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Becky Parker
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| Posted: April 24 2014 at 6:47am | IP Logged
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I'm starting the long tedious project of cleaning my book shelves in the hope of purging some of the things we no longer use to make room for new books!  I came across my old copy of Real Learning: Education in the Heart of the Home, by Elizabeth Foss. This, along with books written by Karen Andreola were the first books I read regarding the Charlotte Mason method. I fell in love with Elizabeth's ideals. That is what I wanted our homeschooling journey to look like. She describes such a peaceful, joyful, deeply educational lifestyle. That is what I was going for. Thirteen years later (or has it been 14?) I look at our lives and can clearly say we have not reached that goal. Now, I will admit, it is partly due to my own lack of drive for the vision in the early years. I started off well. But I was easily lured by various curriculums and what seemed like "easier" routes to take. Now, as I re-read Foss's book I long again for that peaceful feeling in our days. Instead we are driven, or rather, I am driven. The kids seems to care less, which makes me terribly sad.
So I'm wondering, was it an unattainable dream? Is it really possible to homeschool children with ages ranging from 3 years to high school and maintain the peaceful, joyful environment that she describes? Maybe I should say "How can we reach that goal?"
Yesterday in my complete frustration with children being disobedient, not completing their work or completing it in a manner that was not their best effort, chores not being done ... (is it just spring fever?) I called for an electronics fast for today. The older kids have Kindle Fires and while my intention was that they use them for reading, and they do, they also get caught up in using them for games, emailing friends, etc. So we are fasting and praying for direction today.
I hope I don't sound like a wet blanket. I'm just so frustrated when I look back at all these years we've been homeschooling and, except for a few here and there, we've not really made that "Real Learning" lifestyle part of our lives. I know God has something better for us.
Can I ask for your prayers in this regard? Maybe there are others struggling with this as well? Where to start to make the changes???
Thanks for reading! I will be turning off my computer but hope to return tomorrow with the great news about how our day went!
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Becky
Wife to Wes, Mom to 6 wonderful kids on Earth and 4 in Heaven!
Academy Of The Good Shepherd
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CrunchyMom
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| Posted: April 24 2014 at 7:09am | IP Logged
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Good question, Becky! I too struggle with this.
My first thought is that you really have to read books like that in the same way you read blogs. Blogs offer a snapshot of the best of times. Many times books will be collections of the best moments, the moments they knew to be the most fulfilling.
For instance, a book might say: When the kids were x age, we did a big rabbit trail that everyone still remembers, when the second didn't get math, we set up living math stations, and when the youngest was getting into everything, we created Montessori shelves.
And what we imagine is that their entire educational life throughout is FULL of rabbit trails, living math, and Montessori discipline.
Real Learning takes tidbits from many different families, and not all those families did everything. And they still had really hard days and weeks and dealt with sinful children and likely had to institute electronics fasts and the like as well!
I am pretty sure, too, that all of the good things in life whether it is a good chore routine, a good spiritual life, or a good home education require us to start over and over and over again. We all fall into ruts and have to renew our efforts. Darn concupiscence!!!
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
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[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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MarilynW
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| Posted: April 24 2014 at 8:32am | IP Logged
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Dear Becky,
I so agree with what Lindsay says. Books give a snapshot. Like blogs, they are dangerous in giving an illusion of peace and perfection.
Rather than rely on books or blogs - I prefer to talk to IRL people. When you visit with people and see how they live day to day, how their children are IRL etc, then you get a more accurate view. Life and homeschooling have their struggles. I am careful when I invite new homeschoolers over to show them that whilst the homeschooling life is the best choice for us, it is a daily struggle and a daily taking up of your cross.
When one is homeschooling for the long term - seasons change, children are different and moms get tired. The season of babies and potty training transitions through to college kids and caring for elderly parents (sometimes at the same time as bedrest and potty training!!)
"Real learning" means discerning what methods and curriculum and schedule are best for your family in your season of life.
And if there is anything I have learned over the last 17 years, it is that homeschooling is not "little house on the prairie" with everyone sitting happily around the table going "yes ma"!!!
Saying the above, despite the exhaustion and the struggles, (and yes the arguments that sometimes start as soon as morning prayer is over!!!) - this is the best choice for our family - and we are starting to see the longterm benefits as our children are teenagers and are leaving home.
Many blessings to you.
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Marilyn
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JodieLyn
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I agree with the other ladies. We as a family make many choices. And we have many personalities and so I do tend to discount many of the books and blogs out there.. very few take into account the amount of personality in a home when you have 10 kids  or even 6. Learning styles vary. Just because a book has a lovely story about a family going out on a nature walk without any squabbling or fussing and everyone draws in their notebook etc. Some of us would have maybe one or two kids who'd be best taught that way.. others would rather climb the trees or pick the flowers and have no interest at all in what type of rock that is or whether that bug has 6 legs or not. That's not to say that we can't manage nature walks.. but we don't take notebooks.. we do more hiking, some picture taking and lots of talking.. and we might do some tree climbing during a break
There's a lot of lovely quotes out there. I think sometimes we just need to rethink "peaceful" from the quiet happily busy family where you can hear birds chirping through the windows or classical music playing quietly in the background to things like..
“Peace is not the absence of trouble. Peace is the presence of God.”
"Peace is not the absence of chaos or conflict, but rather finding yourself in the midst of that chaos and remaining calm in your heart"
"All this noise and activity wasn't angry, distressed, or alarmed, didn't represent pain; it just was loud.. The tumult was just another form of peace - hot and hectic of course, but completely without fear."
This is not to say that it's unattainable. Just that you also need to decide if that sort of peaceful, educational lifestyle is really the best fit for your family. With our family being involved in sports and scouts and 4H and black powder shooting/rendezvous/reenactment/ and swim team and all.. we're busy, our lives are hectic. Some times too hectic and we're just holding on through an especially crazy period though that isn't how most of the time is. But I have older kids and younger kids that love each other and sure they bicker.. but I remember bickering with my sister while we grinned at each other.. it was a way of relating and wasn't necessarily as bad as it sounded (my mom yelled at us that time and we both would have said we were getting along fine, it just didn't sound that way from the other room ) Sometimes I have to change the way I think.. I have two kids who can put on a good "morning talk show" sort of banter.. and sometimes it just feels like they're picking at each other.. and feels irritating.. but when I remember to listen differently, I hear that it's just banter without any depth of meaning and I can relax and laugh at them. But my goodness.. the only time my house is calm and quiet is when the majority of everyone is asleep.. we just have way to many loud and extroverted personalities.. I joke that out of the 12 people in my house.. something along the lines of 10 of them think they're in charge.. and the other 2 have learned to ignore most of those. 
I guess I just want to say with the other ladies.. that not only are you reading about short periods of time showing the best of the best.. but you also need to find what fits your particular family which may be a lot more messy than other people depending on the numbers and types of personalities.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Kathryn
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Great topic, Becky. I do believe I could have written your exact post! I'm only finishing year 5 and I have BY FAR not "felt" that I either have accomplished that warm and fuzzy homeschool feeling I so desired when I started. I suppose feelings are fleeting which is why we don't make decisions on them, huh?
I really and truly have no advice or wisdom. I'm in a bit of a possible season of change so I welcome this discussion.
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Kathryn in TX
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pumpkinmom
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I agree with what everyone else has said too. It's just a glimpse, probably their best day ever.
You have to take personality into consideration too. At least one if not all of us in our family just doesn't have the personality for the kind of household that is described in those books. I want it, but it's not natural for us. It's not going to happen unless a professional comes in our house and trains us. Trust me, I've tried to change my personality and my kids.
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Cassie
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JennGM
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This is typical for almost any category of life. I think of the Liturgical Year living, with crafts and goodies. One feast day I might have my act together. The children and I remember it, and hold it up as our favorite way of celebrating. If I record it on my blog it's just a snippet. It won't look exactly the same way every year, but it's what we hold as our favorite memory and our ideal celebration.
I see the same in the classic liturgical books by Maria von Trapp and Florence Berger and Mary Reed Newland. It looks different from year to year, but writing makes it difficult to include all the nuances.
There can also be some idealizing...I remember a discussion about the Charlotte Mason approach, thinking it was all warm and fuzzies without work. It is a wonderful approach, but it needs discipline and habit forming and daily work. And as the child gets older the approach gets even more scholastic and more time and work required.
I also see when writing about plans it is just that--a plan. But life happens and perhaps they didn't get implemented exactly as planned. "God's ways are not our ways...."
We know what life is like in a family. We don't want to constantly read about the nitty gritty real days, but like some inspiration to help us through the "realness" of daily life. We just need to remember to not read with rose colored glasses, but with our family and realistic views in mind at all times.
There are worse times and personality clashes that we would prefer to not remember...every day begins anew with Christ!
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Jennifer G. Miller
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Family in Feast and Feria
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: April 29 2014 at 6:53am | IP Logged
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Thanks for the encouraging reminders, Ladies! I think my post was a result of discontent. As I work on having a more thankful heart I am rethinking all that I was singing the blues about.
It was a blessing to fast from electronics for a bit. I do believe they are part of the unpeacefulness around here. It would be nice, at times, if we had no computers, TV's, Kindle Fires, etc. But we also use those devices for some of our school work so they are a blessing in many ways. I know it is a matter of moderation, as so many things are.
We have things in our life that are causing upheaval, just normal things that happen; elderly parents needing care, friends in distressful situations, a kitchen remodel that is just not happening, a broken garage door ... I don't know why I expect our schooling to just go along like clockwork when there are so many things causing "confusion and delay". I think it's about time to take a break so I am thankful that summer is around the corner.
I appreciate Foss's book because it gives a beautiful explanation of a homeschooling lifestyle that is different from the rigid, forced methodologies. At the same time, I do see that this is ideal and not necessarily always real life. These are the good times, so why not write about them? She does describe a bad day, one that sounds a lot like ours on occasion and I chuckled. I admire her ability to see God's hand in it.
But, as Marilyn said, "homeschooling is not "little house on the prairie" with everyone sitting happily around the table going "yes ma"!!!" Oh how I wish it was like that at times, but with 5 boys and just one girl we're already in a different class.
This morning three of my boys were sitting on the couch, wrapped in blankets, talking about the next Minecraft world they want to create. I could get mad about that. It's an electronic game that consumes too much of their time. But, I could also be thankful that they get along so well, are so creative, and enjoy quiet morning talks with one another. Working on that thankful heart is always healing for me during times like this!
Thanks for your understanding Ladies! It is always such a blessing to hear what you all have to say!
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Becky
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: April 29 2014 at 6:55am | IP Logged
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Posting these quotes on my fridge, Jodie!
JodieLyn wrote:
“Peace is not the absence of trouble. Peace is the presence of God.”
"Peace is not the absence of chaos or conflict, but rather finding yourself in the midst of that chaos and remaining calm in your heart"
"All this noise and activity wasn't angry, distressed, or alarmed, didn't represent pain; it just was loud.. The tumult was just another form of peace - hot and hectic of course, but completely without fear."
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Becky
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MarilynW
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Dear Becky,
I just wanted to share some more thoughts with you.
1. Re distractions and interruptions. CS Lewis has the most beautiful quote on this
“The great thing, if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one's 'own,' or 'real' life. The truth is of course that what one calls the interruptions are precisely one's real life -- the life God is sending one day by day.”
Homeschooling is "holistic" and real learning includes birth and life and sickness and death, home repairs and broken down cars.
I am still learning this - that everything in our lives is a teaching experience. If I wait to homeschool until everything is calm - this day will never come!!
2. I believe that we DO need to strive for order and peace and calm and beauty in our days. My kids will tell you about my "sermons" about how ordered and disciplined the saints were!!! I feel that as well as all the "academic" learning, that it is almost more important that my children learn to be ordered, disciplined, self-motivated, tidy, well-mannered, thoughtful, kind individuals. I feel that if we can achieve this, then the learning is easier. This is where I try to focus my attention rather than chasing after the perfect curriculum or beautiful lesson plans.
3. Real learning is about imitation and virtue and Truth. Again I remind myself of this as I try to avoid the "curriculum frenzy" of spring and summer. My children learn from ME and my MY virtue. Education is the handing down of virtue and morals primarily. The best curriculum is one that encourages this. For some this might be Seton enrollment. For others it might be CM. Whatever it is - real learning will not happen if there are beautiful plans and schedules and books, if there is no engagement and example given by me as the teacher.
4. My belief (and I understand that everyone has their particular views on this) - is that too much technology is destructive to peace and unity in the home. Especially with younger ages and with boys. Just as women our age find it hard to be self-disciplined with technology, we cannot expect tweens and teens to be so. We use technology a fair amount in our learning - but within our school room with our presence there. We chose to avoid video games period (please don't take this as a criticism if you do video games) - and we find it has been a great decision in OUR family.
5. I thought you might like this article Ancient Secrets for a Sharper Mind - we discussed it at dinner a few weeks ago and had some great family discussion. I think it expresses a lot about the role of technology in a more eloquent way than I could do so.
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Marilyn
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CrunchyMom
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I love your thoughts, Marilyn, especially numbers 2 and 4! I did 40 bags in 40 days, and I still want to get rid of more so I can feel some freedom from maintaining, and just this week, I was tallking to dh about feeling frumpy and fat lately since I've had trouble for the first time getting the baby fat off, and I told him that as crazy as it sounded, I was pretty sure I wouldn't feel as fat if my house was cleaner
Life happens, of course. I threw my back out on Palm Sunday morning, and my plans for a holy week of heavy cleaning and tidying to follow my decluttering (which, lets face it, can create a lot of chaos in the process) were completely thwarted.  And I know that I can't fall for the ideals presented in regards to home decor either, but I do find that having things ordered makes me feel much better about all sorts of things.
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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Mrs. A
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If there was a "like" button I would "like" all of these posts! 
I can't add any great wisdom but I thought I'd share these videos by Andrew Kern about teaching from a state of rest. They are just so good. I have been so blessed by listening.
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~ Lisa
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My blog:Through the Mind to the Heart
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Becky Parker
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MarilynW wrote:
1. Re distractions and interruptions. CS Lewis has the most beautiful quote on this
“The great thing, if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one's 'own,' or 'real' life. The truth is of course that what one calls the interruptions are precisely one's real life -- the life God is sending one day by day.”
Homeschooling is "holistic" and real learning includes birth and life and sickness and death, home repairs and broken down cars.
I am still learning this - that everything in our lives is a teaching experience. If I wait to homeschool until everything is calm - this day will never come!!
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Such a beautiful reminder, Marilyn. I have been praying very much in earnest lately to have the grace to give it all over to Our Lord. Everything. I try to do this so often but then take it all back, as if I know more about my life than He does! This quote is a beautiful reminder that the events of our days aren't necessarily just chance happenings that throw us of our own course, but maybe God's nudgings that we should be going in a different direction or just stopping for a bit.
On the other hand, I know one of my failings is discipline. I tend to throw the plan to the wind if a better offer comes along. Couple that with the usual daily interruptions and life gets pretty messy. I need to pray for discernment, to truly see what is the nudging of God and what is my own whim!
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Becky
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Angie Mc
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~~~~waving to you, Becky, and everyone on this thread. As a grandmother for a WHOLE WEEK, I'm going to give you my blink response to reading the OP. My answer is...
REAL LIFE is just GREAT! While Real Learning, as described in the book, can be a part of a real life, it is only a part...and honestly, not necessary to an ABUNDANT AND AMAZING LIFE!!!
When my daughter left our home at 17 (4 years ago) to attend college, I lived with men. My husband and 3 boys. Ya. So instead of me feeling a failure because they just didn't dig some of the stuff I dig, I did 2 things. I embraced my men. I mean embraced all the baseball, tech, tools, hot dogs, got a real dog, loud and physical and chest-thumping. And I grew woman frienddships. I bought more pink than I had ever bought in my life! I'm wearing a hot pink shirt and pink/orange/lavender espadrilles right now! I bought candles, and flowers, and hid in my room for peace. It was a bit of adjustment. But...
I'm getting better and better at letting God do what God needs to do through all the people I love and through our family as a unit! Dear Lord, when you look at it that way, if I become too focused on a particular way or outcome, haven't I tried to have things MY way instead of HIS way? Yes I have. And I'm guilty...so very guilty, of wanting my way because it seems oh so right to me . But there are soooooooo many ways to happiness!
Oh, and I don't do dreams. I used too, but not anymore. I do allow myself to hope, but I work very hard at not locking in on a particular outcome. And now, I see the beauty of it. For example, my daughter (and God) chose a very difficult path of college graduation in 3 years (May 2013) marriage (June 2013) relocation (July 2013) pregnancy (Aug 2013) baby (April 25, 2014!) Would I have chosen this for her? Not in a million years. But can I deny that this is His perfect will? No I can't.
It's just that in my weakness, His perfect will just doesn't *feel* very perfect to me. So I'm learning how to wait...wait it out...see myself in the middle of His story. I'm not very good at it, but becoming better. And happier. Yes, happy :)
So, honestly, the picture of homeschooling I formed from reading all those books way back when PALE in comparison to my life filled with stress and messiness and baseball and financial swipes and rotten math scores and...love growing big, bigGER, BIGGEST!
Becky, you are awesome and so is your family. Embrace the truth of who you all are and just go with it. Find happiness in little things, when big things are rough. Chocolate comes to mind  . And just keep riding the wave...it's a great ride 
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Cay Gibson
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I hope to come back and read this to it's fullest.
I have also thought lately of my past ideals and the current reality...and the current ideals and reality I'm still creating with my younger daughters.
Would love to follow yalls thoughts here.
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: "Real Learning", Is it Attainable?
