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seven2hold
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| Posted: Jan 31 2007 at 12:41pm | IP Logged
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I am continually reminded that I am called to be on fire with a passionate love for Christ. Sometimes, like today, I find myself weeping with a desire for a new heart. I want a heart that is deeply in love with our Lord. I want my love for Him to be a light to my family. Sometimes I pray for my husband to be infused with this heart so that the children and I can ride on the tails of his "leader of the family" shirt.
Today I thought that I should list the obstacles I place in the way of this kind of intimate relationship with God. I never made that list. I called my sister and talked with her about my feelings, then I dialed up and Googled "waiting on my husbands zeal for God." (There would be the top two obstacles on my list?  )
I feel like I'm on the diving board staring into the cool water, wanting so badly to get wet and swim, but unwilling to put jumping off as a priority.
I know that the way to my relationship with Christ is prayer and reading the scriptures. I am on-again, off-again committed to these things. I confess, I often see prayer as a task on my to do list. I'm always being pulled away by my own inclinations. I can't pray now, the dishes need to be done, I've got to fold laundry, or let me read this great spiritual book about prayer instead, etc.
I have a phlegmatic personality and find meditation so hard. I can never run out of things to talk to God about, but seldom have time to listen to his responses.
Are any of you "post-luke-warm-Catholic-phlegmatic-mom whose heart is now on fire with a passionate love for Christ and is now a light to her family"? If you are please respond with the 12 step program for gettin g from where I am to where you are.
Thanks.
I hope this post doesn't sound full of despair. I'm not. I just feel introspective today after listening to the passion of some converts to the church.
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Kathy
Wife to John
Mother to DD(91), DD(93), DD(95), DS(98), DD(00), DS(01), DS(03), DD(05), and DS(07)
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Paula in MN
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| Posted: Jan 31 2007 at 2:26pm | IP Logged
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Kathy,
I am not a "post-lukewarm-Catholic-phlegmatic-mom-whose-heart-is-on-fir e-with-a-passionate-love-for-Christ-and-is-now-a-light-to-he r-family" woman.
But I know how you are feeling right now. One reason I joined this forum was to become more like that. And there are so many women here who are, I keep praying that it will rub off on me! However, it took 45 years to get me to this point, it might take longer than a few months to get me where I want and need to be.
Didn't mean to hijack your post. I am very interested in what the other women have to say.
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 Paula
A Catholic Harvest
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Theresa
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| Posted: Jan 31 2007 at 2:54pm | IP Logged
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First of all there is no 12 step program per se'. There is desire and action.
I know exactly what you mean as I just had this same conversation with the Lord while trying to nap this afternoon.
His answers to me were - Matthew 6:33 and Deuteronomy 6:4-6 and the entire chapter of Luke 14 - To be a Luke 14 believer and not a lukewarm one. To above all else choose HIM.
I remember Luke 14 from a very powerful message that was spoken by my Pastor about the reasons people use as to why they can't serve God... Possessions, business and family as parrelled in the parable of this chapter. In verse 25 Jesus also says, "Whoever of you does not forsake all that he has cannot be my disciple". For me... this is where I am. How do I fit it all in... fellowship with Jesus through prayer and the Scriptures, study of the Word, homeschooling, being a wife, mother, homemaker, business owner etc. The Scripture that the Holy Spirit brought to rembrance were so true for "me" -- I need to set Him before everything else --
It is good to be questioning... to be searching. I need to continue to pray for the Lord to remove those things in my life that are in the way of my submitting to Him and to prune those good things so that they can yield even more fruit.
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Theresa
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kjohnson
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| Posted: Jan 31 2007 at 3:14pm | IP Logged
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I think there is also a point that we become hungry for the consolations of prayer and sometimes God withholds those feelings of fervor because He is teaching us to follow Him for selfless reasons. It we were always burning with emotion in prayer, we'd soon turn to it for the emotional high. Dryness in prayer is part of the spritual life and is the lot of every saint. It's something that we have to persevere through. That's why so many people fall away after the initial high of the conversion experience.
Have you read St. Therese of Lisieux's The Story of a Soul? She experienced dryness in prayer (and the dark night of the soul) and describes it beautifully.
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In Christ,
Katherine
Wife to Doug and Mother of 6
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Helen
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| Posted: Jan 31 2007 at 3:37pm | IP Logged
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Here's a thread from last year
spiritual dryness
Another threadigniting prayer life
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Ave Maria!
Mom to 5 girls and 3 boys
Mary Vitamin & Castle of the Immaculate
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Theresa
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| Posted: Jan 31 2007 at 4:02pm | IP Logged
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Katherine, something you said reminded me that God never leaves us... it is us that move and either we are moving forward or backwards in our relationship. We can let "life" crowd in to where we feel distance and it is in those time that we need to press in deeper and further than perhaps we ever have before.
I also think that there are times of dryness (for lack of better word) but... what is it that we are doing during those times? I agree we shouldn't live by the experience or high some feel... God is not an experience. Its our daily walk... making those choices even when we don't feel like it. Going to the altar, lifting our hands in worship of him and building ourselves up in the faith rather than relying on someone else or some experience to do it.
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Theresa
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kjohnson
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| Posted: Jan 31 2007 at 4:31pm | IP Logged
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Oh, absolutely! God never leaves us. Everything since the Fall of man was about us turning away from Him. I'm not talking about His abiding Presence and His constant love. If He left us we would cease to exist. God is I AM...Being Itself. I am just talking about the emotional consolations of prayer.
The Spanish mystics particularly spoke of a Dark Night of the Soul that is part of spiritual growth. God is not absent, but the human feelings are gone and we have to exercise our wills to continue walking toward Him without these emotional tugs. What I'm talking about is not a result from being lukewarm or letting the anxieties of life hinder our relationship with God. That's something different and we all struggle with keeping God as our focus so that we are not turning away from Him. But the gift of dryness that I'm referring to keeps us from becoming spiritually greedy, delusional and self-centered.
I recently read that Mother Teresa felt absolutely no consolations in prayer from the time she arrived in Calcutta until her death. Yet the fruit of her faith was more than abundant. I think it's like a marriage. C.S. Lewis said in Mere Christianity that if we felt the "I'm swooning in love" all the time we'd never get anything done. The test of marriage is when those strong feelings subside and the work of marriage begins (finances, children, sickness, etc...). We can't walk away because we're not experiencing the highs of courtship (and many people do). It's the same with the spiritual life. The conversion is a high and it's a gift, but at a certain point we have to consciously direct our wills without being fed consolations.
It's a lot easier to follow Jesus when you see Him working miracles, raising the dead, feeding the multitudes, being Transfigured on Mt. Tabor. But what happened to the Apostles during the Passion? They scattered. Only one was at the foot of the Cross.
I totally agree with you about our actions being the cause of the majority of lukewarmness. We always have to take account as to the direction we are moving in. If we're not moving forward, we're moving backward. There is no standing still in the spiritual life.
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In Christ,
Katherine
Wife to Doug and Mother of 6
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Elena
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Father Tucker, who blogs at Dappled Things did an article on how to become more spiritual. Perhaps you will find it helpful - I did!
How to become more spiritual
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Elena
Wife to Peter, mom of many!
My Domestic Church
One Day at a Time
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Paula in MN
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| Posted: Feb 01 2007 at 7:35am | IP Logged
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kjohnson wrote:
| We always have to take account as to the direction we are moving in. If we're not moving forward, we're moving backward. There is no standing still in the spiritual life. |
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I think I have just found my new favorite quote!!!
Katherine and Theresa, thank you both. You are lifting me up and that is what I needed!
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Paula
A Catholic Harvest
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4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: Lukewarmness in Faith
