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onemoretracy
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| Posted: Oct 05 2006 at 9:52am | IP Logged
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This is our first year HS and We love it. It is such a blessing for us. We belong to a co-op that meets on Fridays as well as for special events and field trips.
However, I still am feeling a bit isolated. I know I just haven't had time to make strong HS friendships for myself yet and neither have the kids. Ryan's b-day is around the corner and while talking with him about what he would like to do, what friends to include etc.. I realised that none of my children have a 'best friend' outside of this family. Jake and Ryan are only 14 mo. apart and really they are so close. Most of me is happy about that. How wonderful for siblings to have such a loving fun relationsip! A small part of me is feeling guilty though. I am being influenced by the world at large I guess and afeeling a bit guilty like I am depriving my kids.
They have friends in the neighborhood, boys and girls to play with, but no one that is a 'best' friend. As for some more adult ineraction with moms who are like minded. I have plenty of ladies that I am friendly with, but no one to bounce of HS ideas, goals, highs and lows.
I know several omoms are more isolated than I am living in a big, busy metro area, so I feel like baby just telling y'all this!  I would love to meet other RL minded moms in real life. Are there regional get togethers or groups or something?
President of the lonely hearts club, 
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Tracy
DH Lee
DS Jake-10
DS Ryan-9
DS Luke-6
DD Laine-6
DD Mary Clare-3
DD Sara (Dec.6 '08)
My Blog
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cvbmom
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| Posted: Oct 05 2006 at 10:45am | IP Logged
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Tracy,
My dd (almost 8) and ds (6) are best friends. They are 16 mo. apart. Even in our homeschool group they tend to hang out with the same kids together most of the time. They share friends. Occasionally they split, but I never push it. Personally, I feel BLESSED that my children are such good friends and care so much for each other. It makes home life so much easier. Don't get me wrong, they can fight with each other too, but they are each other's best friend still. I hope that my dd (3) and dd (2) that are 12 months apart can be best friends as well; it looks like it's headed that way.
One goal of our homeschooling is family closeness - enjoying being together as a family, not split into "age appropriate" friendships where we are living together but not really knowing each other. All of my children are friends with each other and take care of each other. It is beautiful. This IS socialization  It's tough to be loving toward those who you see every day and even at their worst, but it can be done.
Enough blabbing...
Christine
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Marjorie
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| Posted: Oct 05 2006 at 11:36am | IP Logged
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Tracy,
I was thinking something very similar about my girls this week. They are 8 and 10 (20 months apart) and are insepaarable. We also belong to a co-op and are involved in several clubs and activities, but they don't have that "best friend" experience that I really enjoyed as a child. Sometimes it is hard to tell if they are 'apart' in a group because that is part of their temperaments (especially my oldest) or because they don't have enough play time to get to know other kids. We do not live in a subdivision so they don't have neighborhood kids.
I noticed from your blog that you are in the burbs. I too am in Metro Georgia burbs. It is a big area. Where are you (PM me if you prefer). There is a great Charlotte Mason support group in this area that organizes lots of activities for moms and kids. Let me know if you are interested and I will zap you the info.
Good topic.
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Yours in Christ,
Marjorie
Lettres de mon Moulin
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ALmom
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| Posted: Oct 05 2006 at 12:50pm | IP Logged
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At the ages of your children, I really wouldn't worry about them as far as best friends. My 18 yo daughter never had a best friend throughout school - she was extremely close to her cousin who moved to PA for a while (very hard). She was fine without a lot of outside stuff until 13 (figured it would have been nice to have had some sort of co-op before that for her to begin to meet people before hitting those tuff years but since we didn't have it, we simply found areas of interest to keep her focused and with people - which she did need).
Not having a best friend never bothered her. Not having an opportunity to meet new people did once she hit her teens. She is in college now, loving it, but I wouldn't say she has a best friend here either, but she is really happy. She has the skill to draw in people, keep clicks from forming, some real leadership qualities. In orchestra in high school there were the homeschool evangelicals that had their own little click and the private school group with their own click and a handful of other kids that didn't belong to either group really. I know my dd was the only Catholic homeschooler and there were probably only two or three Catholics total. The year my daughter was the concertmaster, she pulled that whole orchestra together (many people commented to us about this) - the clicks weren't as obvious anymore and a lot more mingling. So look at the positives and don't worry.
The harder part is your need to connect with other like minded homeschooling moms. Can you invite some of the moms in the co-op over to visit. We often have a park gathering right after our half day co-op (nearby so no one has to drive)and bring our lunch, let the children play and this gives moms a chance to chat. One of my sis's started a couples dinner night but we could never participate cause my mom was watching my sis's children . We found we end up getting close to moms whose children hit it off with ours - so that does sort of go back to your first question. You might suggest a park gathering for the co-op members and then see who your children seem to really get along with and invite. We've even invited people for hb and hot dogs on a Sat. although I know some of the moms in our co-op don't do anything on weekends as that is family time with dad and we respect that. Also, is there a particular parish where the homeschoolers gravitate. In our area we are spread out but in our town, the homeschoolers in the parish tend to gravitate to one particular Mass (the very early one where there aren't as many funny things pulled) and we do hang around and visit after Mass. We met a couple from Australia who were visiting our area because they came up to a bunch of us after Mass and asked if we were homeschoolers and had them over for Sunday brunch spur of the moment. The kids acted as if they'd known each other all their lives and the adults ended up chatting so long they missed their tour of a local attraction. (See you've got to come back so you can take a long tour of this We miss you guys by the way and loved the announcement of your new little. Planning to come back our way?). Anyways just some ideas.
It is kind of hard just beginning but don't be afraid to just ask. We know some families here that traveled to Atlanta area for Priestly Fraternity of St. Peter's for Mass, but I think it is a bit too far, especially now. If you tour N. Al, PM me and we'll work on meeting you - not a long term solution but .... Oh there are gatherings periodically at the shrine and the Sister Servants of the Eternal Word (they are in Leeds, Al near Birmingham) have an upcoming retreat on mothering so that might be something to consider. There will be tons of homeschooling moms there, I bet. We're trying to work it out but I cannot leave my 4 yo for a weekend so we'll see. We'll keep your intentions in prayer - the feeling of isolation is a real drain and we all have a need for a sense of belonging.
Janet
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Leonie
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| Posted: Oct 06 2006 at 4:03am | IP Logged
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Before I started homeschooling, I was worried about socialization - for me!
I am a people person and I knew there was a whole social mum thing attached to kindergarten and preschool and school.
But it hasn't been a problem ( wipes brow.  )
I have found many friendships over the years and over our many moves. Many just by being actively involved in homeschool groups - a variety of groups, not just Catholic groups. My friendships have crossed religious
and social barriers - homeschooling has been a net for closeness that I have shared with other mothers.
These friendships have become family friendships - my kids socialize with my friends' dc and our dhs get to know each other, too. And lotsa friendships we keep up, even though we now live far apart.
Other friendships have stemmed from involvement in church and from work.
Sometimes, just by our family being open and friendly, a non RL mum becomes one interested in less texts and more RL - we influence others by our lives and mums who may not be likeminded (hs wise) at first, may change with time.
Give it time - join a few different things and a few different groups and I am sure that you and your dc - your whole family - will find new friends.
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Leonie in Sydney
Living Without School
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alicegunther
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| Posted: Oct 06 2006 at 7:11am | IP Logged
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As a mother of six girls and one boy, I may be wrong about this, but my impression is that boys are not as likely to have "best friends," especially at such ages, as girls. The girls often seem to pair off somewhere around age four or five, but the boys like to play in a large group, hanging out with whoever is around. Now my one son is only four, so take this advice from where it comes, but I would not worry about your boys at all.
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Love, Alice
mother of seven!
   
Cottage Blessings
Brew yourself a cup of tea, and come for a visit!
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Michaela
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Tracy,
Have you thought of creating your on group?
A few years back, we had just moved to Vegas and even though we went to all the park days & get togethers we didn't have close friends. I'm an introvert honestly & could careless, but not my Nicholas. I picked three families with children who were similiar in age and seemed to get along very nicely with mine. I asked the moms if they would like to come to my home for a co-op.
They loved the idea. My children had close friends. I even formed a VERY close relationship with two of the moms. Through our little co-op I was able to meet other likeminded families. It was actually the best thing I've done....especially because I didn't need it as much as my children needed closer friendships.
We've been here in WA a year now and it looks like we'll have to do something similiar. Even if it's just regular board game days, playgroup kinda thing, or a class....it's time for us to reach out.
I just wanted to say that I feel for you about the birthday issue. Nicholas had a birthday mid-September and he really didn't have any close friends to invite. Family, yes....some children he plays with down the street, but a close friend or two. That felt yucky.
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Michaela
Momma to Nicholas 16, Nathan 13, Olivia 13, Teresa 6, & Anthony 3
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onemoretracy
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| Posted: Oct 06 2006 at 10:19am | IP Logged
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Ah thank you so much for your support and the good ideas! I really am pleased that the boys are so close and I know it is a blessing for them for life. It is neat to see my 4 yr old now getting older and joing in on the big boy 'clique'
Alice, thanks for the insight on the tendency of boys.
Marjorie, I am thrilled to find that you live in the area and that there are other RL type HS around. We are in a co-op that is great, but doesn't follow a specific theory or philosophy and I just have had the opportunity to really talk and get to know the other moms. BTW, I love your blog and that mushroom stuuf was facinating. We are in Sandy Springs/Dunwoody area. Can you contact me by email? I don't know much about PM.
I guess bc we are new to HS I just need more time to get over that initial guilt
I have more to say but I have to go!
__________________
Tracy
DH Lee
DS Jake-10
DS Ryan-9
DS Luke-6
DD Laine-6
DD Mary Clare-3
DD Sara (Dec.6 '08)
My Blog
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saintanneshs
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| Posted: Oct 07 2006 at 9:03am | IP Logged
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onemoretracy wrote:
I have plenty of ladies that I am friendly with, but no one to bounce of HS ideas, goals, highs and lows.
...I would love to meet other RL minded moms in real life. |
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ME TOO!
I'm always telling dh how lonely it can get to not have anyone doing CM any closer than a 40-50 min drive away! Our homeschool group (and co-op) are huge, but I'm hesitant to volunteer anything about how I LOVE Real Learning both because I'm so new at all of this (my chickies are so little) AND because more than one or two of the original "Keeping It Catholic" moms spear-head our group (that's a whole other discussion and to make a long story short, they wouldn't approve of anything Charlotte Mason-related) SO, I'm kinda' lonely too (at least in person) when it comes to my enthusiasm for Real Learning. Thank heaven for these wonderful boards and for a dh that just lets me prattle on and on about 4Real and all things CM!
And as for the kids not having any "outside" best friends, I wouldn't give it a second thought. I can see why you'd question it, but the fact that your boys are bonded for life as brothers AND as best friends, well, IMHO there's NOTHING better... how blessed thay are to have each other in this world.
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Kristine
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: Socialization me AND the kids
