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amyable
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| Posted: Dec 08 2009 at 3:10pm | IP Logged
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Here are my children during seatwork:
 
Here is me:
 and 
Now that we have added more whole family teaching-type lessons, it's just gotten worse and worse, although individual work doesn't stop them from talking at all.
And I'm not talking about one person brining up something on topic and us all discussing it. I mean when one person says one thing, related or not to her work, and the next person jokes about it, then they all laugh and say "Remember when so and so..." 
Seriously, I've really been paying attention to this the last few weeks and they can't go 5 minutes without chatting. What should take 20 minutes is taking an hour! Add on my dd's dyslexia and she is working all.day.long. I don't want that for her, but it's NOT too much work, it's too much goofing off.
Do you have this in your house? Do you deal with it? Ignore it? What do you do? (Suzanne, I'm looking at you ) I'm jokingly thinking of buying one of those "talking sticks" where only the person holding it can open their mouths. But then I thought duct tape might be the only answer. 
ETA: just to clarify a little, this makes them sound all happy and nice, which I think I could handle better (and ignore more) than the reality of *sometimes* nice and just as often mean/teasing/whining.
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Barb.b
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When it bothers me my motto is: "divide and conquer"! For a time during the day it is ok for them to find separate places in the house!
Barb
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anitamarie
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At least they're not bickering non-stop like mine lately  .
Anita
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amyable
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anitamarie wrote:
At least they're not bickering non-stop like mine lately .
Anita |
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Who said they weren't?
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Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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LisaC
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Amy,
I'm chiming in here to say ditto for me! In my home, you'll often here me say, "Stop talking, just stop talking!" and other unintelligible sounds and chirps to signal the same. Being somewhat of an introvert myself I just don't see what all the blabbing is all about! I think that so much talking prohibits much thinking?
So what's the solution? I'm anxious to hear ideas too.
Oh, for a laconic child! This issue has been uppermost in my mind for some time now. So here's a role model for the short on speech: Hans the eider-duck hunter in "Journey to the Center of the Earth". Why use two words when one will suffice!  Couldn't they all just be like dear Hans for one day!
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DominaCaeli
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My 3yos *never* stop talking to each other--nap time, meal time, play time, bath time. The conversation just goes on and on and on, and I often have to call a "No Talking" period just to let my introverted mind have a rest. I can only imagine how it will be when I'm schooling them...
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mellyrose
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My 7yo's speech therapist recommended a talking stick to help his 9yo brother learn to stop speaking for the 7yo and give everyone the opportunity to feel heard.
Personally? I love it. Unless you have the talking stick (well, in our house it's the talking football) you must stay quiet. We don't use it all the time, but the habit has helped them learn to be quiet at other times as well.
I also don't let the kids sit at the same table any more for individual work. I separate them (which doesn't completely stop the yelling from room to room -- but it's helped)
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JodieLyn
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so.. I guess the fact that at certain ages my kids can talk by themselves in the dark with everyone else asleep (I was even in my bed in the dark while listening) for 20 minutes before falling asleep is fairly normal 
It gets to be a bit much at times for me.. and I tend to be extroverted and spending time with people and visiting is energizing.. I guess except when I'm being overwhelmed by 8 other extroverts
I really feel for you introverts having to deal with it. 
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ekbell
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I sometimes joke that my best preparation for homeschooling was being the GM for a roleplaying group. Having to pull a bunch of 20 something guys back on topic and either have them take their players where I wanted them to go or figure out something interesting with what they did instead...
'Be that as it may'(verbal tic left over from that time). what I've found works best for family lessons is
a)knowing from experience that even adults doing something in a group need someone to pull them back on track if they are going to get anything done- somehow knowing that this *is* an essential part of my job as a 'group leader' makes it easier for me to bear.
b) having a set phrase or signal for pulling people back on track and enforcing it [having a set acknowledgement can also help- the amateur theater group I was part of used the phrase 'quiet please' everyone would chorus back 'thank you' before quieting down and paying attention] -be prepared for enforcement to take most of your time at first
b) working out by trial and error how much (and what kind of) digression is helpful to keep things fun and how much digression (and what kind) isn't helpful. - You will need to pounce on digressions quickly at first but once they prove that they can be pulled back on track properly allowing a bit of pleasant digression can aid enjoyment.
As for when they are supposed to be working quietly, I've found that making and using mini-offices was helpful when my dd's were being particularly prone to poking at their siblings (verbally and otherwise).
It's not that the mini-offices magically caused them to behave better but that the difference between good and bad behaviour was much clearer when there was a physical barrior between each child's space.
[My children greatly enjoyed the opportunity to decide what sort of reference material to put on the walls of their mini-offices. You can google mini offices to find lots of ideas and printables.]
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stellamaris
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Well, the talking stick would probably be a great idea, unless you have boys, like me, and pretty soon they would be whacking each other on the head with it or attempting to construct an arrow to launch it into space or some other wild and woolly stick-centered activity! 
What has actually worked for me in the past, is basically just looking at all the little offenders and saying something like, "Well, I guess you don't want to hear the story (or learn about..), so we're finished for today. Go do your math (or other not-well-liked individual subject-grammar? writing?)." Somehow when you tell them they won't be allowed to learn, they suddenly want to learn and listen more than anything. They will literally BEG you to keep reading or teaching, but don't do it! Wait until the next day! This accomplishes two things: 1) if they are egging each other on, then this separates them, and 2) they realize that it is their responsibility to LISTEN and to LEARN and that if they do not listen, no one will be able (or willing!) to teach them or read to them. I hope this doesn't sound too harsh, but it does work and I think it brings home a sense of responsibility and consequences for one's actions.
I would add that I don't think this would work well for children under about 7 or 8. They need to be old enough to have some impulse control and to remember the consequences of their behavior for a pretty long time (at least a day or two!).
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Mackfam
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I'm a happy little extrovert here as well...but even being an extrovert, I enjoy some quiet while we're working. I also think it's an important habit for the children to cultivate.
I don't always "crack down hard" on the chit-chat, but there are some lessons that I require more quiet. Things that have helped...
** Creative use of cardboard. I set up the "alone cone" for a person that is having trouble provoking siblings with some large cardboard. Cut up a box so that there are three sides left - no top, no bottom. It folds nicely behind a shelf, but comes out if someone is in need of the "alone cone". Set it up around that person's work space. This is only for someone who is provoking others. I don't use this too often.
** Play beautiful music during any group project time. Not snappy music, not children's music, not Wee Sing...beautiful, soft music. I like to play a lot of chant (the Abbey of Fontgombault sends out beautiful chant CD's) and CD's like Agnus Dei, Agnus Dei II, Sublime Chant, More Sublime Chant. I play music during our morning work, and afternoon work. It helps that the music is soothing and quiet. I have a set volume for our CD player - my rule is that they are to use library voices and I should hear more music than voices. I drop my voice to a library voice as well. I don't mind productive discussion, or even some chit-chat as long as they are using quieter voices so others can work, and I do have a rule that if someone asks for more quiet, all must comply.
A really great book for working on these habits is Simply Charlotte Mason's Laying Down the Rails. I review this book frequently when I feel like I don't have a handle on habits here.
Laying Down the Rails, Self-Control, p. 105 wrote:
| Habit is inevitable. If we fail to ease life by laying down habits of right thinking and right acting, habits of wrong thinking and wrong acting fix themselves of their own accord. |
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SuzanneG
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ekbell wrote:
b) having a set phrase or signal for pulling people back on track and enforcing it [quote]
My phrase is "FOCUS...FOCUS!" and I say it with either really BIG EYES or in an English-accent with a bit of clapping. Adding a bit of levity to my frustration level is always good.
The other thing that works at home, just as well as in a classroom, is CLAPPING in a ta-ta-tee-tee-ta rhythm...and they have to STOP...REPEAT the clap, and look at you. When they look at me....I just POINT to the table or book and they know what that means.
HAve you guys SEEN this in a SCHOOL???? When did this become a "thing"? (teachers didn't do this with us when I was a kid!) It's AMAZING!!!!@#$%^&
If ridiculous convos take over....clap.....and they clap back.....and it's quiet, as least for a bit, anyway! It's a gentle way of reminding that doesn't make me sound like a broken record.
It works to get everyone's attention too...for clean-up, change-up, etc. It's magic!
[QUOTE=ekbell] b) working out by trial and error how much (and what kind of) digression is helpful to keep things fun and how much digression (and what kind) isn't helpful. - You will need to pounce on digressions quickly at first but once they prove that they can be pulled back on track properly allowing a bit of pleasant digression can aid enjoyment. |
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I find this happens exactly as described. And, also meaningful conversation can be "triggered" and "engaged" more easily, without it getting out of control. But, at first during "training", you do have to be harsh. It's not fun, cuz you keep thinking "But, isn't this why we homeschool?? So we can talk to each other and have convos?" And, the fun of silly-talk has a place...fun, sisterly-stuff needs to be encouraged and CAN be spontaneous....but like anything, there is a time and a place.
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TxTrish
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Oh, praise God!
Here I was feeling like a lousy, inept mother with poorly trained children.
Always nice to be reminded that it isn't so.
Thank you for sharing your frustrations as well as your triumphs with me.
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MrsM
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My rule is no talking in the school room when it's work time. This rule is for my 4th, 5th, and 7th graders. I figure they wouldn't be allowed to chat and goof off in a regular classroom, and it's reasonable to expect quiet when they should be working. Before I implemented this rule I was ready to tear my hair out. School was taking way too long, the kids were distracting each other and driving me crazy. It was kind of ugly at first, during the crackdown phase, but it didn't take long before we were all much happier and much more efficient.
We started this about year or so ago, and I HIGHLY recommend it.
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Gloria JMJ
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TxTrish wrote:
Oh, praise God!
Here I was feeling like a lousy, inept mother with poorly trained children.
Always nice to be reminded that it isn't so.
Thank you for sharing your frustrations as well as your triumphs with me. |
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Ditto!
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Elena
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I totally agree with Barb B and "Divide and conquer."
It might also help to set up some friendly competition - when they compete against each other they might be more focused as well.
You know, in 10 years they will be each other's best friends and they'll remember those days around the table chatting with each other. That'll be kind of nice too.
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: They talk entirely too much ;-)
