4Real Forums: Sibling ability comparison

Oh, Dearest Mother, Sweetest Virgin of Altagracia, our Patroness. You are our Advocate and to you we recommend our needs. You are our Teacher and like disciples we come to learn from the example of your holy life. You are our Mother, and like children, we come to offer you all of the love of our hearts. Receive, dearest Mother, our offerings and listen attentively to our supplications. Amen.

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Topic: Sibling ability comparison

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Karen S.
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Joined: April 18 2007
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Posts: 21

Posted: April 20 2007 at 2:07pm \| IP Logged

I'm new to this forum (or any forum!) I have a ? about siblings comparing their abilities and getting discouraged. My 8 yr dd sees her 6 yr sis doing everything she can do and better (save reading) and it puts her into a slump. How can I encourage both without having one feel better or less than the other? How do I go about schooling when they are at about the same level without having older dd feel bad about herself? Thanks for all the encouragement I've already rec'd from reading other posts!

In His Mercy,
Karen S.
Wife to dh of 12 yrs; mom to 4 dd (8,6,4,1)

amyable
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Joined: March 07 2005
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Posts: 3798

Posted: April 20 2007 at 3:15pm \| IP Logged

We have similar issues here (I have four girls almost the same ages as yours - 9, 7, 4, and almost 2). My oldest struggles in school, and my 7yo is ahead of her in many ways.

We make a BIG deal here about how God has gifted us all differently for our own good - for His own purposes to fulfil their future vocation. So I search diligently for good traits and talents in my oldest, even if they are not as visible or "useful" right now. My dd may not have a great memory or spell or read well, but she is very outgoing, is great with chilren (and actually people of all ages), is creative, has been called " a natural" in Irish dancing (she's just a beginner, so we'll see, LOL), etc.

We try to show her these things are just as "valid" for a future vocation as being good at spelling or a natural reader.

Envy still rears it's ugly head, but it goes both ways (younger to older, and older to younger) and I think it may be part and parcel of being a family of 4 girls close in age.

As far as schooling goes, I school them together as much as possible for my own sanity, although I've heard other people saying that wasn't good for their competitive children. We *don't* grade work around here (I do correct, but I don't assign grades or make a deal about how many wrong, etc) so at least they can't compare their A's and B's.

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Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of

The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler

nicole-amdg
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Joined: April 16 2007
Location: Georgia
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Posts: 387

Posted: April 20 2007 at 6:44pm \| IP Logged

My two oldest are nine and seven, and they do this all the time--My dd might completely shut down on the math quiz they do together, so upset that her brother is faster than her, and then I follow up with their handwriting drill and she totally finishes before he's half done. My ds is actually getting better at not comparing, but my poor dd has my melancholy tendencies...I have yet to hit upon a way to teach a child how to have/foster a more positive outlook.

Anyway, the trick of alternating according to their respective strengths works pretty well, although I wish I had a better way of dealing with it for those times when one consistently "outperforms" another.

Nicole

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