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mayappleridge
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Location: Wales
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| Posted: May 11 2009 at 1:44am | IP Logged
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I'm really struggling here. I think to begin with part of the issue is that we are overcoming a bad bout of mononucleosis (aka glandular fever). So up until a week ago, my husband and I were at some stage of illness for about 2 months. My kids had it, but not as bad. Luckily, we are much much better now and only a tiny bit tired. Also, we just moved from America to Wales in December.
I have 4 children. Two boys ages 10 and 7, and two girls ages 2.5 and 10 months. My seven year old has some learning issues that require a lot of one on one attention. Independent work isn't something he can do too much of (though any ideas for that would be great). He has an auditory processing disorder and some memory issues (on the autism spectrum). So I have to work with him daily on basic phonemic awareness and memory besides normal school things.
My ten year old is very academically bright and is pretty independent. I can give him something to do and he will just do it.
My daughters are another issue. The two year old is constantly hitting or pushing the baby, or screaming at us. I'm finding that if I spend a bit of time wearing her in the morning, I get an hour or two of peace from her. I'm also learning that she requires a lot of touch (sort of sensory seeking, which is the opposite of my sensory avoiding seven year old). At night, I do this new thing with her where I squeeze her and we say "Squeeeeeze!" It calms her, so I'm thinking something like that may be in order for her in the daytime. We've put her in nursery school for two afternoons a week just so we can have some peace. I feel a bit guilty for that, but she does enjoy it and it's a chance for her to pick up a Welsh accent. 
But I see these blogs where people have a classical eduction for their children and have a ton of kids who are all school age, special needs and all and still manage to keep their home clean.
I'm being as easy with myself as I can. I realize we've been ill, so the house is in more disarray than it would be normally. My goal is to follow my routines and leave my home cleaner than it was in the morning by the time I go to bed.
I get so much inspiration from you all and your blogs. I feel like I am really struggling here and need help.
__________________
www.cyfaill.blogspot.com
Quaker, Mama to 4, former American ex-pat
the Artist (boy) age 10
the Explorer (boy) age 8
the Tiny Goddess (girl) age 3
and Miss Mousie (girl) age 2
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stellamaris
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Joined: Feb 26 2009
Location: Virginia
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| Posted: May 11 2009 at 5:59am | IP Logged
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mayappleridge wrote:
But I see these blogs where people have a classical eduction for their children and have a ton of kids who are all school age, special needs and all and still manage to keep their home clean.
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One of the dangers of this type of online relationship is that people only see what we want them to see of us. They don't see the whole, real, unvarnished truth about our lives, good and bad. What we want others to see of us is the best we have to offer. I believe that if you could walk into most of our lives today, you would find lots of messy homes, moms that stuggle with various physical ailments or difficult pregnancies, and difficult days. Although we all strive to serve our Lord, we are human and struggle daily with concupiscence. So we are subject to disarray, disorder, discouragement, disease. Comparing your life to the small segment of the women's lives that you read about on this forum is comparing yourself to an unattainable ideal. Instead, glean ideas that you can implement one at a time and that "fit" into your life.
You have been sick and need to rest as much as possible. You also have experienced a great deal of stress moving to another country. This is the time for your children to learn the great lesson of service. Focus less on regular academics and more on prayer, family reading time, and whatever is peaceful and positive for you and your family (maybe just walking briefly around your new area and learning about it). When you are well, you will be able to do much more. As far as placing your little one in preschool, we did that, too, with our twins so one of them could get the special therapies (speech, physical, occupational) he needed, and also so I could get a few hours of relief. It helped me be a better mom overall, and it did not permanently damage my children. You must do what is best for your family and your situation; by God's design, every family is unique and will have unique decisions regarding the education of their children. Do not compare yourself with others, especially with limited views of others, but do your best to follow the will of God in your own life, offering up the daily crosses of messiness, commotion, sibling conflict, illness, and discouragement that come to all of us who are homeschooling.
__________________
In Christ,
Caroline
Wife to  dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
Flowing Streams
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amyable
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| Posted: May 11 2009 at 9:05am | IP Logged
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stellamaris wrote:
| One of the dangers of this type of online relationship is that people only see what we want them to see of us. They don't see the whole, real, unvarnished truth about our lives, good and bad. |
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Caroline has such a good point - I can't say this enough!
You can read my blog if you want a dose of reality.
I am realizing little by little (and I have to remind myself VERY often) that you simply cannot compare what you see on a blog or message board to your own very REAL life. You see your own life in all its overwhelming glory. You see another mom online in bits and snatches, good and bad. You don't know:
- Mom X's dh cooks and cleans and shops for her
- Mom Y "says" she's a classical schooler, but really leans more towards unschooling
- Mom Z has 8 kids, yes, but 4 of them are so HELPFUL and easygoing that they really pick up the necessary overabundance of work, and make her life more joyful giving her extra energy to accomplish her own work
I also tend to accidentally lump everyone together in my head. I see that Mom X has put up a great craft and think back over all the blog/forum posts of the past and see this vast array of success and happiness and loveliness - and assume they are all hers for the taking. Then I get up off the computer, see my dd having another tantrum over math, my 4yo screaming because she didn't get what she REALLY wanted for her birthday yesterday (a princess Barbie  ), and go stick to my kitchen floor, and I just want to crawl in a hole and die.
But what I didn't see was that Mom X *also* got up off her computer, and held her special needs son down as he was about to attack his older brother and was out of control, and that she cried big tears over her own "failures" of the day, and that she too stuck to her kitchen floor! All I saw was the pretty crafts and organized shelf, and assumed the rest.
I hope and pray you are all feeling better soon. Long term sickness on top of a move is SO hard. I think you have a wonderful attitude to try to take just a tiny bit at at time right now - leaving things a little better than how you found it. Keep up with that and you will look back with astounding wonder, it worked! 
__________________
Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of 
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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anitamarie
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| Posted: May 11 2009 at 12:12pm | IP Logged
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Elizabeth Foss had a great post on her blog a while back here
Hope it helps.
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12stars
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| Posted: May 11 2009 at 2:06pm | IP Logged
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Caroline and Amy thank you for your input!!!
I soooo needed to hear that again myself, I think when I first came to these boards that is one thing I internally struggled with. Assuming that all these moms had this super holy prayer life, get to morning mass, their houses were immaculate, or that their children were some how much smarter and better behaved than mine. Or that their curriculum was far superior than anything I had chosen.
How wrong was I and how your mind can just go onto these negative thought tangents.
I realized that those were my desires and somehow I thought that my ideals were being lived out and done by most families on here.
Needless to say that they were all just MY assumptions and most if not all struggle just like I do and that we are here to encourage and share all of that. Or else we would not have this forum, if everybody here had it all together.
There are resources out there that can help us with organization, books that have the right idea and really strengthen our homeschooling choice.
One of those is actually Real Learning by Elizabeth Foss
Don't feel discouraged just know that we ALL go through the same thing some of us more than others. Sometimes it is a few days a few weeks or months.
__________________
Claudia in Southern California
Wife to George,
Mom to DD 14, DD 10, DD 7, DS 4, DS 2, 1 in heaven, and now due 5/11.
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Mary K
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| Posted: May 11 2009 at 2:48pm | IP Logged
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I've found myself falling into the comparison trap also. what I do is look at the mom's blog and see if the weather is the same (generally) as mine, if the number and ages and genders of the children is the same, if the activities are the same and if not I stop comparing myself.
God bless,
Mary-NY
ps but I still enjoy everybody's blogs!
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Anne McD
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| Posted: May 11 2009 at 3:15pm | IP Logged
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amyable wrote:
Then I get up off the computer, see my dd having another tantrum over math, my 4yo screaming because she didn't get what she REALLY wanted for her birthday yesterday (a princess Barbie ), and go stick to my kitchen floor, and I just want to crawl in a hole and die.
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OOOOOHHHHH, I'm so glad its not just me! Especially the sticking to the the kitchen floor part!!
__________________
Anne
Wife to Jon
Mommy to Alex 9
James 8
Katie 6
William 3 1/2
Benedict Joseph 1
and baby on the way! 10/14
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KauaiCatholic
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| Posted: May 11 2009 at 3:48pm | IP Logged
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Anne McD wrote:
amyable wrote:
Then I get up off the computer, see my dd having another tantrum over math, my 4yo screaming because she didn't get what she REALLY wanted for her birthday yesterday (a princess Barbie ), and go stick to my kitchen floor, and I just want to crawl in a hole and die.
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OOOOOHHHHH, I'm so glad its not just me! Especially the sticking to the the kitchen floor part!! |
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ok, me too ...AND I ONLY HAVE TWO!! SO I REALLY HAVE NO EXCUSE!! now just think how much more amazing all of you are!
thank you for all the wisdom, you smartsmart moms. and if any of you ever need comparison to know what an awesome job you are doing, come take a peek at my laundry/kitchen/bathrooms. then we can go sit in the sunshine and be grateful God (and our DC) loves us anyway, in spite of our floors ... and I bet he has a better sense of humor about it all, too. 
(in the meantime, I am praying for you ... all of you. but especially YOU,
mayappleridge. God bless all of you amazing women!)
__________________
Viviane
Grateful mama of Jonah Augustine ('01), Sophia Marie ('05) and Luke Dominic ('10)
We can do no great things; only small things with great love. -- Blessed Teresa of Calcutta
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: May 11 2009 at 10:34pm | IP Logged
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When y'all have a few minutes.....you'll surely get a laugh out of this thread......It is what it is..." from two years ago!!! It's an oldie, but a goodie
__________________
Suzanne in ID
Wife to Pete
Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
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mayappleridge
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| Posted: May 12 2009 at 1:57am | IP Logged
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Thanks everyone. I'm feeling better and seeing things with a new perspective.
I also realize I need to start my day with some prayer and quiet stillness. That's what I've done this morning and I feel worlds better.
Jo
__________________
www.cyfaill.blogspot.com
Quaker, Mama to 4, former American ex-pat
the Artist (boy) age 10
the Explorer (boy) age 8
the Tiny Goddess (girl) age 3
and Miss Mousie (girl) age 2
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mayappleridge
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| Posted: May 12 2009 at 3:13am | IP Logged
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and I want to add that the threads with pictures are helpful. So helpful.
Today I am going to embrace the chaos that is my wonderful and love filled life.
__________________
www.cyfaill.blogspot.com
Quaker, Mama to 4, former American ex-pat
the Artist (boy) age 10
the Explorer (boy) age 8
the Tiny Goddess (girl) age 3
and Miss Mousie (girl) age 2
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dawn2006
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| Posted: May 12 2009 at 7:52am | IP Logged
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A good friend of mine sums this up for me all the time:
Quote:
| Don't compare your insides to other people's outsides. |
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That always helps me calm down when I do the same comparison stuff!
__________________
Dawn Farias | wife to Ariel | mom to Gabriel 9, Daniel 7, Elizabeth 5, and Michael 3 | blogger at Be Absorbed | native Texan but currently living near Seattle
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: How do you do it with multiple children,
