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Tina P.
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We're seriously considering putting our two oldest into high school. It's serious enough that we discussed school WITH said kids. My daughter wants to go to get involved in plays, choir, have an art class with an actually TALENTED artist  , sports, etc. My son tends to get away with murder and get very little schooling done day-to-day at home. He's already half a year behind. I think some time in a "real" school will give him a bit of a shot-in-the-arm. And while my son is home, not only does he not get work done himself but he annoys/bullies the other kids and distracts them from doing their work. I'll be able to concentrate better on the kids who've been rather ignored up until now.
One nice thing is that the local high school is about 1/2 a mile away. They can walk to it.
So, I think we're goign to try it for a year or at least a semester. I'd love any advice or experience you ladies have to offer. Prayers wouldn't hurt either. 
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Tina, wife to one and mom to 9 + 3 in heaven
Mary's Muse
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lapazfarm
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We've had kids in public high school who have done very well. And though I don't think public school is the best option for the children I have at home right now, I do feel it was the right thing for those who did go, for different reasons.
One daughter is very musically inclined and since I cannot help her with that, nor could we afford private lessons, sending her to school so she could participate in the band program was our best option. And now she is a music major in college, so it worked beautifully for her.
Our oldest daughter was just not a good candidate for homeschooling because she and I butted heads all day long.Badly. So much so that it disrupted the entire family.Public school ended up being the solution for her and it really was best for all of us. She got a decent education and the rest of us got a peaceful home. Win-win!LOL!And now she has begged me to home school her son! How's that for irony?
Every option has its pros and cons, as you know.I hope things go well for you and yours as you explore this option.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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teachingmyown
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Well, take into consideration your kids' temperaments. If your dd has real interests that she will pursue, she would probably be fine. Otherwise, ps can be a disaster. We supposedly have a "good" school system here. However, even the kids that are great students graduate with mediocre educations. The kids that don't really care about school, graduate with no education, except in all that is sinful and deviant in the world.
Public high school destroyed my son's faith and he was very easily led into all that was bad. I would give anything to reverse time and suffer through keeping him home than to have given him over to liberals and relativists, and a peer structure that was toxic.
I hate to be negative, but I wish I had heard some dissenting voices when I was making my decision.
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In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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guitarnan
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Your reasoning makes sense, but there's one thing I would highly recommend you do.
Spend a day at the high school. If you can't manage that, half a day. Ask to observe some of the classes your children would take.
I was a high school sub for two years, twenty plus years ago. My art students revealed the most amazing (in a bad way) details about their lives as they worked on their projects, apparently unaware that their sub was not deaf. 
On the other hand, I have a talented daughter (dance) and understand your hopes for your own daughter. The school system definitely has access to resources beyond our means.
There is no right or wrong answer to this. We've known homeschooling families who've thought to improve their children's access to music programs, etc. and put them in high school, only to regret that choice. (One family has enrolled their musical daughter in our community college jazz band...it's working great...much better than high school! They did it through a program for gifted and talented high schoolers.)
You definitely have my prayers!
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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Angie Mc
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Tina P. wrote:
| So, I think we're goign to try it for a year or at least a semester. I'd love any advice or experience you ladies have to offer. Prayers wouldn't hurt either. |
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Tina, I'm reading your post like this... you've made the purdential decision for your children to go to high school. You're not looking for a discussion on the pros and cons of doing so, but rather, you're hoping to get help and feedback from those who have made this transition and it has worked for them. Is this correct?
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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marihalojen
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I put Marianna into public high school this year. I understand the decision process and how difficult it is, Tina! But I'm trying to think of some of the things that have helped the transition for us...
You've heard the idea of when one starts homeschooling to give the kids a set period of time to transition out of brick and mortar school mode before hitting the homeschool books hard and heavy? A typical guideline is a month off for every year they were in school. Well, I sort of took that idea and reversed it for going into school. I looked at this first semester as a gimmee semester, learning how to change classes, turn in homework, ask teachers for help if needed, check grades regularly online, etc... It helped when talking to my dh to remind him of this idea.
I've resisted supplementing her classes with additional books - very, very difficult! No baskets of picture books, no stacks of reading books, no displays of topical nonfiction.
I've also said zip about her pleasure reading books which have been twaddly bits of worthlessness if you heard me ranting to my mom the other day out on the beach into my phone. But! It was part of that detox period and it worked - last night she gave me a list of books to pick up at our library. Homer again, Beowulf and the Fairie Queen.
We started with one after school activity this semester that she really enjoys and looks forward to. Next semester she's looking at adding another but starting with one was a good way to begin all those extracurriculars that were a draw to the school in the first place without being overwhelming.
We listened to the counselor's advice regarding placement and certain classes, so we ended up with all honors courses, but no foriegn language. She knows the teacher and the course work expected better than I would. I guess what I want to say about this is I look at her as part of our team, not as part of the enemy.
We added unlimited texting to our phones. The teachers text both of us regarding her classes or activities coming up and she can text her new friends without dh flipping out over whether this friend or that is on Verizon or if the call was placed late enough in the evening etc...
Tina, I hope this helped. I really tried to think of some specific things for you! Ask any questions you'd like or PM me if you'd prefer.
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~Jennifer
Mother to Mariannna, age 13
The Mari Hal-O-Jen
SSR = Sailing, Snorkling, Reading
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Tina P.
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Angie Mc wrote:
| You're not looking for a discussion on the pros and cons of doing so, but rather, you're hoping to get help and feedback from those who have made this transition and it has worked for them. Is this correct? |
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I *would* like to know some negative things that people encounter after having put their kids in school so that I can be prepared to thwart it, or in some cases, ignore it. Twaddly books and a month of transition didn't occur to me, Jennifer. And I'll probably have to resist that supplemental reading urge, too.
We plan on still providing the kids with their Catechism.
I haven't been completely honest with you as to why we feel the need to put the top two in school. We're expecting another little one, due in the beginning of July. I don't think I'll have the energy or the brain to tackle high school. Also, I'd like especially my oldest boy to get a taste of what a structured school might be like before he heads off to college.
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Tina, wife to one and mom to 9 + 3 in heaven
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Bookswithtea
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Congratulations, Tina!
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Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and  due 9/10
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lapazfarm
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Congratulations!!!!
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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Willa
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marihalojen wrote:
I looked at this first semester as a gimmee semester, learning how to change classes, turn in homework, ask teachers for help if needed, check grades regularly online, etc... |
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It's funny, because I was coming to this thread to say much the same thing. It takes some time to adjust. Sean's biggest challenge was managing the little individual details about handing in work -- this teacher wanted it all stapled in a packet on a certain date, that teacher wanted notebooks in nice order because she would periodically look them over. He wasn't used to that and it just took time for him to figure it all out.
I think that planning a "gimmee" term is important for the mom too, especially if you are pregnant and hormonal, Tina (congrats!) because it's tempting for a mom to kick herself "Why didn't I teach him that?" or "Does this reflect badly on homeschooling?" So give it time -- my kid did respectably last year in spite of the glitches and is doing really quite well this year.
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Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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LisaR
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our oldest ds is in his Jr year at Catholic High School.
we plan on doing the same with next ds, who will go in as a freshman in the fall.
the biggest negative that I have encountered is actually something I struggle with: having a foot in each door so to speak!
there are certain activities and commitments I cannot make to homeschooling due to having a ds in school, and there are ways I would LOVE to be more involved with the school, that I cannot because I am committed to homeschooling! (my younger kids)
Socially, we had already encountered quite a bit of "real world" iykwim through the homeschooling community, so there was no shocker there when it came to social issues and the school.
LOVE that ds is so involved with sports, service, clubs, serving Mass, and of course academics.
It is great that he has a network of caring adults who are helping him stay on track and reach his goals.
this means dh and I are so much more present to him in the spiritual and social realm.
we're not stressed as we used to be.
praying for you and your kids!
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Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
Paul 14
Thomas 11
Dominic 8
Maria Gianna 5
Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
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LisaR
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oh, and PS, I've got 4 boys, and I see how you describe your ds in my two oldest.
they just needed so much more direction by about age 13-14, and stimulation, and I can't keep them moving and on track- therefore the younger siblings and way too much "free time" is a distraction for them, and for all of us!
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Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
Paul 14
Thomas 11
Dominic 8
Maria Gianna 5
Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
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Angie Mc
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Tina P. wrote:
| I haven't been completely honest with you as to why we feel the need to put the top two in school. We're expecting another little one, due in the beginning of July. |
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 ...congratulations and prayers!
Another thought on making a smooth transition (my dd went from hsing to community college)...My dh and I have met my dd's advisor and other people at the school who have helped us along the way. It's really paid off to meet in person, especially for them to know my dh. That way, when something comes up, we can email or call and they know already know who we are so we can get right to dealing with the issue.
Praying!
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Elena
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Tina P. wrote:
I *would* like to know some negative things that people encounter after having put their kids in school so that I can be prepared to thwart it, or in some cases, ignore it. |
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I put my oldest in the local public school's cyber school and on the high school swim team. He attended class two mornings a week and did the rest on line. He had swim practice every day for months.
The pros is that this kid is now 20 years old, he is working as an EMT, he is responsible and gets along well with people at work and with the public.
The cons is that he listens to inappropriate music and t.v. to the point that we told him he had to knock it off or move out. He also uses inappropriate language and quit going to church - although I can get him to go for special occasions.
I have watched my friends who have sent kids off to high school - kids change. They just have to to be part of the peer group. Also the family becomes secondary to the peer group and I think that has its own set of problems.
I think it can be a good option for some families, but i think the reality is you are just exchanging one group of challenges for another.
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Elena
Wife to Peter, mom of many!
My Domestic Church
One Day at a Time
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Tina P.
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I am having major waffling issues on sending the kids to school. My husband told me Saturday that he saw my 15 yob playing a game with Matchbox cars by the Christmas tree. It sent a dagger thruogh my heart. Why? Because when he goes to school, he won't be so carefree. He will start to care more how others perceive him. And I look at him taking the lead at church when my husband has to leave the pew with the littlest one (I should explain I sit with the choir). And I wonder whether he will start to drift from his faith (though I *will* continue catechism at home) and from us.
And then I look at the course offerings, think about how little in the way of labs, sports involvement, chorus, theater, etc., and time and attention that *I* have to offer, and think, "Wow. This will be really good for the kids."
I think we're beyond the decision process ... well, at least my husband is ... and i know that we can always pull the kids out if worse comes to worse. But these are my orchids, my hot house flowers. I don't want them damaged by the cold, cruel world.
Not a bit overprotective, am I?
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Tina, wife to one and mom to 9 + 3 in heaven
Mary's Muse
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LisaR
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I know that my ds is in a different situation, attending a Catholic school, but my fears mimicked yours.
It warmed my heart his freshman year to see him get up a little early, on his own, to read through our HUGE stack of library books each day before he left for school- he didn't want to miss anything!
(he still does this, btw, as a Jr!!)
He felt like an oddity at home, and out of sorts with what exactly to do with himself, and I couldn't keep him with work fast enough (either school or manual!)
Personally, I would not allow myself to be quite so fearful. I for years categorized families as "homeschooling = good" "school kids = loss of innocence, bad" and our homeschooling group's world was rocked when we found out the hard way this simple equation simply does not work.
Joe went 7th and 8th grade without singing or participating verbally at Mass, although he attended without a fuss, often.
Since being in school he sings, participates, and readily holds his little sister. (now this might be because the teen girls think it's adorable, idk ).
It's not all rosey, but it certainly has been such a positive for our family. Not to be corny, but I don't feel like we lost our - we found him!
One day at a time!!
Don't forget that a firm foundation was laid in the years that you did homeschool.
I did not see this "erased" in any way but more as a fortification for him as he ventured out as a 14 y/o...
__________________
Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
Paul 14
Thomas 11
Dominic 8
Maria Gianna 5
Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
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Bookswithtea
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Elena wrote:
I have watched my friends who have sent kids off to high school - kids change. They just have to to be part of the peer group. Also the family becomes secondary to the peer group and I think that has its own set of problems.
I think it can be a good option for some families, but i think the reality is you are just exchanging one group of challenges for another. |
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I've seen a lot of this, too. I think there are two variables to consider. The first is the age of the child and how peer focused they tend to be already. The kid who is already peer focused is likely to go overboard. I'd proceed with great caution with a child who already is fascinated with teen culture. The child who is less so, maybe not so much.
But the bigger thing I've noticed is the difference between putting a child in as a 9th or 10th grader versus a junior or senior. The kids I saw go off to school in the first two years changed dramatically. These are still very impressionable years. But homeschoolers have been putting juniors and seniors into community college and other similar options for years without the same kinds of problems. Juniors are usually at least close to 17. These kids are generally much more formed and tend to be more stable emotionally as well, too. I think it makes a difference.
The other issue is the school itself. Lisa's experiences sound amazing. I think a traditional Catholic school can help a child to be more focused on God, if the setting is right for the child. Public options can work too. Its important to look at more than just the course offerings and sports options. How big is the school? How is the morale of the teachers? What is the general attitude (in the office and with the teachers) toward homeschooled students? Small schools where teachers get to give lots of individual attention and have worked for 20 years and still work there happily are a better option.
Do they have open house days? Try visiting a bunch of teacher's classrooms. Ask to see textbooks. Ask detailed questions about what the students will be learning. Its important not to do it from an accusatory stance, but because you just want the best for your child. I think it helps to do this without any children in tow, and with your Sunday best on. Some people do have stereotypical impressions of homeschoolers. Its always best to try to not feed them, iykwim? 
If they act hostile and offended by your intelligent and insightful and gracious questions, then I'd take that as a red flag. If they open their books and get all excited to tell you about their cool novel project, then keep asking questions.
Make friends with a guidance counselor and talk with them about what teachers might be best for your child. If they glower and suggest that they will get whoever the computer spits out...  . But they might also say, "Wow. It sounds like your child excells in science. Mrs. So and so would be a great choice for them."
After you collect your information, hopefully based on several visits, then pray pray pray. Decisions like this need to be based on what is truly best for the child, taking into account their age, the options available in your area, their temperament, etc. Try not to make any decisions based on feelings, fears, or pregnancy induced hysteria. Try not to feel like a decision has to be made quickly. Lean heavily on dh's wisdom, and also trust your mother's heart. Pray that you will both feel led in the same direction.
__________________
Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and due 9/10
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4Real Forums : High School Years and Beyond
Topic: Putting Kids into High School
