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SuzanneG
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I am not satisfied with how we have been answering the MANY questions about people who are asking for money off the freeway, on street corners, etc. My dd (ages 5 1/2, 4, and 3) seem to be obsessed with this right now.
(Would you call them pan-handlers? I don't even know what the correct name is for this!)
We talk about helping others by giving money to people who need help... hungry people, people who don't have homes, sick people, etc.
"Uhhhh....THEY don't have homes and need food, so why aren't we giving money to THEM?"
How do you explain this to them?
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Suzanne in ID
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Bridget
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Tell her we don't know if those people are safe/kind. God wants us to help people when we can but He doesn't want us to be unsafe.
or
There are people who will help them and we give money to the people who know how to help them best.
Say a little prayer for them with the girls.
We don't have street people in our area, we're rural. I wonder if McD.'s gift cert. would be something you could keep in the car to hand out to them. If they really are hungry they will appreciate it.
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marihalojen
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Ha! Don't go to Miami then! Last time I was up there a boy's baseball team was out pan-handling for money in a huge and busy intersection. They wanted uniforms. I gave them nothing. Go sell popcorn or magazines or candybars - oh! Candybars! Tons of homeless men sell candy and chips on street corners up there or they peddle the Homeless Newspaper or roses...I open the window for nobody. It is a safety issue for me. Even when we have no air conditioning when we have to stop for a red light, up goes the windows.
I like the idea of saying a prayer, I'll have to remember that. And I really don't mean to sound harsh but like I said, it is a safety issue for me.
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Becky Parker
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Where I lived growing up we occasionally had someone come to our door. My mom was always generous (I think there was some fear there - what will he do if I don't give him money?). As the kids got older (and wiser) we decided it would be better to have some groceries on hand and a package of diapers for when someone came to the door. So when they said "I need money to buy diapers or formula or milk for my baby" we gave them what they needed. My brother was always the designated door opener for these folks because he is really big! I know you can't do that with people on the street, but we learned early that money given is often not well spent. Offering a prayer right then and there with the kids is always a good way to help these folks. This is what I do when I am alone and I pass someone who's car is broken down. It's just not safe to stop and help them anymore.
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Jane Ramsey
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I just give them a dollar or two. True, you don't know if they are going to spend it on drugs or something, but do you know where every dollar you give to charity is spent? No. Maybe it's a scam and they collect hundreds of dollars a day and are living in luxury? Maybe, but I doubt it. Anyway, we are doing it for God. The charity is given to HIM. I'm trying to teach my kids what Mother Teresa said, that Jesus appears in the "distressing disguise of the poor." If we are not charitable to these poor beggars in the street, how can we teach our children what charity means? My husband has concerns about possibly touching their hands and picking up a disease, and the safety issue, too. I don't share these concerns. Maybe I'm a little reckless anyway, but I feel if we are offering charity out of love for God, He will protect us. Who was the saint that kissed a leper? Was it St. Francis? That would be my role model here.
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JennGM
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I open no windows in cars to anyone, ever, for safety reasons. That should be explained to your girls.
In DC, there are homeless and panhandlers everywhere. When my sisters were teenagers they would make sandwiches to pass out to the homeless. And they were appreciated, although some starting to ask for tuna, they were tired of peanut butter and jelly! 
I've had discussions with other friends about this. One of the objections some have to giving to these homeless is that they will waste the money on booze or something worse.
Perhaps, and maybe I'm being an idealist, but what the person does with the money isn't my affair. What is my affair is that this is Jesus approaching me. I respond in charity. We only give a bit of change, or a few bucks, if I have some with me.
But the situation in DC might be different from yours. I figure it's relatively safe to put a few bucks in the cup.
I was also going to suggest Bridget's idea of gift certificates for food places, like McDonalds. A friend of mine was approached by a man, and he offered to take him to McDonald's. The man was surprised, but he took up the offer.
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Jane Ramsey
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I just give them a dollar or two. True, you don't know if they are going to spend it on drugs or something, but do you know where every dollar you give to charity is spent? No. Maybe it's a scam and they collect hundreds of dollars a day and are living in luxury? Maybe, but I doubt it. Anyway, we are doing it for God. The charity is given to HIM: "As often as you do this to the least of my brothers, you do it to Me."
I'm trying to teach my kids what Mother Teresa said, that Jesus appears in the "distressing disguise of the poor." If we are not charitable to these poor beggars in the street, how can we teach our children what charity means? My husband has concerns about possibly touching their hands and picking up a disease, and the safety issue, too. I don't share these concerns. Maybe I'm a little reckless anyway, but I feel if we are offering charity out of love for God, He will protect us. Who was the saint that kissed a leper? Was it St. Francis? I try to think of the example of these saints, and overcome whatever reluctance there is on my part.
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Taffy
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We once lived on a reserve in the middle of nowhere. In the middle of winter at about 2 am a couple showed up at our door. Their car was stranded, could they stay the night?
What could we do? There was literally nowhere to direct them and it was -30 degrees outside. Dh let them sleep in the living room. We served them breakfast the next day and they went on their way.
Would we do this in the city? NO WAY! Even in our little town here, we'd direct them to one of the local hotels.
I like the idea of having McD gift certificates on hand or extra groceries of diapers to give those in need. Also, I would try and keep business cards with names and numbers of organizations set up to help to give out to those who need it.
As far as the original question, I'm with those who say they don't open the window at traffic lights for anyone. Well, except maybe a police officer. It's a safety issue for them and me.
When passing a stranded vehicle on a rural highway or grid road, I might roll down the window and ask if they want me to get a tow truck for them. But only if they're elderly or have children in the vehicle. There have been many times that others have stopped for me, after all.
But, in an urban area, they're on their own.
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JennGM
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Taffy, I understand about the urban areas, but sometimes those rural people get lost and have terrible things happen to them in the big city. There was an article in the Washington Post this week about a couple and their elderly mother (in-law) whose car broke down in Alexandria...serpentine belt. They had serious medical issues and needed to get hom. They went to the door of a house, knocked, these people loaned them their car!!! The article was just a thank you to these Good Samaritans.
I'd hesistate opening the door...I would never without my dh home. But sometimes the Holy Spirit can help you discern safety from distress.
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Mary G
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I had a great-uncle who always gave panhandlers something -- maybe "two bits" as they used to say or even up to a dollar. He said, if they humbled themselves enough to ask, how could he not help them. Now this was YEARS ago in San Fran and he was a bachelor, but I've always thought of that.
I worked in DC for a couple of years after undergrad (I wouldn't recommend THAT to anyone, but that's the subject of a different post ) Anyway, DC had the RUDEST panhandlers I ever met. I worked right near 17th and K, where there's a big square-block park. When we'd go out at lunch we'd be hassled -- and when my friend tried to give them her lunch, they'd push it away and said they wanted money.
JennGM wrote:
| I'd hesistate opening the door...I would never without my dh home. But sometimes the Holy Spirit can help you discern safety from distress. |
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I love this thought Jenn -- and I think it is true -- they times we've helped someone have been fine, but when we haven't, we haven't felt guilt or remorse....
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Dawnie
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Mary G wrote:
JennGM wrote:
| I'd hesistate opening the door...I would never without my dh home. But sometimes the Holy Spirit can help you discern safety from distress. |
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I love this thought Jenn -- and I think it is true -- they times we've helped someone have been fine, but when we haven't, we haven't felt guilt or remorse.... |
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So true! In the past couple of years, two men have knocked at my door offering to paint my house number on the curb w/ reflective paint for $5 so they could get a hotel room for the night. I hardly ever carry cash, so I told them "no, thank you," but afterwards I felt awful. I've talked to my kids so many times about how it's important to help the poor, then when someone came to my door I did nothing! 
I was so taken aback when these men showed up at my door, that I really didn't know what else to do. I didn't have any cash at all to give them. I probably shouldn't have even opened the door, as dh wasn't home either time it happened. If it happens again, I want to offer to make them some food or call the police to take them to one of the local homeless shelters. My dh works at 911 and he told me that I could call and ask for a "welfare check" if a homeless person shows up at our door again. The police come out, check on the person (they also check for warrants) and take him/her to a homeless shelter if the person is willing to go.
A friend of mine was raped and murdered by two men who just knocked on the door of the house she was visiting. These men were career criminals on a crime spree. It was a random crime. But all they did to get into the house was knock on the door. Someone opened the door, and the men were able to force their way in. They raped and murdered my friend, her boyfriend, his two roommates, and a roommate's girlfriend. The roommate's girlfriend survived being shot in the head and run over with a truck to testify at the trial and these men are now in jail for the rest of their lives.
I remember reading in The Story of a Family that St. Therese's father used to visit the poor in their community personally and give them alms and Christian counsel. Nowadays, almsgiving has become really de-personalized (although safer), hasn't it? We write a check to Food for the Poor, or bring a bag of groceries to the local food bank and we don't have to actually deal with any people. There are safety issues, as many of you have said, and I share those concerns. I really admire those saints who have worked among the poor. I would like to be more like them, less afraid and more ready to give face-to-face help.
Dawn
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Taffy
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Jenn, you're right about the urban areas and people unfamiliar to the city having trouble getting help. Lord knows, I've been in that situation many times. I thinks it's a matter of personal safety and how I'd gauge the situation. If I were alone with the children in the car, I'd hesitate for obvious safety issues. The same would be said if I were alone. If my husband were with me, I'd be more comfortable but would defer to his judgement as he's always the first to offer help (one of the things I find most attractive about him  ).
That said, there have been times when I've helped a stranger even when alone with the children and have felt a bit concerned for our safety. Every single time, though, we've been fine. I totally agree, we must trust to the Holy Spirit.
There was a wonderful incident in my area this past week of a pair of teenage boys who went to a lot of trouble to find an elderly couple who'd become stranded on a grid road and left the vehicle in search of help. It was very cold and the wife almost died due to frostbite and hypothermia. These boys went to a LOT of trouble to find them. It was very uplifting.
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Jane Ramsey
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Corncerns for safety are valid, but I still think we need to work to overcome our fears. We should fear sin above all things. We should prefer to put our bodies in danger rather than our souls. If I were killed by someone to whom I was offering charity, I would die in the state of grace. But if I chose to "neglect to do it to these least ones" (and thereby neglect to do it to Christ), I would put my soul in danger by sin.
Look at all the references to almsgiving, charity, and the poor in the Bible. It is obvious that God takes this obligation to charity very seriously. That doesn't just mean writing a check, but seeing the poor as human beings, and treating them as such, with respect. (Not throwing a hamburger at them b/c you don't want to touch them, like my dh did once!)
OK, now I'll stop preaching. I'm sure most of you have given more charity this past year than I have in my lifetime. But it really bothers me that we, as Christians, should have to fear ANYTHING.
BE NOT AFRAID!
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MacBeth
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A friend of Libby's always brought a granola bar to give to a random homeless person in Manhattan. Now, one homeless woman follows her whenever she gets off the subway. Never give anything out. We can give to charity. We can give to the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal, since they are all over the city. There are options that will help without putting ourselves into danger.
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cathhomeschool
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We never give money out. In Miami (where my parents live and we often visit), begging on the street corner is a huge problem. The city officials have gone on tv asking people to please quit giving. There are many shelters and soup kitchens around the city. The majority of the people on the street there are there by choice. They do not want to follow the shelter rules (like staying off drugs and alcohol and working when the shelter finds them work) so they choose to live on the street and beg instead. And even in our relatively small town, danger is an issue. I do not let fear control me, but I do act in prudence. I have a responsibility to my children and my husband to take care of them and of myself.
We pray for these poor people and I explain to the kids that safety is an issue and we give through St. Vincent de Paul and other charities. We used to give food if we had it in the car and someone stopped us at the gas station, but we don't anymore -- again, a safety issue. One time we had a guy refuse, saying he needed cash for liquor, not the gatorade we offered. These situations break my heart. I have no idea what situations in life had led these people to where they are today, or what my life would be like had I been in their place. So I pray often and donate to responsible charities whenever possible.
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Christine
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The problem in Seattle and probably some other cities is that many, if not most times, the people who you see asking for money by the freeway are not legitimately homeless (they are not the same people who you will see at the shelters, etc.). These people typically belong to a network, with one individual running the show. Asking for money is basically their job. These people are taking from those who truly need help.
I don't understand why people would stand in the cold, etc. asking for money, but I do believe that the above is true based on where I learned it. Thus, I do not give money to these people. I sometimes give food (a pack of crackers, a granola bar, etc.) that has been purchased from Costco for this purpose. Helping in soup kitchens is a way to legitimately serve the poor. Giving clothing, food, etc. to an organization that distributes the items to those who need them is another way to help the poor (we used to give to an organization called Friends of the Needy).
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MichelleM
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QUOTE=Jane Ramsey] That doesn't just mean writing a check, but seeing the poor as human beings, and treating them as such, with respect. (But it really bothers me that we, as Christians, should have to fear ANYTHING.
BE NOT AFRAID![/QUOTE]
Jane, I love where your heart is! I agree that as Christians it is our duty to give alms and be charitable but I don't think we need to put our children or ourselves in danger to do so. The scripture that comes to mind (paraphrased) is "be shrewd as serpents but innocent as doves".
When our homeschooling group went down to visit the shelter in our town bearing Christmas gifts, clothing and toys for the playroom, the priest (a Franciscan) warned us to keep the children close and to come inside because it wasn't safe to be waiting outside.
We can respect their dignity by acknowledging them as persons; looking kindly on them, smiling, praying for them with the windows rolled up and the doors locked.
My experience is that the homeless community is well informed of shelters, soup lines, services from Churches and that our gifts of stewardship can be multiplied through these organizations. I believe that the Holy Father even spoke of this in Deus Caritas Est.
Rather than just writing a check, perhaps doing something on a parish level such as making sandwiches for a shelter, giving clothing to a Life Closet (or starting a Life Closet like our parish did), baking cookies for a sandwich line, etc. would be more meaningful and concrete for children while keeping them out of harms way.
Blessings!
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SuzanneG
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Dawnie wrote:
Nowadays, almsgiving has become really de-personalized (although safer), hasn't it? We write a check to Food for the Poor, or bring a bag of groceries to the local food bank and we don't have to actually deal with any people. There are safety issues, as many of you have said, and I share those concerns. I really admire those saints who have worked among the poor. I would like to be more like them, less afraid and more ready to give face-to-face help.
Dawn |
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I think this is where the difficulty is coming in with explaining it to dc. We DO give money to charities....but the de-personalization of it makes it very difficult to SHOW to young children.
I'm typing up various conversations i've had with them the past couple of weeks.....and things that i'd LIKE to explain. i'll post later.
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Suzanne in ID
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SuzanneG
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Thanks everyone for your input…..it’s been very helpful.
I typed this up to show to dh and to help me think about my answers. This is a compilation of various conversations we’ve had over the past couple of weeks and today (cuz it came up yet AGAIN) basically everything after “showing them pictures of the shelters” (was today).
I also realized that there are two different children with very different concerns. Dd-5 ½ is afraid of them. dd-4 is very concerned about them and worries about their safety and hunger. Here are some of the questions and answers:
Mom, there is that man again. Is he still there because he still doesn’t have a job?
Yes.
Why are they standing there?
"They have a sign that asks for money. "
Why are they asking for money?
"They might not have jobs, so they are asking for money to buy food, clothes or find a place to live."
Can we give them money for those things?
"Usually, we don’t stop, because we don’t know them, but some people might feel comfortable stopping, and give them something. Remember how we talked about how children shouldn’t talk to people we don’t know? We call them “strangers.” Well, even adults don’t always talk to people we don’t know or roll down our window for people we don’t know. God wants us to help others, but he doesn’t want us to be unsafe."
Will they hurt us?
"No, but we don’t know them, so we won’t roll down our window or get out of the car."
But, where will they sleep and how will they eat?
"Well, we hope they find a place to sleep, cuz there are places for them to go….they are called “shelters” or sometimes churches have extra room for them to live for a few days. They have extra beds at shelters where they can sleep, maybe give them extra blankets. And there are places where they can go to get food too.
These places, the shelters and churches, ask for money, and this is where we give our money. When we get home I’ll show you some pictures of these shelters. "
While showing pictures of the shelters…..
"They need money from everyone so they can continue having beds, heat, and food for people who don’t have homes or who are hungry. Daddy works hard for his money to take care of us, and we help take care of others by giving money to the shelters and churches. Does that make sense?
Part of the money in the envelope at church goes to help people who don’t have jobs. "
But, what if they don’t find a place to sleep, won’t they be cold? I don’t want him to sleep under a tree.
"They’ll be OK. They know how to figure it out. God takes care of EVERYONE. And, we can pray for them, too….that helps so much. When you see someone asking for money on the side of the road, you can say a Hail Mary for them right then in your car seat! Or, you can just say, “Please Jesus, take care of that man so he has food and a warm place to sleep and live.”
Maybe when you’re a little older, we could go help out in the shelters….serve food, make beds, things like that.
dd (4) – Yeah!
Dd (5 ½) – no, I don’t want to.
Anybody think anything is weird/uncharitable about any of this? or not appropriate for the age?
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Suzanne in ID
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Bridget
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Suzanne, i think you are doing great!
It is always sad to me when each child begins to learn about the harsher realities of life. It is like a little bit of their innocence being taken away.
Thankfully we can help them through it in the light of Christian love.
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: people asking for money off freeway
