| Author | |
nissag
Forum All-Star
Joined: Nov 23 2006
Location: Massachusetts
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1511
|
| Posted: July 28 2008 at 7:17am | IP Logged
|
 |
|
Amy asked me if I would post a topic on our family's practice of silence. Morning silence is only part of a greater whole.
Brian and I have tried to incorporate some of the practices of Benedictine monasticism into our family life. One of those practices is the Great Silence. After evening prayers (we shoot for between 8 and 9 pm), there is no talking until next morning after breakfast. With little bitty ones, it is a challenge, but one that can reap wonderful benefits if patiently pursued.
The silence allows us to:
- more gently ease into the day
- focus more intently on morning activities (and hopefully the value an sanctity of each)
- be more attentive to each other's needs without verbal communication (this is the real biggie for me)
- practice sign language(which still confounds Brian...)
It is not without challenges. Little ones have trouble communicating non-verbally at times. Also, they can have a difficult time understanding just "how" to be quiet/get quiet. By the time a child reaches the age of five, they should have it down, though.  And there are times when frustrations arise and grumbling ensues. Change of routine/duties, being unsure about what to wear, and illness are the most common problems.
So it gives us something to work on and perfect. It will never actually be perfect, but the practice, and the intention behind the practice, are important.
I've just given you a brief description. so feel free to ask away about nuts and bolts - or whatever. 
ETA: If you have any questions about our other Benedictine practices, please ask. It's a topic I love to talk about - but one that is too vast to just launch into a lecture on. Better to answer specific questions.
Blessings,
__________________
Nissa
Deacon's wife, mother of eleven, farmer, teacher, creator, cook.
At Home With the Gadbois Family
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
amyable
Forum All-Star
Joined: March 07 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3798
|
| Posted: July 28 2008 at 7:29am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Thank you so much, Nissa. I'm going to come back later and really read this - I'm in a rush now!
__________________
Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of 
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Lara Sauer
Forum All-Star
Joined: June 15 2007
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 679
|
| Posted: July 28 2008 at 8:00am | IP Logged
|
|
|
We have the same type of structure in our house, although it is slightly more relaxed in the summer than during the school year. We call it "Quiet Time." There are three main times that we keep to this: before breakfast, in the mid-afternoon during naps, and after 7pm in the evening. This quiet is most strictly enforced on the main floor of the house, but not necessarily upstairs or downstairs, depending on the time of day. Running and screaming is almost never allowed at any time. (If I can hear you, you are being too loud!) I agree with Nissag that it is a challenge for the little ones, but most everyone is compliant by the time they are 5 or so.
Our house is fairly large (to accomodate our soon to be 8 children and 2 adults!) so to minimize my need for yelling to bring the kids to the main floor when I want them for anything, I ring a small bell, the noise of which carries through the house far better and much more pleasantly than my screaming could ever do.
No one is allowed downstairs before breakfast, which is usually at 7:30pm (except Mom, Dad and infants) particularly during the school year so that the children have time to tidy up there rooms and get dressed. (Now if they would only use it for that )(Exceptions are of course when we need to be out of the house before that time!)
Once the little kids go down for their naps in the afternoon (and sometimes Mom, too!) "quiet time" is in effect everywhere but in the basement. This is usually from around 1:30-4pm or so, maybe longer or shorter depending on what our plans are for the day.
In the evening after dinner, we have our last period of quietude before everyone heads off to bed. This usually begins around 7-7:30 or so, because our youngest children head off to bed at that time. Quiet is in force everywhere but in the basement.
I should add, that playing of instruments or music, or listening to books on tape or reading aloud to a younger sibling are almost always allowed.
I think that this rule is really essential in a home where there are many people living together. Respect for the other is really what we are trying to instill in each family member with this structure. I find the quiet imperative for my own peace of mind, as well.
We also enforce this rule in our car even more stringently then in our house! The smaller the space,t he quieter that we all become!
There is nothing that I love better than when a friend or neighbor pops over in the middle of the afternoon and says, "Where is everyone? Don't you have 7 children living here? It's so quiet!"
Great topic.
__________________
You can take the girl out of Wisconsin, but you can't take the Wisconsin out of the girl!
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
nissag
Forum All-Star
Joined: Nov 23 2006
Location: Massachusetts
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1511
|
| Posted: July 28 2008 at 8:31am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Lara,
We also have a quiet time in the middle of the day - after luncheon. We allow quiet reading or artwork. In our house, playing music or singing would surely distract my little ones. But then, we have a very tiny house, so the same rule applies here as it does in your car. LOL.
One day, if God grants us the gift of a big house, we might be able to spare a room for music where the children could practice. Oh, that would be so lovely!
Blessings,
__________________
Nissa
Deacon's wife, mother of eleven, farmer, teacher, creator, cook.
At Home With the Gadbois Family
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
folklaur
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2816
|
| Posted: July 28 2008 at 12:44pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Wow, that is interesting.
I could never do it.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Jenny
Forum Pro
Joined: Dec 20 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 489
|
| Posted: July 28 2008 at 9:45pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I'd like to hear more about your practices. We love to visit Clear Creek Monastery.
__________________
Jenny
Chris' wife and momma of 7. My blog: The Littlest Way--Bible Journaling, Inspiring Bible Quotes, Daily Affirmations, Prayer Journaling & photography
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
monique
Forum Pro
Joined: Sept 11 2007
Location: Wyoming
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 345
|
| Posted: July 28 2008 at 10:26pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Very interesting topic. I think the more people we have in the house the more a quiet time needs to be enforced. I think everyone needs to have some quiet time to themselves--me included.
I've heard some sessions on using the Benedictine Rule. What other things do you do that would be considered Benedictine? I've been meaning to read the book for two years now and still haven't looked at it. 
__________________
Monique
mom to 5
Raising Saints
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Lara Sauer
Forum All-Star
Joined: June 15 2007
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 679
|
| Posted: July 29 2008 at 9:08am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Nissag, as I am sure you well know, there is no virtue in having a big house over a small house, per se. I grew up in a 3 bedroom, one bath house with 10 other siblings (althoug in all honesty, I was at the tail end, so didn't have to endure quite the congestion as my brothers and sisters!) And as my mother always used to say, be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it (and all the extra space to clean, to boot!)
On a more serious note, I think the real virtue is to be found in the order and quietude that is instilled in either the big or small space. Our God is a God of order and not chaos, as can be seen in the perfect flow of a day from sunrise to sunset, or in the order of the seasons. When we mimic His sense of order in our lives, I think it is easier for both our children and for us to find Him.
To those who are wondering about how to implement something like this in their own homes, I would caution that the "perfect is the enemy of the good." Our homes will never be run with the perfect order and silence of a Benedictine monastery, most specifically because that is not what they are! Rather, they are HOMES full of vibrant and lively children, not adult monks or nuns! However, that vibrance and liveliness can be directed to a more postive good through the instruction of temperance, which is precisely what the periods of silence in my own are meant to teach.
As I said before, our lives in some small measure need to reflect the order and patterns that God has provided for us. I find that to have a cycle or pattern for each day gives our family that sense of rhythmic structure so necessary to all of us. Just as in Ecclesiates, (and I am paraphrasing mightily hear, so bear with me!) there is a time for noise and a time for silence...but joy can definitely be found in both.
Peace.
__________________
You can take the girl out of Wisconsin, but you can't take the Wisconsin out of the girl!
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
amyable
Forum All-Star
Joined: March 07 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3798
|
| Posted: July 29 2008 at 9:33am | IP Logged
|
|
|
So Nisa, you are saying breakfast is also silent? Do you all eat together or is it more of a random thing?
For those that do this, did you start when your children were all little? How did you broach it with them if not? I just can't wrap my mind arpund starting something like this, although I can see that the benefits (at least for me if not the kids  are there!)
__________________
Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
nissag
Forum All-Star
Joined: Nov 23 2006
Location: Massachusetts
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1511
|
| Posted: July 29 2008 at 11:39am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Just popping in between doctor's appointments. I'll answer Monique's question when I get home from our second appointment.
Yes, our breakfast time is silent except for prayers and little ones. It helps us once again to anticipate each others' needs. We've been gradually adding to our practices over the last 4 or 5 years. My oldest ones were 10 and 12 at the time. It was a bit of a game for them at first, making it very easy. The key is to keep it light. It'll come in time. With the littles, we just remind them with a touch and placing our forefinger to our lips. As I said before, they'll get it down by the time they're about 5.
Lara is correct, perfection is not attainable, nor do we expect it. We strive for as perfect as *we* can be. I didn't mean to imply that I thought there was greater virtue in a larger home. I apologize if that's how I sounded.
Blessings,
__________________
Nissa
Deacon's wife, mother of eleven, farmer, teacher, creator, cook.
At Home With the Gadbois Family
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Lara Sauer
Forum All-Star
Joined: June 15 2007
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 679
|
| Posted: July 29 2008 at 1:02pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
No need to apologize, Nissag. There was nothing at all offesive in what you said. I was just trying to articulate what I think you and I both agree is the greater virtue...that of orderliness and peace regardless of size. Frankly, I think those who live in smaller spaces have the greater opportunity for grace-filled moments...much like the difference between the rich man and the poor man. A smaller space provides many more opportunities to make the myriad of small personal sacrifices necessary to aid a person in growing in the virtues. Many times in a bigger house, it is not as necessary to "deny one-self and take up thy cross" because it is easier to simply move to another room in the house where one can be undisturbed. Easy almost never equals virtue!
To those who might wish to try and start a period of silence in the home, I would recommend that you start small. From the time that my oldest was small, I have always enforced these quiet times, so we have been practicing them for nearly 15 years! (And we are far from perfect, I might add ) However, the peace that the silence brings to a home is more than worth the sacrifice that it takes to get there. Perhaps one could simply implement 15 minutes of quiet prayer time/meditation time in the morning before everyone gathers for breakfast in the morning...and maybe another 15 minutes before lunch...and dinner...and bedtime. Set a timer and then be quiet. There is a reason that monasterys ring bells, and it is not just because they sound pretty! It is also partially because the ringing of the bell gives the a soul freedom to not keep checking the clock, but rather the freedom to engage whatever action one is doing with his whole mind and body. That is one of the great lessons that I want my kids to learn: Age quid agite! Do what you are doing. When you are playing...really play; when you are working...really work; and when you are being silent...BE SILENT! (I would caution that the second you start the timer...CHAOS will likely break out. The baby will cry, the children will fight...whatever. Simply roll with it and don't sweat the small stuff!)
I wish that I could somehow inspire those who would like to try this with the message that the goal is worth the effort. The beauty or perhaps one of the fruits of having lived this way for so long is that my children instinctively seem to take this spirit of quietude with them when they are guests in other people's homes. I have been pleased that my children have been invited back to other people's homes specifically because the parents have told me that they are "good guests."
This is getting long, and I will sign off to let others comment! Peace.
__________________
You can take the girl out of Wisconsin, but you can't take the Wisconsin out of the girl!
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
SuzanneG
Forum Moderator
Joined: June 17 2006
Location: Idaho
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5465
|
| Posted: July 29 2008 at 5:33pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
We have always had quiet time in the afternoon when the toddlers go down for naps. It lasts anywhere from 30-75 minutes (my dc are 7, 6, 4.5, 2, 3 mo). Minimal talking, no bodily contact, . Sometimes they are in separate rooms, sometimes all in the living room. Books on tape, reading, drawing, hanging out, playing silently with dolls, barbies, clay, etc.
I'm enjoying this thread, as I wanted to have another "break of silence" in the day somewhere. And, also thinking about making part of this more of a prayer time.
In another thread, Books was looking for a resource for her daughter’s independent “devotional time.”
Bookswithtea wrote:
| The most important thing is that they have time set aside each schoolday (at least) to focus on something holy, in that CM "something to think about/something to do/something to love" kind of way. I think there is some wisdom in giving them a tool and letting them get with God without me as the mediator |
|
|
Lara Sauer wrote:
| Perhaps one could simply implement 15 minutes of quiet prayer time/meditation time in the morning before everyone gathers for breakfast in the morning...and maybe another 15 minutes before lunch...and dinner...and bedtime. |
|
|
For children under 8, what would this look like? I'm stuck on the logistics and coming up with realistic idea of it, given the ages.
__________________
Suzanne in ID
Wife to Pete
Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
nissag
Forum All-Star
Joined: Nov 23 2006
Location: Massachusetts
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1511
|
| Posted: July 29 2008 at 6:33pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Popping back in now. Let me begin by saying that I don't think keeping a silent period is unusual to most families with more than one child. We've had quiet time for all 16 years of our parenthood. It took on greater meaning after we began integrating the Rule of St. Benedict into our lives. First, our outward practices are not performed for their own sake, but as a means of instilling and deepening the underlying principles of our way of life.
Obedience (first to God, then to us as parents), order, hospitality, and peace are essential to our spiritual lives. We structure our lives, outwardly and inwardly to emphasize work and prayer as two sacred parts of the whole of our lives. Together, they glorify God.
We cannot live as monastics do, because we are a family with young children that lives and works in the world. However, we can take many cues from the Rule and adapt them to family life. First, we have an established Horarium (a daily schedule) that we do our level best to adhere to. It provides a framework for our days. We have regular prayer times, work times, and quiet times as well as play times. Play, or recreation was also important to Benedict. We need a balance in order to restore body, mind, and soul. And we should always be prepared to offer hospitality without notice, welcoming each guest as Christ. We don't worry about "blowing the schedule", but rather look on the unexpected visit as a blessing - right down to the way the kids answer the door.
In addition to these things, we believe strongly in self-sufficiency, beauty in simplicity, and the supreme dignity of each human person regardless of their differences from us.
Over the last couple of years, I have been developing a structured chore and duty system that is based upon a Benedictine monastic model, and a curriculum that is informed by the Rule. Like Benedictines, we have once-weekly meetings, as they do in the Chapter houses of monasteries the world over. The younger monks/nuns (in our case our children) are allowed to ask questions, to voice concerns about daily life and family decisions. This is also the time when duties are assigned and exchanged. Brian and I are always the abbot/abbess with secondary duties like cellarer. The children rotate duties such as Hosteller, Sacristan, and Novice Master/Mistress (among others). Generally each of the children has two duties. Each duty comes with specific tasks that belong to its domain. The exceptions are the smallest ones whose job it is to assist and be assisted.
Strangely, after reading what I've written, I have only just realized that one of the attractions (for me) of homeschool uniforms must be the relation in my mind to a monastic habit...
That was a mighty long reply and I'm not sure if I answered your questions, so just re-direct me if I haven't. It sounds like a lot; but it is very, very do-able. You just have to implement things slowly and always remember that peace is of the utmost importance - peace of heart, mind, and soul, that is.
Blessings,
__________________
Nissa
Deacon's wife, mother of eleven, farmer, teacher, creator, cook.
At Home With the Gadbois Family
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Lara Sauer
Forum All-Star
Joined: June 15 2007
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 679
|
| Posted: July 29 2008 at 7:06pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Nissag, could you recommend any good books on Benedictine spirituality?
Peace.
__________________
You can take the girl out of Wisconsin, but you can't take the Wisconsin out of the girl!
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
nissag
Forum All-Star
Joined: Nov 23 2006
Location: Massachusetts
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1511
|
| Posted: July 29 2008 at 7:51pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Yep! I would get a copy of RSB for reference. Pamphlets are really inexpensive (under $5), or you can download it from here. It's also a great resource for other information on benedictine stuff. I have a link list on my blog of various Benedictine sites, including monasteries. This one is particularly good.
If you have a breviary, that's helpful if/when you decide to go deeper. Daily morning/evening prayer is wonderful.Brian and I really like the single volume version by Catholic Book Publishing - The St. Joseph guide is very helpful.
This is a short list of the first things I read. It is by no means exhaustive, but will give you a good start. I tend not to read other books similar to things I'm currently working on because I don't want to internalize other peoples' work. I know that there was a thread some time back where folks shared some other titles that looked very likely. I bet if you did a search on "Benedictine" here on the forums, you could find it. As I said, the books below will get you off to a good start.
The Rule of Benedict for Beginners: Spirituality for Daily Life
Benedict in the World: Portraits of Monastic Oblates
The Family Cloister: Benedictine Wisdom for the Home - written from a non-Catholic Oblate's perspective; not as deep as I'd hoped, but a nice light read
Check out Monastery Greetings book section for some titles - Br. Victor's Book, Blessings of the Daily is on my "To Read" list
You can find some great titles at Liturgical Press, Click "books" and then the "Benedictina" section ( on the left-hand sidebar). You might like "Finding Sanctuary"
Finally, I highly recommend anything by Basil Cardinal Hume. I am blessed to have as a spiritual father, one of his students, Father Augustine Measures, OSB. Your children might especially like reading "Basil in Blunderland" with you, though Cardinal Hume wrote most of his titles for adults.
HTH!
Blessings,
__________________
Nissa
Deacon's wife, mother of eleven, farmer, teacher, creator, cook.
At Home With the Gadbois Family
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
missionfamily
Forum All-Star
Joined: April 10 2007
Location: Louisiana
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1859
|
| Posted: July 29 2008 at 8:20pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
For those who may be looking to introduce this idea slowly into their homes, there is a new post on Serendipity detailing an idea we hashed out together on creating a weekly time of silent reflection for our kids.
__________________
Colleen
dh Greg
mom to Quinn,Gabriel, Brendan,Evan, Kolbe, and sweet St. Bryce
Footprints on the Fridge
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Elizabeth
Founder
Real Learning
Joined: Jan 20 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5595
|
| Posted: July 29 2008 at 9:21pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Fixed Colleen's link.
__________________
Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Maddie
Forum All-Star
Joined: Dec 27 2005
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1804
|
| Posted: July 29 2008 at 11:45pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I hope you don't mind me linking this article but the conversation here made me immediately think of it. FWIW.
__________________
~Maddie~
Wife to my dh and Momma of 9 dear ones
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
mariB
Forum All-Star
Joined: Dec 20 2006
Location: Vermont
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3815
|
| Posted: July 30 2008 at 6:22am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Thank you, Nissa for the links and this thread! I've been wanting to implement some of the Benedictine Rules within our family since he IS the patron of our homeschool.
The silence is so very important to us as we have a very loud house many times!
Printing some things off to read to the family this morning after prayers...
Blessings,
__________________
marib-Mother to 22ds,21ds,18ds,15dd,11dd and wife to an amazing man for 23 years
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
nissag
Forum All-Star
Joined: Nov 23 2006
Location: Massachusetts
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1511
|
| Posted: July 30 2008 at 6:49am | IP Logged
|
|
|
missionfamily wrote:
| For those who may be looking to introduce this idea slowly into their homes, there is a new post on Serendipity detailing an idea we hashed out together on creating a weekly time of silent reflection for our kids. |
|
|
Oooh, that was a lovely article! I was reminded, while reading it, that we also use music as a backdrop to our silence. I particularly like our Gregorian Chant CDs in the morning. Our fave is by the monks of Santo Domingo de Silos in Spain. I'm also hoping that someone sweet will gift me a copy of the "Women in Chant" CD by the sisters at Regina Laudis... Having the sacred chant playing in the background really sets a prayerful tone.
Also up (hopefully this Christmas) is a home censer and some delicious new charcoal incense to burn. Yummy!
Goodness - I almost forgot our most important and exciting project. A Liturgical table - I guess it's a lot like a family altar. I bought the table sometime back at a Christmas Tree Shops store (sturdy and very inexpensive). I still need to make the linens for it, and then we'll be all set to arrange it according to season and feast. Fabulous! I can't wait.
Nothing at all to do with silence... So here's a tidbit that is. I highly recommend learning how to pray the Lectio Divina, and teaching it to your children. It's very, very simple to lead a Lectio with the kids once you know how to pray it yourself. I believe Elizabeth enjoyed the article I wrote about Lectio late last year, so I link you to the post for your reading pleasure. Scroll down past the other stuff to where the heading says "Lectio Divina". I hope you will try it!
__________________
Nissa
Deacon's wife, mother of eleven, farmer, teacher, creator, cook.
At Home With the Gadbois Family
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
|
|
4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: Morning Silence
