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Sarah
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| Posted: April 20 2010 at 10:22pm | IP Logged
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I'm thinking about getting my almost 14 year old a cell phone because I like the idea of him being able to call should he need help, if he is in an uncomfortable situation, or to help me know when to pick him up from an event.
So safety and logistics are good reasons for a cell phone.
Help me know the *BAD* stuff. What are the worrisome aspects that I may not know. Are there dangers in cell phones? What policies or precautions have you taken or heard about.
Do share! This is my first teen.
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Six boys ages 16, 14, 11, 7, 5, 2 and one girl age 9
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guitarnan
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| Posted: April 20 2010 at 10:52pm | IP Logged
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A basic, pay-as-you-go cell phone with no camera or internet access is pretty safe. Texting can be an expense, but I think more girls than boys become addicted to texting. (I have one of each, and I teach our high school co-op class.)
My son is very responsible with his cell phone. (We had Virgin Mobile for him - I still use it for my phone - and he recently switched to T-Mobile and we like that as well. If your son doesn't make many calls, skip Net10 - prices are great, but there's a time limit for each phone card, which has turned out to be problematic for my dd - frugal with calls, average with texting, frustrated with 30-day limits.
In our part of the world, the biggest dangers seem to be related to sending inappropriate photos and texts. (Thankfully, this problem is still only theoretical at my house, but I try to be aware of current issues.) Eliminating the photos is easy if the cell phone can't take or send pictures. Texting is a more difficult issue because your child could erase texts before you can read them. Establishing an "open door" (Mom can inspect phone at any time) policy could help. You can look at the phone whenever you like - with no erasure time possible.
But, I have to say that my son has been pretty good with his phone. He has not dropped or lost it. His first phone died - not from overuse, either! - and his second one is in great shape because, well, he doesn't like to call people!
If your son is more of a social butterfly, you might have to do more monitoring, but a limited-use phone without a camera is a reasonably safe choice.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: April 20 2010 at 11:00pm | IP Logged
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If you get a phone on a plan.. like we added one for all the older kids to use.. for exactly those reasons.
You can block internet access and texting if that might be a problem. We left the texting open for now.. but I don't expect problems there at this time.. and since we dont' have it on our plan.. I find that it let's you use it when needed and most texting isn't needed. And for that reason I'd like the kids phone to be able to recieve or send a text at need. (we have some spotty coverage outside of town though it's getting better.. and text can sometimes be sent/recieved when otherwise you can't make calls)
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Christine
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| Posted: April 21 2010 at 7:43am | IP Logged
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Sarah, you might want to read The Cell Sell by Dr. Ray Guarendi.
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Christine
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Leonie
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| Posted: April 21 2010 at 7:45pm | IP Logged
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I just talk to my kids about mobile phone use. And then trust cnes into play. And we talk some more.
As an aside, I often use the mobile phone as a way of keeping kids in touch with what is happening each day...I might send a text saying "we need to be out of the house by 8.30 so up and at 'em!" Or our rough plans for the day or week. Or a thank you for a job well done. I know they will pay attention to a text message for sure! 
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: April 21 2010 at 7:59pm | IP Logged
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yes talking is a must..
and I should mention that the extra cell phone is MINE or rather it is not owned by any child. But it is for their use when they have permission to use it.
Today my oldest two helped serve lunch at the senior center. So they had permission to carry the cell phone (actually my son had it.. he had pockets)
Very nice that they were able to easily call me when they were done.
But what this does is helps all of us determine when the cell phone is being used as a tool vs a toy. And I told my oldest that we'd discuss her having her own cell phone when there was a time when it was needed/useful not just a toy. And she was nodding her head. She understood why I didn't want to be paying for a "toy" but that I wasn't saying she could never have one either.. that it was something that she could get when she needed it.
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stacykay
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| Posted: April 22 2010 at 8:09am | IP Logged
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We didn't have cell phones for my oldest two until they each turned 18. There were many times I wished they had one before then, though!
My #3 ds got one at Christmas. He was 14 at that time. The only reason we got him one, was that it used to be my dad's. We had given my dad a cell phone many years back so we could call each other back and forth (saving my dad $ on calls) and for safety, as he would take long distance road trips. When my dad passed away, we found we couldn't cancel his phone, unless we completely cancelled our whole service  , which meant changing all the numbers, etc. Not good for dh and his business. So, instead of letting the phone sit there and keep paying for no one to use, we gave it to ds. I am happy he has it, as he is in a private high school and I can double-check sports' practices, pick-ups, etc. 
Rules...number one is absolutely no texting while driving. Not even to look at a text message (yes, observed one ds attempting that one! ) Penalty for violating rule number one is HUGE!
Texting in general...my oldest (22) rarely texts...my #2 ds...hmmm..I am amazed at the difference a few years can make in how kids use their phones. We have a free texting plan...texts count whether you send or receive! If your ds has many friends, or, in the future, a girlfriend!, unlimited texts might be helpful at that point.
For the most part, the other biggest rule was to just not abuse the privilege of having the phone. I found my dss to be, for the most part, pretty sensible about their phones.
Oh, and this won't apply to you for a few years, but I was shocked to discover, when my oldest ds went away to college, that the college does not offer more than local phone service since they found *all* of the students have cell phones.
God Bless,
Stacy in MI
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vmalott
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| Posted: April 23 2010 at 8:44am | IP Logged
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We have unlimited texting in our plan for DH, me, 13ds (almost 14) and 11dd. Those two have phones because they are our ball players who often get dropped off for games or practices (we have other children involved in activities who don't get dropped off). We got ds a phone last year because he started umpiring. DD got DHs old phone when we upgraded. We all text much more than we *talk* on the cells, so the unlimited texting is a nice feature.
While at separate games, DH and I send texts to one another with updates on how our kids are doing. To me, it seems less annoying than speaking on the cell in public.
DS doesn't use his a lot, but will sometimes text a teammate or friend from school (he attends part-time). DD texts her friend/teammate who lives in another town.
We will likely get our oldest dd (15.5) a phone this summer. She will be taking a cruise w/my mom and her cousin (15) and for part of her flight to NY will be travelling alone. I'd like her to feel she has more independence (she's super responsible/trustworthy) and maybe the phone will help to widen her world a bit.
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SallyT
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| Posted: April 23 2010 at 9:15pm | IP Logged
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Our oldest daughter (now 16) got a pay-as-you-go phone at 14, and has just upgraded to a slightly snazzier pay-as-you-go. We have given her X amount of minutes as an allowance, and if she uses them up, she's responsible for buying more. She has been very responsible -- dare I say even miserly -- with her phone, and we do trust her to use it appropriately. So far she has more than rewarded our trust.
She used to do speech and debate, and one month the debate-club topic was cell-phone use while driving. She won't let *me* answer my own phone in the car. Our mantra is, "Cell phone use while driving is as dangerous as driving drunk!"
I do like being able to reach her, wherever she is. Right now she's babysitting for some friends for the weekend (with another friend who's slightly older, plus the rather elderly grandmother of the children); even though she's surrounded by helping hands, I like that I can reach her, and she can reach me, even if she's out and about with the children. As she becomes more independent, and is more likely to be out with friends who can drive and all that kind of thing, it's good to be able to check in: a nice balance between too much hovering and too much laissez-faire.
I know I've heard of all kinds of inappropriate texting/photo situations, but I have a hard time imagining any of my daughter's friends, or my daughter herself, being remotely into stuff like that. Of course it's easy to be naive as a parent, but we're around these kids all the time . . . at any rate, we've had the phone for over two years, and have never had a problem with her abusing it.
Sally
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4Real Forums : High School Years and Beyond
Topic: Cell Phone good idea?
