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mom2mpr
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| Posted: July 21 2009 at 4:25pm | IP Logged
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I am sitting here trying to "plan" my year and, honestly, I am paralyzed.
Ds is going into 6th grade and boy, have things changed. It was fun for a few years, then challenging up to this point. I am having nagging feelings I am not doing this right. Every time I start an activity or lesson I deal with rolling eyes and a pretty bad attitude. He is a smart kid. He makes me, and homeschooling, look good. He is developing some pre-teen moods and attitudes. He looks longingly at the Lifeteen group and other kids at church. I am not ready for him to deal with the Edge and confirmation prep at church. He is still so young in so many ways. Also, he can be a follower and gets caught up in stuff and tells me to get with the times if I address the attitudes I see. So, it seems peers might be becoming important to him. I have been reading the current loneliness thread. He does seem happy and can entertain himself well here at home. He is perfectly content doing Lego's, reading, writing, and drawing. I don't know what to do academically. We have math nailed down. Language Arts is a challenge-no idea what to do--but he reads a lot so I can be relaxed there. We will finish SL3 American History(why is it that it takes us 2 years to do a SL year??). He needs a lot of hand holding with schoolwork. I might as well mention he really dislikes me telling him what to do all day-chores, get up and dressed, schoolwork, etc. It is getting hard. I think he is tired of me.
Then...there is....
Dd. 6 and a half. Not reading. Seems to have some memory issues, though I think they might be confidence because she has to follow ds who does really well with just about everything. I am trying to find her a niche, and she is balking. She doesn't want to try new activities. I am stressing and comparing and she, also, doesn't want to listen to me all day. I need to spend a lot more time with her, trying to help her learn to read and do math and all, and she just wants to play. She also has a lot of energy and I am having a hard time fitting it all in!!
Anyhow, tell me how to deal with a pre-teen and getting school work done. I am tempted to limit activities and social life extensively until we develop the discipline of getting done what we need to each day. It will be easy as we usually start late--I figure we will do schoolwork from 10-3 this year. But, dd, she NEEDS to get out and do the social thing. I am pretty relaxed about learning except when it comes to math and LA type stuff. Science and all, I don't stress about and pretty much let it happen naturally.
I also guess I need prayers to do what I need to do and not be the softie I can be 
Thanks in advance for any input, about my school plans, or lack thereof, or dealing with a rebelling pre-teen.
I want it to be fun again as we enjoyed our first few years. Though, our reviewer told me last week, at middle school age, if you want to prepare for high school, it isn't fun anymore. Waaahhh!!! But, it can be fun with dd, why should she not have fun?
Anne
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Bookswithtea
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| Posted: July 21 2009 at 6:42pm | IP Logged
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I grieved for quite awhile when I realized that my years of very unstructured/all little kids school were over.
These are just my thoughts, and there are lots of different ways to look at all of this. In La Leche League, they always told us, "take what speaks to you and ignore the rest." So keep that in mind with these suggestions. 
6th grade boys can be difficult. I would say, let him play legos and don't introduce him to groups that would think he was weird for still having boyish interests. Wait until those interests decline. I don't do things like the Edge at that age.
For him, I would make each subject short, clearly laid out, and challenging, but with the ability to finish within a reasonable period of time. Sometimes boys like this don't want meandering unit studies. To them it can feel like school never ends. My 5th grader needed a lot of hand holding and I still did it, but I refused to do it in the 6th grade. I chose stuff that I knew he was capable of doing, without me sitting there, as long as he applied himself. And then I refused to hand hold and instead became a cheerleader on the sidelines. By the end of 6th grade he could work independently. Its a process. I did not set my academic goals super high that year. My biggest goal was the ability to independently learn.
I wouldn't do *any* activities that require you to be out of the house in the morning. It just doesn't work well for older children's studies, imho. Find something fun for dd in the afternoon, and something very boyish for the 6th grader (something like boy scouts or maybe a community sport that isn't super competitive). One of the great things about boy scouts is that it doesn't seem to attract boys who are obsessed with girls and the social scene at a young age.
Another Sonlight year might not be the best plan, as they do have that "its-neverending" kind of feel and its also a teacher intensive program.
Would he consider something like CHC's middle school lesson plan for 6th grade?
__________________
Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and  due 9/10
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Sharyn
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| Posted: July 21 2009 at 6:54pm | IP Logged
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I don't know if this will be of any help, but I was considering getting the Bob Schultz books to read with my son. Created for work and Boyhood and beyond. I suggest them tentatively because I have only read a few pages from the following site and so I couldn't say if there is anything contrary to or against the Catholic faith in them
http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/search?action=S earch&detailed_search=1&author=Bob%20Schultz
But if you could get them from the library and at the very least read through them yourself you might find them helpful in understanding the mystery of boys I find them mysterious anyway, having been raised in a family of many sisters and only one brother who was much younger than myself.
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Mum to dd (00), ds (03), dd (04), ds (06), one in God's care (08), dd (09), ds (11), one in God's care (13), and ds (13)
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mom2mpr
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| Posted: July 21 2009 at 7:09pm | IP Logged
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THAT'S IT!!
Books,you got it!
I AM grieving.
Thanks for saying that. Amazing how someone who doesn't even know me can open my eyes. That helps a lot.
I am still open to ideas for anyone who wants to chime in here. I still have to "plan" and deal.
Anne
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Bookswithtea
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| Posted: July 21 2009 at 7:12pm | IP Logged
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I felt better after I took the time to realize I was passing through into a new phase. But it still wasn't easy. Fwiw, the new phase of both young and older children takes my breath away, but it is also fun.
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Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and due 9/10
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ALmom
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| Posted: July 21 2009 at 7:20pm | IP Logged
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Sometimes the middle schoolers want and "ask" for structure by behavior. If he doesn't like you telling him what to do schoolwise, enlist him in the planning - then hand him the plan with due dates included and let him take ownership more and more. You will not have to be the nag, - he'll simply suffer the consequences of his own choices here.
Lots or real, manly work - my boys have each other and they use my dh real tools - some without supervision, some only when dh is home. But they hear it from him if they don't put things away properly, etc. I have nothing to do with that world - other than to occassionally ask dh if something is safe - to make sure he is aware of something. (My boys relish and love making me nervous - but then they are also extra careful for my sake ).
Sometimes having dad hold them accountable helps - mom nagging is probably the worst answer. If you must, find a provider to work with that will hold them accountable for the subjects that are hardest or the biggest source of contention. This will often free them to discuss naturally with you. Sometimes they just want you to be mom - and are tired of teacher mom. Sometimes it is that they are ready to take on more, dig more deeply, etc. Often this is a sign that they are ready and able to tackle a bit more wider arena than what has been permitted to them before. However, they think that means that they should be allowed to do what everyone else is doing, when we know that this is the worst possible answer at this particular time. Being exposed to a bit wider view in a more natural way than teen hang outs and discussions is different. Ie - my dd met some interesting folks at orchestra (exposure to the wider world), but they were too busy working at music to be just feeding weird ideas. We (or the Catholic faith or teachings we were covering at home) allowed her to see how different views were not correct - and also how different approaches to presenting the truth were not terribly effective. Still, I was around (in a background, not in your face sort of way - volunteering to file music, etc. during rehearsals in the backroom as a means of being able to afford this extra).
Find a passion and find ways to enable them to pursue this - but still make sure it is a good environment with appropriate supervision and not lots of hang out time. This will help them deal with normal angst in a healthy way - and expend all that excess, pent up frustration and energy.
Subtley make it possible for him to form good, solid relationships with other males (sometimes it is too much female in the home) - obviously with those who will reinforce your views. My nephew developed a friendhip/spiritual son relationship with a priest who provided spiritual direction. Another nephew formed a close bond with his uncle/ball coach. Often this will and must happen naturally (cannot be forced) but opportunities to get to know someone must be in place. It is most likely to happen in areas of passion and obviously the most important male is dad. Dad may need to carve out some extra one on one time with son - but not for discussion necessarily - Seems like guys seem to bond best when they are doing something they like. something active. My sons help dad with repairs, go alone with him to care for an elderly persons yard - that kind of stuff. Perhaps he'd have fun with a chess club or a robotics competition or class.
You cannot dictate friends, nor can you guarantee that they will form good ones. But you can foster opportunities to be in environments where your views are lived. I know it was hardest for us when we were in one parish and every week (this was with dd), our views were in some way directly or indirectly ridiculed or snubbed. It wasn't any surprise that this created a few years of tension. Stick to the rules you know you must, while respectfully listening to their hurts. Sometimes a different presentation of the same truths is more helpful. If everything is presented in a dictatorial appearing way (in the eyes of the child), and nobody else around seems to agree (ie mom and dad just seem ridiculously out of touch) then a something that respects their increased intellectual abilities while still the truth goes a lot further than a beat the truth over their head approach. Of course all of this depends on the readiness of the child. Help them/ set them up for coming to logical conclusions from great authors, thinkers and church fathers (and church documents, themselves).
And as one wise advisor told me - don't let them pull you onto their emotional roller coaster. You have to be firm, consistent and a good listener. Sometimes they are plain and simply testing you to see how firmly you really believe all this stuff - ie will you stick to it when the going gets tough. Calmly stating your rules and your reasons - while exhausting - really does pay off in the end.
Wish you the best. It is a most wonderful, though sometimes exhausting venture - you won't regret it. Pray, as I'm sure you are doing, to find out what the REAL needs are as opposed to all the other emotional, maturation type tug of war things. Remember or remind yourself that they are beginning to do what they are supposed to do - make things their own. Our job is to help them sort through all the varying messages they are bombarded with so they come out pointed towards heaven. They will be strengthened by the process. Often these most challenging folks are the ones most able to help others see the truth when they finally have their feet solidly on the ground.
Janet
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mooreboyz
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| Posted: July 23 2009 at 7:41am | IP Logged
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Anne,
This is a difficult age as boys are starting to turn to men. Their back and forth angst can drive me crazy at times. What seems to help here is if they have clear expectations of what to do. Like Books said unit studies can seem never ending to them. This doesn't mean that you are limited to workbooks though. I have workbooky stuff and then they have "Choice Work". I give them a list of topics at the beginning of the week (geography, architecture, art, botany, etc) and they can choose some type of work to do within that area. They have to do something from each area by the end of the week. So, they can do a whole bunch on Monday or one thing a day. What they do varies on their mood. They may just snuggle in with a book, do an experiment, build something, do some flashcards or a game.
Another thing that is important is giving them meaningful work. I have seen that if they have something meaningful to do (man work we call it) it really helps with their moods. Give him jobs like hauling in firewood every morning or cleaning the basement/garage. My boys do well with all inside stuff as well...dishes, bathroom, dusting; but, the more manly stuff seems to help them more.
Also, I could copy what Books said about spending some time just letting him work independently. I did this with my 9 year old this past year. He always liked me to hold his hands; but, with 5 I just can't. So, I gave him reports to do, for example, and I'd check with him after each main step...look over notes, outline, topic sentences, intro paragraph, final draft. I even gave him a checklist of these things and deadlines. It worked very well. By the end of the year he was able to learn about something independently and report on it.
For LA I highly recommend Easy Grammar. We started with it 2 years ago and the boys actually love it. It is very comprehensive and thorough. I get the Daily Grams to go along with it. Check it out here:
easy grammar
__________________
Jackie
7 boys - 1, 4, 7, 10, 13, 15, 17 years
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: Middle school pep talk needed!
