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Planning and Ordering our Days
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Angel
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Posted: June 16 2011 at 4:02pm | IP Logged Quote Angel

I wonder if any of you have kids like mine, who are unable to take a break so that mom can do anything but homeschool? Because the bickering and fighting and other discipline problems require just as much time and energy from me as sitting down with them and doing school, I still get nothing done during our "breaks", and I'm certainly not rested and ready to jump back into school again. It's a perpetual recipe for burnout.

This year is worse because I have had so much to do with a move and a new baby and my dh's more grueling travel schedule and my inlaws' health problems. Our garage is still full of boxes. I had hoped to "take a break" in mid May and start up again the first part of July, but it's already mid June and hardly anything has been done. And now the baseball season is being extended 2 weeks because of all the games that were rained out in April and May. The little boys are ready to have something to do NOW, but I am still trying to move in!

So - long story as an introduction - but... what would you do??? I have a 9th grader and a 7th grader this year who need some organization to their studies. I have a house in SERIOUS need of organization, with a floor plan that is not at ALL intuitive for me (or for anybody, I suspect. We bought the house for the land.) I have a baby who still eats every 1.5 to 2 hours at night and won't nap reliably. I have at least 1 child with serious discipline problems, whom I suspect is really bored and in need of some challenges. I have most of our books for the coming year, but not all, and the learning styles, abilities, and disabilities in this house mean that using a packaged curriculum would be really, really difficult.

So what I need to know:

1)How to perform emergency surgery on a garage full of boxes (books, school stuff, etc.) without relying on a husband

2)How to prioritize so I can figure out what is absolutely necessary and what can be put off till later

3)How to provide quick organization for the older kids

4)How to get a quick plan for the younger kids

4)How not to let this drive me crazy. I literally can only work in 5 minute intervals most of the time.

Thanks for letting me post my rambly question!! I figured if anybody would be able to help it would be you ladies!!

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Posted: June 16 2011 at 4:09pm | IP Logged Quote JodieLyn

WEll I'm currently dealing with motivating 5th, and 6th graders.. and somewhat an 8th grader...

BUT

My thought is.. when the job feels "neverending" it's really hard to get any cooperation.. but if you tell them.. You WILL watch your siblings for 15 minutes while I'm... taking a shower, unpacking 1 box, etc.. even setting a timer if the kids need to know how much longer and/or you need the reminder that you need to stop now.

AND if using the above (seperating kids in different rooms if necessary to keep conflict down).. you can say for instance.. when I have gotten 4 boxes unpacked.. then everyone can go outside and have a popcicle.. or after 8 boxes are done we'll go to the public pool/park/nature trail for 1.5 hrs. (or maybe rent a movie)

Then no one feels trapped by the amount of work. plan for a certain amount of work each day.. AND plan for some time off after the work is done.. when the kids can go and do something other than.. more work.

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Posted: June 16 2011 at 7:26pm | IP Logged Quote Dove

If you do one box a day it will eventually get done.

I have box issues and a toddler-- it is hard, but I keep making progress.

The older kids ought to help with the younger, and with the boxes.



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Posted: June 16 2011 at 8:25pm | IP Logged Quote SeaStar

Two thoughts-

Let the kids help you unpack a box each day. I know- like you need "help" doing this, right? But what kid does not love to unpack a box? That will give them something to do and something to look forward to.

Then, let them play in the empty boxes. That should buy you at least some time to put things away. Hang in there!

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Posted: June 16 2011 at 10:26pm | IP Logged Quote zookeeper9

I was going to suggest getting the kids to help out.

Another thought. What if you just stop school for a week. Call an all hands on deck to get the garage organized and things put away.

Why don't you describe your house or post a picture with your ideas. Maybe we can bounce some suggestions off to help it feel more organized for your family.

I too, cannot used a boxed curriculm, can you group the 9th and 7th grader together for any subjects? That might help with the chaos a bit.

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Posted: June 17 2011 at 12:11am | IP Logged Quote Erica Sanchez

Angel wrote:
So what I need to know:

1)How to perform emergency surgery on a garage full of boxes (books, school stuff, etc.) without relying on a husband

2)How to prioritize so I can figure out what is absolutely necessary and what can be put off till later

3)How to provide quick organization for the older kids

4)How to get a quick plan for the younger kids

4)How not to let this drive me crazy. I literally can only work in 5 minute intervals most of the time.

Thanks for letting me post my rambly question!! I figured if anybody would be able to help it would be you ladies!!


I will pray for you, Angela!

I am coming off of a few very rough years and am finally beginning to feel like there is some peace and organization and good schooling happening in our home.

I think if you could take a few weeks and do (next to) nothing except organize you would feel a lot better. Maybe this means extra TV for the younger set or paying your older kiddos to babysit (I do this often). Even paying a medium child to babysit a toddler for 1/2 or 1 hour has worked well for me. Also, about once a month I stay up really, really late to clear my desk, attend to bills or any other paper clutter filling my counters. Maybe pulling a late night (when rowdy toddlers are asleep!) once each week for the next month would be helpful.

Also, when going through your boxes, maybe a big purge. We have been working on our schoolroom for about one month and I can't tell you how many recycle cans I filled (one each week, for sure, even borrowed the neighbor's can once) with worksheets we'll never use, old school work, I don't even know what! And, I also gave away books and curriculum that we didn't need. I can't tell you how happy I am! My schoolroom is so orderly and it so incredibly nice to go and find exactly what I need so easily. Maybe this isn't your exact issue, but I find that when I'm overwhelmed it is usually time to de-clutter/purge.

Do you have an hour or half-hour each evening right after your younger children are in bed that you could plan? I'm usually hitting the couch at that time. :) If you do, I would attempt some simple school planning for your oldest first (ideally, with him/her helping). It seems that when things are planned for my oldest everything flows a bit better. I'd much rather my 2nd grader be wandering around without a lesson plan than my 10th grader, ykwim? :)

I love the rewards idea that Jodie mentioned. Maybe small stuff during the week (a promised trip to the snack bar at the ballgame?) and something big on Sunday if the week has gone well.

And, when dh is home, could he take them out of the house for you, even if only for a few hours? If that happened 3 or 4 times in the next month, think of what you might get done.

You can do it, Angela. Just do it, however you must get the time and however long it takes, and it will feel very, very good!

God bless you!

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Posted: June 20 2011 at 1:27pm | IP Logged Quote Angel

Thanks for the encouragement!

Part of my problem has just been going from crisis to crisis. I'm a bit ( a bit! ) ADD so what seems like a no-brainer for other people (do this first, then this, then this) is really difficult for me to figure out. You all seemed to indicate that the organization was the more important part, so I'm headed in that direction. My dh put together the last bookcase over the weekend and I was able to clear out a lot of stuff from our computer room/office/curriculum library. So - feeling as if there has been some progress. I didn't get anything done this morning because I had to deal with one discipline issue after another, but at least my 14 yo ds and I had a decent conversation about school for the upcoming year.

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Posted: June 20 2011 at 5:11pm | IP Logged Quote Erin

Angela

I'm understanding a bit more about ADD organisation from Willa's post she really recommended this book, ADD Friendly Ways to Organise Your Life

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Posted: June 20 2011 at 5:34pm | IP Logged Quote kristinannie

I am a newbie at this, but here are some suggestions that I got from a HS convention in a talk by a mom with 9 kids:

Give your older children a checklist daily of what they need to do so that they can gain independence (this can change to a weekly checklist as they get better at it which will help them in college and in life). I have found that Homeschool Tracker Plus has really helped me with the checklist and organization.

Let the older children do some of the read alouds for the littles. This lets them practice reading out loud with a dramatic voice and gives you a little free time.

As far as prioritizing, this is how I am doing it. I know that the core subjects need to happen every day (math, LA, religion, etc). Art, science and history are what gets cut if things go haywire. I understand that those get more important as the kids get older though and my kids are very young.

As far as the baby and the sleep, all I can do is pray for you. I thank God that all of my kids were good sleepers from a young age. Lack of sleep is killer!

When it comes to the boxes, I am listening with open ears. We moved a few months ago and still haven't completely finished unpacking. Our main problem is that none of the closets have any shelves and we still own our old house and can't afford shelving right now. So all of that stuff is still in boxes...driving me crazy! The main thing I can suggest to you is PURGE! If you don't have a place for something, get rid of it!

I'm very sorry about your husband's travel schedule. A good friend of mine is in a similar situation and it is very difficult. It truly sounds to me like you need a break. Do you have a group of moms you can go out with once a month? Since I have started doing that, my mood has dramatically improved. Is there any way to fit in exercise? You can take the whole family on a brisk walk first thing in the morning or before dinner. Could you pay your kids or a neighbor to help you watch the littles once a week for a couple of hours so you can get some me time or some work done? Also, I have truly found that doing a little bit of study each day helps my mood (I read the Bible, pray or read a theological book). I also wake up every morning and dedicate my day to the Lord. I ask for the grace to get through the day and to submit to his will. This has really helped me.

I don't know where you live, but I wish I could help you out! I will definitely pray for you!



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Posted: July 18 2011 at 8:51pm | IP Logged Quote Gloria JMJ

Angela,
I was wondering if you could wear the little baby to give you more hands free time. I really like the Mei tai that I made for my last baby, and you can wear him/her front or back :) Some people like the MobyWrap better. I was so glad to have learned about baby wearing, it gave me more time for the other children, and baby was so content for longer than when in a baby seat or stroller.
Hope you find what works .~Gloria

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Posted: July 22 2011 at 7:26am | IP Logged Quote Pilgrim

For the baby, I find if I change scenery for our little one, when I just can't hold/wear her during a task(too much bending over, etc.), it really helps her to be content for longer. I'll nurse her, then put her in a stroller by me or dh or sibs, then switch her to the playpen after the next nursing, then a nap, then nurse and into her supersaucer(or if younger a swing or bouncy seat) after a little play time with Mom. I also utilize those who are old enough to hold the baby to take turns doing so for short periods so she's getting held and the person holding her doesn't get burned out. I find we all can get stuff done if we all share the baby holding times.


JodieLyn wrote:

My thought is.. when the job feels "neverending" it's really hard to get any cooperation.. but if you tell them.. You WILL watch your siblings for 15 minutes while I'm... taking a shower, unpacking 1 box, etc.. even setting a timer if the kids need to know how much longer and/or you need the reminder that you need to stop now.

AND if using the above (seperating kids in different rooms if necessary to keep conflict down).. you can say for instance.. when I have gotten 4 boxes unpacked.. then everyone can go outside and have a popcicle.. or after 8 boxes are done we'll go to the public pool/park/nature trail for 1.5 hrs. (or maybe rent a movie)

Then no one feels trapped by the amount of work. plan for a certain amount of work each day.. AND plan for some time off after the work is done.. when the kids can go and do something other than.. more work.


This sounds like great advice, I think it will be a key to getting back to a little more order.

I totally can feel your difficulties. It's so hard to get major work done in the midst of just living the day to day with a large family, i.e. laundry, cooking, and dishes. Lately, I try to make a small project my daily goal, threaded in with the rest of my daily tasks.

The other suggestion I 2nd/3rd is to get rid of things. I'm seriously starting to do that myself. It really helps to have less clutter.

Praying for you! I can empathize with you!

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Posted: July 22 2011 at 11:02am | IP Logged Quote Donna Marie

Ok...here is a long one...hope it helps somewhat

I am decluttering and reorganizing our school spaces and house that we really have outgrown (but I am hopeful that someday we will move so I am starting a new novena to St. Joseph) and I am so very frustrated because I really need more room to do what I feel is more intuitive for me. But! Some things worked out very well and if God trusts me with this space NOW, I have to figure out what would work.

I had to go before the blessed sacrament first. I had to pray and be QUIET for awhile. I brought a notebook. I stared at that notebook for a long time before I started to write. Then, I pretended I was Jenn Mac... LOL and I got busy. Thanks Jenn, you have no idea how you influence me... lol

I made lists of which areas were frustrating to me and what I wanted to see (both the realistic and unrealistic) and what each of those spaces should really be used for...some things have to be double or triple-duty so I have to figure out how that works. I don't want the toddlers to undo my work and I want to show them where things go before they get much older and think that the floor is the only way to go. sheesh!

I started out with some full boxes and plenty of EMPTY ones and sharpies...and contractor bags.


I kept my baby boxed into the middle of the room with some boxes around her and a few fun things thrown in the ring. After I nursed her I could keep going for a little while. I turned the ringer off on the phone, put in a video and that was my "timer". After drinking some coffee (decaf gives me just a little buzz and it helped me think more clearly without overloading me) I bargained with the kids to leave me alone for a halfhour or hour and planned something fun afterwards if they sat quietly (paint, playdough (outside...lol) And made sure an older kid was present. Most of my kids can be bribed if I keep things short.


As much as I hate going though boxes and boxes of stuff, I took my main 3 bookcases and planned out what I need on each shelf and kept filing other books that were helpful but not in the NEEDED category in a box. I kept doing that in other areas around the house. I then took each semi-organized box and culled out the books that my kids or I would only use once or twice and threw those books in a donate box. Darn. It had to be done.

I could NOT do this for such a long time because I felt overwhelmed. I realized that I felt like my work would be undone or I wouldn't' have a place for things and that was getting in the way of my doing it at all. I need it to be usable or else our school time was shot. I am visual. I couldn't live in a clutter magnet no matter what good it might do to have those nice manipulatives or whatever there...if I didn't really need it, it was gone.

I used to LOVE Montessori manipulatives...I JUST CANT DO THAT ANYMORE. I have boys. I am sure you understand that. There. I said it. I like it, but I know how it works now and I can create what I need as I go with index cards or rocks or something I can sweep away when it gets tossed around too much. I had to be more simple or it was going to kill me. That is why I love CM so much. It is simple and it doesn't rely on me constantly having a killer budget to buy and have lots of time to tame , cull and rebox things. Yes, some things are still here. Other things are disposable paper. I am ok with that now.

The result so far...it feels more peaceful to look at that little bit I managed to get done stayed done. I want to then look for a little more peace box by box. I have "paid" my 15yo son (who is a great organizer when he is "motivated") with some computer time or a movie after the littler ones were in bed...etc (something he likes but doesn't do much). He was to help me go through those boxes one at a time. He is gathering strayed game pieces in a system he created with tackle boxes he picked up from garage sales and such. (I HATED that part.) Now he has it and I feel sooo much better)

We had a dessert planned for each night that I had to do this for a longer time to celebrate. I will celebrate each babystep. I am an overwhelmed mom. I have to look for the little things...and oh! having motivational music playing on pandora helps too...I love big band for cleaning...lol!

We are doing the same thing with the clothes. We really dont' have too much excess but we do have things that don't fit anymore or have too much of...like sweatshirts. How many sweatshirts can a 12yo boy NEED anyway? How often can I clean them if they really get dirty every day. So here I am again with the boxes...sorting them out on the dining room table. donating whatever I can. saving only a few items per size/s@x. I had to empty out a room to see what would make it work better for me. I had to make a list of what they needed and where it should GO. I had to make sure they had a place for their (backpacks and lighter weight coats, robes, sweaters, blankets, stuffed animals... whatever)

I really had to take a hard look at it and figure out what brought the most use...those things have to be closer at hand and other things that are nice but not really used...gone or further away. Giving things away is FREEING.

I also had to find out if the furniture we had was doing the job. I had this great cabinet that had divided slots for paper and drawers...LOVED it. it is huge and I need more room for bookcases so it has to go. darn. and then made a note to visit the thrift store for another bookcase complete with dimensions so I know what would fit there....so into my notebook it would go. btw...my notebook is RED so I can find it. I attached a working pen to it so I have no excuses. I write it down and I feel better. I am so forgetful postpartum...since 17years ago LOL!

Each of the older kids have a lockable chest. Their prized items are in there so the littles don't take anything. They have a shelf for their favorite books, a crate for their personal school things (and a place to park it) I told them, if THEY can organize it, they can keep it. If they can't find a place for it talk to me or move it on. My son likes his legos so much he has them organized. Dunt know how that happened.

If you have a consignment store near you you can give them excess clothing and get money back or store credit for what you might need later. You help others and help yourself in the future win-win. Donations go right out to the van.

Garbage goes OUTSIDE right to the cans.

I need more room in here or we will have to move out and let the stuff take over. I can't think or move anymore without doing this so it is a motivator for me. I am taking 3 weeks to do this and we start school full time again. Meanwhile, the kids have to read one book from the science shelf, history and religion shelf per day. They have to watch one lesson from their latin dvd per week and do some copywork. (we need to do school year round now) If they show me they did this, I put some kind of prize in the mix (I am trying to make myself a treasure box of simple little things, like holy cards for work done well... or a cool looking marble..some things I just make myself)

And if some child loves me dearly and wants to help without getting in the way? Well, we will have some special time alone together in town. Or I will take on a project with them (like making doll clothes for my dds..that kind of thing)

I can't live with all of this hanging over my head. I will do it bit by bit and pray through it. Prayer is the very best place to start. I keep asking the Blessed Mother to show me where I am hoarding things, how to make more beauty in my home, where and how I can simplify, how to make my home feel like a HOME and not a storage locker that zaps my time and energy. I love serving. I just hate being a slave to stuff. I had to figure out for myself what that meant and go from there and pray for the courage to just START. and keep going until it was done. THIS is so HARD for me. BUT! as the days go by and the piles are smaller, I feel better.

I was also afraid I would throw away what I might need, but so far, I don't think that has happened.

What areas are the worst for you? Wish I could help. I would be the most un-judgemental understanding helper you could find. I understand kids are messy and life is messy and sometimes it just needs to be cleaned and if it needs LOTS of cleaning, it is because of a life well lived!   

Does this help at all?? I am so hating this but I am loving the freedom I am gaining! And I have to do this without my dh...who is working a lot of overtime and we have our only bathroom half rebuilt....and that is a whole nuther story



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Posted: July 22 2011 at 12:22pm | IP Logged Quote Bridget

               

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Posted: July 22 2011 at 1:54pm | IP Logged Quote martinas6

I'm enjoying this thread, immensely! For me, the hardest part is being married to someone who is a pack rat and who has a hard time throwing things away for fear he'll "need it later"... I find it easy to box and give things to Goodwill but then he comes home from the firehouse and will actually LOOK in the dumpster or through the give away bags. I've been known to drive things to the Salvation Army after dark just so I can give things away before he gets home in the morning. Donna, I have the same situation with regards to manipulatives...I thought I was alone this whole time! We seem to break or lose pieces easily. I like to give out prizes after a big clean out too and have been known to give out coupons for things such as a day off chores(big hit here!) or a coupon for sleeping in...again, a big hit with the teens. As far as going through the boxes, perhaps you can make a deal with the kids, maybe a movie or trip out or reward for every box that is packed into the van for donations. I have told the kids something along the lines of "we'll be done as soon as there are 2 large bags LOADED INTO THE VAN for give away" they'll move quickly for that one.

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Posted: July 22 2011 at 3:36pm | IP Logged Quote Angel

Donna Marie -- thanks for taking the time to write that post. I know exactly what you mean about the Montessori manipulatives, which is why most of mine are still in boxes. I don't have a place to store them. I don't have a place to put them out so that people can use them. I know kids *would* get a use out of them, but if I can't figure out how to use them or if I keep telling kids, "No, you can't get that out because there's nowhere to put it," is it really useful??

I also like how you are keeping your kids going with a light load of schoolwork while you're working. My problem is that only 2 of my 7 are readers. My non-reading 8 yo loves audio books and will listen to them for hours, but the next 3 -- the two 5 yos and the 3 yo -- they need a lot of structure. And the behavior problems were just getting out of hand. I even took one of my twins to the pediatrician. We couldn't get through a day without him hitting, kicking, pinching, or biting me and throwing at least one huge drawn out temper tantrum. One day I literally spent 3 hours just trying to get him to spend 10 minutes picking up some toys. My big kids were trying to help but it's tough to supervise when one of the little kids is constantly flipping out and trying to injure someone or destroy something.

At that point, I realized that I just had to back up. I've consistently had a hard time with my kids taking "breaks". We just have behavioral issues that other people don't have. I can't wish them away. (I wish I could). So... I decided that where I was was good enough for now. I've started thinking that what I probably need to do first is to discard the old brick and mortar school thinking that there is such a thing as a division between "school" and "life", because my younger kids (in particular) don't see things this way.

I wish I could channel Jen -- or at least get her to drive over here for a consultation -- but I think I'm just going to have to take a deep breath and realize that it's going to be slower going for us. I started adding in more activities -- we got our computer back from the shop so now my 5 yo math whiz can play the math software, which has helped -- to keep the youngers busy (reading, math, copywork, more reading aloud, art projects) and focusing more on the areas of discipline without worrying about what else I wasn't getting done. This has helped. Now that baseball season and swimming lessons are over, I think I can get back to work on the house again. Maybe I can even convince my dh to put more shelves in that currently unworkable hallway closet!

Thanks to all of you for your good advice. Sometimes I get so worked up and overwhelmed I just can't think, and it's nice to have a bunch of people on hand who can.

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Donna Marie
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Posted: July 22 2011 at 4:24pm | IP Logged Quote Donna Marie

Angela,

Do you think that some of the behavioral problems you are seeing could be due to food sensitivities? I tell you, I have major problems with 3 of my boys when they aren't eating a certain way.

I have to keep my 2yo son busy or he wrecks the house in many creative ways. He has to feel he is doing some kind of meaningful work or he kinda snaps. Like the baking soda incident today. Did you know that baking soda is great for making angels on the floor?! I sure didn't think so!

So I sing songs with him in the morning when I am bleary eyed and changing the baby's diaper. I read to him as I nurse. I have him count the scoops of coffee or whatever as I make food. He gets to stir as long as I hold the bowl. I have to go slow with him around. It sure beats the kind of thing he will find to while I am trying to get that done.

I also have to teach him coping skills when the 6 and 8 yo compete with each other and he feels he is being left out or whatever...personalities can clash weirdly sometimes around here. I don't have a perfectly acting family either and I wonder who really does and I often wonder if it is because God gave my dc warriors hearts but it is my job to fine tune them, God help me.

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Donna Marie from NJ
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