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Rosesinsummer
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Hello ladies,
I am relatively new to these boards. I have lurked off and on the past few years and just joined last year. I haven't been on here very much. I have two children, 4 years and 2 years. Next fall, my husband and I would like to formally begin homeschooling our oldest.
I post today as a woman who is in desperate need of prayer. I see the huge lack of virtue in my life, and I see how my undisciplined nature and inconsistency is spilling over into the life of my children. How can I expect them to behave when my own example is so poor? I am very lazy. I am disorganized and a packrat by nature, but there are tools I can use to overcome those lack of skills such as A Mother's Rule of Life and FlyLady, etc. I'm both overindulgent with the children and then fly off the handle and treat them unjustly when I can't take it anymore. I seem to fail every time I try, perhaps because I'm too lazy to keep going with the programs.
I always wonder why I cannot seem to keep house and home. I would be mortified if any one showed up unannounced, and yet I would love to invite people over for playdates or tea on a moments notice.
I sometimes even question if I'm cut out to be a mother. I know the Lord gave me these beautiful children, and I love them with all my heart, but I feel so unworthy and unprepared for the task of raising holy, disciplined and virtuous souls. How do I give what I do not have myself?
I know the devil wants me to despair of ever changing. I know all things are possible with the Lord, but here I am repeating all the same habits and mistakes that I have reaped my whole life.
I want to change, I need to change, but I can't seem to make the change.
Please pray for me.
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Mackfam
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| Posted: Jan 14 2009 at 4:26pm | IP Logged
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First, welcome!
Second, prayers coming!
Rosesinsummer wrote:
| I sometimes even question if I'm cut out to be a mother. I know the Lord gave me these beautiful children, and I love them with all my heart, but I feel so unworthy and unprepared for the task of raising holy, disciplined and virtuous souls. How do I give what I do not have myself? |
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You are cut out to be a mother! I can say so with complete conviction because you wouldn't be a mother if God hadn't chosen those children for you and your husband. Rest in that.
You are training for sanctity and those lessons don't come easy. When Our dear Lord prunes us, it hurts. But, He brings such wonderful fruit from His prunings! Cling to that. He is pruning you! You feel it! Thanks be to God that He is gently reaching down to offer you this awareness. With knowledge of self and your evident humility and surrender to Him, He will make up for all you lack with an outpouring of Grace. Rest in that.
Take one thing at a time. Would you like to work on virtue building? We could recommend some books I'm sure that would light a fire and encourage you. Or, perhaps you feel a need for order in the home, we can point you in a direction there as well. Choose one thing. Focus on it in prayer and practically speaking. It will be hard work, but the women of this board know right where you are and we'll be praying you right through it!
Know that I am praying for you!!!!
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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Sarah M
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I'm praying for you....big hugs and a welcome! I think Jennifer's advice to pick one thing to work on at a time is a great idea. I am doing this very thing in my life. There are so many virtues that I need to work on in my own life, and I get overwhelmed easily if I consider more than one at a time. Be gentle with yourself! And remember that God loves your desire to grow in holiness.
Sending prayers for you now. Blessings, friend!
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MaryM
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| Posted: Jan 14 2009 at 5:07pm | IP Logged
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Prayers for your intentions.
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Mary M. in Denver
Our Domestic Church
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Maryan
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Welcome and prayers!
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Maryan
Mom to 6 boys & 1 girl: JP('01), B ('03), M('05), L('06), Ph ('08), M ('10), James born 5/1/12
A Lee in the Woudes
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crusermom
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Welcome and prayers. You will find much wisdom and support here.
Mary
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Mary
Army wife and Crusermom to 8 wonderful children!
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mariB
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Welcome and sending lots of prayers. Mothering and keeping house can be so overwhelming at times! Jennifer has given such good advice and the ladies here have so much wisdom. i am always coming here to pray and view what the ladies are doing in the
Domestic Church section. I find taking one day at a time helps...
sending prayers and hugs,
marianne
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marib-Mother to 22ds,21ds,18ds,15dd,11dd and wife to an amazing man for 23 years
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trish
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Welcome!
Praying for your intentions.
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~ Trish ~
Wife to Les
Mom to 8 Wonderful Kids
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Anne
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Welcome,
You are not alone in your feelings. Please be gentle with yourself as you want to be with your children. I have found that not comparing myself with others and just admitting that I am not the best house keeper, organizer, ect.. helps with the feelings of not measuring up. We all have our lazy times and our productive times. God gave us all many talents and you must hold on to your talents and don't beat yourself up. A book that really helped me on my journey in deciding to homeschool was Homeschooling with a Meek and Quiet Spirit By Teri Maxwell. It is not Catholic but it does have a spiritual side. I read it just about every year to get myself back in line.
I will keep you in my prayers.
Blessings,
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Anne in TN
WIFE to Brett (91)
MOM to Rebecca(97), Catherine (99), Grace (99), Stephen (00) & 2 Angels in Heaven.
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aussieannie
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Praying for you, for all your needs!
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Under Her Starry Mantle
Spiritual Motherhood for Priests
Blessed with 3 boys & 3 girls!
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Rosesinsummer
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Thank you so much for your kind words and prayers. I really appreciate them. One thing at a time is good word of wisdom--- but hard to accept because I want to see big changes overnight. With baby steps, it's harder to see the progress sometimes.
I do have some organizational resources (AMROL, Flylady, Organizing from the Inside-Out, etc.) I would love some resources on building virtues, particularly for myself.
Thank you again for lifting me up in your prayers. God bless you all!
Lyda
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insegnante
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I know exactly what you mean -- it is so hard to remember that no matter how much there is to be done or fixed, I can only work on one thing at a time and that solving, or making a slight improvement, to one problem is much better than sitting around worrying and complaining. I tend to rebel at the whole notion that my house didn't get messy overnight and won't get un-messy overnight (I think Flylady said something like that,) etc.
I've been reading Fr. Thomas Dubay -- there's Deep Conversion/Deep Prayer, and I just began Seeking Spiritual Direction: How to Grow the Divine Life Within, which seems like it might be helpful figuring out how to go about developing virtues even if you don't pursue a relationship with a "spiritual director" right now. Prayer Primer was also very helpful to me.
Praying for you.
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Theresa
mommy to three boys, 3/02, 8/04, and 9/10, and a girl, 8/08
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Jen L.
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Not that I have very similar problems in my life (hah! ), but I know a few good resources in the virtue department (I'm sure that there will be plenty more suggested):
Saintly Solutions to Life's Common Problems
More Saintly Solutions to Life's Common Problems
The Hidden Power of Kindness
and some 4real discussions about them:
How to Stamp out Sloth
Spirtual Reading - comforting and inspiring
Saintly Solutions - Gluttony
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Jen
dh Klete,ds (8/95),dd (12/97), dd (11/00), and ^2^ in heaven
"...the best state in which to glorify God is our actual state; the best grace is that of the moment..." St. Peter Eymard
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Ruth
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Welcome, Lyda. I'm sure we have all felt like this at one time or another. You are in my prayers.
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Ruth
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Sarah M
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In another thread, someone linked to a post on Sally Clarkson's blog, and I thought maybe it would encourage you. Here is part of it:
But all that to say, God is on your side. He is so well pleased that you are seeking to please Him and to love your children and husband. He no more expects perfection out of you than He did of Peter! And He is not surprised when you blow it--as a matter of fact, he would probably say to you, (or me) "Sally, I know that when the cock crows (or the children push you over the edge) you are going to blow it. But take courage, because I have prayed for you that when you get yourself together again, you will strengthen the brethern" In other words, he would say, "I am with you. I understand you. I love you and I will help you make it.
Read the rest here.
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amyable
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Welcome and many prayers coming your way!
I really do understand where you are coming from. I felt particularly like that when I had two under 5, and often do find myself slipping back into those thoughts (or other equally destructive ones).
Not that I'm ANY kind of expert, but I'd like to offer you two bits of advice: first, as has been said, don't compare yourself to other moms, especially these wonderful "moms of many" here, and feel depressed because you don't measure up, because you wonder how THEY can do all that when you can't do the same with "only two". I don't *know* if you are thinking those things, but so many women do I wanted to address it. Firstly, what you see on the blogs and in these posts are just snippets of their lives - NOT the sink full of dishes, the crumbs on the floor, the huge tantrum their 3 year old had at the dentists office this morning (ahem - that was mine, LOL). Many of them will also tell you that having 2 young ones is harder and more lonely and stressful than having a houseful with olders included. I would never have believed it myself 7 years ago but it's true.
Also, be careful not to confuse tiredness with laziness, depression with laziness, anxiety with laziness, etc. What you are calling lazy (which I believe is a more "full choice" not to do something you should be doing) may in fact be that you are tired or overwhelmed, which while it doesn't excuse you from what you MUST do, is different from feeling great and deciding you'd rather knit than make dinner for your family.
OK, one more thing, Flylady and the others mentioned don't work for everyone. Don't kick yourself if you don't do well with them. Take the few small things that work for you from them and devise something that fits your family. You'll be more likely to do it. If there's anything that I've learned (slowly) over the past few years here it's to simplify everything as much as possible, and figure out what works for MY family, which may not look like *anyone else's* family here.
HTH and doesn't sound preachy. I'm only speaking from my own sordid past  and may be reading too much into what you said. 
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Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of 
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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Helen
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I'll pray for you Roses!
It's a tough time when there are only littles in the house.
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Ave Maria!
Mom to 5 girls and 3 boys
Mary Vitamin & Castle of the Immaculate
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MarieA
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Welcome and prayers for you!
Marie
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Mom to ds(93) and dd(95)
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mary theresa
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Prayers for you and a big hug.
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Mary Theresa
mother to 3 little girls --March '06, Dec '07 and Jan '10
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Shari in NY
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Praying for you! You have received some very good advice here and I'll second Helen in saying it is very tough when you only have little ones! It really does get easier. I will confess that my house is usually a mess...right now I have a kitchen full of dirty dishes and wood chips from the guinea pigs' cage all over the floor. This is what homeschooling looks like here. Frequently when someone hears that I homeschool they immediately conger up an ideal home with perfectly behaved kids. Ha! Ha! I used to worry about someone dropping in but with practice I now just kick the shoes and boots out of the doorway and ask if they would like tea. They almost always do. Enjoy your little ones 
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4Real Forums : We Pray to the Lord
Topic: I am new. Please pray for me.
