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AndieF
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| Posted: Jan 20 2010 at 7:24pm | IP Logged
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I had wanted to homeschool since my oldest was in 1st grade, but for one reason or another, we didn't start until 3rd grade. My middle child, who was in 1st grade at the public school at the time, well, she has some behavioral issues, and I wasn't sure if I could handle homeschooling all 3 children (my youngest was 3 at the time) in my first year. So I brought home oldest two years ago, and it was a great year. I decided to try all of them this year, and I'm also co-homeschooling with my sister, whose two oldest are the same ages as my two oldest. Really, it has been great. The homeschooling itself is not my problem.
So what is the problem? Well, when we decided to bring our oldest home, she wanted to be homeschooled, but she said at the time that she really wanted to go back to public school for her last year of elementary school. We said that we would think about it. She has enjoyed homeschooling these past 1.5 years, but has said on several occasions that she would like to go back next year. My husband thinks that we should let her go back.
My middle daughter, who I was afraid would not do well in a smaller/homeschool situation, has thrived. She very much enjoys homeschool. But she hears her sister talking about going back, and she is starting to ask to go back too. My husband would prefer that she would stay home, but doesn't want to force her.
My youngest, who will be going in Kindy next year, will be going to the public school for next year only. There are no boys his age in our neighborhood and only one boy his age at church, so I would like him to have the opportunity to form some friendships with some other little boys. Then he will be homeschooled, hopefully, for the rest of his elementary years.
I would like to homeschool the two oldest children next year, but I don't want to force them. I know that the decision is ultimately up to both my husband and I, and the children will follow what we say, but there were definitely be complaining and just general anger, particularly by my oldest child if I "force" her to be homeschooled next year. I don't want my children to feel "forced" into it.
I'm praying for direction, but I'm also asking here to see if anyone has gone through a similar situation and/or have any advice?
Andie
homeschooling mom to dd10, dd8, ds5 and homeschooling aunt to dn10 and dn8.
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Mary K
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| Posted: Jan 20 2010 at 8:58pm | IP Logged
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have you talked with your eldest about why she wants to go back for her last year?
could your other daughter be asking just because big sister is?
do you have any homeschooling groups nearby?
mary-ny
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AndieF
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| Posted: Jan 20 2010 at 9:20pm | IP Logged
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Mary K wrote:
have you talked with your eldest about why she wants to go back for her last year?
could your other daughter be asking just because big sister is?
do you have any homeschooling groups nearby?
mary-ny |
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She wants to go back because she wants to see her friends more regularly and she wants to be able to do the activities that she was able to do in public school. She has already admitted that she knows that she won't enjoy learning as much at public school, so it is primarily for social reasons.
Oh, I'm fairly certain that the only reason that Middle is talking about wanting to go back is because Oldest is talking about it.
Yes, we do have a very active homeschooling group. The girls participate in the homeschool choir, and take sewing lessons from another homeschool parent, and we participated in other activities here and there. I get an e-mail digest every day from our group.
Andie
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Jan 20 2010 at 10:09pm | IP Logged
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Andie, could your oldest dd participate in a class or two...or a program or two to have fun with friends? Maybe be in the drama club, band, something like that?
Praying!
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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stacykay
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| Posted: Jan 21 2010 at 7:19am | IP Logged
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Andie,
Within your hs group, are there activities that are just for girls? I am thinking about Little Flowers or things like that. Maybe hosting a tea for some of the girls that your dds enjoy being with, or things like that, to encourage them in staying with hs.
I know some moms who have taken dc to different things or vacationed during *normal* school year and pointed out that, if they were in their local school, they wouldn't be able to that activity.
No other brilliant ideas here. Personally speaking, I loved school (product of public schools) until 6th grade, when it became clear that I wasn't as ...worldly as the other children. It made for a rotten year.
Prayers that you and dh will make the decision that is best for dds.
God Bless,
Stacy in MI
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Barbara C.
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| Posted: Jan 21 2010 at 11:47am | IP Logged
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This is only my opinion, since you asked...
Sending kids to school just because they want to socialize more isn't a good enough reason, especially if they are already involved with other social activities outside the home. Not to mention that the rules against socializing will probably be much stricter in 5th or 6th grade (depending on when your district ends elementary school) than it was when she was in 2nd grade. Not to mention that the socializing tends to get nastier around this age group.
As for the next younger child, who wants to go for no other reason than to imitate her sister, I would just say "no". My four-year-old knows that her older sister has certain privileges that she will have to wait to receive (as well as certain expectations and responsibilities). The educational and social aspects of homeschooling are too important to me to put my kids in school just to avoid a temper tantrum.
I would have to take a really hard look at why I chose to homeschool in the first place, how important those reasons are to me, and if sending my child to school when even she has admitted that her educational quality would suffer is worth the possible disruption to routines, and possibly family bonds.
I am not saying that there is never a reason to put a child in school, but that reason would probably need to be that they can get something better than what they can get at home at the moment, like with your son for instance.
Incidentally, my seven-year-old just begged to go to school, mainly for social reasons. We had been taking a break from activities for a few months, and being a rampant extrovert she was feeling stifled. While we totally sympathized with this, we also felt that her personality might lend itself with becoming a sheep (she's always worried about trends and "being normal") and she admitted that she thought the school work would be easier (because I am such a slave driver--NOT).
Her dad and I had a long talk with her about all of the reasons we choose to homeschool, what the reality of school would probably be (compared to how she envisioned it), and what she would lose by going to school.
The first two arguments made a very slight impression, but when she realized that she would miss time with the new baby coming this summer and miss out on her toddler sister hitting a new stage of fun that seemed to really change her mind. She also just started back with gymnastics, and I can tell it has really lifted her spirits. So, as long as we make an extra effort to give her more social opportunities, she'll be ok.
__________________
Barbara
Mom to "spirited" dd(9), "spunky" dd (6), "sincere" dd (3), "sweet" dd (2), and baby girl #5 born 8/1/12!!
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folklaur
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| Posted: Jan 21 2010 at 1:33pm | IP Logged
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just some random thoughts.....
i know you said you don't want them to feel forced. but, i felt forced schlepping off to school every single day, and i can't say my parents carried too much guilt over that   . so - i would try to step away from that emotion - school is what you and your dh decide it is. (if they decided that they didn't want to be homeschooled or go to school, i am sure you and your DH would see "forcing" them to do something as just fine, kwim?)
for your oldest - does she have activities where she just gets to hang out with her friends? not in choir or whatever - just sit around and giggle and have fun? remember - she would be doing that at lunch each day. she could be missing that.
homeschoolers tend to call "socializing" any activity with other kids - even those where they are still expected to pay attention and do an activity and not just get to "be." sometimes, the kids just need to "be."
you gave reasons for your youngest going to school - as he has no friends his age that are boys. do you see this changing once he goes to first grade? if you really want to homeschool, i would hesitate sending him too. find friends and playmates thru homeschool avenues now for him - or he will run into the same problems come first grade of "having no friends." i know it is easy to think that you will maintain the friendships he formed with other kids in kindy - but they will be in school all day, likely with activities after - and it just doesn't always work. it can. but it takes work and dedication on the parents part to make it happen (and teh other parents who have kids in school will not be feeling the same need for "socializing" - since their child will have been in class with other kids.
if you want to let your oldest go for social reasons, i don't really think that is a bad thing, but you don't sound comfortable with it. 
prayers as you discern what is best for your family....
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AndieF
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Barbara C. wrote:
This is only my opinion, since you asked...
Sending kids to school just because they want to socialize more isn't a good enough reason, especially if they are already involved with other social activities outside the home. Not to mention that the rules against socializing will probably be much stricter in 5th or 6th grade (depending on when your district ends elementary school) than it was when she was in 2nd grade. Not to mention that the socializing tends to get nastier around this age group. |
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I totally agree with these comments and why I really don't feel that it is a valid argument on her part. A big part of the problem is that she HAS been to school, and so she is remember the good parts, and she is remembering how things are handled in K-2, and doesn't realize that things will be very different in many ways, including socially in 5th grade.
Barbara C. wrote:
As for the next younger child, who wants to go for no other reason than to imitate her sister, I would just say "no". My four-year-old knows that her older sister has certain privileges that she will have to wait to receive (as well as certain expectations and responsibilities). The educational and social aspects of homeschooling are too important to me to put my kids in school just to avoid a temper tantrum.
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Yes, my younger 8 year old knows that too  I am 99% sure that we will homeschool her, no matter what the outome is for the other children because I feel that homeschooling is very beneficial to her right now.
Barbara C. wrote:
I would have to take a really hard look at why I chose to homeschool in the first place, how important those reasons are to me, and if sending my child to school when even she has admitted that her educational quality would suffer is worth the possible disruption to routines, and possibly family bonds.
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I think that this is the core of the problem. I decided to homeschool because my oldest was starting to have some issues with school (ie, she is very much of a perfectionist and thinks that there must be a right answer to everything, and would freeze and cry if she was asked an open ended question). I wanted to homeschool, but hadn't felt DRIVEN to do it from the beginning, and my DH wasn't on board until 2nd grade and he could see how she was having such difficulties and was starting to associate school as a negative experience. I thought at the time that I would my dd for a year, maybe two, and then she would go back to public school. But within a month of her being home, I knew that it was the right thing for her, and I enjoyed so many things about it, and that continued on when my second dd joined us. I, and especially not my DH, don't want to homeschool just because we decided that we were going to, no matter what. (Not that there is anything wrong with that, but it isn't the way that we have approached homeschooling.) I want to do the best for each of my children, and that may be homeschooling or it may be public school, and for me, it may be different things for different children. On the other hand, I don't want to have my kids yo-yo back and forth between homeschool and public school either.
Thank for sharing your opinions. It has really helped me.
Andie
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AndieF
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| Posted: Jan 21 2010 at 6:03pm | IP Logged
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cactus mouse wrote:
just some random thoughts.....
i know you said you don't want them to feel forced. but, i felt forced schlepping off to school every single day, and i can't say my parents carried too much guilt over that . so - i would try to step away from that emotion - school is what you and your dh decide it is. (if they decided that they didn't want to be homeschooled or go to school, i am sure you and your DH would see "forcing" them to do something as just fine, kwim?)
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You are very right. Thank you for helping me this "force" issue in a different light.
cactus mouse wrote:
for your oldest - does she have activities where she just gets to hang out with her friends? not in choir or whatever - just sit around and giggle and have fun? remember - she would be doing that at lunch each day. she could be missing that.
homeschoolers tend to call "socializing" any activity with other kids - even those where they are still expected to pay attention and do an activity and not just get to "be." sometimes, the kids just need to "be."
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Some, with her friends that she knew from public school, but I could do more. And probably not enough just "hanging" out stuff. Good reminder.
cactus mouse wrote:
prayers as you discern what is best for your family.... |
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THANK YOU. Prayers are much appreciated . . .
Andie
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drmommy
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Your children are younger than mine, but when I took my 6th grader out of ps to homeschool, it took about a year of whining and crying on her part...now she LOVES homeschooling, and all of her jr high friends call her "lucky". I had read that it takes about a year to decompress...and that was correct in our situation. Now my daughter hears all the "stories" about jr high, and glad she is home. She socializes after school and on the weekends. There is only no socialization during our homeschool!
Hang in there. I had to make it clear that they are NOT going back, no matter what. I can see the fruits of homeschooling, and they are wonderful.
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SimplyMom
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| Posted: Jan 25 2010 at 10:43am | IP Logged
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This is just my opinion so take it for what it is worth.
Educational decisions are the the parents responsibility.
I am all for letting children have an opinion, but it is too big a decision to leave to young minds who will decide that they want to go to school at a public school because they like the looks of the playground and think lunchboxes are cool (the two reasons my 8 year old came up with when she asked about going to school). It is understandable that a child who was public schooled would miss the peer interaction, but that isn't exactly the purpose of school.
The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.
I think we parents actually put a lot of unnecessary stress on our children when we give the appearance of letting them have final say on these types of big issues. Even if the reality is that you and your husband will decide what to do in the end if the child thinks it is really up to them it can cause them a great deal of distress. They might love to try to argue you in or out of a decision but feel overwhelmed if they feel the choice is really theirs and be pushing for the option they think you don't want in order to force you to take a stronger stand. (how is that for over analyzing?)
Anyhow... you have my prayers.
__________________
Darcee
SimplyMom from Simply Catholic
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: Ugh, what do I do now?
