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glinNC
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Do you have any suggestions on what you do to keep your teens going to Mass after they leave your home? My heart is broken because my oldest child doesn't want to attend Mass anymore because I "made" him go when he lived at home. His father doesn't attend Mass, so I know that's part of his reasoning; but it doesn't change the fact that he feels that he doesn't need to attend Mass to go to heaven.
I know I was right in making him attend Mass, and now he is responsible for his own soul. However, I want to be sure that my other teens stay faithful. Any ideas, suggestions, and prayers would be greatly appreciated!
glinNC
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Barbara C.
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Focus on the Sacraments, especially the Eucharist. I think if they understand the importance and value of the Eucharist that will lead them to Mass.
Pray!! Lots and lots of prayer!!
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teachingmyown
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Pray, and trust that you planted good seeds. I think many, many older teens go through the time where they feel the need to make the decision for themselves. I am not sure what we as parents can do differently.
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guitarnan
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Go to Mass yourself, faithfully and with joy, so your children can see that you really do have a relationship with Jesus.
Find ways for them to volunteer at church or serve others in the community. Sometimes teens will keep going to Mass because they're on the altar server roster or in a choir, even if they aren't completely sure they want to go.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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Cay Gibson
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Always remember that God isn't finished with your son...not by a looooong shot. Keep praying.
I didn't offer a reply last night because, frankly, I don't think there is a fullproof answer. My dh's brother (who was raised Catholic and went to Catholic school) waited until his mother passed away and his father had Alzheimer's before converting to the Baptist church. He didn't want to face a confrontation with them. Of course, during that time he wasn't going to the Catholic church, he wasn't going to any church. Problems that he could not overcome but which threatened to drown him made him go searching for Christ. He says he found what he was looking for in the Baptist church. My sister-in-law told me she prays every day he'll come back to the Catholic church. I pray with her, but I remind her that it's his road to Damascus and sometimes God is the only one who can knock him off his donkey.
Another brother turned Baptist some thirty years ago and came back to the Catholic church some ten years ago.
Who knows the will of God?
Anyway, I was fixing the children a snack of cinnamon toast and as I buttered the slices I decided I did need to come back and post...if for nothing else to ask prayers for all our teenagers and to assure you that you have mine.
You asked for suggestions. Like I mentioned, I don't think there are any fullproof answers. Nancy mentioned living faithfully with joy. I think that's key. Really, really key. My bil found "joy" in the Baptist community during a time he needed joy because he was not finding it elsewhere.
*(I want to add a little footnote here that the Catholic hsing magazine's Mater et Magistra next issue will be focused on Joy.)
Sharing joy is contagious. So how do we find joy in our faith, our religion, our church? Perhaps we can share ways here which we find joy individually. Or should we start a new thread?
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Cay Gibson
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glinNC
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Cay Gibson wrote:
Always remember that God isn't finished with your son...not by a looooong shot. Keep praying.
Sharing joy is contagious. So how do we find joy in our faith, our religion, our church? Perhaps we can share ways here which we find joy individually. Or should we start a new thread? |
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Thank you, ladies, for your responses and prayers! I have been praying incessantly for him; but mostly, at this point, for the right people to cross his path now that he's on his own. I pray for his future spouse and all friends he meets.
Having him out of the home is hard enough  , but now to know that he's not going to Mass just breaks my heart and worries me. I do think it's part of growing up and being independent, but it doesn't make me feel better.
I must say that I have done all the things mentioned, although not perfectly, I'm sure!  My son is a Knight of Columbus and an usher (but there's no written schedule to commit him to it), but that doesn't phase him now. I am going to ask another Knight to personally invite him to a meeting or something to try to form a relationship with him.
Now, I need to focus on my other children. Part of me thinks it's just this oldest child's attitude that made him choose this way ... but will the others do the same when they get the age-18 attitude? That's my concern. As Cay mentioned, instilling joy is important, and I would LOVE to hear ways others provide that "burning" desire that I see other teens in non-Catholic denominations display!
My kids don't participate in CCD or Youth Group; but now I wonder if they should? Would that help? I never thought it would, but now I am rethinking it. There isn't much for Catholic teens like there is for Protestant ones, and I even considered *that* (Protestant youth group for a teen with a solid-Catholic understanding) to give them a more youthful-related joy that might be different from an adults, particularly a parent's. Would it help for them to be around non-Catholics and their beliefs while still living at home so that the issues could be discussed with the parents at the time? Could *that* help instill a deeper appreciation of the gift of the Faith we've been given? (These are all hypothetical questions as I share my thoughts; but if you have a response, I'd love to hear it!  )
Yes, share joy ideas here, please! And, thank you for the prayers ... I will pray for all our teens and that we all find the answers we need to help keep our teens faithful!
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Cay Gibson
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glinNC wrote:
| I have been praying incessantly for him; but mostly, at this point, for the right people to cross his path now that he's on his own. I pray for his future spouse and all friends he meets. |
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That's the perfect prayer.
My oldest ds (21 yrs this Sept) was strongly influenced by two good Catholic girls during his teen years. I'm forever grateful that God sent those influences into his life. We thought there was a possible future with one of them. Time and plans proved otherwise. But I am so grateful to those two girls (and their parents) for guiding him during those teen years.
I like to think those two friends guided him through those rocky teen years and now he continues in his faith because it's what he believes is good and true and beautiful.
glinNC wrote:
| I am going to ask another Knight to personally invite him to a meeting or something to try to form a relationship with him. |
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That's what I would do. Pray for a spiritual intercession. He needs someone he can relate to who speaks to him where he is at right now.
glinNC wrote:
| My kids don't participate in CCD or Youth Group; but now I wonder if they should? Would that help? |
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Here's a recent thread on church youth groups. We don't do youth groups but we do CCD. Seriously the CCD classroom (though I am a teacher) is no place to guide children in the faith. All DREs and other teachers will agree that without the parent's teaching and participation, CCd is nothing but an hour of baby sitting.
I teach (and others do as well) in hopes of making that hour something more...making that one hour count. One thing I feel I did do "right" last year was have my oldest dd help me with my 4th grade class. She was able to hear all over again basic elementary questions which she probably forgot she had asked when she was that age, and the straightforward answers which can easily be delivered in defense of our faith. She certainly has a newfound respect for teachers and their vocations. 
For a year she was not the student sitting passively at the desk; she was actively teaching, mentoring, guiding these children in their faith. I'm pretty comfortable in saying she learned more in that one year of teaching CCD than in all the other years of attending CCD as a student.
She also worked a couple of summers in the church office. I know my years of working as a church secretary taught me so much about my faith I hadn't learned before...despite being raised in a very devout Catholic household.
Outside influences and experiences can be tremendously rewardinsg as long as the parents are involved.
I wrote this a few weeks ago and thought it might give you some inspiration: Observations and Whispers in Church
Also, I encourage you to check out Alice Gunther's new book: Haystack Full of Needles. I think it'll give you ideas on how to guide your children to good Catholic companions and how to see Christ in everyone, everyday, in all situations.
Alice also has a beautiful, beautiful post about living the faith with her parents when she was a young girl.
I'll try to find it but right now my lunch break is finished and I have to get back to my job detrashing the girls' room. It's better bad.  
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
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glinNC
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Cay Gibson wrote:
*(I want to add a little footnote here that the Catholic hsing magazine's Mater et Magistra next issue will be focused on Joy.)
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My issue came in the mail today! What great timing! The magazine looks awesome, and I'm going to bed early just to get reading it!  I will start with the article on JOY, too! Thanks!
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domchurch3
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I was very much like your son and as soon as I was dropped off at college, I stopped going to Mass. I only attended when I came home with my parents for the holidays. This went on for 2 1/2 years. My junior year I got homesick one day and spied the Catholic Campus Center across the parking lot from my dorm. I walked in during a free dinner and Bible Study. It was the first time in my life that I realized that Scripture pertained to my me and my situation and I was hooked. That day was also the day I met my future spouse.
I found out later my mom was wearing out her rosary beads on my behalf. That's the only way I could explain connecting my faith with home. Your job is to pray and live for the Lord in your own life. And pray to St. Monica, she knows how you feel. Your child will come around in God's time.
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albeto
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I, too, walked away from Church (although I wasn't raised Catholic but barely Quaker). I was sure I finally had the wool pulled off my poor, innocent eyes. There was no one in the world who could have convinced me the value of Church, not to mention believe in an invisible, unprovable God. Each tiny little seed planted since finally bloomed, years later, when the time was right. It was a combination of seeing injustice in my life and those who were not put off by injustice in their lives. To have that joy that transends one's circumstances spoke louder and more powerfully than any argument. I think if Sunday is family day with you and the children, those memories will help define the experience of Church. We are in the process of finding a parish with many homeschoolers in hopes of making our Sunday's more likeable as well (its so hard when the father doesn't come, I think).
Your prayers and offering up suffering for your son will not go unrewarded. Regardless of whether or not you see the fruits of your efforts.
May God provide comfort and encouragement for you and your family.
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glinNC
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glinNC wrote:
Cay Gibson wrote:
*(I want to add a little footnote here that the Catholic hsing magazine's Mater et Magistra next issue will be focused on Joy.)
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My issue came in the mail today! What great timing! The magazine looks awesome, and I'm going to bed early just to get reading it! I will start with the article on JOY, too! Thanks! |
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It must be the *NEXT* issue for the one I have focuses on hope. 
THANK YOU everyone for your encouraging words and prayers. It has helped me a lot. And although I don't understand why he has made this choice, I am a bit more at peace (thanks to this thread and to the homilies at Mass which seemed to speak to me directly ) with the situation. I am praying, praying, praying, and trusting, trusting, trusting!
I am still searching, though, for ways to solidify my other children's faith. I definitely don't want to go through this again in 2 years when my next child graduates, and then the next two children! Do you think there is such a thing as "too religious" or "too much Catholicism" in our lives? I've often been told that by fallen-away family, but maybe it appears that way compared to the ways of the world. I am trying to train my children to see things through their "Catholic glasses," so that is a lot of Catholicism because it's ALL Catholicism. Does that make sense?
Blessings to you,
glinNC
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Cay Gibson
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glinNC wrote:
Cay Gibson wrote:
*(I want to add a little footnote here that the Catholic hsing magazine's Mater et Magistra next issue will be focused on Joy.)
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glinNC wrote:
| It must be the *NEXT* issue for the one I have focuses on hope. |
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It is.
glinNC wrote:
| Do you think there is such a thing as "too religious" or "too much Catholicism" in our lives? |
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That's a very good, very thought-provoking question.
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Cay Gibson
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Willa
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About finding joy:
I only have a couple of minutes, but I can't think that what's found in Protestant youth groups is "real" joy. Nor do I think that the modern Catholic equivalents are always the best thing spiritually either. I'm sure there are exceptions.
There are all sorts of counterfeit joys out there but only one true source -- the Eucharist, ie following in the path of our true Savior and growing closer to Him.
I am saying this from the context of a conversion. I grew up in those Protestant youth groups and saw many joyful, "Spirit-filled" peers fall away in the long run. Some didn't, but they did have to deepen their approach.
Yes, I think there is a unique way that young people approach the Faith -- it's different than the way a middle-aged mother like myself does it -- but not SO different. I am just trying to say that all these youth group trappings are often just based on fleeting emotions and not on real things. Teens have a desire for what is real; in the long run, other things won't satisfy. I can remember feeling contemptuous as a teen of the youth groups that tried to be too relevant and too buddy-buddy.
Talking about this kind of thing. The article made me laugh, but I really recognized some of the excesses of the "youth group phenomenon" in there, too. I am closing in haste so I hope this comes off the way I intended. I do think youth groups have some benefits sometime but I don't think they're always a real solution.
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albeto
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glinNC wrote:
Do you think there is such a thing as "too religious" or "too much Catholicism" in our lives? I've often been told that by fallen-away family, but maybe it appears that way compared to the ways of the world. I am trying to train my children to see things through their "Catholic glasses," so that is a lot of Catholicism because it's ALL Catholicism. Does that make sense?
Blessings to you,
glinNC |
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I can share from my experience that when religion was a Sunday Only concept, any amount one wouldn't be comfortable expressing with friends at a slumber-party would be concidered excessive. I wouldn't so much as admit to going to church on Sundays as a kid. My friends who were raised in families that actually lived out their faiths, on the other hand, never looked uncomfortable expressing it, from prayers before meals at a restaurant to stopping other friends from gossipping, making a better joke to distract from an otherwise uncomfortable topic. It was a reality that was as much a part of life as brushing teeth before bed.
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K&Rs Mom
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guitarnan wrote:
| Go to Mass yourself, faithfully and with joy, so your children can see that you really do have a relationship with Jesus. |
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This is what worked for me, from a similar background - mom dragged us to Mass but at dad's house nobody bothered. I went through a couple of atheist years in college, but my mom and my grandma have had a steadfast faith as long as I can remember, and when the big questions came up, I could look at the "fruit" of their spiritual lives. I did take a detour into protestantism for a few years (thanks to dh, who is now Catholic too ), but eventually found my way back, certainly due to the good examples and MANY prayers.
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onemoretracy
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albeto wrote:
| I can share from my experience that when religion was a Sunday Only concept, any amount one wouldn't be comfortable expressing with friends at a slumber-party would be concidered excessive. I wouldn't so much as admit to going to church on Sundays as a kid. My friends who were raised in families that actually lived out their faiths, on the other hand, never looked uncomfortable expressing it, from prayers before meals at a restaurant to stopping other friends from gossipping, making a better joke to distract from an otherwise uncomfortable topic. It was a reality that was as much a part of life as brushing teeth before bed. |
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This was my experience growing up too. In fact I still have 'privacy' issues. Talking openly and honestly about my faith is very uncomfortable to me unless I am in a setting where it is expressly safe.
That said, although I did leave the faith for awhile, but God led me back home. I love what Cay said about Him not being done with your son yet. I cannot imagine how painful it must be to watch your son during this time though and my prayers are with you and with all moms who experience these growing pains.
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4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: Keeping teens faithful
