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JoannB
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| Posted: Nov 25 2005 at 3:30pm | IP Logged
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Curious as to how many of you share your un-school journey with family and friends?
I've suffered extreme negative comments from the in-laws and other family members regarding homeschooling....these nay-sayers have a vision of me standing at attention, teaching and playing public school teacher to my ds.,,,with him obiedently saying, yes, mother, no mother .... simulating a classroom setting.
Why is it that the nay-sayers think school is soo much better then real life?? Why reading a dry old textbook day after day would be better then experiencing it?
I have learned not to share anything about our milestones and great times with so many friends (don't want to sound braggish) and seal my lips around negative family.
I feel like I've got all these great secrets (secret fun, secret field trips, secret outstanding milestones) that I simply cannot share, because either I will risk offending my friends or family members will argue "that what I'm doing is not learning!"
Help...I feel isolated and angry that I have to joyfully sit and listen to friends and families stories of their children's great acheivements....and I sit like a bimbo holding my tongue.
JB
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Joann
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Cay Gibson
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| Posted: Nov 25 2005 at 7:56pm | IP Logged
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Dear Joann,
I don't tell my family that we unschool. They don't understand the homeschooling yet, so I don't want to overwhelm them. 
Instead, I feed them information like Lissa's recent *In Case You Were Wondering* post and this blog post and comments like those that appeared recently on a thread started by Amy Welborn concerning her preschooler's lack of skipping skills.
Read them...you'll be glad you hs your children.
I sure am!!! 
I rather give them to my family to read rather than talk (or try to talk) to them, because I know they won't listen. In their eyes I'm forever the shy, sweet, quiet child-of-yesterday. As no man is king to his valet, neither am I a professional to my family.
(I say this with the exception of my parents and all immediate in-laws such as sister-in-laws/brother-in-laws. They are all very supportive. Starting with the aunts and cousins is where it becomes sticky.)
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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Cay Gibson
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| Posted: Nov 25 2005 at 8:00pm | IP Logged
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JoannB wrote:
I have learned not to share anything about our milestones and great times with so many friends (don't want to sound braggish) and seal my lips around negative family.
I feel like I've got all these great secrets (secret fun, secret field trips, secret outstanding milestones) that I simply cannot share, because either I will risk offending my friends or family members will argue "that what I'm doing is not learning!"
Help...I feel isolated and angry that I have to joyfully sit and listen to friends and families stories of their children's great acheivements....and I sit like a bimbo holding my tongue.
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Ooops, sorry, Joann. I think I gave the wrong advice. Reading your letter again, I realize what you're asking.
I don't really have a problem with this. I generally tell my family what we've done...with joy. Either they're scared to say anything to me, but they usually sit and nod their heads pleasantly.
I wish I had real tangible advice to give you, but I don't.... 
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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amiefriedl
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JB,
I soo understand what you are saying. My sister is a public school teacher (and the die-hard kind)so there is constantly this uncomfortable 'air' about us.
I find the truth of it all is beginning to really shine forth from my children themselves. I don't need to say much at all. My whole family is beginning to notice their bubbly innocence.
And letting the kids 'speak for themselves' as homeschoolers remains the best thing for us. It doesn't matter how positive a report I have about our schooling progress, there is *always* a skeptical eye about all of it. So I smile and let our kids charm everyone. (And of course I keep myself braced for their more challenging behavior. But when we are visiting people my kids are usually in tearing high-spirits so all is mostly well and cute.  )
There is a sadness in not being able to share much. But that is true of being a practicing Catholic too. I'd love for my family to know the joy of practicing the faith as it is meant to be but they are again the skeptics on that point as well.
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In Christ the King through Mary our Mother,
Amie
Blessed with an awesome hubby and Mom of ds10, dd7, dd3 and dd 10months.
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Willa
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I heard my husband talking at Thanksgiving to one of the guests about our homeschool -- I am paraphrasing but this was the substance of it:
"We started off with lesson plans and a structured curriculum but as we went on we found that we could be looser and more flexible, tailoring the homeschool to the needs of the kids and our family life, and the kids are learning just fine."
Funny! He is NOT directly involved in our homeschool on a day to day basis but he's always around since he works at home, and he's certainly summed up what we do in a nutshell!  Made me feel pretty good since being home he could easily focus on the noise and the seeming chaos, but obviously he doesn't 
I usually hesitate to brag or share joy for the reasons you mention and also because our "great moments" are usually not the kind that come with an award or a certificate from outside, but DH doesn't hesitate and will tell his family and friends about all the great learning milestones.
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Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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Rachel May
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Joann,
I have difficulty too, but I am blessed and cursed that my in laws (main detractors) would never directly criticize what I do. My in-laws are both educators. MIL now teaches education courses at the college level for people who are going back to school to be teachers. FIL basically is in charge of the arts curricula for a large school district.
I pretty much never talk about school with my FIL--I end up getting bombarded with state scope and sequence info by grade level. Occasionally I will ask about resources if I think I can get a quick answer. He has never said anything negative about homeschooling, but you can feel the vibe. He once said (when our twins were less than a year old), "Why would anyone want more than one kid?"  That was enought to shut me up on a variety of topics.
My MIL has been out of the picture for years since we lived too far away for her to visit, so we are getting reaquainted. So far, her gentle comments have lead me to believe that we have extremely divergent views on how to teach children to read, write, etc. Neither of them directly asks about school, and I never volunteer.
In someways I'd prefer a negative comment that I could straight out answer to the feeling of disapproval that I get. I wouldn't be able to sit still like you do. I truly envy you. Also, I've found you can share sports achievements pretty easily because that's not technically school, but I love Amie's comment about letting kids' homeschooling speaking for itself. Have you ever gotten the comment, "Do you homeschool? I knew it! You're kids are so well behaved!" I survive on those.
My husband is not a gung-ho homeschooler; he more lets me do it. I find his lack of engagement in the process is the hardest to deal with, since I so want him to be excited about it like I am adn feel like we are a team in this. Despite the fact that nearly all my friends are homeschoolers or homeschool wanna-bes and my side of the family is fairly supportive, I find my husband's lack of enthusiasm/interest very discouraging. However, the other day I told him about a project I had thought of for Black History Month (he is black so I'm always sensitive to teaching the kids about their heritage, and this idea was very un-schooly). His response was, "I think you were made to homeschool." I walked on air for the rest of the day.
Hold moments like those with both hands, and don't be afraid to offend others and defend yourself. Unschool "them" about unschooling!
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Rachel
Thomas and Anthony (10), Maria (8), Charles (6), Cecilia (5), James (3), and Joseph (1)
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MEBarrett
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JoannB wrote:
Help...I feel isolated and angry that I have to joyfully sit and listen to friends and families stories of their children's great acheivements....and I sit like a bimbo holding my tongue.
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Joann:
One thing I have found helpful with this (I have a similar situation, my FIL is a school teacher) is starting my blog. I chronicle what we're learning, what projects the kids are working on and I list books that we are reading. I have a digital camera so I post pictures of them working as well as scanning in their work to be posted. Occasionally I can get them to type in their narrations as well. All of the grandparents live out of state so they can log in and see that the children are in fact learning and working. During the summer I posted about our "deck schooling" having school time outside on the deck. Now prior to their actually seeing school being done on the blog all four grandparents would have been appalled at the idea of school taking place in such a non-school environment. They had the public school notion of how school should take place. However having seen deck schooling in context with all the other things the kids do they enjoyed the post and made some favorable comments. They still think I'm nuts but they aren't as openly hostile about it.
Go to blogger.com and follow the steps for setting up a blog, it's free and easy.
Hope this helps.
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Blessings,
Mary Ellen
Mom to seven beautiful kids
Tales from the Bonny Blue House
O Night Divine
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Willa
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MEBarrett wrote:
| One thing I have found helpful with this (I have a similar situation, my FIL is a school teacher) is starting my blog. I chronicle what we're learning, what projects the kids are working on and I list books that we are reading. |
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Yes, and mentioning your kids' milestone on this board is a good way to find recognition and understanding, too! They do not have to be BIG -- sometimes the best things about unschooling or homeschooling in general are the little things!
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AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: Do you ever feel like you've got a secret
