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RyaneM
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| Posted: April 15 2010 at 10:34am | IP Logged
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As was expected, we have received some backlash from my husband's family about our decision to hs our son (oldest just turned 5). I have stated our reasons and offered to answer questions. His brother is beginning to turn the corner but his parents are still very much opposed to the idea. They have the typical concerns ( socialization, etc.) DH is the youngest of 6 and his parents are almost 80. HS'ing is just not something that they understand.
I'd love to provide them with some resources (articles to read, etc.) about Catholic homeschooling and the benefits, etc. Maybe hearing about the benefits of hs'ing from someone other than me would make it a little more tolerable to them.
Any suggestions of articles I can pass along to them?
Thanks in advance.
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Ryane in NY 
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Barbara C.
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I would check out some of the article's at A to Z Home's Cool. Maybe you could print some of those out.
My parents are from an "older generation" as well (my dad turns 70 this year) that values social conformity. Thankfully, my parents also have a respect for boundaries because they both had over-bearing mothers who constantly questioned every decision they ever made, including parenting ones.
My dad especially has expressed some of the same basic concerns that the general public has, and I am still not sure that he is convinced that homeschooling is better to send the kids to school. But I think he also does see that the kids are learning. And I'm sure he appreciates the flexibility it affords us when my parents come in to visit from out of state. (They would lose hours of time with my oldest daughter if she were in regular school.)
With your oldest just turning five, I wouldn't push the issue too much. In most states kids don't legally have to be educated until age 8, so if need be use that as a reason to put them off. Otherwise I would just do what you're going to do, not discuss it with them unless they ask, and let the proof be in the pudding. When they see your son learning and thriving they will start to see it as a viable alternative to traditional school.
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Barbara
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: April 15 2010 at 1:29pm | IP Logged
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Ryane, I don't want to sound like a pessimist, but ... 
Neither my family or my husband's family approved of our decision to homeschool. I wanted so much for them to be on board. But I finally came to the conclusion that no matter what I said or showed them to read, they would always come up with an argument or disapproving look. So, I finally just started saying, "It's not for everybody but it's what we believe God wants us to do, and He has blessed us abundantly since we started" and let it go. The truth is, they might not ever agree with what you are doing, until they see the good fruit. After 8 years, my mom is just now starting to say things like, "Your kids seem very happy", "You must be doing a good job teaching them" and my current favorite "I think the kids are much better off with you at home". But that's only after 8 years of it. It's hard. My best argument was simply the confidence I carried when I was with them. I learned not to let their comments upset me (at least not visibly) and stuck to my guns.
I always remember too, that they aren't
"against" me, they are just concerned because this is something that is so uncommon to them. I keep telling my mom I'm going to bring her to a homeschool conference so she can see for herself that this isn't just some small movement of "rebels and hippies". 
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Mackfam
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| Posted: April 15 2010 at 2:14pm | IP Logged
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Ryane,
I'd like to tag on a little to what Becky wrote.
Becky Parker wrote:
| I finally came to the conclusion that no matter what I said or showed them to read, they would always come up with an argument or disapproving look. So, I finally just started saying, "It's not for everybody but it's what we believe God wants us to do, and He has blessed us abundantly since we started" and let it go. |
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This is what we did as well. This is a parental decision. We made it prayerfully and thoughtfully. We continue to discern constantly. When it came up with concerned family, I applied Becky's wisdom and simply said that we were grateful for their concern, would continue to discern our decision on a year-to-year basis, and intended to joyfully embrace this lifestyle and vocation right now. Big smile.  Topic closed.
Now, if someone was really seeking to understand or know something particular I wouldn't mind sharing an article or a book...because they're open. Otherwise, I let our daily example in living this vocation do the talking, and it has very effectively. The family members who were very hesitant and concerned about us when we began this are now big fans of homeschooling and are frequently sending small resources and ideas over to help us out with a topic of interest!
I know you were asking for particular articles and resources to offer, so I hope it was ok to offer my perspective. I'll pray for you that the Holy Spirit grants you wisdom and understanding in how to proceed! 
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Jen Mackintosh
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RyaneM
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| Posted: April 15 2010 at 2:38pm | IP Logged
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Mackfam wrote:
Ryane,
I'd like to tag on a little to what Becky wrote.
Becky Parker wrote:
| I finally came to the conclusion that no matter what I said or showed them to read, they would always come up with an argument or disapproving look. So, I finally just started saying, "It's not for everybody but it's what we believe God wants us to do, and He has blessed us abundantly since we started" and let it go. |
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This is what we did as well. This is a parental decision. We made it prayerfully and thoughtfully. We continue to discern constantly. When it came up with concerned family, I applied Becky's wisdom and simply said that we were grateful for their concern, would continue to discern our decision on a year-to-year basis, and intended to joyfully embrace this lifestyle and vocation right now. Big smile. Topic closed.
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No, you guys are exactly right. I think that Jim and I both (probably him more than me) tend to worry too much about what others think. As the youngest in his family, he has always sought the approval of his older sibs (particularly his brother) and his parents (particularly his dad). I think that we just need to remember that this is our decision and that ultimately we have to stand firm no matter what the naysayers may say.
Thanks.. I need these words of wisdom from all you veterans. This is still so new to us. As difficult as it may be to deal with the family backlash, we know that this is what God is calling our family to do. It is not easy, but I have learned that those things in life that are most worthwhile generally aren't.
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Ryane in NY
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: April 15 2010 at 2:46pm | IP Logged
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A good place to get some information for those that are willing to "hear" it.
NHERI's Fact Sheets give nice "sound bite" information on things like how kids who were homeschooled do in different areas.. one of which is socialization.
and for a bit of a grin.. there was a conversation overheard at a grocery store where the participants were concerned that children needed to be in school to learn socialism  I hope they were just a bit confused in their wording 
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JennGM
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Ryane!
I'd find books and articles that affirm and cement your decision to homeschool for yourself!
Jen (Mackfarm) just recently had a wonderful article on the vocation of home education in the last issue of Mater et Magistra -- I highly recommend it.
And I've been rereading some of the old Catholic home education books.
Love to Learn has reviewed and listed the ones I was going to recommend. Most of these discuss at about making that choice to home educate, and then branch out onto making it work.
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Becky Parker
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JodieLyn wrote:
and for a bit of a grin.. there was a conversation overheard at a grocery store where the participants were concerned that children needed to be in school to learn socialism I hope they were just a bit confused in their wording
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My SIL actually told me the kids needed to go to school so they could be exposed to germs and build up an immunity. I thought that sounded silly. Send your kids to school so they can get the flu! 
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RyaneM
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Becky Parker wrote:
| It's hard. My best argument was simply the confidence I carried when I was with them. |
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I think this is key!
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Ryane in NY
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Kathryn
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This is my first year homeschooling and although most "support" (I use that in quotes to define support as very loosely) but if I make the slightest complaint about an esp. difficult day or the fact that the kids aren't going to complete every worksheet in their workbooks this year, the first words out of anyone's mouth is "well, why don't you put them back in school?!" As if that would solve alll the problems to ship them off 7+ hrs a day. Soo, my only 2 cents (which again isn't any articles like you asked) but just remember that it requires lots of uh-huhs, hmmms and smiles to keep from "debating" your position.
Good luck,
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Sarah
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Its hard that your husband is the youngest because he would naturally seek approval. But he will get confidence in time, especially if you focus on what Jen said about it being a parental decision.
And I second what the other's have said: that you may never get them on board.
In time they will most likely see that your children are normal and just drop criticism. But they may not.
My family never has accepted our decision, they have just come to tolerate it. We have chosen to shelter our kids somewhat from extended family criticism. I will not allow them to rob us of our joy here. I have backed away from their company in order to preserve my confidence, peace, and the children's self esteem.
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JodieLyn
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But also don't give up on your family too quickly.
Be ready with information that you can share without losing your cool. Because it may be that as they see the fruits of your homeschooling they'll become more open to listening to you.
I have a friend who will weed out people who want to know about something like homeschooling. She'll have a list of books for them. Those that really want to know will get at least one of the books to check out. Those that don't will have gotten a civil answer about where to find the information and gives you an answer for the next time.. "did you get those books I mentioned?"
We got more comments like that before our kids were even school age than we have since then.
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margot helene
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You also might check out Alice's Haystack Full of Needles. She intended for people in just your situation. It addresses socialization (and so much more) and I think she intended it to be a book you could hand to people so they would understand more what you're doing. It also chronicles her mother's conversion to homeschooling.
Here is the link:
Haystack Full of Needles
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time4tea
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Ryane,
My family and dh's family were not in favor of us homeschooling our dc, and were often not shy in expressing their concerns, both to dh and I as well as to our children. We have been homeschooling for nearly 10 years now, and now that our oldest dc are in 11th and 9th grades, my parents in particular have been amazed at how much they know and how confidently they are able to hold their own in discussions with adults many times older than they are about all kinds of issues, from current events to history to mathematics and the arts. Even my dh's parents, who just think that no one can do it better than the public schools, were blown away when our oldest ds tested into college level math and English last Spring after completing the 10th grade. It may be that your parents and in-laws will also experience a change of heart as time goes by and they experience first hand the fruits of homeschooling. In the meantime, view it as an opportunity to grow in perseverance. This IS a decision for you and your dh alone. While grandparents may certainly voice their concerns, the final decision rests with you and dh.
God bless!
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Sarah M
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| Posted: April 29 2010 at 10:21pm | IP Logged
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We've struggled with this as well. A lot, actually. Some of our family is especially opposed to homeschooling (and rather vocal about their disapproval). I found this qote in a Ruth Beechick book, and it encourages me-- thought I'd pass it along:
I think there is no response invented yet that will convince an unbeliever (in homeschooling) quickly... Quietly go about your own family work, don't argue too much, and patiently wait for the time when your success will argue for itself.
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: Questions from family re: hs.. Articles?
