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Tina P.
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| Posted: July 10 2012 at 10:42pm | IP Logged
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I've failed at this so far, but am trying desperately to keep my third high schooler schooling at home. He had a really low output starting somewhere midyear last year. Problem is, I had a 1-year-old. Now I have a 2-year-old. If anything, more mobility = less time on top of teens. 
I'm thinking that by this time, a child should be more self-directed and self-motivated. What am I doing wrong? How do I fix it? Humbly begging for help,
Tina
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Tina, wife to one and mom to 9 + 3 in heaven
Mary's Muse
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Mackfam
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| Posted: July 11 2012 at 6:16am | IP Logged
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How about starting the habit of regular meetings, Tina? You probably already do this to some extent, but making it a regular time, a fixed time, of meeting together regularly could help you both.
Start the year meeting together with Dad. Discuss your expectations and try to keep them simple. Invite your teen to share some of the challenges he faces during the "school-day" (ie....distractions from little ones, not enough feedback, less structure and more time for projects, clear understanding of what is expected each day, etc.). Do your best to give your teen tools to deal with the day in positive ways. Perhaps one of the things you could do would be to organize the day to capitalize on naps when your 2yo takes them. Other things you could do would be to brainstorm short little activities that provide 15 - 20 minutes of time with the toddler happily busy doing something. Still other strategies we have managed are finding quieter spots in the home where littlers aren't allowed and letting bigger kids do work which needs more concentration in that space - sometimes that is outside! Sometimes it's my bathroom!  Whatever it takes. Then, keeping those regular meetings in place gives me regular feedback and lets me ask questions, get to the heart of the matter, know if a teen is really struggling with something, or recognize if it's an issue of discipline and I can challenge that teen to grow in discipline, perhaps providing tools or suggestions for that growth.
I'm eager to offer extra privileges to my teen, and she understands that her work is her responsibility. I grant some leeway with my teen during the day so that she can manage her own time. It doesn't always look how *I* would manage it, but she needs to be responsible for her own time management, and she has to live with whatever consequences come as a result of managing her own day. There are great lessons there and I don't have to pound them in or emphasize them, the consequence does all the work.
My last thought was to brainstorm with your husband and ask him to take the lead on this one since your teen is a young man. You can still be in the trenches, willing to work on things, give your teen good tools to work with, set him up for success...but dad can be the one to come alongside.
Overall, my thought is that you and dad are going to have to work on a couple of good habits with this son so to build a good work ethic. And while this may take some time, can you think of anything better to hand this teen as he prepares to go out into the world? A good work ethic learned from dad, supported by mom? The immediate benefit is that he takes responsibility for his education, but the long term benefits for this son would be astounding!
Cheering and praying for you, Tina!
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
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Tina P.
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| Posted: July 11 2012 at 9:16am | IP Logged
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Oh, Jen, would that it would be so easy! My husband is not at all in support of my homeschooling teenagers. My first one started fighting homeschooling when he was about 12. I kept on homeschooling him until he was 15. I don't think my husband can ever wipe that experience out of his brain/heart. Now, at 18, that son has adjusted well to high school outside the home and he pushes the others to go.
Come to think of it, my husband doesn't really help with any of the homeschooling except to tell me to sign the kids up for school who aren't schooling up to par. And frankly, he doesn't even know what par is. Yes, we do have to meet, but he's already bent on this one going to school and just now, he won't listen to me. #3 son has to prove his commitment to homeschooling before my husband is willing to talk. And that one won't do anything just now because he believes he's due a summer.
'Regular' is a word I barely understand. Not only do I have an active and voracious for trouble two-year-old, I also have an almost four-year-old that the 2yo bullies. She needs her time, too. Then there's the 6 yo, the 9 yo, the ll yo and the 13 yo. Let's not forget the 14 yo. In the evenings, I have a 16 and 18 yo to help through everything from social issues to school. I've told #3 time and again, "I am free NOW. Come see me." He doesn't. You are definitely right. Habits have to be worked on, all around. I am so humbled by what you say. 
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Tina, wife to one and mom to 9 + 3 in heaven
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JennyMaine
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| Posted: July 18 2012 at 10:56am | IP Logged
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Tina,
First, I'm going to recommend a book. It isn't Catholic, but I have to say it is the best homeschooling book I've ever read. It is "Homeschool Supermom - NOT! When Grace Meets Homeschooling" by Susan Kemmerer. I just can't recommend it highly enough.
While I don't have a large family, I can relate to what you are saying about your son. Mine is 15 and the past few months have been a challenge. My time constraints are a little different than yours ~ they come in the form of being a single mother, working p.t. outside the home, taking my own continuing education courses, and caring for my widowed mother. It is a juggling act, to be sure, and teen boys tend to take advantage of mom's busyness when they can. That's only natural.
Currently, what is the system for assigning his work and then following up to see that it is done? If there is no system (been there, done that!), then what about giving him a list of everything that needs to be completed for the week & sitting down with him at least twice a week to see that the work is being done? What are the current consequences for incomplete work?
In my case, getting help from dad is an impossibility as I am divorced. I have the added pressure of routine visits from the ex and his new wife (you guessed it - a public school teacher!). So, I am both good cop and bad cop to my son. The cavalry isn't coming to rescue me. And that's ok. In your case, your husband also will not be jumping in to teach or discipline. It is up to you to get this done. I think one key thing is for your son to know that at certain routine times you will be consistent, no matter what, to hold him accountable for where he should be. You will be checking. If it is Tuesday and Friday at 8am, so be it. One thing I've done for my own sanity is to create check sheets (such as are part of the Tanglewood Corebook) for each subject. These tell me where my son should be in each subject at 4 or 6 week intervals. In other words, six weeks from now he should be at least on lesson 67 in math, and so on. I also love using the Quarter Planner from the Donna Young website. On this one form I can write out all the assignments for a nine week period for one subject. I need that visual overview of the entire quarter to keep us moving forward, and it works as a great daily assignment sheet as well.
One thing in your post jumped out at me - you said, "I'm thinking that by this time, a child should be more self-directed and self-motivated. What am I doing wrong? How do I fix it?" I think what you are doing wrong is the basic assumption here - that he should be self-motivated and self-directed. Some teens are, and I'm sure that is very nice for their moms. But not all are. The rest need to be made to do their work. Mine are in that latter category.  I think accepting this and finding out what will work for you is better than wishing he had a different personality. He is still just a kid. (Even as an adult, I don't work well completely independently, but do much better working with others who help me stay on track!)
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--JennyMaine, Mom to Catherine (17) and Sam (15) "The countenance is a reflection of the soul. You should always have a calm and serene countenance." -- Therese of Lisieux
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4Real Forums : High School Years and Beyond
Topic: Keeping HSers on track with Littles
