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GraceandCoffee
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| Posted: June 24 2007 at 9:10pm | IP Logged
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I'm new to the board. :)  I have posted only a couple of times, but I have read a little here and there. There's such a wealth of experience here, I just have to ask my question.
I have wanted to homeschool since before my oldest was born. I have used a Mother's Day out one spring for about 4 months, and my mom watches my kids for me a few times a week, and other than that they've always been with me until this past year when I sent my oldest to school.
He turned 5 at the end of August last year, and I had signed him up with ST Thomas Aquinas Academy, which fit our dreams to a "T", but I sent him to public  kindergarten instead. This was done because I realized I had never fully emerged from post partum depression since having had my first 3 kids and I was pregnant with our 4th. I had begun to be free of it, but I was getting morning sickness, and I knew I wasn't organized in any way, or psychologically ready to take on a new challenge while expecting a new baby, and I strongly felt I needed outside help and I knew my son would LOVE school. I also needed some time away from him quite frankly. He was extremely active, maybe even hyperactive. But very intelligent.
After 2 weeks we could see something wasn't right. He was losing his self confidence and had become a very tired and sad little boy each morning before school. I met with his teacher who confirmed our suspicion that he wasn't ready for Kindergarten yet. (All the other kids were 5.5 and 6.) SHe said he had alot of information in his head, but he didn't have the maturity level for her to extract it from him.
It was then that I found a *perfect* situation for him at a Catholic early learning and growth center. It was a half day pre-K for 5yos who weren't ready for K yet. Only 7 kids in the class, and the perfect teacher for him.
I also thrived on the daily routine of having a reason to bathe and dress my kids each morning (that changed to just my oldest after the baby was born in February), and even myself. Suddenly, I was seeing other human beings, moms even, and I had a somewhat organized routine. I still felt isolated in a way, but this school schedule of taking him and picking him up and having someone tell me what I needed to bring each day and other kids for him to experince pre-K and learning with was just wonderful. the little class parties and the friendships that blossomed were so special. It made me feel like a part of something bigger, and our son LOVED it. He loved his teacher and his classmates. he loved "centers" and recess and the letter of the day.
It helped me ot of my depression and out of some of the bad habits I'd formed. I still have alot to work out of though.
We've decided to homeschool partly because we've always wanted to, (we have one of those long lists of reasons), and also because we don't have the money for a private Catholic elementary school, and partly because we don't want to do the public school thing for a myriad of reasons as well.
So at last this brings me to my question:
It's not "What about socialization?", But it is "What about isolation?"
I haven't found a good homeschooling group, or even any very friendly homeschoolers here where I am. I have a few friends, but none with kids my son's age, and he *longs* for friends to play with.
I long for friends to for him and for us to do all those wonderful things with that can only be done with a group of people. I have joined the local Catholic homeschooling group, but it's activities are centered far away from where we live, and they also seem much more geared toward older kids.
Has anyone btdt? Is this a situation which will just simply be tough and there's no way out of it except to not hs?
I'd love to hear some ideas on this. TIA. oh, and pardon my typos, I'm nursing a baby at the keyboard. :)
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LisaR
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| Posted: June 24 2007 at 9:50pm | IP Logged
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Hi! I think this is a great topic and actually one that would be of a concern for me, and the way my kids are. My first question is: can you move?? We have moved 7 times in 15 years of marriage, some local, some across states, but I always scope out the state of Catholic homeschooling in the area first and we try to move where the action is.
I love homeschooling and we have always homeschooled, but I and my kids are the type that need/want/like the support/accountability/relationships that are formed by being part of a bigger "community" kwim? We have a wonderful Catholic Homeschool group of about 57 families, and many co-ops and activities available to us. I have repeatedly said that I honestly do not think that I could homeschool well without support/like minded friends for my entire family. However, I am sure the grace would be there for us if we were called to!
My oldest ds will be attending a solid Catholic High School in the fall. It is 3 miles from home, and our support (in the way of Catholic boys homeschooling High School) has dwindled down to one great kid, but he lives 35 miles away and I can't get them together often at all. This is not the main reason he will be attending school, but it definately "tipped the scale" so to speak for us in our prayerful discernment.
We have found excellent families with 7,8,9 kids who attend daily Mass and are living vibrant Catholic lives within the schools and he is excited to see these friends on a regular basis.
I actually have postpartum issues as well,and extreme anxiety and panic. Don't get me wrong I LOVE homeschooling, but if I felt like I had good strong Catholic fellowship/support/education for myself and my child, (and I would be asking for financial aid) and could afford it, I might look at it the other way. Why NOT send your son to school and ask God to show you very clearly when it is time to take him out? Because we have so much support in this area, I homeschool like this. Why not homeschool and ask God to show me very clearly when it is time for a child to go to school?
Because of the myriad of postpartum issues I have, I have been able to find support locally and elsewhere with moms suffering the same issues. Many of them have ended up putting their kids/some kids back in school. They have felt some guilt, or like they are not living up to what they felt "called" to do. but then, an overwhelming peace overcomes them.
I will be praying for you and your family, and for Christ's Peace to be with you all whatever you discern to do!
__________________
Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
Paul 14
Thomas 11
Dominic 8
Maria Gianna 5
Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
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alicegunther
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| Posted: June 24 2007 at 10:24pm | IP Logged
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My first answer is to pray, pray, pray. My prayers were really answered many years ago when I had the same fears for my eldest daughter.
Do not worry--unless you live in an isolated part of the country, you will find other homeschoolers. Try calling some of the home study schools and ask if they can connect you with other homeschoolers in your area.
Post a request here, even, without exactly giving the name of your town (For example, I might ask, "Does anyone live in downstate NY?)
It took me over a year to connect with homeschoolers where I live, but now we have a thriving group.
Praying for you! Do not worry--it will happen!
__________________
Love, Alice
mother of seven!
     
Cottage Blessings
Brew yourself a cup of tea, and come for a visit!
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Dawnie
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| Posted: June 24 2007 at 11:26pm | IP Logged
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LisaR wrote:
Because we have so much support in this area, I homeschool like this. Why not homeschool and ask God to show me very clearly when it is time for a child to go to school?
Because of the myriad of postpartum issues I have, I have been able to find support locally and elsewhere with moms suffering the same issues. Many of them have ended up putting their kids/some kids back in school. They have felt some guilt, or like they are not living up to what they felt "called" to do. but then, an overwhelming peace overcomes them.
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Lisa, could you clarify this for me? When you mentioned the moms w/ postpartum issues putting their kids in school, feeling some guilt, then an overwhelming peace, did you mean that the moms felt peace about the decision to put their kids in school, or that they felt peace that their guilty feelings helped them see that God was calling them to homeschool?
Thanks!
Dawn
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Mom to Mary Beth (99), Anna (02), Lucia (04), Clara (06), and Adelaide Victoria (2/28/09)
Visit my blog!Water Into Wine:Vino Per Tutto!
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JennyMaine
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| Posted: June 25 2007 at 4:58am | IP Logged
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GraceandCoffee - I love that!
OK, on to your question. I struggled with postpartum depression after each birth as well, and I know that it is a difficult place to make clear decisions in. The facts seem to be that God has put homeschooling on your heart and Catholic school is out of the question -- that's wonderful!
For me, my decision to homeschool isn't based on the issue of socialization/isolation. There is so much more at stake than my children's ability to have a friend their same age. Do you really feel that your son must have playmates that are his exact same age? If you have friends to visit with that have children of other ages, I think that's wonderful! Also, your son has siblings and they are his friends. Further, he is still so little. It is a great time to learn contentment with being home, instead of growing into the type of person who has to be running around all the time in order to be happy.
I just want to share with you what I have observed over the past 7 years of homeschooling. I see families going through seasons -- times where they participate in many activities and times where they pull out of all activities and regroup. I see people doing so many outside things that they neglect academics. There's a balance to be found in all this, and my own opinion is that group activities are nice occasionally but they certainly aren't necessary. My children get more enjoyment out of their private art lessons, piano, etc. and seem content with an occasional visit with other homeschoolers.
For myself, I must work part-time as I'm a single parent. That enables me to be out and interacting with other adults. Because I work in adult education and help those who are trying to complete a HS diploma or GED, I am very much turned back to homeschooling on a daily basis and motivated anew to give my children a good education. I have three homeschooling friends and we are not involved in a co-op or anything like that. I'm very content!
I suggest you really pray about this. List the ways you can meet your needs for socialization and your children's needs -- and don't confuse the two! When my kids were little we had a once a week playdate and church on Sunday. One morning a week we did errands and that's it. The rest of the week we were home enjoying our time together, thriving on our daily routine.
__________________
--JennyMaine, Mom to Catherine (17) and Sam (15) "The countenance is a reflection of the soul. You should always have a calm and serene countenance." -- Therese of Lisieux
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JSchaaf
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| Posted: June 25 2007 at 5:16am | IP Logged
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GraceandCoffee,
First, let me say I am praying for you. I was in a similar situation about 18 months ago. I was deep in a situational depression (involuntarily separated from my husband after losing our house in Katrina) on top of lingering PPD. Things were pretty bad. Catholic school K for my eldest probably saved us all. It was just as you described-I needed to have a reason to get out of bed in the am, dress my kids and feed them healthy food. It wasn't going to happen if we weren't expected to be anywhere! I just could not homeschool at that time, I could barely parent.
Cay Gibson wrote this to me and I clung to these words for many months:
"You have made the best decision for your dd. You really have! If she thrives in school, why mess with a good thing? There is still so much you can do with her at home to continue that home schooling mentality that so many of us love and desire. In looking at my dc and what they have learned, I am constantly drawn back to the realization that what they know was not learned from me, a school, etc. It was learned from life and whatever caught their attention at that moment in time.
The school has her...what?...7 hours a day. You have her the other 17 hours! You do the math and figure who's going to be the overall influence in her life. You will. Your home life will. And once your dh gets back home, life will slowly get back to normal and more stable. I think it's more important that you make your home beautiful and wonderful for your girls than worrying about "schooling" them. Make it a haven that invites your girls and your dh to want to come home to. Make it warm and loving. Have Christmas carols playing on the CD when she walks in the door from school. Buy the sugar cookie pre-made rolls ahead of time (no stress, no mess, no work ). Cut them and let her place them on the cookie sheet while you discuss her school day (or roll the dough out and let the girls use cookie cutters). After they're baked, let the girls ice and sprinkle Christmas sprinkles on them.
Do all that "stuff" we were discussing at the unschooling/lazy thread...you know, all the stuff with "no substance". Ignore the naysayers. There is real substance in what we do within our homes with our dc, whether they are there 24 hours, 17 hours, or only every other weekend of the month (as in the case of divorced parents of which my brother is one). He gets his girls every other weekend and truly does try to give them a "home" that they look forward in coming home to.
There are so many different situations out there. We are all in different situations. And we are all still learning. That's the beauty of Real Learning. It isn't institutionalized or boxed in holes. It isn't a clock on the wall. It isn't something that happens in 7 hours a day or 17 hours a day. It's the atmosphere, the environment, the self-discipline that happens every day of our lives. It's the life we make for ourselves and for those we love."
I understand the complete and utter isolation from like-minded people. I second Alice's advice to pray and then pray some more about this specific situation. Sometimes it's so hard to discern what God is telling us. Ask Him everyday for help with this and see what happens. You might meet someone locally who is a friend/support, or you might start to experience peace at the thought of enrolling ds in school in the fall. Choosing school for a season isn't the end of your homeschooling career and doesn't make you a failure of a mother! These wonderful ladies (and gentleman!) on this board have supported me and encouraged me time and time again as I struggle with these same issues.
Jennifer
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JuliaT
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I have not had ppd so I can't address that. But I know all about isolation. This is the worst part of homeschooling for me. I stuggle with this constantly. We live out in no--man's land. Our church is 45 min. away as is the town that we do everything in. My children play with their friends at church on Sun. and that is about it. They do get to be around other children for soccer and swimming, but that isn't really playing. We do have a homeschool support group but the attendance is sporatic. The families that do attend have children that are not the ages of my children. So my kids do not have many children to play with.
This does hurt my heart. If my children could go to a really good school, then I might be tempted to send them there. Reality is, though, that the school that they would be attending is rife with problems. Many of the teachers are atheists and are quite vocal about it in teaching the kids. Children who go to church are singled out continually by the bullies. I would rather live with the isolation than put my children in that kind of environment.
If you have a good school nearby and you are dealing with depression, I agree with Jennifer. It would be okay to put him in school. Maybe it would be for a season or maybe school will work out for him. Just give yourself a chance to take care of you.
Blessings
Julia
mom to 3 (8,6,4)
http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Juliainsk
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LisaR
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| Posted: June 25 2007 at 3:51pm | IP Logged
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Dawnie wrote:
LisaR wrote:
Because we have so much support in this area, I homeschool like this. Why not homeschool and ask God to show me very clearly when it is time for a child to go to school?
Because of the myriad of postpartum issues I have, I have been able to find support locally and elsewhere with moms suffering the same issues. Many of them have ended up putting their kids/some kids back in school. They have felt some guilt, or like they are not living up to what they felt "called" to do. but then, an overwhelming peace overcomes them.
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Lisa, could you clarify this for me? When you mentioned the moms w/ postpartum issues putting their kids in school, feeling some guilt, then an overwhelming peace, did you mean that the moms felt peace about the decision to put their kids in school, or that they felt peace that their guilty feelings helped them see that God was calling them to homeschool?
Thanks!
Dawn |
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__________________
Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
Paul 14
Thomas 11
Dominic 8
Maria Gianna 5
Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
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LisaR
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| Posted: June 25 2007 at 4:07pm | IP Logged
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Sorry, I do not know how that got sent without me
I meant that they felt guilt that they had "failed" as a homeschool mom, and that they were betraying a calling that they felt they had had. But soon they saw the fruit , for their specific, and sometimes short term need for their kids to attend school they realized that the grace and peace AND a bonus of good, faithful school families/teachers was there for them while their child/children were in school.
I feel like there are mulitple issues why we choose Catholic School for our oldest ds, but I will say that while we were discerning, my most fervert prayer was that God make it very clear for us in a way that I could understand. One way I "understand" is through my support and interaction with others.
Within a week, we had sadly learned of three very disturbing issues concerning 3 separate Catholic HS families that my ds's had intereacted with at length.
AND had met up with families who attend daily Mass and are very involved in praying for and supporting their large families in Catholic Schools. I had the homeschooler telling my ds to drink and look at p*** on the internet, and the school kids telling my son to put his scapular back on, as one example....
I suppose I just wanted to offer a prayer for the decision, and to let you know that it is not as black and white as I thought it to be when I first started homeschooling, at least for my family. As homeschoolers we might feel judged by others "out there" because we do not have our children in school, but I have seen many a former homeschool family feel very judged by the homeschool community they used to be involved in.
Our oldest child is always the "guinea pig" so I certainly know our journey is no where finished!
and.... I think Alice has great suggestions, or I would still consider a move!
Peace of Christ,
__________________
Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
Paul 14
Thomas 11
Dominic 8
Maria Gianna 5
Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
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marihalojen
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| Posted: June 26 2007 at 9:14am | IP Logged
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Talk to everyone. Tell them you homeschool.
Talk to the fishmonger - found a homeschooler who evesdropped on that conversation as Marianna was trying out her French on the Haitian fishcutter.
Talk to the librarians - found a homeschool book club in the back room that day.
Talk to the waitress - she used to homeschool, knew of a group of moms, she gave us phone #'s.
You get the idea! I even stop moms with kids who look school age but aren't in school (and not coughing) prior to 3pm.
Make up little cards to pass out with your contact info. Easier than scribbling with crayons on napkins!
Don't diss the idea of starting your own group either, place an ad in the paper, meet at a free place like a library, park or coffee shop and see what happens. Give it time to grow. While you are sitting there each Wednesday from 1-2pm waiting with your cappuccino and children, pray!
__________________
~Jennifer
Mother to Mariannna, age 13
The Mari Hal-O-Jen
SSR = Sailing, Snorkling, Reading
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GraceandCoffee
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| Posted: June 26 2007 at 8:44pm | IP Logged
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Wow this has given me alot to respond to! :)
I am seriously contemplating starting a group here in my area since there isn't one, and the nearest one doesn't really suit our needs very well. But i am going to try to do some stuff with that one when I can anyway.
As far as putting him in school again, I just dont' feel good about the public ones and can't afford the Catholic one which is too far away anyway. Gas money makes it cost prohibitive really.
And since I am not depressed anymore, (and haven't for about a year), I feel like hs is a good option.
I am happy with the friendships I have, (honestly I don't have time to maintain much more), so it's not *friends* for me so much as homeschooling support/likemindedness. My friends as wonderul as they are aren't catholic and most have no children, or just one baby. so not much support there, but good friendships. And really even if I just have friends and no irl hs support, places like this board provide such wonderful support! :)
It does break my heart for my son to ask for friends to play with, (as he has for about 3 years now, being always very sociable), and for me to be able to provide him NOTHING. I would like for him to have friends who are also being homeschooled for compatible schedules and so that he would have the homeschooled thing in common with his friends. i don't care so much about the ages except in that play still be compatible. (I mean, much younger, much older and opposite genders kind means they might be interested in what he is.) Currently we have one play friend who's 3 and a girl.  Works great for our daughter and even our 4yo son, btu not so much my older boy.
I am praying about this. And interestingly, alot of our friends whom we'd lost when we joined the Catholic Church have suddenly come back into our lives, but they're still childless or have just one baby. (I am refering to 3 different couples). I haven't liked not having friends, btu I've learned to be content anyway and to enjoy quiet days at home. But I do want my son to have friends. I am asking God for that now. Strangely, I hadn't done so before. I just thought he was leading us into a time of alone-ness for a reason. And we have learned alot through it. It's stregthened us a good bit in many ways.
All that said, my son is rather adaptable, and I know that if this is the way things must be for a season, he'll be fine.
Good friends are a valuable and a rare find. i am very grateful for those I have. I consider them a gift from God.
I am going to take some of your suggestions, I have found your comments very helpful
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vmalott
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| Posted: June 27 2007 at 7:11am | IP Logged
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Your post has touched my heart. I think we often times go through periods of feeling isolated. I also can relate to the homeschool support group not often 'fitting' with your interests and ages of your children.
One thing I have done in the past is arrange activities based on our childrens' ages and interests and then invited the homeschool group to join us. You never know...there might be several moms in just your situation, waiting for some appropriate activities for their younger children.
I know this idea might seem overwhelming, but when you are in control of the time, place, and activity, it really is a piece of cake. Choose something that you wouldn't mind doing with just your family to start out(so don't go looking for a group discount somewhere, since that's a big commitment) and send an open invite to your homeschool group. Think outside the box and don't limit yourself. 
God bless,
Valerie
__________________
Valerie
Mom to Julia ('94), John ('96), Lizzy ('98), Connor ('01), Drew ('02), Cate ('04), Aidan ('08) and three saints in heaven
Seven Times the Fun
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GraceandCoffee
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| Posted: Aug 13 2007 at 12:05pm | IP Logged
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I just came back and re-read this, because my anxiety has taken on a totally different color. I re-read all your posts, and am suddenly feeling terrified that we made the wrong decision. That sounds extremely strange in light of the fact that we just attended a lovely coference weekend here with cay Gibson and Coleen Mitchell and Alice Cantrell. I am not feeling at peace. In fact i am feeling rather panicked. I have had few anxiety attacks in my life, but after this morning, I am actually feeling physically freaked out.
After I tell you how this morning went, you'll think there's absolutely no reason for me to feel this way. And I admit, it makes no sense. I am prayerfully posting this in my old thread on the subject in hopes that God will place his words for me on someone's heart and that they will be kind enough to post. Maybe more than one.
For some reason, when I read this before, I missed a huge percentage of what was said. Even though I am not actually depressed anymore, I don't feel at peace about homeschooling. I want to feel at peace about it. It's what I've always idealized for my kids, but in action, it makes me totally feel panicked! Maybe this is a temporary feeling only for today, and truly I have no other option for school at the moment.
Today went unbelievable well. I finished everything at 9:30. I go up early, nursed the baby, showered, dressed, dressed and fed the kids. We read the bible story at the breakfast table, then went upstairs where it was like Christmas morning for them to find their new boxes of school supplies waiting for them on the table. They picked out supplies and drew pictures of our Bible story- the annunciation. I even drew one. Then we did math. the littles played with cuisenaire rods while my oldest breezed through 2 worksheets on arithmetic. Then they wanted to paint, so they painted while I read them a flower fairy poem on the letter "a" for Apple Blossom fairies. then we got out handwriting worksheets, and they did those. By the end of that they had become quite restless, and I was trying ot follow their lead as far as how much to do, and we far exceeded my expectations. they then went down stairs and drew with chalk on the chalkboard and had a snack and watched a show on discovery kids and all before 10:00. Then they went in the back yard to swing. I had to nurse the baby in there somewhere too. I then washed the dishes and did 2 loads of laundry....
I am completely freaked out because I feel like I did nothing. And I am nt used to this high level of organization with no one seeing it but our family. I don't know if that makes any sense. I also had my husband do the dirty work of calling the local public school where we registered earlier this year before I'd finally decided to homeschool and tell them benjamin wouldn't be attending. They apparently didn't care. Whew!
But last year I felt so at peace at the beginning of the year when we had him in Catholic school. I loved it. I loved the sense of community. It was a lovely school with a great sense of community. If we send him there, we'll have to move to a closer, smaller house so we can afford it. We have always wished to move to another, more beautiful part of the country. So if we move we'd like it to be for that.
SO much of what was written in the earlier parts of this thread rang true for me, and I haven't wanted to admit hat homeschooling isn't what I want to do in so many ways. I am doing it this year almost because I have to get it behind me. I have to try it out. My husband is getting a little worn by the constant discussions about what to do. It's just my almost unexplainable anxiety about it that never goes away. Like it's the "right" thing to do, but I'm sooo uncomfortable with it for some reason.
Maybe the anxiety will disappear....
Any thoughts?
__________________
Wife to the most wonderful man in the world, and mama to 4 beautiful children: meteorologist age 7, naturalist age 5, ballerina age 4, and baby boy age 19 months
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Cay Gibson
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| Posted: Aug 13 2007 at 2:35pm | IP Logged
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Hugs  , dear.
I call this "retreat withdrawl".
Do you remember one of the conversations we had on Saturday...I believe we were all sitting together...(and I see Marcie in my head saying it), talking about how upon returning from a retreat she said she felt depressed having to go back to the "real" world, and her friend told her "No, this is the "real" world...God and His teachings and what is good and true and beautiful is what is 'real'." Everything else is not real and we have to teach our children to search out His beauty and truth in an otherwise false world."
I believe this was during Colleen's talk. Perhaps during her inspiring art talk when Marcie shared. Was it Marcie? I think so.
So much else was said but I remember an insync cry of agreement rise up among us around that table when she shared this.
Peace. Dear me! Yes, peace is a hard commodity to find in this life. I feel for what you're saying about feeling "at peace" when your child was in school. I've had my own demons flutter around me concerning school. My 9-yr-old wants to go, then she changes her mind, then she changes it back.
But each time we consider it, something happens or something is said, or I make a nice weekend retreat with other hs moms , and I feel at peace about this being God's calling for our family.
You might want to wander in our beautiful Garden of Sorrows and read and meditate and walk the path of different experiences. I wrote the piece on "loss of the homeschooling dream" and, though I often wish I hadn't had to write it and though I haven't actually lost that dream, it is a constant threat that haunts my household. I'm committed to banishing that ghost forever this year. If he's not gone, we'll re-evaluate again next year.
We love the ideal and it all looks so grand on paper (or computer type ), doesn't it?
But putting it into practice is a leap of faith, isn't it?
__________________
Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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LisaR
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grace and coffee, I read this recent post and feel as if it could be written by me! I love the "community" that I already feel from my ds's Catholic HS that he will be starting in the fall. and for the first time in my life about this ds, I feel truly at peace and excited for him. I am glad that we live in 1800 sq ft for the 7 of us but are 2.5 miles from this opportunity. anyway, I might try to revisit this later, I am out of time. continuing to pray for you,
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Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
Paul 14
Thomas 11
Dominic 8
Maria Gianna 5
Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
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cathhomeschool
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from me too! Breathe, and pray, pray, pray. *Ask* the Lord to guide you to *His* will for your family, and then listen and have *faith* that He will. He listens, and He answers.
Then take one day at a time, and do NOT let Satan fill you with fear and anxiety about the future. We must all make the best decision that we can prayerfully make at the moment, and then we must strive to have peace that God provides everything we need to follow His call.
God may be calling you to homeschool, and He may not. I think that homeschooling "because we always said we would" is absolutely the wrong thing to do. Lives change. Circumstances change. We cannot follow through with a decision today just because X years ago, that's what we said we'd do today. To do that would be to be closed to the promptings of the Holy Spirit in your lives *today.* I homeschool my children and think that I will homeschool them through graduation. But we are also open to God's Will, and realize that this may not be His Will for us. So in practice, we take a year at a time. And if necessary, a semester at a time.
If you truly have no other option for school at the moment, then you have your answer -- for this moment -- for this time. Be at peace and do NOT let doubts control you. You are beginning a new endeavor. You have never homeschooled before. It is natural to feel a bit nervous (or very nervous!). Don't let that control you. Take a day at a time. Today went beautifully well. Tomorrow is another day. There will be good days, and there will be not-so-good days, and (even for those of us who *know* without doubt that we are supposed to homeschool right now) there will be days when we want to throw in the towel. But we can always look to tomorrow with renewed hope, for it is another day. We can come here for support. We can call friends on the phone. We can and should pray.
Perhaps today has freaked you out because you didn't really think that you could do this? Did today go too well? Perhaps on some level you hope to somehow put him in school for some reason? You did say that you could move to a smaller house and put him in school, though that is not what you would want.
I think that some quiet time in prayer is necessary. As Catholics and Christians, we will have to make many sacrifices in this life to do God's Will. Perhaps He's calling you to homeschool -- there will be many sacrifices to make. Perhaps He's calling you to move, tighten the belt, and place your son in the Catholic school that he attended before. You and dh will have to make those decisions in prayer, but know that whatever decision you make, it doesn't mean that you have to choose that forever. Take a year or semester at a time.
I am sorry for rambling so long... I have written from my heart and hope that you will find peace and comfort. You are in my prayers -- for strength and peace and direction. May the Holy Spirit fill your every need.
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Janette (4 boys - 22, 21, 15, 14)
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Paula in MN
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Beautifully said, Janette.
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 Paula
A Catholic Harvest
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LisaR
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you know, I hope you all don't think that i am anti-homeschooling or something. I just can SO see myself in all of Grace and Coffees posts, and remember like it was yesterday when my oldest was 6, asking over and over again "is this anxiety normal"? am I doing this right? and also still always feeling this little niggling that I was missing out on something, or that my d children were.
I always got these great pep talks, but I had a hard time finding someone who really "got" what I was asking and what I meant. I would faithfully try to do what the other moms did, but still it just didn't always seem right, even with the best books, the most wonderful environment I could created, a very supportive dh, and all the great homeschool support I could ever want via internet and in real life as well!!
Yet, I am still homeschooling, in my 10th year, which is pure craziness!!
I have mulled many things over the years, and I have realized that it is presumptious of me to assume "God's Will" is that I homeschool or not. God gifted me with an intellect (though it isn't the sharpest one out there, i'm sure)and a free will. He has entrustind dh and myself to make the best decision we can possibly make. This decision is ours alone, and He will "allow" us to forge ahead which whatever we choose.
Sometimes over the years it has been helpful for me to get a legal pad and draw a line straight down the middle from top to bottom, and dh and I can list "Pros" on one side and "Cons" on the other. SO far the "cons" are always greater, and we make the choice to home educate another year. We ask God to drastically help us to see clearly if it is NOT his will that we forge ahead with our decision, instead of the other way around, waiting for a sign that we should make a choice to do something to begin with.
When we got out that pro and con list for oldest ds, wow, it was overwhelming that he needed to go to school. and so far we only have more and more confirmations that we have made the right choice.
some of my best memories are of homeschooling , and some of my absolute worst mom and wife moments were due to homeschooling I am sorry to say. I am grateful for this time with my kids . It is so precious.
Yet I have realized that school is not the enemy I thought it was, nor do I need to fight a real or imagined "us vs them" debate about the superiority of home educationg.
sorry this is rambling. praying for you!
__________________
Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
Paul 14
Thomas 11
Dominic 8
Maria Gianna 5
Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
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Cay Gibson
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LisaR wrote:
you know, I hope you all don't think that i am anti-homeschooling or something. I always got these great pep talks, but I had a hard time finding someone who really "got" what I was asking and what I meant. I would faithfully try to do what the other moms did, but still it just didn't always seem right, even with the best books, the most wonderful environment I could created, a very supportive dh, and all the great homeschool support I could ever want via internet and in real life as well!!
Yet, I am still homeschooling, in my 10th year, which is pure craziness!! |
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Yes, Janette's reply is wonderful  and, yes, Lisa, I "get" you. You last line: "Yes, I am still hsing, in my 10th year..." made me want to dance.
You are right. So few of us live "in the moment." My father always said one must make a decision and go forward, and don't look back on "what ifs...", "should haves...", etc. This year we are committed to hsing again. I am committed and we march onward. There can be no looking back.
I was just talking to my oldest ds about this and Margot (Hillside Education) always tells me after we make a decision that is agreeable with both of us (concerning the Mosaic books) "Onward!" I can see her flourishing her sword wildly and bravely in the air and it gives me courage.
LisaR wrote:
| I am grateful for this time with my kids . It is so precious. |
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Again, this is so true. I'm thinking of dear Lucia's 19 year old dd who passed away in a car accident on Saturday. After all those years of hsing and decision making and good counsel, etc. She is gone. And the parents, while constantly looking back, are having to go forward...in faith.
We must have faith that we are doing the best for our dear children, no matter what that decision is. We must.
__________________
Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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Kathryn UK
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Cay Gibson wrote:
You might want to wander in our beautiful Garden of Sorrows and read and meditate and walk the path of different experiences. I wrote the piece on "loss of the homeschooling dream" and, though I often wish I hadn't had to write it and though I haven't actually lost that dream, it is a constant threat that haunts my household. I'm committed to banishing that ghost forever this year. If he's not gone, we'll re-evaluate again next year.
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Cay, thank you for that article
I thought we were committed to homeschooling for the long term, but both our older girls will be going to school in September. When school first became an option I felt everything Cay describes ... our lives - my life! - were so intertwined with homeschooling that not to have the girls at home seemed inconceivable. Since the decision was made, however, I have been very much at peace about it. As with Lisa's son a number of things have since fallen into place in such a way that I know that for us, at this time, in this place and with these children, it is the right decision.
My advice would be to carefully consider the options - as Lisa said, God expects us to use our intellects. If the only school choices available are not acceptable, or circumstances at home make homeschooling impossible, then decision made. If either is a real possibility, then pray, and stop thinking about it for long enough to listen to the answer (I am not good at this ).
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Kathryn
Dh Michael, Rachel(3/95) Hannah(8/98) Naomi(6/06)  (11/07)
The Bookworm
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: This is what makes me panic about hs
