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teachingmyown
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| Posted: June 01 2005 at 7:41pm | IP Logged
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This is the difficult question that I have wrestled with for years in regard to my oldest child. He will be 14 in July and should be a freshman next year. But honestly, I don't even know what finishing a grade with him looks like. We get to the end of each year and find ourselves cutting corners so that he can pick up with the next year's math or science or language arts.
He has resisted school all along. When he was little I read all of the CM books and tried to implement the basic principles of a CM education. He hated it. He would not narrate, did not want to observe anything, and he certainly wanted nothing to do with the arts at all.
We switched gears and tried Seton. He thrived on the "check the box" style of school. He passed the tests. He learned next to nothing. I hated it.
Then we did Sonlight. He really liked the reading but again he would not do any of the narrating, writing or other projects. Also, he wanted me by his side, reading with him for every subject. He is the oldest of six and that was just too much time.
Each year I start with enthusiasm, trying to gain his input and cooperation. Usually we start off pretty well, but he is the master of procrastination and disappearing acts. Meanwhile, I have five others demanding my attention. I lack follow-through and he lacks motivation.
I am looking at MODG for high school. I am concerned about my inability to keep him on task. He is begging to go to public school. I am convinced that is not the right place for him. He is already overly concerned with being cool and is questioning family values. I want him here with his siblings, yet he gets so surly sometimes I wonder if I am doing him a disservice.
When I say "throw in the towel" then I don't necessarily mean school. What I am thinking though is to just hand him Seton and say "good luck, come to me when you have a problem". I SO wanted for him to love learning, to find an interest or passion that he wanted to pursue, to become a great thinker. At what point do I need to accept that those are my dreams for him, not his own?
Maybe I am missing something crucial that would open him up to learning? Ask him what he is interested in and he will tell you nothing. He is an excellent baseball player, yet we literally have to force him to play. He says he hates it, but you can see him enjoy it when he is out there. The same is not true of learning though. And I know I can't force it.
This year has really been a disaster academically and things are not going well in many regards. Any input would be greatly appreciated.
I apologize if this post is choppy and poorly written. I keep getting interrupted and losing my train of thought.  I am sure some of you can understand that! 
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In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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mrsgranola
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((((((((Hugs)))))))) to you, Molly! I'm in much the same boat as you, although my son is only 11. There are times that it's hard cope and I wish I could just send him off to school but I never entertain that idea but momentarily. I don't have much to offer except to say that I certainly do understand your pov.
Was Seton that bland for him? Just curious.... I know it works for some families but I think I'd be dissatisfied with a curriculum so un-CM, as well. We've enrolled with MODG for next year and I hope and pray that him working on a couple subjects with their teacher-assisted program will light his fire a bit...
JoAnna
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Mom to Jacob, Grace, Mary, Lucas, Emma, Carrie and Gianna
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teachingmyown
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| Posted: June 01 2005 at 9:02pm | IP Logged
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JoAnna,
Thanks for the hugs! I need them.
The problem with Seton was that he was capable of studying for the test and didn't retain much afterwards. He would read a science chapter, do some end of chapter questions, take the test and move on with his life. I wanted so much more for him. I thought that if I persisted offering something real and alive that he might actually show some interest.
Thanks again for your support.
__________________
In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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alicegunther
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Molly, I am not experienced enough to suggest any practical solution, but I will be praying for you and your son.
I am so sorry you are having this difficulty.
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Love, Alice
mother of seven!
     
Cottage Blessings
Brew yourself a cup of tea, and come for a visit!
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Liz D
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Molly,
Your son sounds similar to my son. He began in the ps and was happy there. Hsing has not been the success that I hoped for. He isn't interested in going back to the ps now.
He likes a school atmosphere, though,so he went to a hs school this past school year. We have three of them in the Tidewater area. He goes twice a week for English and Math and guitar lessons from 11 until 2:30. He did well.
For science, he likes the Apologia series. I have a neighbor with a daughter the same age who is self- motivated. Her mother wrote up the schedule for the year's work and then my son and her daughter followed her schedule and did the experiments together. That has kept him so much more on track.
All the other subjects have not gone as well. For Latin next year he will do islas.organd online course with a real time class once a week where the students and teacher talk to each other online. He liked the class he observed and wants to try it.
Maybe a co-op would apppeal to him or a hs school. Don't know what your options are.
I am just catching on that my son wants to be with other kids and doesn't do well with me being the teacher. Sad but true and not entirely his fault since like you I'm not always good with follow through or anywhere near great teacher material.
Anyways, just thought maybe some of the things that worked for us might be helpful. I do not want him in ps despite our very imperfect situstion. I feel for you in your frustration and have wondered about quiting many times. I will pray for you.
Liz
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Liz
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teachingmyown
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| Posted: June 01 2005 at 10:33pm | IP Logged
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Liz,
Thanks for your input. We do participate in a co-op and he does quite well there. Of course, he stills complains about it ad nauseum.
We are looking into him taking two classes, probably math and some sort of writing class, at the public high school. I am not sure what time commitment that will be for me, but I hope we can work it out.
I am not a good teacher. I get easily frustrated and it is is way too personal between us. I always try to remind myself how I would speak to someone else's child who forgot what a noun is for the 500th time.
He just finished a Bravewriter course and spent the six weeks screaming at me because I was wasting my money and his time on such a "pointless" class. This experience actually helps my resolve of not sending him to school full time. He would probably behave wonderfully for his teachers only to come home and yell at me because he did not understand or want to do an assignment.
Maybe I can find someone for him to pair up with on some classes. Fortunately most of the homeschoolers here do homeschool through high school.
Thanks for your help.
__________________
In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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time4tea
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Hi Molly,
My oldest son who just turned 12 sounds very similar to your son. He is very distractable, needs constant "hovering over", and often complains about his assignments. It is very draining. Like you, I have younger children to tend to also, so my follow-through with him often fails me as well. If it were up to me, we would do straight CM everyday, for every subject, but I have found that my children's interests and learning styles often conflict with what I would like to do. If your son likes Seton, I would suggest letting him give it a try for 9th Grade. They have lots of online and interactive coursework for high school as well as personal interaction with the teachers who teach the different courses, so it is a different format than the Seton Grade school correspondence program. In addition, it may help him to know that he is now accountable to someone else in addition to you alone, and the feedback he receives from his different teachers at Seton may really be helpful in encouraging him. I have found this to be a positive motivator for my oldest son. He will certainly receive a better quality education from Seton than from the public school system, and it will keep him at home with the rest of the family. One more thing - there is an on-line learning style test offered by Mercy Academy (a Catholic homeschool provider), that you may find helpful in figuring out his learning style. I have used it with my oldest son, and it has given me real insight into his personality and what materials and methods may most appeal to him.
Hope this helps!
Blessings,
Jenny
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momwise
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| Posted: June 02 2005 at 8:56am | IP Logged
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Dear Molly,
I agree that it would probably be best to just go ahead and let him do the Seton as he is most agreeable to this. It will at least leave you free to do CM with your other children in peace. Offer up your sadness for his soul.
He wants to be in charge which is natural for a boy this age. You're not a bad teacher; this is just what happens to alot of boys at this time in their lives.
A couple of other thoughts: Can he go to work with your dh or another male relative or friend? Can your dh give him chores to do while he's gone and call to check up on him? Let your dh (or dad or brother, etc.)be the boss. He may respond better to this.
Don't take it personally Molly. Since this is your oldest I know how difficult it can be and what a dissapointment that your homeschool is not going according to your dreams. It really hurts. Commend him to his name saint and Confirmation saint each day, use lots of holy water morning, noon and night (don't let it get to you if he's surly as you pray over him or ask him to pray; just keep on going!), constantly ask the Holy Spirit to send what gifts you both need and do a novena specifically for help to come.
Whew....can you tell I've been through this?
Let us know how things are going.
God bless,
gwen in Denver
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juliecinci
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| Posted: June 02 2005 at 9:13am | IP Logged
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Couple thoughts here and just toss them if you don't like them.
Have you thought of taking the year off? What about letting him have full responsibility for his education, at least for this year?
You could take him out for breakfast, lay out what he might need for college at some point in the next four years, but then let him know that he can use this year to explore what interests him, to read or not, to play video games, to surf the web, to build model airplanes, to take cooking classes - whatever truly floats his boat.
Then after a year goes by, you'll look at what makes sense in light of this year, next.
Let him know that starting high school, he is in charge of his future. You will be there to offer suggestions, to give him ideas, to help him find resources he needs as he sees a need for them, but that you are opting out of the power struggle, that you've given him the kind of education you thought would nurture and sastify him. Since you are discovering that that plan was a poor fit, you want to let him discover what will work instead.
Teens are tricky. They want a sense of adventure, they want to own what they do, but they also want to complain against those in charge because they can defer the need to take that full responsibility by blaming someone else. My teens were a bit daunted by being in charge of their educations at first (except for one who has taken the least academic road of the three). One of them was almost angry at first. He worried that he wouldn't "get what he needed."
It was at that moment that I knew I had made the right decision. For the first time, the shift took place - no longer was I the one worrying. Now it was on the shoulders of the person who had the power to do what it took.
My daughter (at 14) said that when I was in charge of her school work, she would try to get out of her math pages by scheduling a phone call with a friend to interrupt her math. Then she'd just stop working and leave it for another day.
Once I told her that I didn't care if she ever did math again, she at first was mad. Then suddenly she realized that math was her responsibility, if college was her destination. And she had to weigh whether or not she really did anticipate going to college.
It was odd. She took a whole year off of math and now has more than made up for it and does it all without a word from me.... ever. Her tutor says she's one of her best, most motivated students.
My oldest three (all teens) are fully responsible for their educations. My now 13 year old has been unschooled for the last two years. This year, he asked for a math curricula and then went hunting on the Internet for what is required to go to a college he's interested in. He then lined up what he thinks he needs next year and asked me for help to plan it out. In the meantime, he runs a cookie business, takes rifle shooting an dcake decorating classes and is in 4-H.
My 15 year old (dd) chose part time enrollment at the ps for fine arts and French. She hasn't done history since junior high. Just this month, she asked me how she can get her history requirement for the college she wants to go to. So I'm helping her plan that out. We are also organizing a lit group for her and a few friends for next year at her request so she can have fun discussing her reading rather than just plowing through it.
My nearly 18 year old hasn't done anything you could call "school" for over a year. I tried the hardest with him to get him to follow my plans, to "prepare" and all it did is make him miserable. I opted instead for a good relationship.
And we have it.
He does exactly what he wants every day and I have had to learn what it is to watch someone opt out of the system and develop an inner life as well as wide ranging interests... and come to believe that that is important and good.
I find the teen years scary, but I find it worse to try to control them. We talk to our kids all the time, are involved, offer ideas and imagined futures with steps to get there. But all the decisions for execution are in their hands. And they know it. And amazingly, they act on that realization with surprising maturity.
I had a friend ask me how to "get" her kids to "want" to "do school" like my kids. I replied "They don't have to do school. They don't have to do anything. So now they are figuring out what they want to do. And amazingly, it includes what looks like some schoolish stuff for two of them. For one of them, it's an adeventure of waiting and watching."
Julie
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Julie
Homeschooling five for fourteen years
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Leonie
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Molly,
I have read everyone's replies and I can't add much, really, wrt academics. I really think the co-op and more group activities idea may be helpful. Part of me, however, wonders if there is more than academics involved - a heart issue, iow.
One of my older sons would have fit into this "difficult" category when homeschooling and, I am sorry and embarrassed to say, I did not always react calmly and nicely. I had my share of needing to apologize to this son for my side of the disagreements.
I made a novena of daily Masses with this son, and it was a help. He didn't want to, but dh and I said it was important and a commitment. We went together, I left the other dc with another son and after Mass we went for a fast food breakfast. My prayers at Mass were for our relationship and for our attitudes. The time at breakfast gave me time, fit in around the baby's feed, - nine days in a row! - to spend with this son and get to know him better.
Dh and I also challenged him to do his best and to NOT complain - no moping, no getting angry if he had to do something, no complaining - just do it. I, of course, had to follow suit. 
The change wasn't miraculous but there was a change - gradually. He is a young adult now and while not perfect - well, neither am I. He works and studies hard - amazingly.
So, I was wondering if you think there is a heart and soul issue here more than an academics one. As there was for my son.
If not- ignore my post! lol!
Leonie in Sydney
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mumofsix
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Dear Molly,
Here is a transatlantic cyber-hug for you: I have been where you are and it is painful. A good friend reminded me recently that we do not have Saint Monica down as a bad mother because her son went to the bad for a while. By age 14 our children are making their own choices and are responsible for them.
I had my most difficult years with my now 17 year old son from age 14 to 16, then decided to accede to his request to go to public school (state school sixth form college here in England). He has now decided to return home to complete his high school education.
With what I know now, I completely regret sending him to public school and would never do that again with any of his four younger siblings. Read the worst accounts you can find on the web about the bad things that are happening in public school (I am sure Michael from the CCM list could help with references )and be aware that THEY ARE NOT EXAGGERATING  . I will be honest with you: I think you have no choice but to continue to homeschool if you love this child, as you so obviously do. I acceded to my son's request to return to school mainly because I was concerned about his academic progress. He was doing too little work at home to have much chance of passing the public examinations that children here have to take at age 16. Looking back, I believe he would have been better off simply reading and doing things at home. To that extent I agree with unschooling Julie.
However, here in England prospects are not good for any young person without qualifications. (This may be different in the U.S., a more entrepreneurial society, I don't know.) Unemployment is low overall, except in the class of youngsters who leave school at age 16 without qualifications. As a well known education correspondent said recently, you need a GCSE pass to cross the road practically. My son needs to pass exams, and to be honest I as a mother have the need to try my best to educate him as well as possible: I could not hand it all over at this stage and still feel that I was being a responsible parent. (No criticisms intended here: this is just me.)
This is what has helped me, and I offer it just in case it may help you. I have completely let go any need or desire to see my son enjoy or take any kind of pleasure in his studies. There are a certain number of tasks he has to accomplish each day: maths problems to solve, literature texts to analyse, history to read, papers to write, etc. I requre him to "just do it". I have five other children who do enjoy and take a delight in their studies, and who repay my investment in their education with joy. I derive my human need for appreciation from them. I do not look for it at all from ds 17. This seems in some strange way to have lifted some pressure off him, and he does, tentatively, occasionally, express some interest in what we are doing. I am hoping that will grow, but I am leaving it up to the Lord. Of-course at his age he is free to give up his education and try his chances in the work-place, but he knows those chances would not meet his aspirations at the moment, so he chooses to continue with his education. We set the parameters for this, as this is our home and our other five children need our time and attention too.
I also agree with Leonie that prayer and parental involvement is crucial. Obviously I am sure you pray, but I would have a mass said for your son, as that is the greatest prayer there is. My son is taking up running with his Dad, and plans to join him once per week at the university where he works to join him for lunch, a lunchtime concert and a swim in the university pool.
The Seton course may be a good way forward if this is what he wants. He may not remember much content, though be aware that he may remember more than you think he does. However, education is about skill building and character building too. If he gets into a good habit of completing his assignments, whether he feels like that or not, that is character building. All those science and history books and papers may not result in much retained information, but it will build his thinking, reading and writing skills so that when he IS ready, he will have the tools to study. As he works, he may develop interests and at that point you can offer living books, etc.
Take heart! There is no one correct way to educate: it depends so much on the individual child, and you have every opinion under the sun here from which to choose!
Jane.
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juliecinci
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mumofsix wrote:
My son needs to pass exams, and to be honest I as a mother have the need to try my best to educate him as well as possible: I could not hand it all over at this stage and still feel that I was being a responsible parent. (No criticisms intended here: this is just me.)
(snip) I have completely let go any need or desire to see my son enjoy or take any kind of pleasure in his studies. There are a certain number of tasks he has to accomplish each day: maths problems to solve, literature texts to analyse, history to read, papers to write, etc. I requre him to "just do it". I have five other children who do enjoy and take a delight in their studies, and who repay my investment in their education with joy. I derive my human need for appreciation from them. I do not look for it at all from ds 17. This seems in some strange way to have lifted some pressure off him, and he does, tentatively, occasionally, express some interest in what we are doing. |
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Jane, can I frame this quote? I thought it brilliant.
When we made our decisions about unschooling, it was after having put my son in high school for a few courses (locally, public school). He had not wanted to take them at school. I wanted him to take them at school (because neither my husband nor I are adept at math in any way and because he wanted to study American Sign Language). We couldn't afford those things privately at the time.
He did not like school at all. In fact, this year he withdrew from high school (the public school) after having lined up the right classes to complete his education in prep for college (in America, the college degree is your golden ticket more than a high school diploma, which he can get through a GED - graduation equivalency diploma test).
He opted out of finishing.
He has enough credits for what I consider the end of a high school education (when I added them up). But he is still missing a few things for college prep.
What I was not good at at all was extricating myself emotionally from the roller coaster of the emotions that accompanied the decisions. I kept thinking I'd find one solution that would ensure his happiness and his educational success.
There hasn't been one solution. I had to come to grips with deciding what I cared about more. In the end, for us (I only speak for us), it became clear that my 17 ds (soon to be 18) needed to have that control over his education. I had been responsible for it and had required him to do what I felt was necessary.
Now it was time for me to turn that over to him.
I wish I had known how to disentangle myself emotionally from the ups and downs. He even told me yesterday that some of the deep feelings of downness etc. are a part of his artistic side and he isn't necessarily trying to banish or eradicate them.
I love how you talked about the ways he is spending time with his dad. In the process of worrying, it is too easy to stop having fun with your child, to enjoy their interests, to have coffee, to notice when they help out or tell a joke, to be available when they do in fact need you.
Living in a state of anxiety for his happiness made me less available to him, in reality. I looked at him through that lens.
Anyway, this got long but I wanted to just underscore the wisdom of what you shared (and also that you don't need to get it all from one child... which is a lot of pressure for those oldest children anyway).
Julie
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Julie
Homeschooling five for fourteen years
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ALmom
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We really feel for you and almost hesitate to add more to the abundance of ideas, especially since our oldest son is only 11 and not quite there yet - but we see signs coming as he really HATES me to teach him anything and wants much more independence and less help than the girls. We do have some experience with our daughter - some might be relevant and some may just be girl things. We also have gotten loads of pointers from hs families (my sister in particular) who has been there with many teenage sons.
When our dd was 13 she wanted to go to a "real" school, hated homeschool and we went through a lot of emotional ups and downs. At one point, every vocabulary sentence was something to do with how awful homeschooling was. Now we laugh about it some - and she concedes that she wouldn't homeschool middle school but still insists she would let her children go to ps.
I was blessed to have someone tell me that we can feed our children's moods. I wish I had learned that a little earlier. It helped to back off emotionally as we were too much alike and triggered each others mood swings. This may be more true in the mother-daughter realm than in the mother - son one, I don't know as so far we only have older daughters, our sons are still younger.
The other issue that came up - I was so insecure about what we were doing that I think my dd sensed it and became insecure in her academic preparation. One minute, I was too easy on her and not requiring enough and the next minute she was overstressed by how much there was or that was what she was telling me. She has often told me she would have dropped out of school if it hadn't been for music and her desire to get a music performance degree. We jerked around from one way of doing school to another trying to find something that would make her really like it. Nothing did (and she still hates everything but music if you ask her but does the work diligently to achieve her goals). I think some of the talk really means she doesn't like the stress of having to do something that she is uncertain about. She is, after all, my child that wouldn't potty train because she was afraid of accidents - until she wanted to go somewhere that required the child to be out of diapers, then she was trained overnight with no accidents morning or night totally on her own.
I also had to remind myself about how much complaining I did about teachers and school - mostly when I was frustrated and not getting stuff and a little insecure. It's harder when mom is the teacher because the complaints are directed at you and you are worn out and having a bad day too, because they are. But maybe we are better at stopping the excessive complaining because it is directed against us instead of someone else out there. I remember one major discussion with my dad - I was furious because I was already frustrated and sure I was going to flunk math, I had tried and tried and couldn't get the problems, my dad explained it (or tried to) and I still couldn't get it. He sensed I was getting into mental block mode and too stubborn to give up, so he told me he would no longer help me unless I went to the movie. I thought he was nuts but I had no choice if I wanted his help. I went to the movie, came back and did the problems without any help. There are times when our dd seems to be in meltdown, and often it is frustration of not feeling like she can do something - but once she does it after a lot of kicking and screaming, she is much better because of the confidence she has gained. It has taken me a while to realize this may just be part of her way - and letting her off the hook or trying to find something easier often implied that we didn't think she was good at it either and made the anxiety worse.
I am sure the frustration this dd felt was due at least in part to a number of factors in the past - an undetected vision problem, no science for many years, haphazard approach to history, my own lack of abilities as a teacher and a failure to do more discussion. What I have come to accept is that I cannot change what we didn't do well or didn't do at all. I can only try to keep moving forward and sometimes she has to work a little harder to get something because of my failures, which I freely and openly admit to her. But this, too, is real character development. It doesn't help to blame mom or the lousy text or whatever. Now that we get past that: What must we do to achieve what we need to achieve. We try to matter of factly approach what must be done so that she can get into the college of her choice. I try to listen without joining a pity party.
One of the big issues with my daughter was that she likes to know very clearly exactly what is expected of her. She went nutso with MODG syllabi because she has such a strong desire for perfection that she would get stymied if she didn't feel she knew exactly what was wanted. Open ended suggestions for essays left her with glazed eyes and then panic. We went to Seton in 10th grade because at least the lesson plans are very specific. She felt secure with the specifics but not the quantity of work. So, for us it didn't work well - though it sounds like it might with your son. For us, Kolbe was the answer - lots of work with thought provoking questions but flexibility to tailor it (or call it quits if we had really applied ourselves and didn't get to the last book on the plan) We could also send papers to them for comment which was one thing I felt we really needed. We learned a little this year - like how to approach their plans next year. One thing I wish I had done with her was find one program that would work with us and stick with it. I think that, more than anything else, this would have given a sense of confidence. Have you seen the Natural Structures Book? I spoke to the author in one of my panic years (there have been many) and it was reassuring to realize that if we were following our dd lead, we were not being untrue to the ideal we had in mind. It might not be our preferred way of learning but it was hers.
Perhaps your son finds the demands and structure of Seton give a sense of security and it does provide some good basics in the program. I can identify because in order for me to grasp things I often have to approach them very systematically otherwise I get very frustrated. I am a detail, things in sequence type of freak. Perhaps there is more than memorization going on - perhaps some of the detail helps your son in some way. I do know people who do the basic memorize thing with Seton and then are so freed to do what they want. I know one hs who got dual credits - graduating from Seton and a local ps at the same time. There are lots of different ways to use the program - even doing single courses in areas you want him most accountable for.
One other thing that might help - I just heard a hs dad say all his boys seemed to be late bloomers. I know a hs mom whose son just didn't seem to be into academics at all and then suddenly things just clicked - a certain maturity came from job responsibilty and real, physical labor and suddenly he has goals. Another hs family's oldest son seemed to just drift through academics doing just enough to get by. They had no idea where he was headed - then suddenly in his senior year, he decided he wanted the Naval Academy, did all the research, checked out books, found things for his parents to read so they'd know what were no - nos for plebe parents etc. He applied and was turned down the first year, went to a state university for 1 year and made all As, reapplied and is now at the Naval Academy and loving it.
Lots of hugs coming your way!!! Things will look lots better in a few years and you can all laugh together. In the meantime, we need to keep each other in prayer.
One priest in our area expressed concern with hs this way - "I think there is too much mom!" Several of us moms were a little hurt at first but then realized that he was giving us a glimmer of something true and we've seen it over and over with hs of teenage sons. Of course, the answer is not to jump ship with hs, but to provide our sons with some male teachers. They get a little frustrated in a feminine world day in and day out with toddlers fussing, being ordered about (or so it sometimes may seem), having to do laundry and dishes and a bunch of stuff like that (not that some of this isn't good experience). Perhaps that is why some of the hs dads insist on sports for their sons. But there are also community college courses, martial arts, sports, whatever seems to be an interest. Many hs moms find that with teenage sons, it is important that dad is the one that holds them accountable - and dads seem to have the unique ability not to get so emotionally wrapped around the axle. This frees mom to be the nurturer and confidant and less the teacher. It is a very painful time though as I've seen it happen in my extended hs family.
I have been reading the book Fascinating Womanhood about masculine and femine complimentarity. It really discusses the needs of men and I find it helpful as we try to interact with sons.
Janet
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teachingmyown
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Thank you all for your very helpful responses! Wow, you have given me so much to pray and think about!
I agree with you, Leonie, that there is more going on then a dislike for academics. He is at that point of questioning all that we believe and it is so painful for me. I know that I shouldn't take it personally, but I do. I need to pray for him and let him know that I am praying for him.
Julie, I am very interested in your approach, but I am too much of a worrier to try it. I guess I worry that he will decide to do nothing until it is too late (for example, he gets married and starts a family) and then he will spend his life playing catch. I know I can't make him do it and I can't live his life for him. I think with a different child it could work, but not this one.
Jane, thank you for sharing your personal experience. I will probably return to your post again and again! I have always taken it so personally when he or the other children complain about things, especially school. Really, I get angry. I feel like telling them that this is no picnic for me either. Of course, if they would just do what they need to, it could be a picnic for all of us!
I now know that our family has been accepted into MODG for next year. I plan to enroll him in some of the teacher directed courses. Hopefully, the accountability will help. And he and I will both just have to deal with the fact that he may not like the work or enjoy homeschooling, but it is his state of life and must be done. And I will have to find my fulfillment from my little ones.
__________________
In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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teachingmyown
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Well, I guess I have officialy thrown in the towel. My oldest, in a rather abrubt change of plans, started school today at the local high school.
We started schooling at the beginning of August, mainly to get into a good rhythm before moving at the end of the month. But I also wanted to gauge how the year would go with Charlie. He was going to be doing MODG 9th grade.
Last Monday, while we were trying to school, I was struck by a realization. Charlie was doing the work, but with a depressed, complaining attitude. Behind us were five other little voices all "needing" me. I realized that I was holding on for dear life to something that was not right for this family and Charlie in particular.
I got on the phone with different schools and friends who had kids in those schools. I talked with my husband and I prayed.In the end I realized that, while far from ideal, our particular public school is not a bad place. In fact there are many positives. The school is conservative (we are pretty "country" down here) and the staff is overwhelmingly Christian. They have a good academic reputation and he will have the opportunity for all those extras, especially sports. He is already on the football team.
What I pray that I end up with is a child who, no longer resenting us for homeschooling him, will take responsibility for his education and his future with us as his allies.
I really agonized over this until my husband told me that I had better make sure it was not my pride that was tormenting me. I realized that a great deal of it was pride. I know a lot of great Catholic kids who have gone into this school and come out even stronger. My husband feels that Charlie is well-formed enough to give him some room to grow.
I can easily picture homeschooling the rest of the kids through high school, even my other son. But for years I think in the back of my mind I knew that it was not the right thing to do for Charlie. And the tension was not the right thing for the rest of the kids.
So now I pray, for his innocence and purity, for his Faith. And I stand beside him as an ally as he faces the many challenges ahead of him.
I am looking forward to a more relaxed pace of homeschooling this year, with eager children and less pressure.
__________________
In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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jdostalik
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Dear Molly,
We will pray for you, Charlie and your whole family as you adjust...
__________________
God Bless,
Jennifer in TX
wife to Bill, mom to six here on earth and eight in heaven.
Let the Little Ones Come
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Marybeth
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Molly,
We will be praying for Charlie and your family as you begin this new journey. I was reading all the posts and there sure is much much wisdom from the Moms on this forum! Wow!
Do you have a holy water font by your door? This way Charlie can bless himself when he leaves in the morning before school. Ask his guardian angel to be every vigilant during thee school hours...Please let us know how everything is going in the next few weeks.
God bless,
Marybeth
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Leonie
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Molly,
I will pray this works out for all of you.
Also, if I may be so bold - don't lock away all thoughts of homeschooling this son. It may be that school will be the arena that encourages him to homeschool once again. It may be that a homeschool break was what you all needed - not necessarily school for this child for the whole year or for the years of his high schooling. Of course, school may remain the answer.
Just some thoughts...
Leonie in Sydney
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Cay Gibson
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Molly,
You seem to be making this decision after much meditation, much prayer, and much thought.
You definitely seem to be in the right frame of mind. That's reason to give yourself a pat on the back.
My oldest dd has always been in the school arena and she's just remarkable...in her schooling, in her personality, and in her spiritual life. Of course, I still contribute it to our *hsing* lifestyle.
Seasons in school and the use of tutors has just been part of our eclectic learning process.
Godspeed! I'll be praying for you all.
Cay
__________________
Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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BrendaPeter
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Marybeth wrote:
Molly,
Do you have a holy water font by your door? This way Charlie can bless himself when he leaves in the morning before school. Ask his guardian angel to be every vigilant during thee school hours...Please let us know how everything is going in the next few weeks.
God bless,
Marybeth |
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We have a friend whose children go to public school & she blesses them every morning. I've heard that a parental blessing is the same as a priestly blessing.
Molly, I don't think you "threw in the towel." You just changed tracks for awhile. I'm praying for you!
__________________
Blessings,
Brenda (mom to 6)
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4Real Forums : High School Years and Beyond
Topic: When do I throw in the towel?
