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joann10
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| Posted: Aug 05 2011 at 7:18pm | IP Logged
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O.K.---I have the 4th grader and 6th grader's lesson plans and books.....I have a vague idea of what I want to accomplish with my two 1st graders (teach them to read  )---I have a high school junior and senior heading to private school.
But, I am so anxious. We have been living in survival mode for so long....I don't want to fall into that again this year. But I'm so tired and will now be taking DD-17 to doctor's appointment at a Rochester hospital (3 hours from home) frequently...and the poor girl needs surgery on her foot....
I want to just yell, "be gone, worries!!! I can't take these worrisome thoughts"
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Mimip
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| Posted: Aug 05 2011 at 8:19pm | IP Logged
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Oh Joann!
You have no idea how much I think of you each day. I visit your blog each day and say a prayer for you. I admire your strength and your conviction to continue to homeschool and I LOVE all the fun things you do with the kids.
My mom once told me that at least in "survival mode" you are indeed surviving. Sadly some of those seasons in life just take FOREVER to go away and sadly might not ever  BUT remember to place your worries at the foot of the cross and unite yourself with Jesus' sufferings.
No real words of wisdom but please know that you are covered in prayer by so many sisters in Christ. We are here to say the prayers that sometimes you yourself can't say. And day by day we follow in the shadow of our Lord's continual love.
__________________
In Christ,
Mimi
Wife of 16 years to Tom, Mom of DD'00, DD'02, '04(in heaven) DS'05, DS'08 and DS '12
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Mackfam
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| Posted: Aug 05 2011 at 10:01pm | IP Logged
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joann10 wrote:
| We have been living in survival mode for so long....I don't want to fall into that again this year. |
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My friend!!
This past weekend, I went home to my Mom and Dad's. My sister and I designed my brother's grave marker, and this weekend we were finalizing the design and ordering the granite. Sigh. This just doesn't get any easier I don't think. It only gets to be more grace filled as time moves forward. It isn't that this becomes less painful, less about surviving this pain, it is, I am beginning to see, that God fills these holes with Himself. We each sense it - He is drawing us to Him.
I was thinking about that a lot this weekend. I was sitting in my brother's room and thinking of him....and our family....and how if our family was a tapestry, losing Chris meant that huge holes were left in the tapestry....strings dangling, weave open. We're each prayerfully trying to gather up the frayed edges and recognizing that we don't want to put anything back where Chris was, but the holes are still there. They are a part of that tapestry of our family now.
We've been living through years of survival - survival of his sickness, surviving his treatment, surviving the mysterious and utterly painful walk with him to the Cross, and surviving giving him back. And now....surviving without him with us. Survival. So there I was in Chris' room, thinking these thoughts and asking God how to live with the sorrow and still admit the joy. My eyes fell on a favorite book of my brother's, How To Get More Out of Holy Communion by St. Peter Julian Eymard. My brother had a special devotion to St. Peter Julian Eymard, but beyond that, he had a tremendous devotion to and love of Our Eucharistic Lord. I reached for the book and flipped it open to see that Chris had pencil-underlined passages that meant a great deal to him. What a treasure. What a treasured moment. I sat in his room quietly for a moment, just trying to be aware.
Am I just surviving or am I being stretched in faith? Am I barely treading water, or is the Lord constantly buoying me up? Am I gathering loose threads or is this thread a grace-filled lifeline?
Goodness, this is a very personal glimpse into my heart right now. It's a vulnerable sharing, but I wanted to share it with you, Joann, because I too feel like some days I am just barely putting one foot in front of the other.
I brought Chris' book home and have been reading it, one short chapter at a time, reading it slowly and praying the chapter throughout the day. This morning in reading, I came across something so clear and I've been thinking of it and praying about it all day long. When I saw your post, I longed to share it with you, too! I hope you don't think me too forward....
St. Peter Julian Eymard wrote:
| "...piety which is not frequently nourished by Holy Communion has no sweetness; it is not rooted in, nor animated by the love of Jesus Christ. It neither attracts us nor appeals to our love. It is harsh, austere, and rude. It would go to God by the way of sacrifice alone - a good way, surely, but how difficult it is not to go the way of discouragement! The bow, bent too far, might break. Those who follow this road win much merit, without doubt, but they miss the heart and sweetness of sanctity, which are found only in Jesus. |
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So this pain, this sacrifice, this survival feels harsh and autere...because it is....but it can be sweet....with Jesus. Through Holy Communion we fortify our souls, open ourselves to a flood of grace, and Christ begins to transform us into Himself. Sweetness.
I'm so grateful I opened the covers of this book and that the Holy Spirit chose Chris and St. Peter Julian Eymard to deliver His hope.
Can you get to Mass just one more time each week, Joann? We may all continue to *survive* for some time. We may find that we do nothing BUT survive this vale of tears, but it's clear that in going to Our Lord as often as possible, receiving Him in Holy Communion, our survival and living out of the everyday duties will be filled with a sweetness which assists us in overcoming discouragement.
This isn't my standard ra-ra-pep talk...but it is very much from the heart. You face some immense struggles and crosses, Joann. I have witnessed that your life is frequently kissed with these blessings, and I have seen grace support you the entire way....even from my far removed position. Grace will not let you down - not now, not ever.
You have in place, what seems like a simple, straightforward plan for home education this year.  Fantastic!
Two children are enrolled where they need to be. Wonderful!
Amy is being treated! Deo Gratias!
These are reasons to rejoice! Living out these blessings will involve sacrifice and there may be other gifts of suffering along the way, but do not be discouraged! These gifts are a part of the tapestry of your life and the unique and very personal journey through which Our Lord is personally and tenderly inviting you to Himself; all can be transformed in sweetness through Holy Communion.
Our Lady of the Blessed Sacrament, pray for us.
__________________
Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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Lara Sauer
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| Posted: Aug 06 2011 at 8:13am | IP Logged
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Jen,
That was beautiful.
Sara Beatty
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You can take the girl out of Wisconsin, but you can't take the Wisconsin out of the girl!
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kristinannie
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| Posted: Aug 06 2011 at 11:56am | IP Logged
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I am just starting out so I don't have any real wisdom to offer. All I can do is pray for you and give you my support. I would pray about things and let God give you the grace to handle things. Without that, I wouldn't be able to handle life at all. God bless you. You are a great homeschool Mom and I know you can do it!
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John Paul 8.5
Meredith Rose 7
Dominic Michael 4.5
Katherine Elizabeth 8 months
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Grace&Chaos
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Praying for you Joann and may there be peace & grace in your heart through out the school year 
Jen, you are inspiring
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Blessings,
Jenny
Mom to dds(00,03) and dss(05,06,08,09)
Grace in Loving Chaos
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juliana147
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Joann, I have a card hanging on my bathroom mirror. It says:
"Do not fear what may happen tomorrow.
The same loving Father who cares for you today will care for you tomorrow and every day.
Either He will shield you from suffering, or He will give you unfailing strength to bear it.
Be at peace, then, and put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginings." -St. Francis de Sales
I NEED this card. I don't always fully grasp what it says. But, it gives me strength and hope in the midst of chaos.
I don't know if it will be comforting to you, but I thought I'd post it, just in case.
And, Jen, that *was* beautiful.
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- Juliana
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SeaStar
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| Posted: Aug 06 2011 at 7:49pm | IP Logged
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And it was just the feast day of St. Peter Julian Eymard a few days ago.
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
SQUILT Music Appreciation
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Servant2theKing
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A thought to add to Jen's beautiful, inspired post ~ if you can't make it to an extra Mass during the week, perhaps you could find an Adoration chapel and spend time in our Lord's Eucharistic Presence. We have been going through a particularly painful time over the past few months, after many, many years of "survival mode" and suffering ~ next to Holy Mass, Adoration has been our lifeline!
For all who struggle with suffering or merely surviving each new day ~ there truly can be sweetness in suffering, which Jen speaks of so very eloquently ~ it comes to us most when we surrender more and more to the Holy and Perfect Will of the Lord, and when we unite our own sufferings with His.
I believe with all my heart that suffering is the golden thread our Lord uses to mend our broken hearts and the many holes in the tapestry of our lives. Here on earth, we see only the underside, all tattered, tangled and torn. In Heaven, we will see the glorious image God has been delicately weaving all throughout our lives. The most beautiful portions will be those woven from the fragile fibers of our greatest sufferings and pain ~ which our Lord has been tenderly transforming into the most precious elements of each of our unique tapestries.
Hold fast to hope, Joann, Jen ~ all those who suffer or struggle to make it through one more day! God has something so much more glorious awaiting us all on the other side of this journey! The most important elements of our homeschooling and family life are helping our loved ones on their way to eternity! All the best laid plans "of mice and men" pale in light of God's Divine Plan for each and every one of us!
The most valuable lessons we might ever teach our precious children are virtue, compassion, mercy, and steadfastness ~ best attained at the feet of suffering, rather than from books or lesson plans ~ forged in the fiery furnace of pain, sorrow and suffering. Blessed are the children allowed to witness and enter into suffering's holy chambers. While we certainly continue in our quest to plan and guide and teach, our hearts and souls can rest safely in the blessed assurance that whatever gaps there might ever be in all our efforts or plans are already being lovingly, seamlessly filled in by Almighty God!
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All for Christ, our Saviour and King, servant
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Angie Mc
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On a practical note, I have gained much peace by using my 10 minute skill basket.
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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4Real Forums : Planning and Ordering our Days
Topic: I need a pep talk
