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Tina P.
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Sometimes, I feel quite overwhelmed by trying to do all the things that my friends with older, and less, children can do. They go to daily mass ... daily. I go to daily mass once a week, if I can. They go to adoration twice a week. I'm lucky if we go to adoration once a month. They say family rosaries every evening. Though this should be the simplest of the three things to do, I fail. Regularly. The only thing we seem to be able to do with any kind of regularity is devotional time in the morning. It kind of sets up our day where mass in the morning tends to destroy the rest of our day. Mass in the evening is over dinner time, so that doesn't work well either. Rosaries in the evening are stilted and terribly interrupted because we've got some who are tired, my dh is running around doing things because that's the only time he has at home, and I get frustrated. I've got kids all ages, so the older ones are ready to do a whole mystery while the youngers can sit for one decade.
How can I work more mass time and more adoration in our schedule? Do I need to? I am so tired right now and working the kids into a lather trying to get everyone out the door on time is so not conducive to the mass experience. Is this just a season in my life when I need to let go of all extraneous trips and let God direct my life at home? Or am I just horribly excusing myself from spending time at the Lord's house?
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Tina, wife to one and mom to 9 + 3 in heaven
Mary's Muse
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Helen
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Tina P. wrote:
| How can I work more mass time and more adoration in our schedule? Do I need to? |
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Tina, whenever I tried to serve the Lord on my own power, I always failed. It wasn't until I turned my efforts over to the Blessed Virgin that things began to change for me. Our Lady always brings us to her Son. She is the Mother of the Eucharist and the Mediatrix of All Graces. By turning to her first and completely, she will usher you straight into the Eucharistic presence of her Son.
Also, I think wives and mothers tend to think of their prayer life in the same terms as that of a religious or a single peron. I really think the married vocation is different and the manner of prayer will be different. If you would like to read some of my posts on praying like a married woman, I invite you to scroll down this link vocation of wife and mother. Near the bottom are a few posts about praying as a married woman.
(You might like Mary Vitamin as well - see my signature for the link)
I'll pray for you today!
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Ave Maria!
Mom to 5 girls and 3 boys
Mary Vitamin & Castle of the Immaculate
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Betsy
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+JMJ+
I couldn't agree with Helen more!!!!
Though my strong devotion to Mary and the Rosary I have always been lead closer to Jesus in the Eucharist and most recently His Sacred Heart.
A few years ago we felt called as a family to make consecrations to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. I will admit it took about two year to get my husband on board completely. But, he is now and we can really feel His presence in our Family.
The lesson that I keep learning (over and over again) is humility.
I use to try to take my children to daily Mass, adoration, parish events...it all ended in disaster! Like Helen said, I don't think I was doing what the Lord wanted me to do. I was doing what my prideful self wanted to do or thought that I should do. Now, don't get me wrong, the Lord DOES want people to do these things, just not me, not then.
Well, in the past few weeks as I have been reading Mother Margaret Mary by Mary Ann Windeatt. I finally got the message (which is the message of St. Therese too). Little things consistent with our state in life with great Love. We need to be united to Him in everything, offering up everything, using everything to draw us closer to Him. And, for us mothers that is usually tending to His little ones.
Also, reading this book, reminded me of the practice of having Holy Hours in our own homes and spiritual communion. Of coarse Jesus in Adoration or Mass is par-excel-lance, but He knows our hearts and our crosses. A holy hour made at home and a worth spiritual communion can also be pleasing to our Lord. In fact He asked St. Margaret Mary to make a holy hour of reparation Thursday night in her cell…not at Adoration.
Also, I remember reading in Calls by Sr. Lucia when questioned about why our Lady asked everyone to pray the Rosary everyday rather than attend Mass she responded that everyone can pray the Rosary every day but not everyone can go to Mass.
Okay, rambling will cease....
Pray to the Sacred Heart of Jesus and the Immaculate Heart of Mary to find what they want of you. Put your blinders on to what the Lord is calling everyone else to do. Listen. Obey with great Love. Your soul will be at peace.
Betsy
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Tami
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Tina, Helen and Betsy gave you great advice.
My heart goes out to you, because I've been there, too...
If I could offer some practical suggestions: since devotion time is working, use the mass readings. Maybe you'll need to stop and explain a bit as you go, to help the younger ones understand, but that's ok. The older ones can read the psalm responsorial-style, it's good training for them. I used to pass off the missal to a different child each morning, to change the pace. The less-than-fluent reader would do the psalm, sitting next to me so I could help, because there is repetition in it.
The missal will let you know if it's a feast day, and you can talk about that a bit if you're so inclined.
As for the rosary, when all our children were young, we did what dh called "The Little Mysteries." We did it right at the end of dinner, while at the table. It was only 1 decade, but we moved along the mysteries every two Ave's, instead of doing 10 each. With an 'Our Father' at the beginning and the 'Glory Be..' at the end. This way the dc could grasp the whole picture of the the particular mystery, in a condensed format. It really helped.
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God bless,
Tami
When we are crushed like grapes, we cannot think of the wine we will become. (Nouwen)
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chicken lady
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Tina you have my prayers! That said I have found that I am so tired without the daily mass, weekly adoration and confession.
Do we need the mass, St Alphonsus said "we could survive longer without the sun, than without the Eucharist".
I LOVE Helen's post she linked to. I agree the more deeply we plead with our Mother the easier life choices will become, as far as making time for the sacraments. Please don't feel judged you are in a good place when you seek these types of answers.
One last thought on the Rosary, I remember feeling like you when I had only small children, the family rosary was the family circus! I was telling this to our friend who happens to be a Mariologist, his words were so comforting to me, he told me to keep at it the children being in an atmosphere of prayer was enough. That really changed my perception of the family rosary. It is enough to offer our failing attempts, God will take them and use them for his glory. When we feel we are failing give that to Mary as well, that lack of consolation is suffering!
Blessings on you and yours!
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Cay Gibson
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Tina,
Many (((HUGS)))~
As I was reading Helen's excellent response, I couldn't help but think of Lisa who is missing her ds's confirmation this weekend because she is haviing to stay home with a little one who is sick with salmonella.
She writes at this prayer thread:
(Three days ago): "I am frustrated. I don't want to miss this special event."
(This morning): "Unfortunantly, he is not better (although everyone else is healthy). I am staying home with my sick one and my 2 year old."
(One hour ago): "The doctor just called and said he has salmonella. I have no idea how he got it. Probably catching too many toads and lizards and then putting his hands in his mouth before washing."
Which confirms my theory on boys. 
I know what a crushing blow it is to miss a dear children's sacramental celebration. I've been thinking and praying for Lisa all day.  Is God directing her life at home? You bet He is. Is she being more of a Catholic wife/mother simply by staying home? Better believe she is. One would think God would want her to be at that church, sharing in her ds's journey of faith. That's our thoughts anyway.
Instead she is home with two babies; one extremely and dangerously sick. I see her in the role of Mary cradling her son's sacrificial body in her arms. She is having to sacrifice herself and her wants and her desires to be there for one child who needs her more than the other.
In a world in which women leave sick babies with anyone they can find to watch them just so they can go out for a night on the town with girl friends, to me Lisa is indeed "being Catholic".
No one else may see how "Catholic" and devoted Lisa is. No one...but God.
Helen wrote:
If you would like to read some of my posts on praying like a married woman, I invite you to scroll down this link vocation of wife and mother. Near the bottom are a few posts about praying as a married woman.
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Helen,
I have no idea how I missed this golden post!!! And it's dated on my dh's birthday!!! I have to go check in on my grandmother but I plan to do lots of clicking and reading tonight. 
__________________
Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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LLMom
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Thank you, dear Cay for thinking of me and praying for me. I just blogged about these particular feelings and struggles I am/was having. Although I terribly miss being with my son on his special event,God made me realize I was being an example to my son on how to live out this Catholic life.
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Lisa
For veteran & former homeschool moms
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aussieannie
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Helen wrote:
| Tina, whenever I tried to serve the Lord on my own power, I always failed. It wasn't until I turned my efforts over to the Blessed Virgin that things began to change for me. |
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Powerful, true and it is great to be reminded of it! 
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Joelle
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We have been there too, Tina! Our children are 10,7,4,3,1 and due any day, and sometimes we are at Mass every day and sometimes only one or two times each week--it really depends on how everyone is. Sometimes, as said much better by all of these wonderful women, it is a greater sacrifice for me NOT to go to Mass, and sometimes Jesus is calling me there. I have just tried to remember that He knows my heart and my desire to be there every mroning and he will bless that.
As for the family Rosary, we do this basically every night, right before story and bed. We do the whole rosary and sometimes it's reverent and quiet and sometimes the two little ones struggle, but we give them quiet toy and they are with us while we pray. It is not a "picture book" scene (well maybe once in a while and that must be a gift to us to keep on doing what we are doing  because the next night will be chaos)! And I should say that this evolved over years from an Our Father and talking to Jesus to the Rosary and each person in the room doing spontaneous prayer--praying for each other and those who have asked for our prayers. I think if we waited for everyone to be able to sit reverently and pray the Rosary, the oldest few would be out of college!! And this way, it sends a message to even the youngest that the daily Rosary is vital in our lives.
Hope this helps!
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God Bless, Joelle
Mom to 7: Boy (96), Girls (00, 02, 04), Boy (05), Girl (07), Boy (09)
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denise3578
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Our daily rosary has finally come together - We say it at 7:30am with Fr. Mitch on EWTN. It's the Rosary from the Holy Land. On good days, the kids and I are dressed, on bad days we are all in my bed-but we're saying it. The pictures on TV keep most of them interested and knowing we have an "appointment" keeps us on track.
As for daily readings, I have attached these to breakfast, or sometimes lunch. (I print out the listing of them from the EWTN website and keep it right in the bible.) These daily readings have made Sunday gospels more meaningful. Keeping these two things up consistently has not been too difficult and I have seen and heard great things from them.
Denise in VA
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Mackfam
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This thread has been such a blessing to me. I am reminded that we seek holiness through our vocations. As married women, that is more often than not through diapers and dinners. Like Lisa, we are most often climbing the mountain to holiness through hidden deeds offered with great love. The Blessed Virgin shows us how to ponder all of these gifts in our hearts, and always tenderly brings us to her Son. How generous our Lord was in giving us His mother - he knew we would need her.
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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Elena
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You might be interested in these books on the topic:
Holiness for Housewives
Quotidian Mysteries
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Elena
Wife to Peter, mom of many!
My Domestic Church
One Day at a Time
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Tina P.
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Betsy wrote:
+JMJ+
I don't think I was doing what the Lord wanted me to do. I was doing what my prideful self wanted to do or thought that I should do. |
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Ooooh, ouch! I didn't think I was being prideful; pride is the root of all sin. I really loathe to admit that sin!  But maybe I was. What hurts me about not getting to go to mass and adoration as much as we can is that the older kids BEG me and can benefit SO much from going more often. On the other hand, sometimes it's one of them who's the slowest to get ready.
Joelle wrote:
| As for the family Rosary, we do this basically every night, right before story and bed. We do the whole rosary and sometimes it's reverent and quiet and sometimes the two little ones struggle, but we give them quiet toy and they are with us while we pray. It is not a "picture book" scene (well maybe once in a while and that must be a gift to us to keep on doing what we are doing because the next night will be chaos)! And I should say that this evolved over years from an Our Father and talking to Jesus to the Rosary and each person in the room doing spontaneous prayer--praying for each other and those who have asked for our prayers. I think if we waited for everyone to be able to sit reverently and pray the Rosary, the oldest few would be out of college!! And this way, it sends a message to even the youngest that the daily Rosary is vital in our lives. |
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We've always said an Our Father, Hail Mary, and Glory Be. That was, I guess, the beginnings of the *Little Mysteries* that Tami mentioned ~ great idea, btw. Then we added the Guardian Angel prayer (there's a really nice extended version that my dd learned by heart), the Act of Contrition, and Now I Lay Me (sorry, don't recall the title).
Thank you all for your input. I will prayerfully offer my frustrations to Our Mother and wait on her reply.
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Tina, wife to one and mom to 9 + 3 in heaven
Mary's Muse
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Red Cardigan
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Tina, you're in my prayers.
I can't get to daily Mass. It's not a possibility for my family right now. Reading the thread has reminded me that we do need to work a bit more on family prayer, though a long list of bedtime prayers has been a family habit since my dd's were small.
I don't know if this will help or not, but I do have the habit of praying the daily rosary--by myself! I used to think that it didn't 'count' unless the whole family was gathered around together taking turns leading the mysteries, but I've always loved saying the rosary alone, and honestly preferred it to the somewhat chaotic family rosary my parents would sometimes decide to try to make part of our lives. When circumstances would change, I have to admit, it was a relief to pray my rosary quietly in bed alone.
And my children have 'caught' the habit from me--my youngest will tell me some mornings how many decades she managed to say before falling asleep, and the older two can sometimes pray the whole rosary at night.
My point here is that even busy moms sometimes need to nurture our own prayer lives, before we can be a role model and teacher to our children.
Lisa, you're in my prayers too. My mom missed my confirmation, and that of two of my sisters--we were all being confirmed on the same day. We woke that morning to find the lady who was to be my confirmation sponsor at our breakfast table, instead of Mom! Mom had been taken to the hospital during the night, though baby number seven wasn't actually due for another month. At school that afternoon we got the news of my brother's birth (though small he was healthy, and after a bumpy start he did well), and Dad managed to get back from the hospital and get us all to the church that evening in time for our confirmation Mass. Some whisper of the Holy Spirit had caused my mother to buy our dresses and order the cake from a bakery instead of making the dresses and the cake, something she normally would have done, complete with last minute adjustments and decorating!
Believe me, even though we wished our mom could have been there, we were thrilled to get another baby brother and happy to know that all was well. Years from now your ds will look back on this special day and know how great your love for him was, even though you couldn't be there.
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isjalu0826
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This post resonated with me too. I love going to Daily Mass but only can manage maybe once a week (besides Sunday) myself...
Helen wrote: I think wives and mothers tend to think of their prayer life in the same terms as that of a religious or a single peron. I really think the married vocation is different and the manner of prayer will be different.
I can see this in myself. As a former religious especially, I have ideas in my head of what my prayer life should be, and when it doesn't match up to that (as it rarely does), I feel like I've failed. Which I suppose is truly pride, and an inability to realize that my vocation as a mother means my life is different and I have to be present to it and meet God there, where I am today.
I was just reading this today (it's Catherine Doherty): "...a vision for living the Gospel in every situation and aspect of life. No part of the Gospel is abstract... The ordinariness of the routine of daily life is the warp and woof of living the Gospel without compromise, of restoring the world to Christ. A carpenter works with wood. A computer technician works with technology. A cook feeds the hungry. One who launders or sews clothes the naked. Spirituality can be incarnated in whatever we do, because Jesus Christ the Son of God was incarnated. We live the Gospel with our hands, our minds, and our hearts, as we go about the tasks of our daily lives. We discover the holiness of the little things done well over and over again for the love of God, whether it is sewing on a button or writing a letter or milking the cow. Our vocation is to do the little things well for the love of God. And it is truly the vocation of anyone who would follow Christ"...
Instead of me musing over those pre-child days when I could sit 'on the mountaintop' and commune with my God for hours, I must realize that God is communing with me as I go about my busy day. He knows my struggles... if my heart is open, if I make everything a prayer... it is no less spiritual.
(That said, I do love-love-love getting to Mass during the week. I feel like I've scored the winning basket when things fall into place 'just so' and I get there!)
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Betsy
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Tina P. wrote:
Betsy wrote:
+JMJ+
I don't think I was doing what the Lord wanted me to do. I was doing what my prideful self wanted to do or thought that I should do. |
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Ooooh, ouch! I didn't think I was being prideful; pride is the root of all sin. I really loathe to admit that sin! But maybe I was. What hurts me about not getting to go to mass and adoration as much as we can is that the older kids BEG me and can benefit SO much from going more often. On the other hand, sometimes it's one of them who's the slowest to get ready.
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Oh, my I am sorry if that came out rather harsh.
I was reflecting on myself specifically. I truly do what to do our Lords will, but often(when I really deep down look at why I do things) I want show the world (so to speak) of how good we are doing, rather than really consult the Lord as to what He wants me to do.... so often it would be easier for me to struggle through Mass with the littles than stay home and offer up all of the little things that the Lords wants of me with great love.
Tina, I am sure you much further along than me….please don’t take any offence to what I have said.
Betsy
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All For Jesus
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I just admit to the Lord that it is too hard for me most mornings to dress, feed, and bundle my four young ones off to Mass and then try to keep them all peaceful once there. I then tell Him I love Him. And then I watch Mass on EWTN at 7 a.m.
For this season in my life it is the most peaceful, and therefore, loving response I feel (for me).
_____________________________________________
Lynn S.
www.sacredday.blogspot.com
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Tina P.
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All For Jesus wrote:
I just admit to the Lord that it is too hard for me most mornings to dress, feed, and bundle my four young ones off to Mass and then try to keep them all peaceful once there. I then tell Him I love Him. And then I watch Mass on EWTN at 7 a.m.
For this season in my life it is the most peaceful, and therefore, loving response I feel (for me). |
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For me, it's difficult to tell the Lord that something is just too difficult. Was it too difficult for Him to be tortured and *die* for me? That's my reasoning. And I know He's perfect and that He's God and we're mere humans, but this seems like a miniscule sacrifice compared to what He gave for us. Oh, and the fact that we don't have EWTN (we're not connected to TV at all) and that you really don't obtain the graces you get if you actually attend mass and receive the Holy Eucharist ... well, it just doesn't seem to compare ...
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Tina, wife to one and mom to 9 + 3 in heaven
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JennGM
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Tina P. wrote:
| For me, it's difficult to tell the Lord that something is just too difficult. Was it too difficult for Him to be tortured and *die* for me? That's my reasoning. And I know He's perfect and that He's God and we're mere humans, but this seems like a miniscule sacrifice compared to what He gave for us. Oh, and the fact that we don't have EWTN (we're not connected to TV at all) and that you really don't obtain the graces you get if you actually attend mass and receive the Holy Eucharist ... well, it just doesn't seem to compare ... |
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Tina, of course you're right when you're looking at it from your angle. There is no comparison--the ultimate graces are from the Mass and Eucharist. And Christ did perform the ultimate sacrifice. But doing our daily duty in our vocation in life is our priority.
I used to be able to go to daily Mass, but I have to recognize my limits. My son doesn't rise early and doesn't take a nap, so he needs that morning sleep. With pregnancy taking its toll and a little child's needs I just can't do it. While it would be nice to receive those extra graces, I know my calling is at home with my child. We only go occasionally during the week. If I try more, we all become very testy, and I'm not a better mother.
The family is called the "little church" or "Church in miniature" or the "domestic church."
From the Catechism:
2204 "The Christian family constitutes a specific revelation and realization of ecclesial communion, and for this reason it can and should be called a domestic church." It is a community of faith, hope, and charity; it assumes singular importance in the Church, as is evident in the New Testament.
2205 The Christian family is a communion of persons, a sign and image of the communion of the Father and the Son in the Holy Spirit. In the procreation and education of children it reflects the Father's work of creation. It is called to partake of the prayer and sacrifice of Christ. Daily prayer and the reading of the Word of God strengthen it in charity. The Christian family has an evangelizing and missionary task.
2206 The relationships within the family bring an affinity of feelings, affections and interests, arising above all from the members' respect for one another. The family is a privileged community called to achieve a "sharing of thought and common deliberation by the spouses as well as their eager cooperation as parents in the children's upbringing."
Being a church in miniature means we unite our lives as closely to the Liturgy as we can. This is done right when we wake up, by saying our Morning Offering, "in union with the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass throughout the world." It can be taken further by following the readings and prayers of the day, and maybe by praying one or part of the Liturgy of the Hours. This is a part of "living the Liturgical Year". You ARE being more Catholic by doing these things. You also can unite yourself throughout the day by making spiritual communions.
Just remember we aren't nuns and priests; we don't live in a religious community. While Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice of his life on the cross, we are making the daily sacrifice of offering our lives for our family. In spirit we want to be at the altar everyday, but we are sacrificing that desire to tend to other's needs.
Some people can manage the daily Mass. But since you're struggling, I think it's a little voice saying you just can't. Don't listen to the guilt. You are doing a great job, and you're not a "lesser Catholic" by not going to daily Mass. It will come in time. My mother is a daily Mass goer, almost her whole life. The times she couldn't go--when she had the littles. She had to recognize and place the children's and her health needs first.
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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isjalu0826
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In response to what JennGM just wrote:
jenngmn wrote:
Being a church in miniature means we unite our lives as closely to the Liturgy as we can. This is done right when we wake up, by saying our Morning Offering, "in union with the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass throughout the world." It can be taken further by following the readings and prayers of the day, and maybe by praying one or part of the Liturgy of the Hours. This is a part of "living the Liturgical Year". You ARE being more Catholic by doing these things. You also can unite yourself throughout the day by making spiritual communions.
Just remember we aren't nuns and priests; we don't live in a religious community. While Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice of his life on the cross, we are making the daily sacrifice of offering our lives for our family. |
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This is wonderfully put! And very true! Our vocation is different from nuns and priests, and I was just reading something that made me realize that I was putting expectations on myself that stemmed from my idea of what prayer life should, with a lot of monastic/religious life overtones. But like you wrote, I am not a nun, I am a mother. And one in the season of life whereby most of my time and energy will be, must be spent as a mother tending to her charges... And God knows this and loves this and wants this. So...
Well said! Guilt never helped anyone. Trust in the Lord. He knows your desires...
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4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: How can I be more Catholic?
