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MarilynW
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| Posted: Feb 09 2010 at 11:32am | IP Logged
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I am taking heed of Angie, Janet, Nina and the others who are wise is mentioning how our children will choose their own ways - and they will all be different. I do not have to worry about this just yet as my oldest is only Grade 9. BUT at the moment we are all discussing college and my view is that the live on campus experience is so not necessary.
I had the campus experience - especially as my parents lived in a different country! I made good friends, did some great mission work and activities and met my husband  - but had it been a choice for me, I would have preferred to have lived at home. I went to a secular college which was certainly not godly - I did not enjoy a lot of the stuff that went on around me - and though I was not influenced by it, it was not pleasant. I do not think I would have lost out if I had had the chance to live at home.
When discussing college with our children - I tell them that I think the living on campus experience is overrated. Now they may not have a choice - but if they do, I think that living at home would be a good choice. From a financial point of view too. And although I know that our children do have to eventually leave our homes and live out their faith - I do not think they have to necessarily go into the ugliness of the dorm culture of so many schools.
I would love to hear your opinions - especially from anyone who disagrees 
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Marilyn
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guitarnan
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| Posted: Feb 09 2010 at 12:04pm | IP Logged
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My son is choosing to live at home for a year. I lived in dorms and my sorority house (much better - single sex, chaperoned, strictly-enforced rules) in college and enjoyed the latter place much more than the dorms. (I had a lot of strange roommates cycle through the room - it was uncomfortable.)
It's part of the overall decision, IMHO - finances, distance, safety, and preferences all play into it. I'm very comfortable with the idea of my son moving out after he's had the chance to adjust to the college-level workload. For him, a year at home is a good choice.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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LeeAnn
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| Posted: Feb 09 2010 at 12:30pm | IP Logged
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It really depends on the school and situation. I know some colleges REQUIRE students to live on campus the first year, so no choice there. I lived in the dorms first year, at home one year and off campus apartments the other years. It certainly isn't *necessary* if the school is close to home and sometimes isn't desirable because of the environment. You really have to do the research in the specific school/campus/city you are looking at.
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my four children are 17, 15, 11 & 8 - all now attend public school - we read many 4Real recommended books at home
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Barbara C.
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| Posted: Feb 09 2010 at 12:56pm | IP Logged
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I went away to college and lived in a co-ed dorm for four years. My family life was not happy at home, not abusive, just unhappy. I actually didn't apply to a single in-town school and there were several options, including a Catholic one.
I did participate in some less than saintly behavior, mainly excessive drinking. I was caught up in "feeling free" for the first time (I was always the "good kid" at home, school, and among my friends). However, I remained fairly chaste, never did much more than kissing.
I am kind of torn on the issue. For one thing, I think my "ugly" behavior and my more virtuous behavior were less about the environment and more about the "emotional" baggage I was bringing from home and how my character was defined before I got there.
However, it was the first time I was completely responsible for my own laundry (note: do not let bright red rally towel get mixed in with white clothing). I began to appreciate the things available at home, like office supplies. And I also had to handle grown up situations (like a dead car battery or a car completely demolished by hail) for the first time without my parents there to come to my rescue. Oh, and balancing a check book for the first time....
As for my own kids....well, for one thing I hope they don't ever feel the need to escape from home like I did. I encourage them to handle interactions with adults that are relevant to them as much as possible (ordering their own food, paying with their own money, asking for help). I hope to find a balance between making sure that they are capable of taking care of themselves (laundry, financial skills, etc) without feeling like they have to grow up too soon.
Right now our plan is for them to start taking one or two classes at the community college where my husband teaches starting around age 16. Otherwise, I am hesitant to say something definitive one way or the other. It would depend on their chosen area of study, what college that fit, and their scholarship/financial aid situation.
Is it necessary? For some maybe, for most probably not. It depends on the teen and their individual situation.
I do think however that it is easier to make new friends and meet new people if you live on-campus. My friends who stayed home and went to school never really branched out from their high-school crowd. They just went to class and came home. I think I did have that advantage, especially living in the Honors dorm where I lived and took classes with a lot of the same people.
And growing up in a Catholic community, college was the first place where I heard that "Catholics aren't really Christians" and "they worship Mary" (and this was from my friends). For the first time I had to really think about what and why we Catholics believe what we believe. and try to defend it.
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Barbara
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MaryM
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| Posted: Feb 09 2010 at 1:46pm | IP Logged
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I would second that it isn't "necessary" as a life experience, but might be necessary as matter of logistics - i.e. the college is not in your location you obviously can't live at home (and as LeeAnn mentioned most schools require students under a certain age to live on campus unless they live with immediate family).
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Mary M. in Denver
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ALmom
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| Posted: Feb 09 2010 at 2:09pm | IP Logged
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Believe it or not, our local college is requiring all students to live on campus for their first 2 years! (They just built some expensive dorms and have to pay for them, but the line to parents is all about community and yada yada....)
The living on campus is one experience we could live without - but it isn't always possible to avoid entirely. Depending on the situation, you may get some relief with an apartment. However, this, too, must be weighed. Price, safety (colleges typically have to report any incidents that occur on their campus and that does provide some incentive for providing for some safety) - apartments are not on campus and thus not officially reported in the statistics. A lot of things can go on here - and around some campuses, the atmosphere in the apartments is no different than the dorms - just less safety. Sometimes living off campus is cheaper, sometimes not. You just have to weigh it all and go in with your eyes wide open.
However, the living experience itself can be translated into - let us try to give them our values instead of yours. I can tell you things like  taped to dorm room doors - everyones. This was supposedly student initiated but the reality was there was some faculty advisor behind it. Even very not in your face information related to chastity was immediatly torn down (something simply providing a website if you were interested in a different way of looking at things).
Having a good roommate is the most essential part of wherever the child lives. Without that, you are potentially in danger. If you want to PM, I can give you some read between the lines kind of things we did even using the University's roommate finder. God is good. We actually met our dd roommate and her family.
Janet
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4Real Forums : High School Years and Beyond
Topic: On Campus living - necessary?
