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Elena
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| Posted: May 15 2008 at 6:53am | IP Logged
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My 18-year-old high school student, who is graduating this spring, is taking his girlfriend to her prom this spring. She has attended public school.
When I looked at their schedule for the weekend including pictures, dinner, prop, after prom, trip to amusement park - I noticed "attend mass" was missing! 
His girlfriend is not Catholic, and they met at work. I told him he had a chance to really witness to her and her family by insisting that they attend mass (or at least that HE attend mass) either Saturday night or early Sunday morning, but my son tells me that's probably not going to happen.
The dilemma is that my husband and I have been invited over to take pictures around 4:00 on Saturday. I told my husband I think we would be complicit in his missing mass if we go along with this. My husband thinks we should go and that my son is going to have to find his own way in practicing his faith as an adult.
So my question to you wise ladies is... what would you do?
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Elena
Wife to Peter, mom of many!
My Domestic Church
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SallyT
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| Posted: May 15 2008 at 7:27am | IP Logged
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Is the issue that HE will miss Mass, or that he doesn't want to take his girlfriend to Mass?
If it's just him, can he find a later Mass to go to on Sunday? One parish near us has a Mass at 6 on Sunday evening -- I've never gone then, but my husband had to once (one of those complicated stories!). It was very much the "last-ditch Mass for people who almost don't care if it's a mortal sin or not" -- at least, he said that was the tone -- but it was there as one more opportunity to meet one's Sunday obligation. As a parent, you're right in insisting that he go to Mass and fulfill his obligation at some point between Saturday evening and Sunday evening.
And it's a witness if he simply says to her, "I need to figure out when I'm going to Mass this weekend," signalling that it's important enough to him that he's planning to make sure it happens. If he puts it that way, she might offer to go with him -- who knows?
So, I don't know. Other people may have better ideas. But I would say that you can lay down the law that HE must go to Mass at some point during the window of time for fulfilling his obligation, and beyond that, how he witnesses to his girlfriend is between him and God. I would think that you could go take pictures without being complicit in anything wrong, having done what you can by reminding him of his own obligation.
My $.02, anyway.
Sally
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Rebecca
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| Posted: May 15 2008 at 7:28am | IP Logged
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Elena, I know your heart must be so heavy with this. I think the best think you can do is to pray for your son. I would privately say a novena for your son in the days leading up to the prom and respect your husband's wishes regarding the rest.
Love,
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Elizabeth
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| Posted: May 15 2008 at 8:01am | IP Logged
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Elena,
I think I'd come up with a list of Mass times and locations for him (including those late on Sunday ones). Give him the list and tell him you're trying to help him get to Mass. And then let it go. He will make his own decisions and wrestle with his own conscience. I'd go take pictures at 4 on Saturday. Not only do I not think that makes you complicit, I think that by doing that--after helping him find Mass times--you are being supportive and encouraging and more likely to win his heart in favor of Mass. There is no way to know at 4 on Saturday what he will ultimately do by Sunday night. But there is one sure way to anger him and make him more likely to rebel  . Is there a college campus near you? Ours has Mass at 10PM Sunday evening. It's the "last chance" Mass because the campus minister totally understands how these guys think.
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Lara Sauer
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| Posted: May 15 2008 at 8:11am | IP Logged
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I think Elizabeth has hit on a good solution for you...however, to make sure that he has a properly formed conscience to follow, I would very genly remind him that choosing not to go to Mass is a mortal sin with eternal consequences.
I think the hardest thing for a us as parents to realize is that in the gift of free will that God has given us, He permits us to make bad choices. I assume your son is confirmed, so the responsibility of practicing his faith falls squarely on his own shoulders.
As Elizabeth suggested, you can help him by making Mass times available so that he will have to information that he needs to choose the good. Ultimately he needs to make that choice for himself.
I will be keeping your son in my prayers.
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Elena
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| Posted: May 15 2008 at 11:15am | IP Logged
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Thanks for the sound advice ladies. I did research mass times and I sent them to his e-mail address. Hopefully he will take it from there.
Thanks again!
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Elena
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4Real Forums : High School Years and Beyond
Topic: An ethical dilemma
