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Cay Gibson
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| Posted: Sept 14 2010 at 12:03am | IP Logged
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Try as I might to kid myself or ignore the reality, the fact is that we are an extremely busy household. Busier than I'd like to be, even though it is all "good" busyness. I am reminded daily to be joyful and thankful for what we can do and what we are able to do.
I've gone beyond excusing my homelife and beyond wishing it were different. We embrace our life...joyfully.
I've finally gotten to a peaceful point in our homeschool and lifestyle where I think the needs of all are being met...to some degree if not all.
Still...
This was a recent text conversation I had w/ a fellow hsing friend and CM enthusiast who quit our co-op this year in order to regain her footing. I keep going back to that text message wondering what prompted me to type it.
I mentioned to my friend that I envied her upcoming school yr. Quiet Mondays again spent at home around a learning table. Time for nature walks. Time for five-in-a-row. Time for centering.
Mine looks nothing like my ideal. Co-op on Mondays, soccer practice times 3, dance, part-time jobs for everyone, girl's club times 2, sports, checking on great grandmother, etc.
And she asked what my ideal was.
I replied that it was the one I used to write about: Charlotte Mason, nature notebooks, nature walks, five-in-a-row, lapbooks, no math  , time spent at home, things we did when the children were all little.
Guess that's what I'm missing the most. Those days went by too quickly. 
Now I find myself w/ two in college, an 11th grader, a 7th grader, and a 3rd grader...trying to focus on the reality of ACT tests, colleges, Advanced Math, Chemistry...none of which I'm good at...  without loosing hold of my ideal in the chaos.
Is the ideal ever in harmony with the reality? Ever?
I only thought life was busy when the children were little.
I know I can't recapture those lost days, but how can I snatch the remnants...for my own sake?
I know we often speak of "for the children's sake" but what about the homeschooling mother who has spent so mucdh time and effort in this vocation, wondering if the ideal was ever insync w/ the reality?
I'm rambling. It's been another long day. I'm off to bed, hoping someone can make sense of my ramblings. 
I suspect my questions are:
How can we still purge CM into our homes while we're busy in the outside world?
Is it even possible?
Can we get by on doing it during the limited time we have at home? (I have two free days at home this week)
Is it worth stopping the reality of the world on our doorstep and just focusing on our ideal?
Is that practical when so many of us are dealing w/ so many different personalities and temperaments in our home?
__________________
Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: Sept 14 2010 at 6:25am | IP Logged
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Cay, you have done a beautiful job of putting to words the frustrations I've been feeling for a couple of years, and most of my kids are younger. I have tried to cut things out of our schedule, in order to bring peace, but some things just can't be cut out ... like math
I hope you get lots of helpful replies. I'm all ears.
This is a great conversation starter that I'm sure many can relate to!
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Becky
Wife to Wes, Mom to 6 wonderful kids on Earth and 4 in Heaven!
Academy Of The Good Shepherd
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mariB
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| Posted: Sept 14 2010 at 6:37am | IP Logged
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Yes..I am so interested in this topic. How do we do this with older children. I have had the opportunity to only have two of our children home ages 11 and 7 for the past two weeks and really trying to recapture those quiet moments.
Life is so loud at times. I don't mean the children. I mean the commotion. I remember reading a book Mitten Strings for God several years back and really enjoying it. I may have to dig that book out and read it again.
Cay, this is what I wanted to tell you. With just the two girls at home, these couple of weeks, I am struggling to get back those ideal moments of days gone by. It's as if I almost don't know how to do it anymore I am so caught up in life's commotion.
Today, I am making a list of those things that were always special to our family and making plans to do at least one of those things per day.
I am an hour from the Divine Mercy Shrine and taking a trip there this week with the girls. So maybe starting with the quiets moments with our faith may be a good starting point..well at least for me.
Praying for you and all families that are looking to keep that peace of the Lord in their families and homeschooling lives.
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marib-Mother to 22ds,21ds,18ds,15dd,11dd and wife to an amazing man for 23 years
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Mackfam
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| Posted: Sept 14 2010 at 2:52pm | IP Logged
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I've been thinking of your post, Cay, and hesitating to answer because I'm not in the season of life you're describing. Nor do I have a really large family...so I don't really think I can speak to large family CM with multiple older children. My oldest is just in the 9th grade, and I have a 5th grader, K/1st grader, and toddler. I do understand the need to carefully steward time with family needs, outside the home activities, and I do see the different personalities in my children...and I greatly value the Charlotte Mason method, finding it an anchor in our days, so I'm going to give this a try. I hope that's ok.
Outside the home activities are something I'm constantly discerning, and I have seen that different seasons involve differing levels of activity. I do understand that teens/high schoolers have different needs and activities though I don't have enough experience or perspective there to speak of it. Discerning what to fit and how to fit it in is something we approach seasonally, so it's great to hear that you're at peace with the number of activities you have going on for your children! I do want to link Living the Slow Life just in case you haven't read it in a while. This thread provided my husband and I some really great tools in discerning how much/if at all.
I know that when I'm focused on addressing a specific problem or need around here (**insert any problem/challenge/issue here**) I can become hyper-focused on an issue and forget big picture priorities. It takes me some time to pray, brainstorm, implement the issue...and then all of a sudden I look around and realize I've totally forgotten my road map and I feel a little lost and overwhelmed. In reading your post, that's what I thought of anyway...it might not be the case with your situation though. But, in reading how you had worked so hard for so long to ensure that the needs of the different personalities and temperaments of the children were being met, I began to wonder if it wasn't that you'd lost your ideal, just that in focusing on other issues, you might need to re-examine your big picture/road map priorities?
So...I'm going to make an assumption here that I hope is ok...I'm going to assume by your post that a Charlotte Mason influence in your day is your ideal/priority and you'd like it to be a reality.
Now...your questions...
Cay wrote:
| How can we still purge CM into our homes while we're busy in the outside world? |
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When I think of "purging", I'm generally thinking of removing something, so I'm going to propose that CM can be:
** An undercurrent of the day - subtle, natural, easy...a short lesson with a CM style fits into pockets of the day without overturning the day's basic plans.
** A seasoning or sprinkling here and there - you make a list of those aspects you love about CM (in your post you mention nature notebooks, nature walks, five-in-a-row, lapbooks, no math, time spent at home...this would be a great list to start with!) and decide to thoughtfully sprinkle or season your days with them. No major rearranging done here. Just season a day with a 10 minute nature walk. Sprinkle in a little couch time reading.
** Or CM ideals could even be THE RAILS upon which your day operates - this might require more shifting of your day based on your priorities, but I still don't think it's out of the question.
It all depends on your family priority. Does that make sense? In other words, you decide what you're missing from CM - aspects of it, or the entire philosophy and method? Then you decide how much of a priority it is to implement your choice. The level of priority you give it will afford it a weight or a value in your day and that helps you know how much effort you need to offer to make it a reality.
I absolutely think so and believe it can be!!!! But, with this caveat...your priorities have to add up! In other words, you can't weight CM with 80% value and outside the home activities can't add up to another 75% worth of value (I'm using number percentages just to illustrate the point, but hopefully you get where I'm going with this) - the total value is over 100%...which equals stretched, burnt out, overdone, overwhelmed, not happenin'! I think if you put some prayerful thought into this you can definitely find ways to make this work though!!!
Cay wrote:
| Can we get by on doing it during the limited time we have at home? (I have two free days at home this week) |
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This could be part of a great solution! An example...
Perhaps you take a look at those two days and you decide to implement CM in a lovely way, a way that reflects your ideal during those two days. The 3 remaining days, you make use of pockets of those days to allow CM to continue informing the day, but in a more subtle, natural way...so, before soccer practice, you send the girls out to the fall garden for a 10 minute nature walk and you pack small art bags for them to do a nature sketch on the way to practice. Sounds workable to me! Or...you've got a lot going on during the day, but you see that you could use 20 minutes every morning to read aloud and lapbook and you grab it and run with it! Just because you see CM as a priority and ideal...and you have finally landed on a workable, peaceful outside the home schedule does not mean that they are mutually exclusive. Work with pockets of time and think of transforming existing work to reflect more of your CM ideals.
Cay wrote:
| Is it worth stopping the reality of the world on our doorstep and just focusing on our ideal? |
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I think I answered that above, but no, I don't think they're necessarily contradictory. As long as you've discerned your outside the home/in the world reality and are comfortable with that pace finding it full rather than frenetic, make it a priority to find ways to focus on and implement your ideal in the time you have at hand.
Cay wrote:
| Is that practical when so many of us are dealing w/ so many different personalities and temperaments in our home? |
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Here's where I step out on a limb a little...outside my experience without several older children, but I'm going to say that not only is it practical but it's a blessing. CM's methods are grounding and foundational to so much. Because CM is a method and not a specific list or curriculum, the method speaks universally. When we apply it, we do so in ways and with the best of books that speak directly to the hearts and minds of our children.
Those are my thoughts, Cay. Did I miss the boat entirely? Can we narrow in on anything in particular?
__________________
Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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Cay Gibson
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| Posted: Sept 14 2010 at 9:51pm | IP Logged
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mariB wrote:
| I remember reading a book Mitten Strings for God several years back and really enjoying it. I may have to dig that book out and read it again. |
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I bought that book. Thanks for the reminder, Mari. I'll have to dig it out too. It might help give me my spirit back. 
mariB wrote:
Cay, this is what I wanted to tell you. With just the two girls at home, these couple of weeks, I am struggling to get back those ideal moments of days gone by. It's as if I almost don't know how to do it anymore I am so caught up in life's commotion.
Today, I am making a list of those things that were always special to our family and making plans to do at least one of those things per day. |
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Sounds like a perfect start, Mari. Would you mind sharing your list with me? Please? I have two girls left here (and the son who's a junior) so your list might blend w/ my life here. You understood exactly what I was trying to convey in my post. I'm so grateful for being understood.
mariB wrote:
| I am an hour from the Divine Mercy Shrine and taking a trip there this week with the girls. So maybe starting with the quiets moments with our faith may be a good starting point..well at least for me. |
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Sounds lovely. I've been wanting to make a pilgrimage to Our Lady Star of the Sea. She overlooks the Gulf of Mexico and, especially during this hurricane season, I've often wanted to keep it a priority to go there. I need to. You've given me a jumpstart. Thank you!
Thank you for the link, Jennifer, and the thoughtful reply. I'm going to read thru it and mull over it.
I'm grateful for the support I find here. A large part of my melancholy is that I miss the nourishment I found/find on these boards. But I don't have the time to enjoy them the way I use to and, even when I do, lots of what is said/written I've already heard/read. Is there nothing new under the sun?
I mean no disrespect to your discussions, dear ladies. I've just been at this a long time.
Perhaps I've been homeschooling too long. Not! 
Perhaps God is slowly guiding me away and into other areas He has for me.
And that makes me sad...
__________________
Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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Cay Gibson
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| Posted: Sept 14 2010 at 10:22pm | IP Logged
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Mackfam wrote:
Cay wrote:
| How can we still purge CM into our homes while we're busy in the outside world? |
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When I think of "purging", I'm generally thinking of removing something, ... |
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Me too, Jen. I'm not sure that was the correct word to use but I was thinking of purging CM as in purifying, cleaning it, rinsing, "ridding it of sediment" as in getting to the basics again.
I think, in writing that, I was thinking my ideal was more consuming (in my mind's eye anyway) than what I could actually do at home. I feel the need to cull down my expectations of CM, clean out some parts of the whole that are not "do-able" right now.
Does that make sense?
In a way I am wanting the CM influence back inside my home in such a big way. Yet I realize that is not realistic. So...yes...in a way I need to know how to "purge" what I've read, done, seen, and dreamed of a CM-lifestyle and declutter some of those expectations.
I'm seeing, from reading your post, that I've lost the vision that CM is a lifestyle...and one so hard to do w/ older children outside the home. And that's kind of funny that I've lost that point because I try so hard to make others understand that homeschooling has more to do with "lifestyle" than with academics.  Guess the jokes on me.
I'm also thinking how much of our time is spent at home when the children are young and CM wrote in a day and age (and in England) where time, ways, and life moved slower...though harder, I'm sure...so that is the time in our hsing that a CM lifestyle seems to "work" and flow so much better.
Mackfam wrote:
so I'm going to propose that CM can be:
** An undercurrent of the day - subtle, natural, easy...a short lesson with a CM style fits into pockets of the day without overturning the day's basic plans.
** A seasoning or sprinkling here and there - you make a list of those aspects you love about CM (in your post you mention nature notebooks, nature walks, five-in-a-row, lapbooks, no math, time spent at home...this would be a great list to start with!) and decide to thoughtfully sprinkle or season your days with them. No major rearranging done here. Just season a day with a 10 minute nature walk. Sprinkle in a little couch time reading.
** Or CM ideals could even be THE RAILS upon which your day operates - this might require more shifting of your day based on your priorities, but I still don't think it's out of the question.
It all depends on your family priority. Does that make sense? In other words, you decide what you're missing from CM - aspects of it, or the entire philosophy and method? Then you decide how much of a priority it is to implement your choice. |
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This helps me refocus in a big way, Jennifer. You are wise beyond the ages of your children.
I'm finding the "Slow Life" link incredibly helpful to reread. Thank you!
__________________
Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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guitarnan
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| Posted: Sept 14 2010 at 10:35pm | IP Logged
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Cay, I think I understand a bit about where you are, because I am there, too. With one off to college (although living at home, a challenge for this plan-it-to-death mom) and just one child learning at home, I feel like we've left some very wonderful, nurturing times behind and I know I will never get them back.
But... my dd said to me just today, "I feel so very attached to you. I don't know why, but I just do." (Of course I teared up!) I think that sentence healed a lot of little heartaches for me. No, my little curly-headed toddler girl, the flower girl in the French wedding, won't give me sloppy kisses the way she used to, but she's tall and confident now and yet she still feels the tug toward home. (And faith, I hope.) She dances four days a week. We are busy, but we stay connected. How? Well, lately it's been through a newly-shared hobby - guitar (I confess that I don't like teaching guitar, but how do you turn down your own child?). This Sunday she played at Mass and I have hopes of her accompanying our children's choir some day. We may not agree on many things, later on, but we will always love the music of our (literally) shared instrument.
I find that with my son it is hard to let go, but it's something that is a work in progress.
Perhaps we need a new forum here for moms of college-age students? I'm sure I could benefit from discussions with other moms who face my challenges (de-helicoptering, teaching financial responsibility, letting go vs. staying connected).
For me, the ideal has always been to bring living books into everything. Now that my youngest is older, and isn't a bookworm, this is a different kind of challenge. Her homeschool book club helps a bit - she reads the selections so she can attend and participate - but we're also getting to subjects where I have personal stories to share, either from travel experiences or family history, and I find great comfort in giving those stories to my children to pass down later on, especially since I've been the Lone Story Collector for so long.
In order to nurture my dd's dance talent, I have to spend much time away from home, and so does she. My son is now outside the rhythm of our daily routine, too. I have a feeling, though, that when Advent and all those Jan Brett and Tomie dePaola books come out for their annual reading, he'll be there as he has been every year. Here's why:
I teach dd and her friend a guitar lesson each week. Last week I was so worried about what to teach them, until I realized that our lesson was on St. Gregory's feast day. Liturgical year - the true rhythm of our days and weeks - came to the rescue. We learned some simple accompaniments to "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel," and talked about Gregorian chant and its place in liturgy.
I find that I lean more on the liturgical calendar for focus - my own focus - each year. I can see my children growing to love our traditions and that is a lovely, lovely thing.
The traditions of living books, being outdoors in God's creation and the liturgical year keep me grounded. The rest of the time I wonder if I'm doing it right...but when I look into the eyes of my children I see that they are grounded and striving toward their goals. That's good. Refocusing my own efforts? A work in progress, right now. I'm shifting from mom of two very busy students to college mom/educator of dancer.
Cay and everyone, do you think there's a place here for a forum for moms of college-age students? Perhaps we can support each other...
__________________
Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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JennGM
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| Posted: Sept 15 2010 at 9:42am | IP Logged
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Cay Gibson wrote:
I mentioned to my friend that I envied her upcoming school yr. Quiet Mondays again spent at home around a learning table. Time for nature walks. Time for five-in-a-row. Time for centering.
Mine looks nothing like my ideal. Co-op on Mondays, soccer practice times 3, dance, part-time jobs for everyone, girl's club times 2, sports, checking on great grandmother, etc.
And she asked what my ideal was.
I replied that it was the one I used to write about: Charlotte Mason, nature notebooks, nature walks, five-in-a-row, lapbooks, no math , time spent at home, things we did when the children were all little.
Guess that's what I'm missing the most. Those days went by too quickly.
Now I find myself w/ two in college, an 11th grader, a 7th grader, and a 3rd grader...trying to focus on the reality of ACT tests, colleges, Advanced Math, Chemistry...none of which I'm good at... without loosing hold of my ideal in the chaos.
Is the ideal ever in harmony with the reality? Ever?
I only thought life was busy when the children were little.
I know I can't recapture those lost days, but how can I snatch the remnants...for my own sake? |
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Cay, I've been mulling over your words. So much of your post reminds me of my mother when the older ones hit teenage years and then the pace kept getting faster. Some responses have been flying while I've been drafting a response.
All her life she embraced the moment. She enjoyed being with her children, and enjoyed all stages of our lives. But we moved to VA and all of sudden we were in the car all the time because of Church, practices, games, school, and nothing was close. It was killing her. Her first reactions were to look back with longing at the slower, younger times, comparing and see how this current time fell short to her more idyllic family life when we were almost always home and doing things together.
After a bit, she adjusted. She found her pegs and had her priorities to make a mindset, embrace the now, instead of looking back. We WERE going to eat together as a family as much as possible, even if that meant picnic lunches on the benches of a basketball gym. We prayed the rosary together, even if it meant in the car. We enjoyed our music, discussed our movies and books, and enjoyed being with family, although it didn't "look" like it was the same. We couldn't always be home together, but we tried to do things together and support each other in our outside activities, and then come as a family at different points to regroup.
And I think the key to temperaments like you and me, is that WE have to make those times for us, even if anyone else isn’t there. We need our prayer time, we need our quiet time, we need time with nature, we need to be able to read, we need time to talk (narrate) what we’re reading and concerned. We need our down time. I absolutely panic when I don’t have days at home during the week. Seeing my calendar fill up causes me so much anxiety. If I’m calm and peaceful, it’s the beginning of the atmosphere, discipline, and life, the RAILS to live a CM-inspired life. It's not true Charlotte Mason, but some aspects might be inspired by it.
This time for you is a shift, of course. We do want the quiet more peaceful intimate times. For teenagers the focus turns outward, as they grow, make their own connections, learn to be adults. It’s different as a mother, because we aren’t seeing or involved in all the education of their lives. While CM wasn’t handing everything all preplanned, and allowed the child to make his own relations, we still were witness and a part of it. It was a wonder to watch the masterly inactivity and see how it all came together. As they get older and doing things outside of the home, we aren’t always part of it. We can feel left out.
I wouldn’t try to look back, but, like Jen and Nancy said, find ways to regroup and keep a CM focus. Some of the responses echo what I was going to say, that Charlotte Mason approach is a lot of mindset or atmosphere. Her summary “Education an atmosphere, a discipline, a life.” is just so key to ponder and reflect in our own home. Am I creating a conducive atmosphere? As I keep going deeper into the CM education, I keep realizing it takes less time, less planning but more openness from me. "Education is the Science of Relations" means those little bits of time, those books, the little bits here and there are part of the whole picture, but my children will be piecing the picture together, relating all the ideas and putting it together.
But some other ideas for a CM-INSPIRED atmosphere, not as brilliant as Jen’s, but:
::Eat out of doors. If this a way to do nature study to be eyes and ears. Tackle post-breakfast as a quick time to just observe and lay out the journals and watercolors.
::Eat together as a family as much as possible, or grab a small time for a glass of lemonade or cup of coffee to just sit together, out of doors perhaps.
::Keep up the living books, whether on cds or read by themselves. Narration seems to be more written, personal thing as the child gets older. But talking about books, ideas, what we’re learning is narration in a broad sense.
::Keep up the music and art, even in small ways. Play music in the background. Pick an artist or picture of the week and place in a frame on the counter. They will notice, and perhaps talk about it.
::The peg system suggested by Leonie. Find some times in your day that seem to be consistent. It sounds like your mornings are pretty consistent. Is lunch together? Pick a time to do a read-aloud. Just a small, small section, not a whole chapter if time really presses.
::I love what Nancy said about the liturgical year, and I would quite agree from my own experience growing up. The traditions do keep the children coming back, no matter how old. The adjustment might be that you encourage them to lead or do them – gathering ideas, decorations, cooking.
::Plan for Masterly Inactivity for all of you. Teach your children to have those quiet times for themselves.
__________________
Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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Connections
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| Posted: Sept 15 2010 at 11:20am | IP Logged
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Cay-
First of all, I sense you are feeling a little lonely in your journey. I often feel this same way- I almost blogged about it and then changed my mind. Maybe I'll reconsider. You are in my prayers.
Now, I do think that you can incorporate CM into your two days off. I even think that it may bring much comfort to be able to fit some of your ideals into the time that you have.
On the other hand, I have been thinking about the concept of ideals- especially in a large family (disclaimer-my family currently includes three blessings, but I can imagine the difficulties grow exponentially). Frankly (and I hope not to offend here), I think that it is very difficult to have our reality match our ideal view of day to day family life. Only when our children are little and are not yet making decisions of their own do we truly run the show. And then, we are still so new at motherhood and homeschooling that we end up researching and questioning ourselves so often we hardly give ourselves a chance to define our ideals. Until one day we wake up and realize we know just what we want our days to look like- only to discover that our children have developed very strong personalities and needs that take them out of our homes!
Of course, this doesn't mean we throw in the towel. Most likely it does mean we have quite the challenge on our hands- meshing the needs and personalities of each family member and enjoying the time we have together, I know you are doing this, Cay. And, we can allow ourselves, every once and awhile, to mourn for the past. We can reclaim the simplicity and the ideals where and when we are able. And we can pray for the grace to support each member of our family in his or her discernment of God's call- listening carefully to what He might have in store for us.
Hugs and prayers.
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JennyMaine
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| Posted: Sept 15 2010 at 11:31am | IP Logged
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Is the older teen driving to their activities and part-time job? Are all these things, except for Monday co-op, scheduled in the evenings or weekends so that the school day is not interrupted? Do the two in college live at home? Do they know not to interrupt the school day if avoidable?
To be honest, I could not function with that much activity in my week. I'm very honest with my teens - I am a single mom and I work 3 days per week. In addition, I take care of my mom. I have one outside the home activity - a Carmelite group I just joined which meets once per month. My teens have one outside activity this year, and that is youth group. In order to keep my sanity and to make sure that their school work actually gets done, I've learned to say no. For me, if I didn't, it would mean that all that we would accomplish would be running from one activity to the next. For me, "good busyness" is still busyness, and it is draining.
Now, maybe I'm just a really low energy person? But there's no way I could have kids in all those activities. . .no matter what my homeschool method might be!
__________________
--JennyMaine, Mom to Catherine (17) and Sam (15) "The countenance is a reflection of the soul. You should always have a calm and serene countenance." -- Therese of Lisieux
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Cheryl
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| Posted: Sept 17 2010 at 2:29pm | IP Logged
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Cay,
I'm not where you are with the children's ages and activities. I just thought I'd add in my experience anyway.
This year I've given up on the CM. I'm settling for prayer time for myself, prayer with my children, the 3Rs and some read alouds. We also meet with hs'ers 2x/week. I'd rather be a relaxed Mom than stressed and rushing to get it all done. My boys take a long time to do math and I've accepted it.
Nature walks, field trips, picture study, composer study, handicrafts, notebooking and lapbooks are all good, but I can't do it all, so I'm choosing to do only my priorities. I think that taking some time to be alone and rest helps me more than anything.
I hardly come here anymore. I came to delete some Trading Post items and I saw your post. I've always enjoyed your contributions to this message board. I know I have no clue what it's like to be a Mom with older dc and ones active in sports. I imagine it's crazy busy. I guess my point is that I think it's OK for younger children not to have that dreamy HS you read about in Pocketful of Pinecones. I've let go of the dream. And I wanted to add that prayer and rest help me with everything. Gotta go help my Dad close his pool.
Take care.
__________________
Cheryl
Wife to Bob ('97)
Mom to Matthew 13, Joseph 11, Sarah 10, Rachel 6, Hannah almost 4 and Mary 1
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Mackfam
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| Posted: Sept 17 2010 at 5:31pm | IP Logged
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Cheryl wrote:
| I'm settling for prayer time for myself, prayer with my children, the 3Rs and some read alouds. |
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This is wonderful, Cheryl! And I don't find it to be "settling" in any way shape or form. You've found your priorities and you're working within them! I think it's marvelous!
In reading some of the responses to Cay's question, I wonder if this question could really be divided up in two ways? One question is more philosophical...Should we give up the dream of a particular method of home education after or because of a season of life?
The other question is more nuts-and-bolts practical...I have wonderful memories of earlier days of home educating using a particular method of education and I miss those days. Is there a way to get some/any of that back even if my season of life is full?
In my original answer, I addressed the more practical brainstorming end of this question. Assuming that a particular philosophy of education is still an anchor for you, addresses your family vision and purpose of home education, then choosing it again becomes a question of priorities and more practical brainstorming.
The other question is one of philosophy.
Connections wrote:
| I have been thinking about the concept of ideals- especially in a large family (disclaimer-my family currently includes three blessings, but I can imagine the difficulties grow exponentially). Frankly (and I hope not to offend here), I think that it is very difficult to have our reality match our ideal view of day to day family life. |
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I'm not offended at all, Tracey! Your statement really made me think!
I've faced some rock-bottom days in my homeschooling...rock-bottom-humbling-tearful-where-are-we-go ing-next kind of days. These days made me feel like I was either a) lost in my reality or b) lost in my ideal. The big question of "do I continue?" for the first time spent a great deal of time in my subconscious. Why am I saying this? Because I don't want you to think I'm speaking from some syrup-y, sappy, sweet place...with rose colored glasses. I've spent some time clinging to grace with just my fingernails and it wasn't altogether settling and it didn't disappear overnight.
This place of which I speak was a place that nurtured me in the end, though at the time I just felt stripped and humbled. It made me question. And it moved me solidly into a core educational philosophy where I planted roots. It was a philosophy of education I already enjoyed and truthfully, one that spoke to me on a number of levels, but what I didn't realize at the time was that I wasn't really invested, anchored, rooted, and committed to this philosophy of education. I had never been tested. I had wonderful memories of this philosophy of education from seeing my mom and siblings homeschooling with this method of education, wistful memories that spoke to me. But my memories were rooted in an emotion, a longing outside of my intellect, and outside of a true commitment on my part. When I began to stumble, life was full, extraordinarily full, I felt overwhelmed, and like a failure. I longed for those dear, treasured memories of education that were in my memory. But were they real? Was it my ideal? In prayer it came down to this:
IF MY IDEAL DOESN'T MESH WITH REALITY --> get a new ideal or get a new reality
For me, it meant I needed to move outside of what I had built into a dream which was anchored in emotion and memory...and own it...again. Or not. One way or the other, like Cheryl, I was going to find my priorities and live them.
The method of education was not a source of my failure or stumbling. The Charlotte Mason method of education is not perfect, nor is it for every family, though I happen to believe in it! As home educators, we can pick and choose from the different methods...or happily combine a few, but what we end up with will have to be worked. WORKED! ...with every new child, new season, new challenge. I've found I have to get right back up in the saddle and own it again. Re-commit. Be creative and work within.
IF THE PHILOSOPHY ISN'T WORKING --> either work it or ditch it...
...whether it's your season of life...the number of children you have...the challenges you face...whatever the blessings and crosses God has placed in your path right now...the choice before us when we face a challenge is to dig in and WORK the philosophy or method or just move on and DITCH it...all based on our family priorities. This is why there isn't a right or a wrong answer here. Cheryl is able to move on joyfully and contended - it's clear she's evaluated her priorities and adjusted her method of education to reflect that! I LOVE hearing stories like that from other home educating moms! Contentment brings JOY!!!
I'm not sure I have an ideal...I do have a vision, and I am content with our commitment to a particular method of education. Does the reality in my home perfectly exemplify a particular method of education? Nope! I face many of the same challenges y'all do, and my days are sometimes great...sometimes NOT! However, our days ARE informed by the vision our family is committed to, and our days DO reflect this vision.
Please understand that in speaking I am speaking of no one else's experience but my own!! No implications are made that anyone else need share by guilt or association my own stumbling, clumsy realizations. I really just wanted to share that........
......the philosophy, the method, need not be "the ideal" that we have to let go when faced with the memory of "what it once was" and the reality of "what now is" or even "the dream" of "what could be". We work in the present because that's where God's grace is!!!
With God's grace, the method is a tool and we can work with it, getting to know it's nuances, why it works the way it does, why it strikes with such force if held a certain way, ways it bends, learning to more creatively wield it...or we can put it back in the toolbox and grab another tool to work with.
*************Either way...this vocation is full of on-your-knees WORK! While it can be natural and smooth, it is rarely easy.*************
I pray that we can each find the right tool/method that works for our family and that in working with that method we find joy and contentment, no matter what season of life or challenge we face.
__________________
Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19, ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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Connections
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| Posted: Sept 17 2010 at 8:44pm | IP Logged
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Jen-
Very helpful to point out the two ways of approaching the problem. Thank you. I meant to defer to all of the great advice you and others provided on the practical issue of bringing more CM in. Without realizing it, I was addressing a more philosophical question. It seems like even the philosophical question can be further defined. I am wondering what an ideal really is. I like your use of the word "vision." For me, an ideal is almost "pie in the sky" unobtainable regularly. It's something we may experience moments of, but rarely can we sustain it. For me, the word ideal conjures up a utopia. Something we cannot have in this fallen world. And, when we live in a family we bring different personalities and different likes and dislikes, etc. Meaning, to me, that my ideal most likely does not exactly match the ideal of each of my family members.
That's why I like your term vision. I do believe that a family CAN share a vision and that it is obtainable. I also believe, as you stated, that it requires work and grace. I am convinced that it ALL boils down to our accepting the grace God offers us.
Thanks for helping me to clarify my thinking.
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mariB
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| Posted: Sept 18 2010 at 5:36am | IP Logged
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Dear Cay,
The girls and I did end up going to the Divine Mercy Shrine. We offered prayers up for the upcoming school year for all those intentions here and for all the needs of families, friends, and our own personal needs. And then went to confession.
My list I am still working on. It is so tough to fit things in now that we have little ones and older ones.
--Books on tape in the car. We are blessed to have a library that can get us about anything on tape. I used to read these aloud but with the travels we listen, laugh and then I plan to incorporate crafts and side projects to go along with the books. We just listened to On the Banks of Plum Creek by Laura Ingalls Wilder. Our Lily read these before but it is wonderful to revisit them and to listen to the life style which is so very different from our own but so beautiful. No TVs, no computers, and I'm sure Laura was able to daydream. Which brings me to...
--daydreaming Planning to give the girls time to daydream. Our boys were able to. They would go alone in the woods in our back yard run barefoot, daydream, make rafts to float on the pond. This was my very favorite...seeing the children embrace nature. We had time then!
--Beeswax I know this sounds crazy! But our boys did it. When we did read alouds or listened to books on tape they would create. I remember the boys making all of the Redwall characters. I counted it as art, took pictures, and one time the creations were displayed in the home schooling section of our local museum!
--Planning not to spend too much time on the core subjects. I have workbooks..I know yuck! But the girls love them. Our first grader begs to do math and phonics. Our 11 year old feels accomplished after completing some pages. I know. Not very Charlotte Mason of me. But then it helps everyone to be more relaxed when we do the hands on and very creative Charlotte Mason stuff!
That's all I have so far because well....who needs another list? A list that I can't complete? I going to take baby steps. I want to follow God's leading for home schooling within our family and not feel guilty if it doesn't turn out the way I want it. After all...just like in all areas of our lives...God's will be done!
I am so glad that others feel the way I do. I hope I can capture what worked for our family in the past. I hope I remember how to do it. But I also hope that we create something NEW with our girls. For every child is so different and each of their needs are so differnt and most of all...each and every child will be called to do something different than their siblings and God is preparing them for their own special path through their own personal experiences!
God Bless!
__________________
marib-Mother to 22ds,21ds,18ds,15dd,11dd and wife to an amazing man for 23 years
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Cay Gibson
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| Posted: Sept 26 2010 at 10:59pm | IP Logged
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I'm finding a lot of rejuvenation at this website:
Women Living Well and will definitely plan to do the Fall Challenge: Making Your Home a Haven
The simple weekly steps look very do-able over at my household.
__________________
Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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LLMom
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| Posted: Sept 27 2010 at 12:00pm | IP Logged
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Cay,
This is a problem for those of us with big families and older dc. I miss those days too. I have found that if I keep one or two things, I feel more connected. I miss leisurely nature walks, lots of oral narration, messy art projects, etc. But I have kept intact part of CM. I always read a loud every day. Even if for just 15 minutes. My household thrives on it, even the bigger kids. I also make sure for lots of good conversation, especially the older ones, which Laura Berquist really recommends. Can you pick the most important thing or things for your family and implement it? Maybe it will help the family feel connected.
__________________
Lisa
For veteran & former homeschool moms
homeschooling ideas
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: Charlotte Mason in the Busy Household
