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joann10
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| Posted: March 03 2011 at 11:09am | IP Logged
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 I am so ready to send the 4 littles to school.....I need a lot of words of encouragement to keep plugging away....
I am heading to the RA doctor right now, and then hope to come back and check out some wonderfully encouraging words.....
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JennGM
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| Posted: March 03 2011 at 11:13am | IP Logged
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Joann, it might be God telling you to send your children to school. It's not an indication of failure on your part, or giving up, but acceptance of what He wants you to do, and this can always be revisited.
That being said, I do think sending a child to school is a bit more exhuasting, because you have to answer to an outside schedules. Drop-offs, pick-ups, parent volunteer, fund-raisers, attending liturgical activities, plays, etc. While you may have a small break during the day, it's broken up, and then added attention for homework at night and preparation and lunches and clothes the night before school...
I think your workload will be less somewhat sending them to school, but not much, and then the work will be different.
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Jennifer G. Miller
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guitarnan
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| Posted: March 03 2011 at 11:22am | IP Logged
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Joann, you are a daughter of God no matter what you and your husband decide to do with regard to educating your children. You have more to cope with than most parents because of your health issues.
Every day is imperfect - you aren't called to make it so, either, but to prepare your children for life in the next world as well as this one. There are many days in my life when I worry that I am not "doing it right," but the Good Lord brings His own perfection to my messy attempts.
I have had young children in traditional school and it did seem as though I was always in the car, picking them up and dropping them off and waiting for dismissal. (Plus, I had three toddler boys in my home daycare, so I actually know what it's like to put three children in car seats 2 or 3 times a day to take the olders to/from school. It's tough.) There's a tradeoff, for sure, and only you and your husband can pray and discern the best option for you right now.
Praying for you...
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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kristinannie
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| Posted: March 03 2011 at 11:38am | IP Logged
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Do you have RA? My mom has that and it is such a difficult cross to bear. I will encourage you in whatever decision you choose. I do agree that sending kids to school is a different kind of exhausting. You get to have a break during the day (although you still have littles that will be at home), but you have to deal with early wake-up calls and lots of outside issues (school plays, extracurriculars, etc). I spend A LOT of time just doing what I consider busywork for my kids' preschool. We have to do goodie bags for every ridiculous holiday, bring snack, bring lots of other items throughout the year.
That said, you do what God is leading you to do. He will always give you the strength to follow His plan for your life. Know that we are here to support you no matter what God leads you towards and no matter what you deem the best thing for your family. I will add you to my rosary prayers I do for those who suffer from RA. God bless you.
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John Paul 8.5
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DominaCaeli
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| Posted: March 03 2011 at 12:15pm | IP Logged
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No words of wisdom here--just prayers, Joann. 
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Blessings,
Celeste
Joyous Lessons
Mommy to six: three boys (8, 4, newborn) and four girls (7, 5, 2, and 1)
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Grace&Chaos
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Dear Joann you have my prayers in this moment of discernment. God has blessed you and your family. I had a close friend (who was going through some burnout recently) say that if "mom isn't happy & functioning than this (hs) doesn't work." Instead of thinking about sending them to school she cut back on all other extra distractions, from functions to group activities until she felt there was more control. We are glad she is back, we missed them at our activities.
I was recently complaining (o.k. whining) to my dh about our four boys. They are such a handful and I'm finding that they don't learn the way my girls do  . Well, I'm a big believer that God talks to me through messages. The very next day I received my copy of Mater et Magistra magazine. You know what the theme was: Teaching Boys  . I had to say THANK YOU LORD, YOU HAVE BLESSED ME.
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Jenny
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JennyMaine
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| Posted: March 03 2011 at 12:25pm | IP Logged
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I don't know about you, but this has been the longest and most challenging winter of my life. Health concerns have cropped up for me for the first time in my life -- things like back pain, high blood pressure, and tendinitis. Stir up those issues and add lots of snow and you have a recipe for one burned out homeschooling mom! I'm sure you are feeling it even more than I am.
I looked at my teens a couple weeks ago and thought, "I can't do this. This isn't productive. Why did I think I could homeschool for high school?" But then I tried to follow my thoughts through to their logical conclusion. I considered the factors that are making me feel overwhelmed - some I can't change, like being a single parent who must work outside the home. Some things I can change, such as rescheduling some appts for a later date to give myself breathing room over the next couple weeks. Or giving myself permission to pick up a few frozen meals and some paper plates to lighten my load for the next few days while I mentally regroup. Or assigning some extra chore burdens to a teen that isn't volunteering help the way I'd wish.
Always I tell myself that even if I want to make a change in my children's education, I'd need to wait at least 6 months before actually doing it. No knee-jerk reactions allowed, no putting people in school and then pulling them out, etc. I've seen other moms do that and the results usually aren't pretty. This usually gives me time to cool down and realize that there are small, practical things I can do to improve how things are going. And maybe we can help brainstorm some ideas that will make a difference for you?
The sun is shining strongly here today. It may only be 14 degrees outside, but sitting in front of a large sunny window makes it feel much warmer! I hope you can sit in a sunny window for a few minutes, too, with a hot cup of tea or cocoa. Soak up that sun and try to relax for a few minutes. No decisions have to made today, or this week, or this month ~ there's plenty of time to think it through. And I'm praying for you!
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--JennyMaine, Mom to Catherine (17) and Sam (15) "The countenance is a reflection of the soul. You should always have a calm and serene countenance." -- Therese of Lisieux
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ABAng
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| Posted: March 03 2011 at 12:32pm | IP Logged
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Sometimes I have a difficult time discerning what it is that God really wants me to do. I over think and over analyze, only once I really surrender do I start to see things more clearly.
That doesn't mean that the answer automatically appears for me though; but I come back to finding peace and some solitude in the little things. Once I start to focus on the little things the bigger decisions don't seem so daunting.
I'm sure that this is something you've probably been trying to discern for a while. It is hard to change course and hard to know if you should.
Are you thinking for Sept. 2011? If so you don't need to make the decision today.
Take some time to find some small delights. What gets you and your 4 small ones giddy and having fun? I try to make a habit to re-visit those types of things when I feel like it is all too much. I'll take icing tubes and draw hearts and happy faces on their lunch or supper plates, play a fun game of hide and seek or something. Then I also take the time to gather and say a small prayer of thanks with the kids. Something like..."Thank you Lord for mud pies, snow forts and hide and seek...thank you for our family."
Call upon St. Therese of Lisieux.
Either way we choose to school/educate our children requires hard work and sacrifice. Take heart that if you decide to send them they will be ok because they have loving parents who like and know the importance of being involved in their education, their faith formation, and their life. That is the key!
I hope you start to feel better.
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Servant2theKing
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| Posted: March 03 2011 at 2:13pm | IP Logged
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This HAS been a really tough winter! Weather changing back and forth is really hard on the body, especially one afflicted with RA....a huge cross to bear, whether you homeschool or send dc away to school. One thing that comes to mind, based on personal experience with various illnesses while homeschooling...it is so much easier, with the freedom homeschool affords, to tailor your day and your schedule to your health needs...if dc attend school, your life is heavily dictated by outside sources, who cannot alter things when you're going through a particularly rough period. You may wish to consider whether you would be trading a lesser problem for an even greater challenge. I remember being very consoled in our early years, when someone mentioned to me that homeschooling is versatile enough to accomodate serious illness, a death in the family, unexpected travel, and so many, many aspects of life that just don't fit well with school routines. Ultimately, you and dh know your situation best and have greater understanding of what you are able to handle, physically, spiritually and emotionally. Praying that God will bless you with abundant grace and true wisdom to discern His perfect Will for your situation.
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Erin
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Oh Joann Such a difficult decision to make. Can you pray and wait till Spring to see where you are once the weather changes? Jenny and Grace give such practical advice. I know it has been such a hard winter for you. You're a great mum.
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Erin
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Mackfam
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Joann!!!!
I'd certainly like to affirm what others have said about away-school bringing its own challenges and sets of problems...challenges that can't be managed at your convenience or with your timing, for you will be required to march to the beat of the school's drum once they are enrolled. You may also finding your strength spent managing influences and ideas that you hadn't had to encounter with your younger children yet. I know that this could also be the right answer, God's answer, for your family! May the Holy Spirit grant you wisdom in knowing!
I wanted to add my own perspective about the supernatural value of suffering within the home, and the quiet gift and witness of faith that provides for children.
Right now in our home, God has called us to suffering. The gift of it is unique from yours and brings its own challenges and needs. Suffering, while exhausting, grueling, and painful, is a gift. Pure and simple. You have been given a gift in your suffering, Joann, and the witness of living it out day in and day out is a quiet, powerful testimony for your children to your answer of love and acceptance to God's gift to you from the cross. These are supernatural lessons. They can't be checked off on lesson plans, and you won't find them listed on any scope and sequence, yet their value is immeasurable.
When suffering presents an enormous load to carry on its own, I have some strategies I prayerfully put in place. I need interior quiet so I can hear the Holy Spirit's prompting, and I find that I need to anchor myself to the present moment in a guarded, almost fiercely defensive way...because thoughts of tomorrow...even of the next hour can be crushing. So, first things first - guard the imagination!
Suffering is a time for supernatural pruning. Thinking about it in this way helps me know how to proceed. Any tender plant that is pruned needs extra water. It needs good soil and careful watch against weeds and insects because it is particularly vulnerable after pruning. With sunshine and care, it grows and new fruit appears. Here's how I tend our little garden when suffering presents itself as loving pruning:- Accept the joy within suffering - laugh, go outside, inhale deeply, send up a prayer of gratitude, read on the couch, stop and eat ice cream in the middle of the day, etc. Smile and make eye contact with the children.
- Delegate everywhere I can - older children, wonderful friends, loving husband.
- Lesson plans get an overhaul right down to the basics - math, literature/history reading, religion. Period. Children can, and often do, pursue additional interests outside of lesson time. Right now, I reasonably expect the bare minimum. If I have a child under 2nd grade, any formal math excuses itself too. That can be accomplished in other living ways without my adding it in.
- Prayer time and frequenting the sacraments becomes paramount.
- Don't be afraid to ask for prayer support.
- Guard the imagination. I know I said that earlier, but it's so important to me in living out the moment when it's painful. God supplies grace for the moment. Peace is in doing God's will in the moment. I have to anchor myself TO THE MOMENT. That's an act of will for me - I have a vivid imagination. I call on my guardian angel frequently.
- Allow myself to say no-thank-you or not-at-this-time-thank-you to wonderful opportunities that might present themselves in order to provide space and time for God's healing grace to work within.
- Brainstorm with my husband on ways to be most efficient and frugal with my time and energy. This is a very fruitful and productive time. Pulling back initially gives me permission to relax and room to breathe. Considering from there lets me gently reintroduce daily activities in ways that don't make me feel overwhelmed. This is especially helpful during ongoing/chronic suffering. It's difficult to live out family life not knowing if...when...this suffering will let up. Will I ever find normal? Is this the new normal? Giving myself permission to peel layers back, take a deep breath, and then slowly, carefully, prudently consider and re-introduce activities lets me baby-step into a more solid routine I can feel comfortable with. It allows for balance and means I'm always looking for ways to seek routine. It keeps me from getting stuck in crisis-schooling, if that makes sense.
Joann, I know our unique positions are different, but I can't help seeing the beautiful gift of suffering and the supernatural value of it, lived out in simplicity, in humility, within the family. I hope it was ok to offer where we are right now in the hopes that there might be something there that is encouraging! Know that I'm praying for you as you discern and as always, I'm praying for your RA!
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
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joann10
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| Posted: March 03 2011 at 5:27pm | IP Logged
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Thank you so much for all your words of encouragement.
My trip to the Rheumatoid Arthritis Dr. proved what I already knew, my arthritis isn't responding to the new Enbrel injections I have been giving myself....I am getting worse. (I could have told the doctor this before my check-up.
It is getting real hard to get around since it is now affecting my hips knees and feet. I was told I have to keep moving or will be in a wheelchair.
I really dread the idea of out of home school for the kids because I know all your points are so correct concerning the different obligations that would come with public school.
I can't help but feel we are falling so far behind....I would like to go to the Catholic school my older kids go to in 7th grade. He is doing 4/5 grade right now, but he really wants to attend with his best friend in two Septembers from now.
This 2 kindergarteners are so ready to be reading but that is usually the thing that gets put on the back burner, and if I am not consistent with them, I know they won't begin reading.
Hopefully the coming spring (It was 9 degrees when I woke up this morning)...will help me to feel better and give me a better outlook on things....I am also struggling with depression, tonight I pretty bad. We always loved our nature hikes and I said to hubby today that I just want the dr. to make me be able to hike around Green Lakes (about a 3 mile hike which we always walk many times a year)....but I was told that most likely they only way this will happen is in a wheelchair.....I'm not in a good place in my mind right now......
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guitarnan
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| Posted: March 03 2011 at 6:13pm | IP Logged
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Joann, my mother-in-law, who has had RA for decades, says the same thing your doctor said to you. She has to keep moving or she stiffens up. No, she can't do a three-mile-hike, but at age 77 she can fly across the country, earn extra money by cleaning houses, care for visiting grandchildren and many other things. No wheelchair.
If "keeping moving" and home education aren't compatible, I think it would be just fine to consider traditional school if it would help your overall situation.
Have you thought about setting aside just a few minutes per child per subject (with olders helping with the kindergartners when you are not working with them) for those very important subjects you mentioned? Reading, math, writing - if you just did a little bit each day with your youngers, they would probably catch on and move forward with help from siblings. Same with your son - you don't need, I'm guessing, to sit with him for 45 minutes over math every single day. (Some days, perhaps yes - but other days he can probably start working practice problems fairly quickly.)
And, honestly, if you are struggling with depression and RA at the same time, you do need to care for your own needs first. I don't know how the meds thing would work out for you (especially since what you are using now is not working), but finding a way to a positive outlook is very important. It's not wrong to do this via counseling and appropriate medication.
RA is such a difficult condition to deal with, I realize. I am thankful you have a loving family surrounding you with support right now. Please know that you are in my prayers!
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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KackyK
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If it's any consolation Joann, when I see your blog posts, I think we are behind. You do amazing things with your littles, just amazing. You are one of the most organized people, at least from what I can see from what you post. You read lots of books to your kids, you do more crafts in a week than we do in a month I think! You are great at doing at least one organized science experiment per week.
Me, I think that you are doing a tremendous job. I have no words of wisdom. I just think you are amazing and maybe actually cutting yourself some slack will help you relax....idk. I'll pray for you!
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KackyK
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JennyMaine
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Joann, I'm so sorry to hear that your medication hasn't been helping. No wonder you are feeling so awful. Is he switching you to something else right now?
While you are thinking and praying your way through this & coming up with a plan for the future, may I ask what you are using to teach your k level children to read? I'm just remembering back, what a huge weight it was off my shoulders when we used Hooked on Phonics. I received it as a gift, and it was a huge blessing. It took away all my pressure and stress about getting people up and reading (especially for my slow learner). They loved it and just took off with it. Just getting that issue taken care of and off your shoulders will help greatly with your stress level. You won't be looking at those younger two and thinking, "I should be working on them with reading. . .if only I could find energy and focus for that. . .maybe they'd be better off if. . ." KWIM? It would free up some of your good moments for working with your 4/5 grader.
I can't say that I know what it's like to suffer from RA. I just pray that you can reduce your stress and workload in simple ways while you pray through your long-term options. I'm praying the doctors can give you a treatment that will start working for you right away. In the meantime, I hope your older children are being a huge help to you. Don't hesitate to ask them for what you need. It is an honor and a blessing to have a mom around to serve and take care of. They are learning huge lessons about love and sacrifice each day, a wonderful antidote to the me-focus they might develop with institutional schooling. Do hang in there - spring is coming. Before you know it you'll be stretched out in a lawn chair (albeit, wrapped in a blanket!  ) with warm sun and cool breeze on your face! Turn your face up to your Heavenly Father right now and let His warmth shine on you!
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--JennyMaine, Mom to Catherine (17) and Sam (15) "The countenance is a reflection of the soul. You should always have a calm and serene countenance." -- Therese of Lisieux
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Stacy Y
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Hi Joann, have you ever considered an online/computer based or video curriculum? My mom did this when she had to work full time (out of the home), was on bedrest with a difficult pregnancy, and homeschool simultaneously. Different challenge, but needing the same results!
It's obviously not the ideal, not to mention it isn't cheap, but it can get you through a rough spot for less than tuition at a Catholic school. Also, it can make it easier for a self-motivated student to catch up if behind! God Bless You! Stacy
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Becky Parker
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It sounds like you're getting great advice Joann. I don't have any more to add, but I just want you to know that I will pray for you and your situation right now.
Wish we could be there to give you a real hug!
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Becky
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4 lads mom
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Many prayers to you, my sister in chaos!  It has been a very, very difficult winter, indeed!!! Maybe you can spend this Lent praying for direction.....and have lots of conversations with your husband about this..You are always in my prayers!!
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Mom of four brave lads and one sweet lassie
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mamaslearning
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 and
I will pray that the Lord gives you the strength and graces necessary to live out His Will - whatever that may be.
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Lara
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: I need encouragement
