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Sarah
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| Posted: Dec 05 2008 at 9:02am | IP Logged
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My second son who is age 10 is very smart and capable but I'm very much starting to fret about how things are going. Most of his day is building, making things, and costumes. For example, two weeks ago he made all the paper birds from a book called Paper Birds that Fly and it took days and days to complete. Each bird was carefully measured and tooks hours. He was so intent on these and so busy that he did nothing else. You could not have pulled him out of this project without physically picking him up and getting very angry.I figured since his math lesson was using a ruler and he was using a ruler and his zoology lesson was about birds and he was making birds fashioned after real birds that it was educational. His albatross was amazing! We have all sorts of stuff strung everywhere from his creations. He's like the mouse in If You Give a Mouse a Cookie.
But there needs to be a balance. The problem is when I finally call him back to reality a workbook page could take 2 hours and then its filled with drawings or folded up into something elaborate. It usually ends up with me very mad and him in tears.He really only does one subject a day and I feel measured progress is so S-L-O-W. His brain overloads after one subject. Am I just a poor disciplinarian? His temperament is such that getting very mad or harsh is very rough on him.
Its funny because the brother ahead of him, the oldest, isn't happy unless we "fill in the blank" and have deadlines. He's thriving with methodical Seton courses. Loves a checklist of schoolwork! This other son can never find his checklist. His next younger brother is also methodical and schoolish.
So, how would you school a dreamer? He didn't read until age 9 not because he isn't smart. There doesn't seem to be a learning problem, just desire.
Please give some advice. I am always worried about him.
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Six boys ages 16, 14, 11, 7, 5, 2 and one girl age 9
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Dec 05 2008 at 12:22pm | IP Logged
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Can you break your school day up more? use a timer for those things he gets engrossed in.. use natural breaks to help pull him out.. for instance, I imagine he has to stop for meals.. so use that.. do school work, then let him do his thing until a meal then use the meal to break away from his thing and do more school.
You might also make teh school work shorter lessons. I found when mine get frustrated sometimes the brain just shuts off so it certainly doesn't help to keep going at that time. So instead we'd put it away but come back to it several times during the day.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Shari in NY
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| Posted: Dec 06 2008 at 8:44am | IP Logged
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Oh, Sarah! I have a dreamer! And it doesn't help that his twin is like your older son. Always ahead of task, good reader, perfect speller. Being twins, the difference is sometimes overwhelming and I have had to adjust the curriculum accordingly. This year they are twelve and finally, finally, my dreamer wants to keep up. He is working harder than ever before but I still have to stay right with him to keep him on task. He has a minimum of school work that has to be completed each day. While Joe is easily finished in a couple of hours, Adam consitently dawddles into the afternoon if I let chores divert me and leave him to himself. Will he ever be self sufficient? I hope so. It is improving  . Incidently, he also was a late reader, quite content to pick up a book and make up his own (usually more interesting) story to go with the pictures rather that do the laborous work of decoding!
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Dec 06 2008 at 11:05am | IP Logged
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Sarah, your ds has so many gifts! And I know from personal experience that the dreamer child isn't the easiest to mother/teach. It sounds like you two are doing a lot of things right. You already identify differences in need based on temperament. You are paying attention to what he is doing right (Ooooooooooohhhhhhhh the birder in me would LOVE to spend hours with him on his bird project!) like completing big projects and taking initiative. I asked my dreamer child about your challenge and here is my summary of our conversation:
Have mom and dad pick one task that the child has resisted for the child to do in a formal way in order to develop good habit of thought and work that are outside of the child's comfort zone. Perhaps this would be one workbook that is focused on a specific skill. Math, music, spelling come to mind. Let other knowlege needs be met through other means for now (reading, doing, discussing, watching movies, etc.) Explain to the child that each day he will practice the habit of attention for 10 minutes (or less which can be increased over time) in this manner. If he works with full attention, he is done and can move onto other activities. If he doesn't, he will need to try again that day. If he doesn't do it the second time, he can do it with dad (over the phone or in the evening.) The idea is that the focus is less on completing assignments (that will come later) and more on the habit of attention itself. Hopefully the child will learn from experience that a short stint of this type of work isn't a big monster and he will feel happier with himself and his broadening abilities. And mom and dad will feel better about his obedience and growth.
Sarah, since you mentioned on another thread that you checked out my family study at my blog, this would also be an opportunity to talk with your ds about his thinking. Keep it light and age appropriate. Could he be thinking All-or-nothing thoughts? "I can't do this workbook right so I'm not going to do it at all." Could he be
disqualifying the positive? "Workbooks are a waste of time and nothing good ever comes from them." Jumping to conclusions? "I'm going to do a rotten job on this workbook." Magnification? "This workbook is SO HARD!" Minimization? "It's no big deal if I don't do this workbook." Making should statements? "I should have done this workbook back in September, now I'm too far behind." Labeling? "This workbook is stupid." Personalization? "It's my brother's fault that I have to do this workbook." As silly as these may sound, believe me, I've bumped into every one of these with one child or another and just knowing where they are coming from has been a huge help to me.
Praying you all find ways that work for you. Please do share what you learn.
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Sarah M
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| Posted: Dec 06 2008 at 12:37pm | IP Logged
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I'm reading this thread intently. My oldest is like your oldest, and my 5yo is definately a dreamer. I'm already nervous about our homeschooling when she gets older- I'm so glad you started this discussion.
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mom2mpr
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| Posted: Dec 06 2008 at 9:59pm | IP Logged
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This is great and so helpful to me. Angie, such wonderful ideas. I am also glad to know I am not alone.
Anne
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Sarah
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| Posted: Dec 08 2008 at 8:59am | IP Logged
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Thank you everyone! Jodie, I think shorter lessons are what I need and I like the mealtime suggestion since its true, I do have him sitting before me for a while at those times.
Angie, thank you so much for all the superhelpful advice. The thinking thing is going to be very helpful. I think I have several of those going on: magnification, and disqualifying the positive seem to be the biggest problems.
Most of all, it was nice to hear that I have permission to scale back for him and work on success on a smaller lesson. I get ahead of myself and think, "its not enough to just do this one page. I need to push, push, push." I start to think that I will be responsible for him not getting a job, or getting into the seminary, to getting into college, etc.
This is a wonderful child (aren't they all?  ) who wants to please. He does get sad when he sees the disappointment in my eyes. We'll work toward a solution.
Thanks everyone. I plan on coming back to this thread and updating our progress using the advice of the ladies above.
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Six boys ages 16, 14, 11, 7, 5, 2 and one girl age 9
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TracyQ
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Oh Sarah,
It seems you have a right brained child. The BEST resources I've had in teaching a right brained child is from Diane craft. Her website is Diane Craft's website
She has some great articles there too. I have a 13yo dreamer who is wonderful, but my biggest challenge in our homeschool. I know God has a plan, and every single day, I entrust her to Him and that plan, trusting in His will for her. 
A GREAT book that I began reading, and can't wait to continue (once my sister in law gives it back) is Strong-Willed Child or Dreamer. It is excellent, and very helpful to help understand this type of person a whole lot better! Just in the little I've read so far, I've already been able to accept our daughter as God made her so much easier and it has already helped our relationship so much! THAT is priceless to me!
I believe God blesses moms with dreamers in a special way. They certainly are a blessing in their own special way! 
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Blessings and Peace,
Tracy Q.
wife of Marty for 20 years, mom of 3 wonderful children (1 homeschool graduate, 1 12th grader, and a 9th grader),
 homeschooling in 15th year in Buffalo, NY
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Sarah M
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| Posted: Dec 10 2008 at 9:36am | IP Logged
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TracyQ wrote:
A GREAT book that I began reading, and can't wait to continue (once my sister in law gives it back) is Strong-Willed Child or Dreamer. It is excellent, and very helpful to help understand this type of person a whole lot better! Just in the little I've read so far, I've already been able to accept our daughter as God made her so much easier and it has already helped our relationship so much! THAT is priceless to me!
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Yes, this book is a wonderful encouragement. I am able to really see my dreamer through new eyes.
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SimplyMom
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| Posted: Dec 15 2008 at 11:55am | IP Logged
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Oh, I love this thread.
I have a dreamer and a dancer. My son (9) is a dreamer and my daughter (7) is a dancer. The dancer can't sit still. She is constantly moving. I have taken to letting her do her paper work and reading standing at a desk or table so she can still move about.
One of the biggest pluses to homeschooling is being able to adapt almost anything to the child's particular learning needs.
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Darcee
SimplyMom from Simply Catholic
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SarahA
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| Posted: Dec 17 2008 at 9:09am | IP Logged
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"A GREAT book that I began reading, and can't wait to continue (once my sister in law gives it back) is Strong-Willed Child or Dreamer. It is excellent, and very helpful to help understand this type of person a whole lot better! Just in the little I've read so far, I've already been able to accept our daughter as God made her so much easier and it has already helped our relationship so much! THAT is priceless to me! "
I'm not even done with this book, either (do parents of multiple dreamers have much time to spend reading?), but it's been helpful. In fact, I think I learned about it on this forum somewhere. I also found "Dreamers, Discoverers, and Dynamos" (formerly titled "The Edison Trait"). I like the first one (strong willed) for its Christian slant, but the second one is good, too. My second son is a classic dreamer, by both books' standards. However, my oldest is a dreamer who could be mistaken for ADHD, or a discoverer/dynamo from the 2nd book.
The interesting thing is, the dreamer is "everyone's sweetheart", while being frustrating to motivate in school and doing chores. The discoverer/dynamo is frustrating to parent and has the most social problems, but is very self-motivated, having a voracious appetite for books while also being a kinesthetic learner.
I just found out about these books a few weeks ago, and I've found them to be very encouraging and helpful resources--talk about explaining so many things that had me completely baffled! However, implementing the changes in my own behaviors toward/handling of the kids has been difficult. It requires constant monitoring, and even then, one is only able to change oneself. What about the way others (friends, relatives, etc.) react to the children? I feel like I understand them more, but I can't force others to do the same. 
It's always good to see I'm not alone in challenges of parenting/homeschooling that can make me feel so isolated, as if I'm the only person going through them.
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Sarah
Army wife, Mama to (so far...) 2 boys, 1 girl, then 2 more boys
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Connections
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Thanks for the book recommendations.
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Blessings,
Tracey
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: Schooling a Dreamer
