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Bridget
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Could someone please tell me how long this 'crabby, growly, intolerant of the little kids' phase is going to last? (Thankfully he still likes the baby. )
One day he is just a little boy playing with legos. The next he is nearly as tall as me, wearing men's size ten shoes and his voice has changed. And every couple of days he just goes through the house growling and bellowing in disbelief at his bad luck to have all these little kids following him around and hanging on him. 
Most of the time is still helpful and kind to them but, good grief!
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Elizabeth
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Hmmm, is he fourteen  ? It will last until approximately sixteen and then it will get better (I think this is correlated with driving and a shift to responsibilities outside the house, i.e. taxiing, grocery shopping, errands. The independence does them good.). Then, it will rear its ugly head every once in a while. When it does, you'll notice that he's eating a lot, throwing elbows with his brothers, and sleeping more. Then one day, he'll be nice again--and two inches taller!
You, my friend, will want to throttle anyone who says that girls are more difficult than boys  ! Testosterone *tests* mothers mightily.
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Cay Gibson
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Bridget,
Ditto everything Elizabeth said. She's *right on*! 
I notice you ds was born in '93. So was my second ds. Mine hasn't sprung into full-force yet but he's getting there  and I'm dreading it.
But, yes, ages 14-16 are the worse. Then it subsides. And yes, outside responsibilities definitely help them to appreciate their parents and home life a little more.
Just hold your breath for two years. 
It'll pass.
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Bridget
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He is almost 13. He seems to be maturing physically a little early. The next boy is 2 years younger so i guess i better get used to it.
We need a barn and some hay to bale. Better yet, i'll have them build a barn. It doesn't have to a GOOD one, they can even tear it down when they're done so the next crew of boys can rebuild it.
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Elizabeth
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My second son is a '92 and I've noticed it is a little different this time around. They are totally different personalities and #2 is not going to assume the "big boy" responsibilities nearly as early as the first one did. He's just not that mature. However, he hit the voice-changing, mustache-growing, mega growth spurt much earlier and much faster. I don't think the emotional stuff has been quite as hard on him. Or maybe, we're just not there yet . Or maybe, I was better prepared and not quite as blown away by it this time. Or maybe, it's that I'm not postpartum (oh yeah, I have that to look forward to in the fall  ). I do think Bridget, that there is something tricky about a baby tugging at your breast and your eldest showing signs of tugging away from your heart that is particularly poignant for mothers...
 &  to you, my dear!
Oh and Cay, if you already KNOW that girls are indeed worse, please don't tell me. Just be there when I discover it  .
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Mary G
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Not to be chauvinistic, but my dd (who is 14, almost 15) is just as bad you've described. Her maternal-ness has not come out yet!
On the other hand, my ds (almost 17) is the best babysitter, takes care of the little ones and is usually pretty good...altho every so often he thinks he should have the biggest... best ... most ... only one because "I'm your first-born".
God's mansion has many rooms -- I guess each of mine will finally have their own as no one else will want them!
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Bridget
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[QUOTE=Elizabeth] I do think Bridget, that there is something tricky about a baby tugging at your breast and your eldest showing signs of tugging away from your heart that is particularly poignant for mothers...QUOTE]
Yes, sometimes I just want to be in that sweet, soft baby world like in Rebecca's Babylove blog.
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Bridget
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Mary G wrote:
| Not to be chauvinistic, but my dd (who is 14, almost 15) is just as bad you've described. Her maternal-ness has not come out yet! |
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No, no, no! I refuse to believe the sweet, bouncy, helpful girls are going to be difficult teens. It WILL not happen!
Then again, when my first was a baby I said Cheetos would never pass his lips. How many things I said would never happen with MY children, have come to pass and I have been humbled about?!
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MicheleQ
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Bridget wrote:
No, no, no! I refuse to believe the sweet, bouncy, helpful girls are going to be difficult teens. It WILL not happen!
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I'm with you there! Well OK it COULD happen...but I don't think it has to. I have some friend's who dd's didn't really have a difficult teen time. I think personality plays a big part. Of course my dear sweet 9yr. old is also very much an opinionated choloeric...like me except she's left-brained and I'm right brained...anyway we get along GREAT now but I can see that things could get tricky later.
I'm on my 4th adolescent boy. Like everyone said it gets better at around 16 (driving or not - I have a 19 yr. old who still doesn't drive - his choice). I have noticed that it better or worse depending on personality AND the way dh and I react to things. I think we made a bigger deal of things with the older two than we do now with these next two teens and it does help to lessen the difficulties. We aren't permissive but we don't go to battle on everything like we use to either. Maybe we're wiser . . .though I suspect we're just tired.
Oh yeah and keeping them active is also very important and making sure they get enough sleep.
God bless!
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Cay Gibson
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MicheleQ wrote:
| I have noticed that it better or worse depending on personality AND the way dh and I react to things. |
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Personality definitely plays a big role.
And Michele's right: the way you and your dh react to situations will either break or build a bridge.
After #1 you learn not to make mole hills into mountains...especially when it was only an anthill in the first place.
I have more to say on this but need to get supper finished. I will say that teaching values at home is probably the best thing you can do to stave off the major problems.
My oldest dd attends the local school and I couldn't be prouder of her. She definitely knows where we draw the line, her values are intact, and her head is on straight...and she turns 16 at the end of next month so things should even get better. Lots to do with personality there.
MicheleQ wrote:
| Maybe we're wiser . . .though I suspect we're just tired. |
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Cay Gibson
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Bridget
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THanks, Ladies! I remember reading Mary Pride, in one of her books, say something to the effect of 'if you love them and raise them right early, you won't have rebellious problems in the teen years'. I don't have outright rebellion, but my son's frustration in the last few months has surprised me.
I started to worry that I was doing something wrong or he wouldn't be acting this way.
I'm still sure I'm doing something wrong, but I probably can't prevent him from having some growing pains.
I have never let my children sulk in their rooms or send them there. It just seems to breed rebellion. Usually I have them come do work with me and we talk while we work. But maybe in these years they need some time alone to recollect themselves.
What do you do with teen boys after they have a blow up?
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Cay Gibson
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Bridget wrote:
What do you do with teen boys after they have a blow up?
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Let him have his "me time". Sometimes it's necessary. Sometimes it helps. We all need that...that's why it's such a popular, acceptable concept, though a bit selfish and over-rated in today's society.
I always thought room sitting was too gloomy. Have him take a walk outside. But, yes, sometimes a Mom needs to know when to get out of the way. Let him come to you...sometimes.
Of course, there are other times they want you to reach out to them, creep up alongside of them, bump them gently but playfully on the arm or offer them a drink, and sit with them a spell.
It's a balancing act. #1 is indeed the experiment. You learn when to move closer and when to draw back.
Even Mother Angelica told a mother-caller once on her show, "Pick your battles." That has always stayed with me when confronted with my dc. What a wise Mother for one who never had children to raise. 
Also, Cindy Clarkson's books are outstanding regarding the joys and trials with our growing children.
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Cay Gibson
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mumofsix
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A few quick thoughts: boys are much more work than girls in every way, says me, Mum of three of each! They mature much more slowly (research backs this up), particularly in language skills and emotional maturity. Obviously this is a generalisation and there will be plenty of exceptions, but it is generally true nonetheless.
My ds 18 has been challenging at times; my dd 16 has never given me one moment's worry or concern all her life. She is friendly, polite, helpful, conscientious, obedient yet still creative, original and with her own strong but lovely personality. Perfect? Well, I think so, but I am her Mum!
My son also has a lot of wonderful qualities, but he is, at age 18, much more immature than his two years younger sister. He has found it necessary to be much more challenging of our values, though we have (just) kept him on board and things are getting better. (I am going to a pro-life conference at the weekend with him and the little ones, at his instigation.) He seems to need much more structure, as well as nurturing, and we are now coming around to treating him as he is maturity wise, rather than as the majority of parents of 18 year olds might think is appropriate.
In sum, I think boys need more structure. They also need more explicit nurturing. In adolescents this has to be diplomatic (Cay explains it really well). With your little boys, I would say absolutely don't stint their need to be cuddled and loved. So what if they are past the "normal" age for sleeping with Mum? If they need it, let them have it.
Just a few thoughts.
Jane.
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Genevieve
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Cay Gibson wrote:
Also, Cindy Clarkson's books are outstanding regarding the joys and trials with our growing children. |
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I never heard of Cindy Clarkson. I tried googling it and nothing came up. Can someone point me in the right direction?
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Bridget
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I'll bet she meant to type Sally Clarkson
It's on my wishlist!
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Elizabeth
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Jane,
Thanks for your insight! I really needed to hear that today.
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esperanza
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Okay this mom is holding on to the wait 'til they're 16 or 17 mark. 
My soon to be 15 yo ds has grown 4-5 inches this past year; is in a size 12 shoe; and finally doesn't get referred to as Tara or Tammy when he answers the phone
It is comforting to know that much of his behavior is normal.
Years ago I read an article by a hsing mom "comparing adolescent boys to roosters"...anyone else read it. This calms me down to remember when my ds demands to run the household when his father isn't home. He is much like his dad ..a Mel/Chol
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Genevieve
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You are probably right. I've meaning to read the rest of her material after Educating Wholehearted Child. Just another incentive...
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Erin
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Bridget wrote:
| We need a barn and some hay to bale. Better yet, i'll have them build a barn. It doesn't have to a GOOD one, they can even tear it down when they're done so the next crew of boys can rebuild it. |
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Bridget,
This physical outlet really works, great idea! the other day ds11 was really pestering his brothers, seems to be coming more frequent  I sent him outside to wrestle with a tree stump, he has been working on it for weeks, and it was a really good release Not bad for being in town. Times like that, that I really widh we were out of town.
Btw I just noticed you and dh were married the same year as us and had your first child the same year as us also. We were married the 12th December and had our honeymoon baby 31st August.  So were you married earlier in the year?
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Cay Gibson
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Yes, I did. 
My mistake. It is Sally, not Cindy.
You can read her first book Seasons of a Mother's Heart and you will fall in with mothering and your children. I (personally) think Seasons of a Mother's Heart is necessary for every mother. If you read it with faith and prayer, it can (and will) make you a better mother.
Her other two books The Ministry of Motherhood and The Mission of Motherhood are wonderful but not absolutely necessary. But, the catch here is that these two books reveal her dealings with her teenaged children which is what this thread hinges on. So, perhaps these two books are necessary afterall.
Sally shares her concerns, her worries, and her thoughts about her parenting skills and dealing with grown children as well as their youth and innocent.
I shudder at the thought that my children might have entered their teenage years without me having read Sally's books. I am thankful everyday to Sally for sharing herself with the homeschooling community and coming into my home. We are all ---especially my children, if they only knew,--- are indebted to her tremendously.
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Cay Gibson
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Adolescent Boys
