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julia s.
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| Posted: Sept 24 2007 at 3:32pm | IP Logged
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I'm having a bad day.... a bad month...I must be doing something wrong and I'm so sick of trying "new" things because nothing seems to go that well. If it does it's a total accident.
Today I thought we'd start off with watercolors. I set it up last night. Went to a lot of trouble to track down somethings that I thought my kids would like. I bought my son (who has been asking for these because he really wants to be a real artist one day) new brushes to use. I wet their paper for them so they could do the wet on wet technique. By the times they settled down to actually paint (for some reason my one son was obsessed with getting the colors to mix on the pallet and forgot to paint) the paper dried. My other son who is 10 was taking his brush and pushing it into the paper and turning so the bristles were getting splayed and ruined. When I asked him why did he do that he said he saw a painting on Higgley Town Heros (a cartoony show they only watch on the weekends- Disney)  . My 22 month old got involved so I couldn't direct the older two very much.
Then I moved on to dictation with my oldest. We've been doing the same sentence for a week and half "Better safe than sorry" He still can't do it. I've tried reverse dictation, fill in blank, copywork. And still he left the second "e" out of better, doubled the "f" in safe and droped the silent e, got "than" right after asking is it "en" or "an", and after the s in sorry completely broke down  . This is the "lastest" in spelling routines that I'm working on.
After that we decided and outing to the library would be good. I returned the "Little Bear" tape with a "Blues Clues" tape inside I did get a good parking space though.
We got lunch out, but when we bough it back while I was breaking up a fight between my two boys the cat ate my food (at least he didn't throw it up). Did I mention I have a cold and my house looks nuclear?
This year I was going to do tea time and have the litergical year be more central, but tea time the boys just like the tea and something to eat they tolerate me reading to them and don't want to read anything themselves. And the litergical year things they look anxious about not joyful, like there's mom again preaching -- I'm not, I'm just reading a book! They like the candles too.
It was supposed to be more relaxed. Read alouds with a young toddler are impossible. I've prayed, I've cried, I've unforunately screamed....I don't even know what to ask, just how can I be someone else... someone who can do this well and joyfully (or sufficiently) and actually have kids who are liking it?
I just don't think I'm enough.
This is long sorry.
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julia
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trish
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Take a deep breath and relax.
Prayers heading your way.
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~ Trish ~
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lapazfarm
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Oh, Julia, I am so sorry! I wish I knew what to say. You sound so sad. How can we help?
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Theresa
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missionfamily
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Julia---It sounds like you need a hug... . There. Now take a deep breath and realize that if you are educating your children at home out of love for them and a desire for their holiness and eternal happiness, you don't need to be anyone else, you are the one to do it and you can do it well and joyfully and I suspect more often than this day is allowing you to realize.
Something I have been dealing with a lot lately is the whole "doing it right" notion. And I really have had to be a bit hard on myself and force myself to admit that it wasn't so much doing it right that I was aiming for, but doing all the great things that everyone else seems to do so well and enjpy so much. And I had to realize that sometimes I was so wrapped up in the outcome being something that would meet up with what everyone else was raving about that I intervened and stressed out so much that the process becomes unbearable to the children.
Take for instance your watercolor lesson for today:
Was your son happy about his new brushes?
Did your little artist enjoy mixing the colors on the palette and seeing what happened?
Was he frustrated that the paper had dried or did he not care?
Did your 10 yr old son like the art he made that way? Maybe you have to make sure he realizes he can't use the best brushes that way, but could he experiement and enjoy it with a cheapo brush?
Maybe God gives us 22 month olds so we are out of the way and not directing all the time...think about it...the outcome was not exactly what you planned, but can it be that it was still good?
Again with tea time...if your boys like the tea and snacks, a candles, and will slow down and sit with you during that time....enjoy that! Leave the poetry, books, and agenda out of it for a while and just enjoy pleasant conversation with them. Try some other things they might enjoy like making up a story together or sharing family memories, or coloring pictures. Try to re-introduce some other things later, but let the time be about slowing down and enjoying one another mostly.
My kids (all boys too) definitely sense when I have an agenda and am trying to dictate the outcome of an activity. They bristle and buck and I usually end up fussing. The discussions about Waldorf have led me to try to embrace the idea of a gentle introduction and then giving the kids a little room to explore the process themselves. Don't be too attached to the outcome, they're kids. Their standards are different from ours. If they're proud and happy why shouldn't we be? I struggle so much with this. I'm a control freak at heart....I was going to add some thoughts on dictation, but dh needs to work! Hope this helps.
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Mary G
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Sounds EXACTLY like my day today -- and I just blew up and had them do workbooks all morning! Then after lunch and a quiet time, we did some read-aloud (The Tale of Holly HOw) and then a video on King Tut and a couple of Signing Time videos.
But I am getting so frustrated -- I (and the kids) hated today! But when I plan fun things or try to get them "jazzed" about something, it falls flat. My kids are too little to do things independently and still need so much help with the basics (reading, writing, 'rithmetic) but I want to do the fun unit studies and activities ....
how does anyone do both with under 10's? I so want to unschool or waldorf or anything but throwing workbooks at them ... but they do seem to learn (in spite of all of us hating workbooks!).
So, I'm sorry, no help here but just lots of sympathy and prayers heading your way dear -- if you promise some for me too!
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MaryG
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msclavel
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Sounds all too familiar and I have no advice, but offering up my own struggles right now.
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rivendellmom
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I think we've all had days like that... That is the biggest problem with the internet. It takes what should be the best thing- which is getting a real inside peek into other families and how they learn, into feeling like everyone is successful and your not.
I'll bet that even Moms who have been at this real learning thing for awhile have days like that. They don't always post or blog about them. Its human nature to tell everyone when things are going great. You are joyful and want to share that joy.
Maybe put dictation away for a while. One of my sons balked at anything like that until he turned 12. Now he almost 14 and is completely grade level.
Just relax for a few days and read aloud, paint with brushes for each boy (based on how they'll use them ;)) and listen to good music during tea. Maybe get outside and collect things for a nature notebook page...
You did say that were trying new things. What did you do last year? Or over the Summer? Try and incorporate things they already like into the day. I've got a couple kids who just balk at change. Its new- I don't like it- attitude.
I hope this is encouraging to you- I've been there myself.
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Jen in suburban Chicagoland Mom to Connor(91), Garrett(93), Reilly (95), Mary Katherine (98), Declan (05), Ronan in ^i^ 6/28/08
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julia s.
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Colleen - I guess what you're saying is right. As far as the art session goes I had more to the lesson then I could present because my toddler interrupted and by the time I got him settled they were deep in their pictures and I just had to let that be that. They were happy, it was just me. My oldest son is just frustrating me right now. He still needs me to be hand holding him a lot and I was really hoping he could work more independently this year (I hoped for that last year too). My other son was only mildly happy about the brushes which surprised me because he mentions them every time we're at Michael's.
Theresa- I don't know exactly how you can help. I am not comfortable with the planning and the presentation part of schooly things. I feel stilted and unnatural doing it. We get off track not because we were so involved in all this creative rabbit trailing stuff, but because I get confused and they end up waiting for me to get unconfused and unstuck. I can focus on one thing really well (ask my husband he's amazed at how well I get lost in something). But three kids going in separate directions just leaves me blank. If I have a lot of preparation ahead of time that's great, but sometimes that can mean days of prep for only an hour of actual activity, kwim? Maybe that's normal. There is so much out there, but if you get distracted easily it's like having a million darts thrown at you -- you just duck and cover your eyes.
I'm not being an effective teacher. My oldest is behind and my youngest is only on target because right now he is tenacious at keeping his own schedule.
I feel like all I do is prepare for their school and think about it. By the time we do the actual work my enthusiasm is gone, but without the prep work I get lost and spacey. I think how lucky all your kids are to have you and I feel like my kids are stuck with less than I would have wanted for them.
I don't know what I'm asking for.
I'm a help ... sorry.
Trish -- thanks for the hugs and prayers..that's always great to get.
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julia
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julia s.
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Mary G., Maria A., and Jen,
I guess we were all on at the same time. I've got to go, but I'll read what you said and get back to you.
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julia
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LLMom
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Mary G wrote:
But I am getting so frustrated -- I (and the kids) hated today! But when I plan fun things or try to get them "jazzed" about something, it falls flat. My kids are too little to do things independently and still need so much help with the basics (reading, writing, 'rithmetic) but I want to do the fun unit studies and activities ....
how does anyone do both with under 10's? I so want to unschool or waldorf or anything but throwing workbooks at them ... but they do seem to learn (in spite of all of us hating workbooks!).
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It is difficult and what Mary says here is just how my 2 ds are (hence why I posted about them not loving to read)and it frustrates me. They would much rather just get things over with so they can do their own thing. Give me a workbook and let me go. They fuss over anything crafty, lapbooks, unit studies, etc. They just want to get by and get done. And yes, they do learn from the workbooks. Now my girls are a different story. They love to do anything. It is hard to get the basics done and have time to do fun unit studies and crafts. I am aiming at making things a weekly priority. One fun activity or craft a week. I was putting too much on myself and found I couldn't do it with so many children.
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cathhomeschool
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Oh, Julia! Remember that God sent you those kids on purpose! He intended *you* to be their mother. They are not stuck with "less" (though I know that feeling and have felt like my kids deserve "more" than I can give them, but it's just not true. If I'm unable to truly give them what they need and deserve from me, then I need to examine my life and make sure that my priorities are straight, because God will never ask more of us than we can give.) When you are feeling down, remember that you were meant for each other.
When I get too caught up in all of the neat things I read about and wish that I could do more or different things with my kids, it's time to refocus. I think about what our family's strengths and interests are, and I try to think of how our home and homeschool can be inspired by those strengths and interests. I must accept that there are some great ideas out there that simply won't fly at my house. For instance, I love all of the talk on fairies, but most of my boys will not go for that -- not even ala Theresa style. (We did read the Spiderwick books thanks to Theresa's unit, though!) Don't be so hard on yourself! I know the feeling of working hard on a plan only to have it flop. Sometimes I don't care, because I enjoy planning, but other times it's extremely frustrating and discouraging, *especially* if I'm expecting the great results that someone else got.
Now, practical stuff: What confuses you and gets you stuck? Why are the kids going in three different directions? Are those figurative directions (studying different things) or are they literally walking off (I can see the baby doing that!)? Can you all study the same topic at the same time? Are you doing unit studies at all?
I love the teatime ideas given -- just spending the time together and maybe coloring or inventing stories.
Read alouds: They didn't work for us either when my littles were younger. We waited until naptime -or- my oldest read aloud to us (he loves to read) so that I could handle the littles -or- we listened to books on tape, *lots* of books on tape --and-- we always listened to books on tape or audio shows in the car - that was a big part of the read aloud time!
Dication/spelling: This should not be a point of frustration. I would ditch what you're doing and do copywork instead. Copy the same sentence for a week. You could choose the sentence from your current read aloud (or a printed copy of your book on tape). You can choose sentences that include quotation marks, questions, descriptive words, etc. If they make mistakes, you can point them out so that try to notice those things for the next day. I would have each child keep a spelling list. One of mine was (and is) a terrible speller. What has worked best is to keep a running list of words he misspells. I get these words from his narrations, letters to friends or granparents, random notes he's making for himself -- whatever. When I see him misspell a word, I don't make a big deal about it, I just make a mental note and then later have him add it to his spelling list. He reads the list every morning, and once in a while we have a "test." I dictate the words and he writes them down. Anything he spells correctly gets marked off the list. He enjoys illustrating his spelling lists, and sometimes we come up with ways for him to remember how to spell a word correctly. I do make sure to keep the list fairly reasonable. There have been times when I could have had 30 words on the list, but I don't do that. I think that it would be too discouraging. So we work on it a little at a time.
Mary G wrote:
My kids are too little to do things independently and still need so much help with the basics (reading, writing, 'rithmetic) but I want to do the fun unit studies and activities ....
how does anyone do both with under 10's? I so want to unschool or waldorf or anything but throwing workbooks at them ... |
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Mary G! We try to work as much as possible into the fun units so that we don't have to "do both." Now, this year we've actually tried to separate the subjects a bit, covering history and science independently, and it's been a *total flop.* I am *definitely* going back to the unit study/fiar approach that worked so well for us (only hopefully with more of a Waldorfy spin, though I'm still trying to figure out what that might mean). We have always done math independently from our unit, but almost everything else is done "around" the central theme. (Sometimes -- when I've really got my act together -- we'll study art or music that's not related to the unit, but that is done sporadically and doesn't take much weekly time anyway.) I could say so much more, with details and examples... but I'll be quiet now since I've rambled on for a while. 
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missionfamily
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Janette--What wonderful ideas and encouraging words. Thanks for that post, from all of us!
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Colleen
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ALmom
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Julia:
One thing I noticed is that your boys are 10 and 6. That is a tough age span for trying to combine learning. Our oldest 2 (girls) were 4 years apart like that and it was near impossible for me to combine them together in much. We actually always do our family read alouds at night and we often read a book per child when we just had 2 or 3. They also struggle when it is noisy, so it seems to work better if I attend to the toddler and let them work.
Hugs!!! It is tough when you are trying to find that niche that works for you. We all struggle from time to time and I still have very low days after homeschooling for 13 plus years. Only you and your husband really know your children - so what works for me most of the time or what works for whomever may or may not work for you. School can be real and wonderful whether you do it in a schoolish way or an unschoolish way (I do it differently with different children in my house). I have had to ask my children what they liked and didn't like, what they felt helped and what they hated and why - (doesn't mean we didn't sometimes do things they hated, but it did help me to get a feel for how the child learned and then, based on my own abilities, what might actually help them).
Called to night prayers. Know I will pray for you- bad days are rough.
Janet
I have also discovered that my boys hate to be taught by me. My oldest son, especially, resisted this. He also hates bells and whistles. It was hard for me to adjust to this, but he does best with very specific directions, and much more schoolish looking stuff. He is diligent now that he has these plans and much more traditional looking school stuff. (I just keep it to a point that he can finish and have time to just mess around with his own things. He has turned out to be an avid history buff and loves working with his hands on electronics). I am almost entirely in the background - he has the plans, the books and the questions. I limit myself to working with him in grammar and spelling - and proofing papers. I try to remain positive and encouraging with him.
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Erin
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Julia
I can SO relate to what you've shared. This is not a happy place to be, I know, this is where I was last year and too a lesser degree am still.
julia s. wrote:
I think how lucky all your kids are to have you and I feel like my kids are stuck with less than I would have wanted for them.
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Your children are very blessed, they have a mum who cares, who loves them, who strives to be the best and give them the best. They have the mum God choose for them.
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Erin
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nicole-amdg
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julia s. wrote:
| I can focus on one thing really well (ask my husband he's amazed at how well I get lost in something). But three kids going in separate directions just leaves me blank. ...There is so much out there, but if you get distracted easily it's like having a million darts thrown at you -- you just duck and cover your eyes. |
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Julia, this sounds so much like me! Your whole post does.
I'm trying to let go of planning so much, and at least confine it to the hours before they get up or after they go to bed--and still get it done. This is hard for me because not only do I need the plans to know what I'm doing, but I thrive on the creativity of planning.
I am also trying to use more ready-made stuff, and be less ambitious. Counterintuitive, maybe, but we get more done and more out of what we do if I'm not driven by the obsession to mine every possible lesson out of an activity.
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julia s.
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I just wanted to say I'm doing better today. Yesterday I was tired, hormonal, and things with the new school year means I have to revisit old school year problems -- something I guess public school teachers get to miss for the most part -- .
The school year always brings out bad personality traits in my one son. They hide away when he is blissfully relaxing during the break. He's a great kid who needs to learn a bit of tenacity and doing things for their own sake not because there is a prize waiting around the bend. I don't like playing this role as a parent -- where I feel more like a warden then mom. I like the cuddles, the cheering, the exploring, the hugs, the talks. But with him these do not work. They prolong the inevitable which is he has to just do the work. It isn't to say we don't do the other stuff too, but he doesn't do the work not because he can't, but because he's afraid to try too hard.
I think sometimes he doesn't want to grow up. He's my peter pan. His younger brother busts a gut trying to grow up and he's still content to revisit all his childish things. Not to say I can't see much progress in him, he's come very far from where we were even a year ago, but he still clings to the idea that I'm there to sit with him all the time and do things for him. Maybe I should just do that for awhile spend as much as I can with him. I forget too that I'm not the only parent influencing him and sometimes his dad can without meaning too put heavy burdens on him. Make him think that growing up is all about big awful things that require tedious work.
It is getting late. So I'm going to stop here.
I'm just thinking aloud.
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hereinantwerp
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I am sooooo with you . . .
In the past 2 weeks I have turned 2 different dvd's in (at different times), one sans disc, one with the wrong disc! And I really thought I had scoured the house and gotten myself organized both times!
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Angela Nelson
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: Nothing I do seems to work
