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Leocea
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I have always homeschooled. I intend to always homeschool. I have a strong belief in the lifestyle, and an admitted bias against the public school system.
My oldest is an almost 16 year old boy. He will be going into 11th grade, and is mostly on grade level, except for math, which has always been a struggle.
KC used to have a large group of homeschooled boys for a peer group. Well, that has changed. Almost all of his good friends have moved, or been sent to school. At this point, he would LOVE it if I sent him to school. This is not something I am willing to do, so I am feeling very *weird*, even among my close homeschooling friends.
I am feeling a lot of pressure, most of it subtle, to let him *try* school. That it would be easier for me if he was in school, and we weren't arguing some days.
I am just not willing to do this!! I feel like it has taken me years to mold him into a moral individual, and to send him to the public high school would just undo a lot of what we have accomplished. I am concerned that he is so into the teen culture already, with girlfriends and such, and cannot imagine how much worse being around these kids all day would make it.
KC is a good kid, and I want him to stay that way! It is so hard, though, when the influences of the secular world are so pervasive. My own high school experience was just horrible. It was full of partying, dating, promiscuity, sneaking out, etc. I was in the *good* kid classes, the Gifted and Talented group, lol. It was very immoral, and I can't imagine that the environment is any better today. There are even gangs in our local school!!
I know that I can't protect him forever, obviously. I want him to be a productive citizen, fully involved in his community and parish. I just feel like I am constantly having to defend my decision to homeschool for the long haul. Even among homeschoolers!!
I know that I can't be the only person who feel this way! How do you handle it, and others' decisions, even when their decisions are so opposite your own? It is so hard, to stand by and watch the changes in these kids, mostly not positive.
I am NOT saying that nothing good can come from a public school education. I like myself, just not my earlier experiences. Not bashing here, I just feel so strongly for homeschooling, that I am sad at the exodus at the 9th grade level, espeially the boys.
I almost don't fit in with my peers, again! I thought this would end when I was in a group.
Any ideas or encouragement??
Your sister in Christ,
Leocea
__________________
Your sister in Christ,
Leocea, wife to Ken, mom to KC 22, Caitlin 17, Malea 13, Mary Catherine 10,Elina Rose,6,Andrew,3 and Lauren Celine,1. Angels 5/05, 5/08, 2/11 and Cameron 7/26/11.
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mom3aut1not
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Leocea,
I feel for you. We had somewhat of the same problem as my older kids had no or very few peers in their age group in our support group and related activities. (And one of the peers we did have hurt my middle dd badly.)
A lot of hsers do put their kids in high school. I can't say they are wrong; each family has its own needs and abilities. Yet, high school can be a dangerous place. (One mom I know sent her two oldest sons; after those experiences, she did not send any of her other children to either public or private school except in a very special program.)
I hsed through high school all my older kids. I plan to do it again with my only remaining student for a variety of reasons, some of which are probably not relevant for most people.
HHhhhmmm. Is there any chance of good peer interaction in things like 4H, scouts, or even community college classes?
As for to how to handle others' decisions.... That depends. Are they hassling me about my decisions? Are they defensive? Am I defensive? I try not to talk about such things unless asked or challenged, and then my responses tend to be why our choices are right for our family. I guess I'm a wimp; I don't like tension. I also don't feel it's my place to question other parents' decisions even if I wouldn't make them.
If I felt strongly that another family was making a huge mistake, I would probably say something like "I know that X is in school now. If you ever decide that it's not working for you, I'd like to share some resources that have worked for us at the high school level." After all, I might be wrong about how it's working for them --- I'm not omniscient. If a family for whatever reasons decides without reservation to go the school route, even if I think it's a horrible idea (this happened recently), I would recommend the book Brining Up Geeks and talked to the mom about protecting your kids in school.
In Christ,
Deborah
who has to run right now and hopes that there are no mistakes in this post
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folklaur
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| Posted: July 28 2009 at 12:58pm | IP Logged
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oh, 
it is so hard - at 16 - he really isn't a "boy" as much as a "young man" - and just 24 months or so away from being a "legal adult." these years are such a hard, transitional time!
what choices is he able to make wrt his education? does he choose his course of study, etc? does he have a job, and/or other active hobbies he is participating in?
what about looking into some community college courses for him? i know many, many homeschoolers who utilize community colleges, and it has consistently been a good experience.
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Leocea
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| Posted: July 28 2009 at 2:29pm | IP Logged
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Thank you for your responses. They give me more to think about. I am going to offer some community college courses for the winter/spring, and try to get him to get a part-time job too. There are few highschool groups that are not full of girls and boys that he has nothing in common with. It seems a lot of the boys are either into reading/fantasy games, or into sports. He likes drums, guitar, and robots.
I wanted to point out that I know I have a bias, so I try to be respectful of others' decisions. They have a right to choose what they feel is right for their children and their family. It is not my job to tell them what to do, or what path to choose. If I thought a situation was dangerous, of course, I would speak up. I just have such a strong devotion to homeschooling, and I feel like I am the only one who is hanging in there for the long haul sometimes. It feels lonely here. 
There seem to be a lot of homeschoolers who start out determined to stick it out, and then as different issues come up, they change their minds. I just want to be true to my convictions, while respecting my friends' decisions, and having my son be happy too. Sigh..
I don't want to seem like I am judging anyone's parenting. I want to be able to work through any issues, and not give up and send my kids to school when the going gets tough. I just don't feel that public school is an option for our family. It isn't easy to find others who feel the same way.
Thanks again!
Your sister in Christ,
Leocea
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Kathryn
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Hi,
It must be sooo hard wanting to do the right thing for your son and family w/o all the added pressures. The only thing I could think of is that there are some co-op homeschool classes in our area at a local homeschool store that allows the older kids to have somewhat of the school experience without it being for 7 hrs a day. There can be 1 class for just 1 1/2 hr all the way up to attending 2x per week for about 5 hours per day. My oldest is only entering 5th grade and I'm new to HS so I really have no opinions but these seem like a viable option to give the high schooler some more freedom w/o going the traditional school route.
Like the previous post also, our community college also offers "College for Kids" and it's by grade level.
You know your son best so just keep it all in prayer.
__________________
Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
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Erin
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Leocea
Hugs and support for your decision. It is hard but you have to trust your instincts for YOUR child. Another option is volunteer work; my dd who will be 16 next month started volunteering (one day a week) at our library headquarters a few months ago and she is loving it. It has just given her a balance in her life that she needed and made the rest of the week a happier time for her.
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Erin
Faith Filled Days
Seven Little Australians
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Martha
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No, you're not alone. I have the same problems and mine is just starting 9th grade. I just keep on swimming and thinking/talking positive and try to get him the socialization he craves when possible.
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Martha
mama to 7 boys & 4 girls
Yes, they're all ours!
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mom3aut1not
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| Posted: July 28 2009 at 5:41pm | IP Logged
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Leocea,
I'm sorry if I made you feel as though you were being contentious or judgmental.
For a while, I was the only person I knew locally who hsed through high school. It was tough. I had friends far away who hsed through high school -- including the woman I mentioned above -- which helped me some but not my kids.
I think the idea of volunteering is a great one! Not only could he pursue an interest possibly, but he could also meet people who have hearts directed towards others. You might even find something that could be worthy of a half-credit or something. This idea has lots of merit imo.
Btw, the idea that it would be easier to send him to school is really problematic imo. Being a conscientious parent is never easy whether you hs or not. I was tempted to send my oldest to school to get six or seven hours of peace a day. However, I knew it would be a disaster. However, the hours after school.... would have been beyond awful, and the temptations at school for her overwhelming. All in all, sending her to school would have been a disaster. We toughed it out, doing the best we could. It wasn't perfect, but hsing her through high school was the best alternative. I know your ds is not the same as my dd, but the argument that you can send a kid off to school to get a few hours of peace and avoid arguments is lacking in that as a child matures, he wants to recheck the boundaries. Also, you may just shift the hours of arguments to a time when he and you are tired.
I do know of a case where it did help to send a kid to school. I know of other cases where it was a disaster to send a kid to school, and I am not exaggerating.
You know your son best. Trust yourself. Fortunately, more opportunities exist for older kid socialization now.
In Christ,
__________________
Deborah
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Leocea
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| Posted: July 28 2009 at 6:54pm | IP Logged
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[QUOTE=mom3aut1not] Leocea,
I'm sorry if I made you feel as though you were being contentious or judgmental.>>
Oh, no, no, no, YOU didn't make me feel that way! I was second-guessing what I wrote. I didn't want anyone to feel judged or put down. When I went back and read what I wrote I realized that it could have offended someone. I didn't want that to happen.
Your posts helped me, thank you!
Your sister in Christ,
Leocea
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SeaStar
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| Posted: July 28 2009 at 7:34pm | IP Logged
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I just read "Preparing Sons to Provide for a One Income Family" by Steve Maxwell. There are so many great ideas and things to think about in that book. It may give you some ideas (for example, maybe your son would benefit from having a side business of his own, like lawn mowing, or maybe more community service would help him). If nothing else, the book will make you feel very much better about sticking to your guns on this issue!
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
SQUILT Music Appreciation
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SaraP
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I have no experience with teenage sons and no advice, but I do want to tell you how much I enjoy seeing you and KC interact. He really does come across as a great young man and the two of you seem to have an unusually good relationship.
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Mama to six on earth, two in heaven and two waiting in Russia. Foxberry Farm Almanac
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JennyMaine
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I often feel the same way. In our area there are not a lot of homeschoolers. The ones I meet are the newbies with little kids. LOL
I know that for us there will be no high school co-op or large support group. It simply doesn't exist and I certainly don't have the energy to create it from the ground up. I plan on doing other things to get my teens out in the community - community college classes, part-time work, and volunteering are at the top of my list. Currently my 9th grader provides child care for our piano teacher, is active in our parish adult choir, and has a best friend that she spends time with for overnights and outings.
My situation is this. .. my kids love being homeschooled. They have no interest in public school whatsoever. I have no family members or close friends who pressure us in any way. They gave up years ago! Is homeschooling for high school difficult some days? Absolutely! But I'm committed to homeschooling all the way through. It's what I've been called to do and God has made it possible. There is still joy to be found in this final lap of the race and I'm not going to miss it! I'd rather be an odd-man-out without regrets.
Jen
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--JennyMaine, Mom to Catherine (17) and Sam (15) "The countenance is a reflection of the soul. You should always have a calm and serene countenance." -- Therese of Lisieux
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TracyQ
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Leocea,
You are doing the RIGHT thing by sticking to what you think is best for your son. I know I did, and though he had a few things transitionally that were difficult as he homeschooled, because of the type of person he is (more a follower than a leader with many self esteem issues at times), I don't even like to THINK about what type of person he most likely would have become should he have gone to school.
He's gradually becoming a more confident young man, working full time, learning what a true friend is as he gains friendships, and learning a lot about why being a person with good values and morals is so important!
We're not perfect, and our decisions were not all perfect, but I DO know we've done our best, and what we know God called us to do according to HIS purpose, not the world's purpose.
Hang in there!!!! 
Tracy Q.
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Blessings and Peace,
Tracy Q.
wife of Marty for 20 years, mom of 3 wonderful children (1 homeschool graduate, 1 12th grader, and a 9th grader),
 homeschooling in 15th year in Buffalo, NY
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Marcia
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I am no help here, but really enjoyed this thread. It gave me hope for the years to come since my oldest is only 10!
Homeschooled pen pals have been a great help for her when some of her homeschooling friends have moved on to school.
Thanks everyone for sharing your commitment to keep on homeschooling even when things get tough.
__________________
Marcia
Mom to six and wife to one
Homeschooling 10th, 7th, 5th, 2nd, PreK and a toddler in tow.
I wonder why
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LucyP
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Here where we live in England, it is very common to home educate for a few years at the start of schooling - when our children often start at 4 and parents (rightly!) feel that is too young. Or to remove a child after bullying. And the main focus of both those who regulate Home education from local authorities and many, many parents is returning to or entering state school. If nothing changes, our son would be a lone home educated teen No advice from me, but I get the "wierd" feeling - so often I talk to a home edding parent and realise that for them it just a year or two out of the system.
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Leocea
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Thank you to everyone who responded!
My son has decided to join the robotics club again this year, so that will help. He was on the fence for a long time. We will also be looking into community college classes for the Winter/Spring.
He is just stuck, between being a boy and a man, and I think he is frustrated. He wants more freedom, but I still have to drive him everywhere! He is old enough to get his learner's permit, but chose to buy a cell phone with his money instead, delaying the process. His choice. No job yet. I think we will wait a little while. There are not too many places close to our house that hire before 16. I am eager for him to have a regular paycheck, so he can put 1/2 away for community college and the rest for insurance/cell phone minutes/clothes/shoes he likes. Not to mention the shock of *tax withholding*, which will give him a dose of reality right quick, lol.
I am hopeful that this year will be fun for him, in addition to educational. Our definitions of fun aren't always the same, of course. 
I am feeling much better about the whole thing, though. Thank you for all of your support.
Your sister in Christ,
Leocea
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: Feeling odd-man out??
