supervise them? |
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I guess I feel like they are on our property, so I'm responsible for them? Most are ages 7, 5, and 4. They just seem so young to be out alone. I trust my kids, I just don't trust other kids. |
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NO NO NO!!!!! And, yes....those are ALL CAPS and I AM YELLING AT YOU!!!!!!!  But, a "friendly-4real-for-your-own-good-cuz-I-love-you-type-of-yel ling!"
This is a HUGE time waster for you and you've GOT to put a stop to it NOW!   You've gotta talk to these parents and it would go something like this....
"Hi, Gina....hey, our kids really have a lot of fun together, but I'm not comfortable with them playing outside without supervision, so I'm so happy to have them, but I really need you to be present and supervising while they're here. These afternoon hours are really important work/catch-up/paperwork time for me and I can't be outside at all during this time. But, I'm happy to have the kids here if you're supervising!"
said in a light cheery tone!!!!
This is my understanding with my neighbors and I am VERY VERY clear about it. In fact lots of summer days....you'll find many children from many families running around our yard with several moms supervising and sitting and chatting (sometimes they even bring their own wine! ), while I am inside working, cooking, planning, purchasing, phone calling, purging, cleaning, etc! They totally understand that those afternoon hours for me just cannot be leisurely AT ALL or things unravel very quickly around here. But, they are totally welcome......just on my terms!
And, they TOTALLY know that their little ones need to be supervised and this is NOT MY JOB even if they are in my yard. If I find myself with children that are requiring my time, I very quickly call the mom and say, "can you come get Anya....I'm not able to watch her right now." Or I just send one of my bigs home with the child to kindly return him/her.
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Suzanne in ID
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Erica Sanchez
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Totally impressive, Suzanne!! Your deal with your neighbors and your self-discipline!! Wow! :)
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Erica in San Diego
(dh)Cash, Emily, Grace, Nicholas, Isabella, Annie, Luke, Max, Peter, 2 little souls ++, and sweet Rose who is legally ours!
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mamaslearning
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| Posted: Aug 31 2011 at 5:05pm | IP Logged
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With away school in session now, our afternoons are our own. I really appreciate all the suggestions and opinions. I've actually used a few of these to help tackle the outside issues.
I do have another question about free-time. I want to teach them independent play, and for the most part they do this, but do you provide dirction or projects? Maybe my kids are just too young, but I hear other hs moms say that their kids spend the afternoons following rabbit-trails. doing projects, etc. Are these self-directed or mom suggested, I wonder?
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
St. Francis de Sales Homeschool
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4Real Forums : Planning and Ordering our Days
Topic: What do you do after school?
