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domchurch3
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| Posted: Feb 20 2008 at 4:07pm | IP Logged
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What does your day look like? I'm homeschooling a 5 year old without siblings. Do you play with your only child whenever she asks? How much reading do you do? Do you have too much time on your hands? Too little? How do you deal with your child's boredom? Do you have trouble following through on routines?
Thank You,
Elizabeth
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marihalojen
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| Posted: Feb 21 2008 at 6:43am | IP Logged
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Elizabeth, I homeschool an only child. I hope to get back here later today to answer your questions but if you'd like you can check out my blog to see our days in action - S/V Mari Hal-O-Jen.
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~Jennifer
Mother to Mariannna, age 13
The Mari Hal-O-Jen
SSR = Sailing, Snorkling, Reading
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marihalojen
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| Posted: Feb 21 2008 at 9:02am | IP Logged
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Now, my dd is much older than your dd so our days are a bit different but I'll be glad to answer your questions...
Do you play with your only child whenever she asks?
Not as much as I should. More board games and knitting lessons would be appreciated!
How much reading do you do?
A ton.
Do you have too much time on your hands? Too little?
I think you'll find you have very little time on your hands, as you're it - playmate, teacher, fellow student for projects. Really I have found our best days result if I look at it as a learning project for both of us together rather than the traditional teacher in the front of the classroom yaking on about a subject model.
How do you deal with your child's boredom?
My only child learned fast how to entertain herself. She reads alot. She loves art.
Do you have trouble following through on routines?
Because of having one child you mean? If you're talking clean house stuff - get her involved with you, at 5 she can have little Montessori-like tools and help sweep and polish and clean. If you're talking the ease of throwing over a whole day to go to the beach - yeah, that happens frequently! With only one child you only have one child's stuff to cancel so it is way too easy to skip out and go kayaking instead of whatever boring thing you thought you had to do instead! 
A few Previous Threads on Only Kids.
A few blogs by Moms of Only Children
Tracy at Organic Learning
Marybeth at Held Together
St Ita's School
Maybe they'll chime in and answer your questions too!
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~Jennifer
Mother to Mariannna, age 13
The Mari Hal-O-Jen
SSR = Sailing, Snorkling, Reading
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Kathryn UK
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| Posted: Feb 21 2008 at 4:10pm | IP Logged
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Thank you Elizabeth for the question and Jennifer for your answer. With a large age gap and her big sisters in school, homeschooling my little one will be like homeschooling an only child.
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Kathryn
Dh Michael,  Rachel(3/95) Hannah(8/98) Naomi(6/06)  (11/07)
The Bookworm
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organiclilac
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| Posted: Feb 22 2008 at 2:03pm | IP Logged
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Sorry I didn't see this earlier - I've been in bed with the flu for a few days. I definitely find homeschooling an only child to be a delicate balance. I feel like my son should get a lot of time to play with friends because he doesn't have any siblings... but then I want him to be "family-oriented" and not "peer-oriented". I feel like I need to fill in the gaps at home, be a playmate for him... but is it good for him to play with ME all the time? Actually, I probably don't spend enough time just playing with him, although we do talk a lot, read, do projects. Dh is a lot better at playing than I am.
domchurch3 wrote:
| What does your day look like? |
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Which day? We don't exactly have a routine around here, and pretty much do whatever we feel like when we feel like it. (We unschool, so you might take that into consideration!) Some days are fairly structured and we get a lot done, and other days it seems like we do nothing all day.
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| Do you play with your only child whenever she asks? |
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No, I do not, although I should say yes more than I do. My son often wants "company" more than a playmate - just someone to be with him while he's doing whatever he's doing. So, we spend a lot of time in the same room doing different things and pausing to chat.
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| How much reading do you do? |
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Hmm, I have just been realizing that we have been pretty lazy about this lately.  We used to have major picture book marathons, but now it's often only a couple of stories/chapters a day.
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| Do you have too much time on your hands? Too little? |
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Yes.  There are times when he keeps himself busy all day long, gets his own food, etc. and I think "What am I here for?" and other days when I think if he just had someone else to play with, I could get something done!
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| How do you deal with your child's boredom? |
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My son is rarely bored. He is very good at entertaining himself, and if he says he's bored, it's because he really needs my attention.
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| Do you have trouble following through on routines? |
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Yes, although that could just be my personality. My son is pretty laid-back and adaptable, so not having a routine doesn't really seem to affect him, although the few times we have tried, he really seemed to like the idea. It would probably be better for us all if things were a bit more regulated, but I think we'll always be willing to drop the routine if something interesting comes up.
I don't know if any of that was helpful at all, but that's where we are right now. I would love to hear what others say on the subject.
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Tracy, wife to Shawn, mama to Samuel (4/01) and Joseph (11/11), and Thomas (2/15)
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Julia
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| Posted: Feb 23 2008 at 8:40am | IP Logged
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Elizabeth,
My 5 year old is an only, too. I'll reply in more detail tonight or tomorrow,
Julia
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PDyer
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| Posted: Feb 23 2008 at 9:49am | IP Logged
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domchurch3 wrote:
| What does your day look like? |
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I have two kids. One attends the local Catholic grade school, and I'm homeschooling my six year old daughter. Once we drop my son off it's time for Girl School. Fairies and gnomes, crafts, coloring and baking was a tough sell for my son, so now that he's in school we girls get to indulge.
domchurch3 wrote:
| Do you play with your only child whenever she asks? |
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Not as much as I should.
domchurch3 wrote:
| How much reading do you do? |
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Quite a bit. I would like to read more, but my daughter is a busy girl. When my daughter was a baby and my son was home, we'd read for hours.
domchurch3 wrote:
| Do you have too much time on your hands? Too little? |
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All of the above. I'm going through a  stage now because I'm working part time at my husband's accounting practice in response to a particular situation. This experience is showing me I have more time than I thought I did. When busy season is over I'm going to revisit my at-home habits and make better use of the gift of time.
domchurch3 wrote:
| How do you deal with your child's boredom? |
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Two things: she is getting better at entertaining herself, and I'm trying to offer a greater variety of experiences for her. Now that I'm working she's spending more time with friends so that helps. I can't stop worrying about what will happen when I'm no longer working and she doesn't see friends as often. Tough adjustments, in both directions.
domchurch3 wrote:
| Do you have trouble following through on routines? |
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Yes. I don't get immediate consequences if I don't do what I 'should' do in a day. I mean, my laundry room doesn't implode if I don't do the laundry for a couple days. There's a balance to be struck between following routines and following the inspiration of the moment, and I'm still working on finding that balance.
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Patty
Mom of ds (7/96) and dd (9/01) and two angels (8/95 and 6/08)
Life at Home
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domchurch3
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| Posted: Feb 25 2008 at 10:29pm | IP Logged
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[QUOTE=organiclilac] I definitely find homeschooling an only child to be a delicate balance. I feel like my son should get a lot of time to play with friends because he doesn't have any siblings... but then I want him to be "family-oriented" and not "peer-oriented".
I used to worry about that a lot too. (A lot is actually an understatement). I used to be angry with God because everything I read said that siblings were necessary for proper development (or that's what I read into it) and I thought, "Why God? If siblings are good for her, why not give her what she needs?" Then I thought I needed to go out of my way to make sure she had peer interaction. I read a book that put my mind at ease. It's called, Hold On To Your Children: Why Parents Need To Matter More Than Peers. I learned that what children need more than peers is a strong attachment to their parents or adult caregivers. Peers do not equal siblings and therefore cannot and should not be a replacement for siblings. A child CAN grow up as an only child and develop properly. Friends are great, but not an imperative and should not usurp the family bond. It gave me relief because I realized that I was able to give her what she needs and did not feel so powerless(?). Now, knowing all of this, there are the logistics of everyday life. I find that Bernadette like other only children does not get bored easily. I do find that when boredom DOES strike, it's because I have not spent the time, for whatever reason, that I normally spend with her. The book talks about playing with your child, but I hesitate sometimes because I wonder if that goes against CM philosophy. Somewhere I read that children should make up their own games and usually when things are initiated by the parent or adult, then the child comes to expect this. I find this to be true with Bernadette. For example, when she was given a paper doll set, I sat down and played with her. She loved it! But now she won't play with them unless I play with her. I think parents should engage in some form of play, but how much is too much or a better question, should the play be limited to certain types?
As far as reading goes, I tend to hold back. I want to read to her lots of books but then I think, "No, not until I come up with a unit study, or we will study astronomy in 2nd grade, so I'll put off reading this interesting moon book. Like right now I really want to read the Little House series but I'm holding off because I'm thinking, if I'm doing history chronologically, then I need to wait until the 4th grade when we will be studying that time period. This has nothing to do with raising an only child and everything to do with perfectionism rearing it's very ugly head and Bernadette is left waiting for the time that I will overcome this tendency and dive in! 
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domchurch3
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| Posted: Feb 25 2008 at 10:40pm | IP Logged
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I'd like to respond a bit more to your responses but time won't permit me right tonight. Thank You again. In many ways, you reminded me of the blessings of an only child. I need to keep reminding myself that God wants me to have life and have it in abundance, regardless of the number of children I have.
Blessings,
Elizabeth
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Julia
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| Posted: Feb 26 2008 at 7:51pm | IP Logged
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Hi Elizabeth,
I'm sorry it took me so long to reply.
What does your day look like? Do you have too much time on your hands? Too little?
My days used to be quite unstructured, letting outside activity define how we structured our time at home. That didn't work well - too *much* time out of the house and my son is overstimulated and I am crabby . Yet if we are home everyday, it feels like we have too much time on our hands. Now we are out of the house for group learning (a class, a sport) two times a week, three max. Sometimes we add in a local playdate in the neighborhood or a trip to the playground in the late afternoon too -if it doesn't feel like too much.
My strongest ally is planning. I use a teacher's planner. If I *don't* schedule the week, there's too much unstructured time, and the urge to pop another DVD in lieu of something more enriching is strong. Now I can set a rhythm for the week. Do I follow the schedule exactly? No, but I do refer to it and it anchors me.
Do you play with your only child whenever she asks?
I don't play with my son (who is 5) whenever he asks. And I probably don't play with him enough, either. That's something I am working on. But sometimes he needs to know that I just can't. And there are some types of play I can't do – like roughhousing. I don't feel guilty at all about this. In a large family, you can't always play with your parents. And I have seen what happens when a parent is a “buddy” to an only child – and I don't like the results.
How much reading do you do?
We used to read more. When the “busy-ness” crept in, and we were out of the house a lot, it declined. I'm trying to increase it. Right now it's maybe an hour to two hours a day? (Including bedtime.)
How do you deal with your child's boredom?
Before dinner was the worst. So I jotted down a list of quiet things – chalk and chalkboard, playing with wax, hidden picture books etc. I put them on the kitchen table and he could occupy himself and I wasn't snapping at him. But sometimes I just say that he will have to entertain himself. And sometimes the results of that can be very interesting.
Do you have trouble following through on routines?
I struggle with that. The planner helps. While I may not love following a routine, it's much more preferable to the chaos and crabbiness that occur when I don't! So keep telling myself that.
Last but not least, I am an only child too!
Hope this wasn't too long and that it helped.
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Marybeth
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I'm sorry to say my blog has been sorely neglected for over nine months. Not much chance of it showing our daily life at this point.
We adopted our dd in September, but since our children are almost 7 years apart our homeschooling will be like having two only children. We did begin our homeschooling journey with having only one child and thought that was God's plan for us. He decided we needed a very bright and active little girl to round out our days.
My ds is 7 so we are doing a comb of 1st/2nd grade this
year plus preparing for First Holy Communion. His first Confession was during Advent.
I'm not much of a player with my ds. It didn't/doesn't come naturally to me. My dh is the player and gets everyone (but Mommy) very riled up at times!!
We read a ton! Audiobooks are a great too and very highly recommended when I needed to get dinner made, get some cleaning done, etc.
I keep a list in my head of things for ds when he needs some quiet time, is restless or needing something to do. At some point, I want to sit with dh and ds and make a list getting their input too. I am hoping to then post it on the fridge. This way it could hopefully tame a bit of the tv monster who invades our home in very cold months here in Chicago.
We began a chore chart at the start of Advent which has been very helpful. I read how much other parents had their little ones helping around the house and wanted/needed ds to have more responsibility in housework.
Ds is a great player and has a very active and fun imagination. Our days fly by in a blur. We have fun together. I did post a school schedule this year. It lists the times and subjects plus the various activities we have on any given day. We have some activities weekly, bimonthly, monthly,etc. I think it helps us to see and know what to expect for our day/week.
Ds would love to be unschooled. I gravitate towards it too. I then see how with his personality he won't be inclined to do anything remotely challenging if he couldn't succeed at first try. So, we loosely follow Sonlight Core 1, TWTM, follow the liturgical year, read, read, read and play games.
I have been purchasing ready made file folder games for ds which help him learn reading skills without kill and drill lessons. You can get some great deals on Amazon.
I learn as I go. I need to pray more and seek dh's advice in more regular intervals instead of just in the beginning of the year. I tend to want control and follow my plans. Hopefully I will relax as we get the basics mastered and such.
Don't hold back on the reading. Enjoy the books now for later on she can read them herself, Daddy can read them to her, you can listen to them on cd, etc. Just dive in and make lasting memories for you both.
God bless you!
Marybeth
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Marybeth (Mb)
http://held-together.blogspot.com
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JennGM
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Marybeth wrote:
I'm sorry to say my blog has been sorely neglected for over nine months. Not much chance of it showing our daily life at this point.
We adopted our dd in September, but since our children are almost 7 years apart our homeschooling will be like having two only children. We did begin our homeschooling journey with having only one child and thought that was God's plan for us. He decided we needed a very bright and active little girl to round out our days. |
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I'm so glad you spoke up. Congratulations on the new girl. You're right, it would seem like ds is an only child in the schooling. We have the 4 year gap and I'm thinking it's almost only child syndrom -- at least he acts like it.
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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Topic: Homeschooling an Only Child?
