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Lisa H
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| Posted: Jan 28 2008 at 9:06pm | IP Logged
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Hello Everyone,
I have been having a problem with relaxing about "school". For lack of a better explanation, in my heart I know that I don't need a textbook per say for each and every subject but then my head gets me to start worrying about "accountablity". Being accountable to who I am not quite sure-does that make any sense? I love the idea of a relax environment where my wonderful kids can "learn" but not be tied to a textbook. I will go a few weeks/months not being concerned but someone will ask a question about what I am teaching and I get all worried. I'll become stressed and pull out textbooks then my home becomes a classroom instead of peaceful learning environment. Which leads me to my question, has anyone of you dealt with this and if you have what helped to remember that learning doesn't only happen when a textbook is opened.
I am sorry that this is long-I tend to ramble sometimes.
Thanks for you time.
Lisa
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Leslie
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| Posted: Jan 28 2008 at 10:18pm | IP Logged
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Hi Lisa,
I can only speak as someone who was taught at home most of my childhood. My father had been a teacher in California, but fell in love with John Holt's writing and left the education field (for a time) and convinced my mother to pull us out of school. We were essentially unschooled, although I remember using old college texts sometimes to research a subject or learn a concept.
What you are describing sounds like the normal ebb and flow of confidence and concern our family faced all along the way. I think my parents were always confident we were learning enough (at least somewhere deep in their hearts), but it was sometimes difficult to quantify it for others. It seems to me, the times in my life where I can't quite quantify (for lack of a better word) what I was learning were some of the times when the most personal growth and behind-the-scenes learning were taking place.
As I child I sometimes worried that maybe I wasn't smart enough or I would never be accepted to college (it wasn't as common place back then). All the worry was for nothing.
My parents loved us. They valued learning. They exposed us to so many interesting experiences, books and people. And we all went to college. I can't even remember the people we felt we needed to be accountable to at times. :)
Leslie
Mom to Kyler 6, Maddie almost 4, Lucas almost 2
Not homeschooling my kids yet, but hoping
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Mari
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| Posted: Jan 29 2008 at 3:59am | IP Logged
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I have gone through this - mainly for the benefit of my dh so that he can see that I am concerned. In fact, if I listen to my heart, I am at peace.
I sometimes wonder why some people make us homeschoolers feel that we should prove our accountability to them. Is it them or us being paranoid?  I am sure that I don't go around asking other parents with kids at school if they are perfoming up to scratch or not.
One of the many beautiful things about homeschooling is that we CAN relax... after all we are fully "in charge" and know what's going on - well yes I think we are even if it doesn't feel like it - do you think you would be so "in charge" of things if your kids were at school?
I sometimes out of interest look at graded work books that my dds "ought" to be doing - it is always a bit of a booster - because you realise they know it all - and much more - and the best part is that they weren't forced to "learn" it.
We could concentrate more on the blessing of knowing we are sharing our dc real lives here and now, being part of it all and doing our best to follow the Lord's will (how much more accountable can you be?) It would be more difficult if you had to be accountable for your kids if they were out of your hands and in school.
So if you are tongue tied next time someone asks you what you are teaching, maybe you could take the opportunity to rejoice in what your dc have learned and achieved recently and what their projects are (short or long term). After all it is the learning and achievements that count(not teaching that goes in one ear and out the other.
All in peace.
__________________
Mari, mother of 2 loving daughters aged 8 and 10
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mariB
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| Posted: Jan 29 2008 at 5:18am | IP Logged
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Maybe keeping track of what your children do "after the fact" might help.
Every morning I wake up and type into my homeschool planner the things the children accomplished yesterday. (Of course, you could just keep a spiral note book for each child.)
For instance, yesterday, the children ice skated for 3 hours and one child also did ballet for an hour so I need to put that into my planner under PE. For science one of mine has a butterfly coloring book so I took a few minutes to name animals that were vertebrates and invertebrates. Then, I gave her a turn. She named animals from the two categories and then wrote invertebrates at the top of her butterfly page...science. Books you read to the children and they read to themselves can easily fall under science, religion, and history.
Also, don't feel you cannot use textbooks and still not have "real learning". We use textbooks as spines with real books along with them.
That will give you freedom while feeling a little accountability.
Currently, our daughter's English textbook is instructing on how to write letters and address envelopes . It feels silly to write a letter in the textbook when she can write a real "Thank You" letter to someone. So that is what she is doing today:)
Hope this helps a little.
Blessings,
__________________
marib-Mother to 22ds,21ds,18ds,15dd,11dd and wife to an amazing man for 23 years
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Lisa H
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| Posted: Jan 29 2008 at 9:44am | IP Logged
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Leslie, Mari, and Mari B,
Thank you all for your encouragement and advice.
I feel so silly this morning about writing that post. I realize what set me off. we have been home learning for the past 6 yrs,but my oldest 2 started at a Catholic school, well I ran into a mom I knew from there and she started questioning,again-she does it everytime she sees us. I just feel really silly for letting her "get" to me. I apologize for taking up your time.And besides,
it is amazing what talking with the Lord and a good night's sleep can do. I feel even better after reading your post.
Thank you all for generous spirit,
Lisa
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chicken lady
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| Posted: Jan 29 2008 at 10:07am | IP Logged
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Please don't feel silly Lisa, your post most likely helped others who have similar feelings but are often afraid to voice them.
As an unschooler I have felt that way many days.
I really appreciate hearing Leslie's experience as an unschooled adult.
Blessings on your day.
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Sarah M
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| Posted: Jan 29 2008 at 10:47am | IP Logged
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Lisa, I totally understand about letting someone's comment about homeschooling get to you.
I was at the dentist last week and the hygienist asked me, "Why do you homeschool- are you afraid of the bad influences in school, or something?" 
For some reason, her question really got to me. She made it sound like we were homeschooling out of fear. I struggled to come up with an answer that relayed how we homeschool because we love being around our kids and because we feel like they learn better in a family-centered atmosphere. Sigh.
I go through periods where I feel panicked about whether we should be more formal, and then other periods when we are super relaxed and everything is just wonderful. Usually, I end up doubting our relaxed method because it seems too easy and enjoyable. People say, "I don't know how you homeschool," and I think to myself should this be harder than it is??
A book that has helped me during these periods of doubt is Mary Hood's The Relaxed Homeschool. Here is an article where Mary Hood is interviewed. I know you've probably read all the books and you already know all these things- just sometimes revisiting them helps along the way!
Blessings on you and yours!!
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Lisa H
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| Posted: Jan 29 2008 at 12:48pm | IP Logged
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How funny,Sarah!(I don't know how to put quotes in,yet  )
I just came back from my dentist and the hygienist gave me a lecture why I need to force my 13yr ds to go to highschool. Now mind you, she say this when my mouth was otherwise "busy" 
Thank you all again. I really believe what I am doing for my kids is a blessing for my family.
Have a blessd day 
Lisa
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mariB
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| Posted: Jan 29 2008 at 3:22pm | IP Logged
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I have totally had the same feelings in the past as you have, Lisa. I think all the help these ladies give at this forum is invaluable:) And I bet someone will make me feel the same way in the future... that's just part of homeschooling! ( Shame on the hygienist!)
Blessings,
__________________
marib-Mother to 22ds,21ds,18ds,15dd,11dd and wife to an amazing man for 23 years
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simplemama
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My dd is only 4, and I already feel like this sometimes! As I read through the posts, one thought I came up with is that these days, there is a lot of 'pressure' in the field of education. I see that in many of my teacher friends as they have to keep up with so many standards these days, or they risk the loss of funding and sometimes their own jobs. While we homeschoolers definitely don't face those exact same pressures, we still live in the same culture and at times, it can be easy to get sucked into that as well.
Also, another thought to offer about people asking questions: Maybe they are asking because they genuinely are trying to understand the reasons behind homeschooling. It is becoming more common and I think a lot of people are stopping to think about it more. By asking others, they are becoming more educated and from there can decide if that is something they should/shouldn't do. Of course the problem arises when they push their own decisions for their particular family onto you.
And one last thought: Whenever I ask my 9 yo 4th grade sister what she learned at school, I usually get a shoulder shrug and a blank stare. I know she is learning something, but kids don't think about it the same way we adults do.
Just breath, and have fun. :)
__________________
Wife to Worker Bee, Princesita (4) and Bubby Bear Cub (1)
A little bit about me:
http://thesimplemama.blogspot.com
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pixilated_momma
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Lisa,
I go through this sometimes ... We'll be motoring along nicely, and then something will give me a total cause of anxiety. Recently, it was a flyer in the mail about testing for kids. Yikes.  After much panic, I realized it's not mandatory in California.  But I wondered at my own panic ...
I think for many of us that went to a brick-and-mortar school, even though we've totally accepted the freedom and joy in homeschooling, we still have a lot of deprogramming to do about *our* own schooling. It's hard to trust one's instincts sometimes when EVERYTHING outside our own door seems to point us in the opposite direction ...
We live in a society that loves to collect data, have measurements and do it all fast, fast, fast, so the homeschooling world is harder to gauge because most of the reflections and observations come slowly as we live each homeschooling day with our child/ren. And it feels like it'd be easier to have tests or to have a completed textbook so say, "All was learned!"
Because of my daughter's learning style (she's so outside the box), I've had to figure out different ways to gauge our progress. When I do our very, very loose lesson plans, I write the week's "theme" at the top. For example, I know that these next four weeks will be about learning to tell time. And then, at the end of the day, I scrawl down what we do. Also, I take digital pictures of what the kids do during the day. Sometimes, I'm surprised by the learning all around me. And I also print out our state's requirements to see what she would be learning in a brick and mortar school and gently guide her activities and online games and reading in those directions. Then I write it all down after the fact in our lesson plan book.
To keep *myself* on track with my way of thinking, I visit message boards and friends' blogs. That always helps, too!
__________________
Veronica Maria
Paper Dali, my art blog
Sometimes Bailey, my creativity blog
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jenk
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This is my fist post (I suppose I should have added an intro first) but a subject that I also sometime struggle with.
BUT, the more I hear from other homeschool moms the more I realize how normal the occasional panic is. It's sometimes hardest to avoid that feeling in the face of questions, even well intentioned ones... sometimes even those from grocery store cashiers! I should have thicker skin, I'm sure.
I just attended a motivational type talk by a coach who works with homeschool kids and the thing that stuck with me (probably because he repeated it after every positive anecdote or statistic) was, "Why do you homeschool?" "Why would you NOT?" And it's something I'm going to think about, even if I don't say it aloud, when those questions nag at me from within or without.
I also appreciate reading all the posts on this topic. It helps to know I'm not alone.
Jen
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Cay Gibson
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Lisa,
I'm so glad you shared your worries with us. It seems this arises every February. Winter doldrums.
I remember fighting this feeling a couple years ago and someone gently reminding me that teachers struggle with the same anxiety this time of year. Are their students learning enough? Will they test well? And so on.
You are not alone...in more ways than one.
__________________
Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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SimplyMom
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I think it is natural to worry about how our children are going to fare in the long run. Most of us were not homeschooled ourselves and don't know many adults who were so it is somewhat uncharted territory. One of the most interesting questions I have received about our educational choices lately has been from a librarian who was very curious to know how we knew what our children were doing compared to the public school and how we could be sure that they kept up.
I had to laugh later while I thought about the question a little more. Schools and society in general condition us to think that there are certain things that children have to know at certain times and that there is an authority out there someplace who has laid all this mystic understanding out for schools to follow. In reality if my nine year old is learning about Ancient Greece and Rome at home while his peers are in a classroom learning about American History it makes little difference as long as we cover American History at some point and the school teaches Ancient Western Cultures.
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Jenn Sal
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I feel this way every few months, too! I have learned that this is when I need to come here and talk it through with people that I respect and trust. I also remind myself that no matter what my education choice for my children is, I will go through times of doubt. Not rally a bad thing! It helps me to re-evaluate things and realize that what I'm doing IS working! Now, I will need to read this post to myself in a few months !
__________________
Jennifer, Texas
Wife to Mark, Mom to Cora 13,Kade 10, Sarah in Heaven 12/05, Colette 7, Corin 5, & Kieran 2
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JodieLyn
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Couple of thoughts..
If you are genuinely worried about "missing something important" get some sort of listing of objectives for the grades your kids are in.. then you won't all of a sudden realize that you haven't shown the kids how to read an analog clock or something But it will also give you an idea of what people are expecting in answers to what the kids are doing.. and it won't be a curriculum that you have to follow either. I have one that is K-8 that is just a listing of objectives.. no "how to's" or "ideas for teaching" or anything.
I like having some stock answers on what the kids are doing.. I think a lot of times it's just polite chit chat not the inquisition.. so a general oh "Charlie spent hours yesterday working on a model dinosaur and looking up pictures of what it might have looked like. is a sufficient answer. You don't have to give them a run down on everything you do every single day or by subject or anything. I just usually pick out some highlight to share.. the most recent book either finished or in progress, some interesting thing they've looked up.. some discussion we've had on history or science whatever. Also, know how you want to state your reason for homeschooling with a positive slant. I've come up with a very casual off-hand comment that usually calms the competition of public school vs homeschool. "Oh, with my husband's work schedule there is NO WAY I want to try and mesh the school schedule with it. The kids would never get to see him". And that's usually the point I emphasize with any discussion.. that we aren't doing it because of anything about the public schools.. but rather that to be a family with my dh's schedule that the public school schedule is impossible. Since rarely do any of them have a similar schedule, it's very "disarming".
One of my favorite questions about homeschooling was from my Dentist too He's part of our parish and has only tiny children (one of those you can encourage toward homeschooling themselves ) And he asked me about where we start History.. and I sorta blinked at him and said "ummm Creation".. and he laughed oh yeah that would make sense. I don't think he'd yet processed that with Homeschooling you can incorporate Religion into History.
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: how to relax about "learning"
