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Becky Parker
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| Posted: Oct 04 2012 at 6:04am | IP Logged
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I'm not sure what to do for my ds who is terribly homesick. He doesn't get along well with his roommate so that makes it worse. His birthday is coming up and i asked him what he wanted. He said he just wanted to come home  I've been praying for him but I don't know what else to do. Anybody btdt? Did anything help?
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Becky
Wife to Wes, Mom to 6 wonderful kids on Earth and 4 in Heaven!
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jdostalik
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| Posted: Oct 04 2012 at 6:43am | IP Logged
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Haven't been there yet but I will pray for him...esp. asking St. Francis today for his intercession. Poor thing!
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Jennifer in TX
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jawgee
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| Posted: Oct 04 2012 at 7:28am | IP Logged
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Prayers!!
I had a terrible roommate experience my first year at college, and I was very homesick too.
He is the oldest, right? I was the oldest of 5, and it was hard to be away from my family.
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Monica
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Mimip
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Oh Becky,
I am so very sorry to here he is homesick. Maybe a great care package would be in order? Can he get off campus? Maybe a gift card to go out to eat and see a movie?
My best friend in college was the oldest of 8 and her Mom used to send her tapes of her siblings talking to her. I know we don't have tapes anymore but maybe a DVD of pictures of home would be a great pick me up. (Could work the other way and he would be more homesick but you never know.)
And as to the roommate thing... 
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Mimi
Wife of 16 years to Tom, Mom of DD'00, DD'02, '04(in heaven) DS'05, DS'08 and DS '12
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Mary K
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Hi,
Prayers for your son.
Does his college have any sort of service where he and his roommate could work out there differences? Maybe the RA knows something that could help them. Is he involved in any campus or off campus groups? Being busy might help too. A care package sounds like a great idea, maybe a big one for his birthday and some small ones throughout the semester.
God bless,
Mary-NY
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guitarnan
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I'm praying, too.
It takes a long time to adjust to living away from one's family. I hated the first six or seven weeks of my high school foreign exchange experience...it was just so very different from home. That strangeness wears off in time, however, and things do get better.
I agree with Mary - if the roommate issue is very stressful, he should look for ways to change it, either through negotiated compromise or through his RA. He can even change rooms if that becomes necessary - and I would suggest that if things aren't better by Christmas, he should definitely change rooms. (I had three different roommates my freshman year of college, and it was awful in three different ways!)
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: Oct 04 2012 at 8:09am | IP Logged
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Thanks everyone. He is the oldest, Monica, and very close to his brothers. They all love him and when they see him pour on the "we missed you's" which brings tears to his eyes, especially when it comes to the toddler. We have been down there several times for the school's football games. There is a state park near by and we camp. My son comes back to camp with us after the game (he's on the football team). We'll have camped there 4 weekends by the end of the season. At first I thought this would be helpful, but after being there 3 times I'm wondering if it might be making things worse.
Since he's on the football team that keeps him really busy and he said he has been going to a Bible Study that is mostly Catholic. (He goes to HIllsdale College in MI.) I think he's made some friends but he says he feels like a visitor in his room because his roommate kind of dominates things. (I saw that when we moved him in. His roommate was already there and had his stuff everywhere but on my son's bed. He was clearly taking ownership of the room. My son is kind of mild mannered and just let things go, thinking at the time it wouldn't matter, but I think it does. He doesn't really have a place to call "home".)
I'm going on and on but I'm just so sad for him. I keep praying. He says he is praying too and I keep thinking maybe God is using this to build him up in his faith. Adversity does tend to bring us closer to God. He's always been strong in his faith, but maybe he needed a little shaking up or something.
Thanks for your suggestions. I will encourage him to talk to the RA who is in the room right across the hall. We'll put a care package together for him for his birthday. I think that will help. I'm going to see if he wants to skype too. We haven't done that yet because I never think of those techy things.
Thanks again everyone. I'm sure the prayers are the best thing right now!
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Becky
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jawgee
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Reading that breaks my heart. My youngest brother was 3 when I left for college. It was so hard.
I'll continue to pray for him.
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Monica
C (12/2001), N (11/2005), M (5/2008), J (8/2009) and three angels
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Mimip
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jawgee wrote:
Reading that breaks my heart. My youngest brother was 3 when I left for college. It was so hard.
I'll continue to pray for him. |
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My sister was 5 when I left to college, so I understand.
Lots of prayers!
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Mimi
Wife of 16 years to Tom, Mom of DD'00, DD'02, '04(in heaven) DS'05, DS'08 and DS '12
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Chris V
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Oh Becky . I know just how awful being homesick can be. I went to college 6 hours away from home, back in the day when cell phones were a new thing and nobody actually owned one, before email, and before the Internet. My living situation was not my first choice and I didn't even have a phone in my room! I had to use a pay phone down the hall in a little booth and use the calling cards that my Mom would buy me (remember those? You punch in a thousand numbers before you finally hear the ring tone of the phone  )
I can remember crying for *hours* on the phone with my Mom, begging her to come and pick me up. She actually had me enrolled in the state school that was just two hours away from home, rather than six... But my wise, wise Dad interceded and talked some sense into me. Told me to give it time. Adjustment takes time. I went home on the weekends often. And after a few weeks, a few months, I made some friends, and began to have fun.
Praying for your son. I pray he finds himself comfortable there, with new friends, enjoyment in his studies, and a place he can call home. Being away from home is huge, in every way...
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Becky Parker
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Chris V wrote:
I went to college 6 hours away from home, back in the day when cell phones were a new thing and nobody actually owned one, before email, and before the Internet. My living situation was not my first choice and I didn't even have a phone in my room! I had to use a pay phone down the hall in a little booth and use the calling cards that my Mom would buy me (remember those? You punch in a thousand numbers before you finally hear the ring tone of the phone )
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Now that brings back memories!!!
Thanks for your prayers!
As we prayed the prayer of St. Francis this morning I asked God to help my son find someone he could help. Maybe someone there is more homesick than he is, or something like that. I was just feeling that if he could reach out and help someone else it might get his mind off of his own troubles.
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Becky
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Erin
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Becky
Really encourage you to skype asap! Our oldest is away for the first time this year too and it has been wonderful to see her on skype to reassure or to note that she needs us to boost up the frequency of calls. Also this way she interacts with her sibs so easily, so doesn't miss seeing the baby grow so much ect and they love talking to her on skype, makes a big difference. The baby gets up on the table and touches the computer screen and 'talks' to her.
to you and prayers for your son.
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10 Bright Stars
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I would second skype, although I have no experience with it. Also, just lots of "hugs" from home in the way of care packages, cards, emails etc., but also, I think a bit of encouragement that, "We are so proud of you. You have so much to offer people! I can't wait to meet the friends you choose! This is going to be such a neat experience." sort of pep talk. Perhaps he senses everyone's sadness that he is gone, for one thing, and that makes him feel sad, and he misses you, that goes without saying, but also, he may be lacking confidence to step out into the deep so to speak and put himself out there, with the inevitable rejection that comes with such action, when he is used to being accepted with such love. Also, as far as his roommate goes, can he change next semester or year? Perhaps he can find "his spot" in the library or at a special spot on campus, where he feels he can decompress. He should feel at peace in his own room though, so maybe call and speak anonomously to someone to see what their polices are, you don't want to rat out the unkind roomate if your son has to live with him! But, just ask about it. Also, maybe give him some strategies in how to work with people who are difficult. Give in on the things that don't matter to him, but he should assert himself about fairness in space, quiet when he needs it. They should try to dialogue, and he may need the words and encouragement that that is o.k. if he is used to being laid back and letting people have their way. I struggle with this too, with stronger willed folks, and my husband who is VERY strong-willed, has been a good mentor for getting a back-bone!
Poor fella though. I will pray for him. I know it is hard to have your baby gone, so far away, and know that he is miserable. I will be facing this sooner than I want to, and am qutie depressed about it already. (My son is a senior this year and we are very close.) So, I feel your pain, and do pray that he feels at peace and happy where he is very soon!
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Kim married to Bob (22y)
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JennyMaine
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Becky, how is it going now?
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cathhomeschool
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Becky, I missed this thread before. Our local college ministry parish has an "adoption" program. The college students are "adopted" by permanent parishioners for the year or even for the entire time that they are in college. Our adopted students have joined us for weekly meals, my kids' music performances, Mass, craft activities, etc. Maybe your son could find a family willing to "adopt" him through a parish there?
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Janette (4 boys - 22, 21, 15, 14)
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Becky Parker
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Thank you all so much for your prayers and suggestions! My son was home for Thanksgiving and it was such a blessing. He seems to be doing much better. He really struggled though. Shortly after I posted here he came down with pnuemonia. It was just one negative thing after another. But because of the pnuemonia, he couldn't go to football practice and that gave him time to rest. He also had a little extra time to talk to his teachers and that really helped. I think he felt like he was finally getting a handle on things. Then he met a great friend when he spent time after class helping with chemistry. So things are looking up and I feel so much better! 
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Becky
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cathhomeschool
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Wonderful, Becky! I am so glad to hear that he is doing better.
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Janette (4 boys - 22, 21, 15, 14)
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4Real Forums : High School Years and Beyond
Topic: Homesick College Student
