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LML22
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| Posted: Oct 09 2009 at 9:18pm | IP Logged
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I posted a while back about struggling with depression and anxiety. I am getting some help through counseling and medications, but it is a slow process. Homeschooling is really stressful right now. I feel myself pulled in so many directions, homeschooling 5 with a little one needing me as well. I am wondering if I should cut back on things to reduce stress for myself but how. I have two teens and feel like I can't cut anything for them. Plus an 8 1/2 year old who doesn't read well. Has anyone homeschooled through any type of crisis where they needed to do the minimum to keep their head above water? What would that be? Before I found out my troubles, I bought a heavily hands-on/literature based history program and I use a lot of other mom intensive materials. I need to reduce something because I feel like just sending them all to school because some days I can't cope with it all. It is all too overwhelming at times. So many kids with so many subjects.
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Maggie
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| Posted: Oct 09 2009 at 10:34pm | IP Logged
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Big Hugs to you!...please be easy on yourself.
I would definitely cut back to just the bare essentials...whatever you determine those to be...or even have more of a focus on things that are just purely enjoyable for you and the children so that they can have their "mommy back," you know what I mean? It is far more important for them to have a healthy mommy than to copiously annotate the next novel. 
I do not have older children; however, I suffered with PPD terribly with my second child (over a year long), and after my most recent miscarriage, I suffered from PPD again...and in those times, I know what it is where even the simplest activities become monumental...draining...even suffocating.
I hope more of the seasoned moms will chime in to give you more practical schooling help.
Please also consider other practical helps, albeit humbling, that may help reduce other unnecessary stresses at this point: grocery delivery service, outsourcing laundry/ironing, cleaning lady (if even for a couple months to just give you a chance to breathe), dinner preparation places (Mr. Food, Dream Dinners, etc.--we have now done this for 2 years because it has been such a help for me--), asking a friend to come clean and do laundry (this is what we did instead of hiring someone because it was cost prohibitive for us--this was so so so so humbling for me, but my friends were great and really helped...and were even glad I asked! It is an opportunity for someone else to grow in virtue and grace)...
All these household tasks can really be "out-sourced"--and should be eliminated so that you can concentrate on being a loving wife and mommy, first and foremost...and also educating your children...but loving wife and mommy come first. 
I will pray for you~
__________________
Wife to dh (12 years) Mama to dd (10) ds (8), dd (1), ds (nb) and to Philip Mary (5/26/09), Lucy Joy (12/6/09), and Margaret Mary (3/6/10) who entered Heaven before we had a chance to hold them.
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MarilynW
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| Posted: Oct 10 2009 at 9:25am | IP Logged
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I know that there are many wonderful mothers on this board who have homeschooled in crisis mode and will offer really good advice. Our family has had its share of crisis homeschooling. I have only one hand right now but will try to share some of my ideas:
1) You are educating for a lifetime - so if you have to relax for a season - don't worry.
2) The most important thing is the peace and joy in your home - anything else is secondary.
3) Put your faith first - I find that if we just say the rosary and read Saint books - this is sometimes good enough.
On a practical level
1) Can you teens work independently - and maybe you could have a review time with them each day
2) For your struggling reader - can you get lots of audio books out of the library for when you cannot read aloud?
3) How about educational dvds - eg for the historical period you are studying, Planet Earth, etc etc DVDs can be an awesome way to learn in times of crisis
3) Can you get some kind of structure to your day which means your children are not wasting time even if you are unable to be with them?
4) Discuss with your husband how he can help - can he do anything on the weekend/evenings?
5) Decide with your husband what are the minimums you want to achieve for this difficult season - eg for us, when in crisis mode the children do Math, lots and lots of living books reading, and lots of family read alouds - as well as living our faith
I think it is hard with mom intensive programs and also with everyone doing different things. In crisis mode we usually have everyone do their own Math and sometimes language - but then do everything else together - simpler and less stressful and helps me maintain presence with all my children.
On a closing note - when I had a year of bedrest and illness, my good friend Linda at Sacred Heart Books and Gifts gave me some wonderful advice - just read to your children and have your children read good books as much as possible. She gave me the example of a family in crisis where the children just read good literature for an entire school year - and yet when were tested, they were way ahead of public school kids.
Hugs and prayers to you.
__________________
Marilyn
Blessed with 6 gifts from God
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Mary's daughter
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I will be keeping you in my prayers. Our family just went through a crisis with dh having leukemia. I found the Serendipity plans to be a life saver. My 13 and 11 year olds could do most things independently so I laid everything out in simple weekly lesson plans. For them, we focused on their math which was Math-U-See. If they needed help they would just ask. So, they had math, history, science, and good living literature. My 9, 7, and 5 year old would listen to read alouds and books on tape. They had handwriting workbooks they did. My 3 and 1 year old watched a lot of Signing Time!
I discovered this time in our lives was a gift. We didn't make great strides in some areas but God was pouring his Graces on us. This cross that you are carrying right now is also a gift. Don't be so hard on yourself and lower your expectations for schoolwork for this short time in your life. Ask for and accept any help. I second the housecleaning and meal prep. Maybe someone from your church would be willing to help and it would provide an opportunity for them to grow in charity. For me, it was very humbling to ask for and accept help but in the end I realize it was something I needed to learn. I've also discovered there are a lot of people in the world who are loving and charitable, who are willing to help if someone would just ask.
God bless you and your family. Anxiety and depression are such heavy crosses to bear.
Stephanie
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JuliaT
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We are in the middle of crisis mode with my diagnosis of cancer last month and my surgery two weeks ago. I gave myself two weeks after the surgery before we headed back to our regular routine but I can see now that that was unrealistic. Even though, hopefully, the cancer is gone, the emotional bruises are still there. We still need time to heal emotionally.
When If first found out about my cancer, I knew that we could not carry on with our regular routine. Our brains and our hearts were not in the game. I had read many times that when families are in survival mode, reading is the best way to carry on. So I decided to carry one with our Morning Time. We read the Bible Shakespeare, Greek Mythology, Poetry, nature stories and our various read alouds during this time. We don't read everything every day. We pick and choose.
Along with MT, we did the basics of math and reading. I made sure we went outside for a walk every day. In the afternoon, we might read some more or we would watch educational videos. I also had my oldest read Little Women on her own and write out chapter narrations, so she is still getting writing practise. When I felt like it I had the other two do copywork but I wasn't very consistent with that.
Since I have had my surgery, our school has dwindled down even more. We still do our MT reading but that is just about it. We haven't got to the basics since my surgery, there is nothing educational about the videos we have been watching together and we have been playing lots and lots of cards (this is easy to do on mom's bed.) This upsets me and I have been beating myself up on a regular basis this past week but I keep telling myself that this is only for a season. It is more important to just be together right now. Healing is what it is all about right now.
Can your older children do their learning indepently? If reading is do-able to you then I encourage you to start with this. Just read. If you feel you can handle more, then add in the basics. I think it is more important to you and the children that you are together doing enjoyable things, rather than activities that are stress-filled.
Blessings,
Julia
mom of 3(10,8,6)
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Marcia
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| Posted: Oct 10 2009 at 7:29pm | IP Logged
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give yourself a break to mend yourself!
I like all the things Marilyn said!
What your children take away from your needing extra help might be what helps them develop the most. They can always learn math or english from a book, but the life skills of helping mom and being patient can not be taught from a book. Someday you will understand why God has given you this cross to bear.
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Marcia
Mom to six and wife to one
Homeschooling 10th, 7th, 5th, 2nd, PreK and a toddler in tow.
I wonder why
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sewcrazy
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I had a year of injury and bedrest. Many well-meaning relatives pushed fo me to put my kids in school "just till things settle down" because "what can they learn while you are so laid up". My, at that time, 9 yos had the best answer. I wrote it down:
"Well, I guess I amg oing to learn to run the dish washer, I am going to
learn to do the laundry, I am going to learn to pick
up around here more. I am going to learn empathy and
compassion as Mom heals. I think I am going to learn
that Mom does all lot more around here then I think
about. I am going to learn to appreciate my mother a
whole lot more."
And he did learn these things! At 16 he is wonderful young man.
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LeeAnn
Wife of David, mom to Ben, Dennis, Alex, Laura, Philip and our little souls in heaven we have yet to meet
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Paula in MN
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| Posted: Oct 12 2009 at 6:33am | IP Logged
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MarilynW wrote:
| You are educating for a lifetime - so if you have to relax for a season - don't worry. |
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This is the best advice I have ever heard!
__________________
 Paula
A Catholic Harvest
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Shell
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| Posted: Oct 12 2009 at 7:08am | IP Logged
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I've home edded through the occasional crisis. I think you'll find the crisis itself is educational! Relax, let the children learn together-older ones reading to younger ones. Use websites that do all the work for you for a while.
We had a lot of "story time" I remember and when things were really bad, the children did worksheets and brought them into hospital to show me. Worksheets aren't great I know, but for a short while they don't hurt either.
My friend had her parents help with the home ed while she went through surgery, chemo and radio- do you have a friend or reli willing to come in now and them and just help out? Other home ed parents? I've taken on other mum's children for the occasional day when they needed.
Take time to heal. God bless
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jdostalik
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Dear Sweet Friend,
I am praying for you. Do math and read and have the olders do as much as they can on their own. Then, pray together. All will be fine--you and your dear ones are in my prayers!! Hugs.
__________________
God Bless,
Jennifer in TX
wife to Bill, mom to six here on earth and eight in heaven.
Let the Little Ones Come
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happymama
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I'm in a similar boat, and although I have days where I really want to just "relax" all of my expectations (really, my oldest is only a first grader!) BUT it is also true here that the less school structure we have, the worse their behavior gets... My kiddos thrive on structure and more of everything.
One quote from the Well Trained Mind that has always stuck with me: "Spread knowledge out in front of them, and let them feast!" This is my general homeschooling philosophy... but PPD and anxiety make it hard for me to do my part in this; the kids are so hungry to learn, but I'm not getting things out for them. Another analogy used is "high-tide" versus "low-tide" seasons of homeschooling. My kids thrive during "high-tide", but my issues are preventing me from going full-speed right now.
For me, getting through this time involves mustering up all of my will power and setting very, very specific goals each morning along the lines of:
"what 3 things will I get done today?" - whether I FEEL like doing it or not. For example, fill up workboxes, do one science experiment, get all the clean laundry put away...
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katilac
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I'm fine with an informal season or two for little ones, so I'd concentrate on the older kids. If they are both in high school, and especially if they are college prep, I'd want to keep an eye on pre-reqs, testing dates, and so forth. I'd nix the teacher-intensive stuff.
To keep it low-stress and reduce the pressure on you being pulled in many directions, I'd outsource a few things for the teens. Perhaps a few online courses?
I'd also have a brainstorming session with them and generate a list list of dates and deadlines. Come up with the list together, and the put them in charge of flling in the blanks: when are SATS, when do you need to register, what courses are required by the colleges you are likely to apply to? They can also research distance learning/online ocurses for themselves.
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Stacy Y
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Have you thought about a computer based curriculum for your older ones, just for a season? Check out Thisone. It is not Catholic, but it is Christian. And you could just do English and Math while you are simplifying.
I have no experience myself, but my mom did homeschool us 5 kids and we used a computer based program while she went through a medical crisis. It wasn't permanent, but it did get her through a pinch. God Bless You!
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Mom to 4 boys, 2 girls, and baby due this fall
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RenB
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When I read your situation my heart gave a lurch for you. Homeschooling is like having a baby, there's never a perfect time for one to arrive. It seems our family has endured one crisis after the other over our twenty year family homeschooling times. When in crisis the first thing I do is draw back, get to bare basics and remain in prayer.
In God's infinite wisdom, he always knows our needs, spoken or tucked away in our hearts. Go to him, he will carry you through your time of healing and necessary depart from a strict schooling schedule.
For myself, I like to keep things are "normal" as possible, though a lightened load always helps with the basics covered if possible. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you require assistance with your home or children. Rest and get plenty of sleep. Eat well and get outside if possible to get some fresh air, even if only for 15 minutes a day with a hot cup of tea.
And heh, if the only thing you can do in any given day is cuddle up with your children and read to them, that in itself is a real special time. In the grand picture, does it really matter if a child completes his schooling in a perfect timing, or maybe a bit later from a mommy's restful recovery? The beauty of homeschooling is we can set our own timing for everything, never feel guilty about having to surrender to your basic needs. God Bless you!
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Blessings;
Renee
Mommy to eight, cherished treasures sent to us 22 years apart. Nana to seven lovelies...so far.
"Go East," they said
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: homeschooling during a crisis
