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teachingmyown
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| Posted: Oct 03 2008 at 11:42am | IP Logged
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This is something I have been wondering about lately, as I watch my teen struggle. I have no theological basis to my thinking, but I wonder if God protects teens with special graces as they go through the time of questioning, challenging and even defying all they have been taught.
It seems to be accepted as fact that it is part of the maturing process to push away to some extent and try to develop their own beliefs. But as a worried mother, I am so concerned for my son's soul while he is working through the process. Kids can be so reckless and so many teens die before they have a chance to mature and return to their Faith. I wonder if God protects their souls even if they are in a state of sin. I know they are past the "age of reason". I also know that their behavior and thought processes are often much closer to that of a toddler.
One specific issue that we are dealing with is attending Mass on Sundays. Skipping Mass is a mortal sin. My son "knows" that, but he doesn't believe it right now. He questions how not going to Mass can put him in the same state of sin as a serial killer. So, if someone genuinely questions the seriousness of a sin, (and I am really talking about a young person, not a mature adult who just refuses to accept Church teaching) is he still guilty of mortal sin?
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Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Oct 04 2008 at 3:37pm | IP Logged
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Molly, this is very thought-provoking. I can feel your mother's heart and desire. Perhaps there are two things in action at the same time. If God does provide a special grace, and God can choose to do as he sees fit, I still know that it is important to not put Him to the test...to not rely on a special grace. As parents, we have the hard job of being truthful with our children, which means that we obey the teachings of the Church, even when we don't believe or don't agree or don't understand. We can be obedient while still having questions. Maybe it would help to share teachings of the Church that are difficult for you to understand. For example, I can honestly say that I don't "understand" the Trinity, it is a mystery, but I can rest in the truth of the Trinity because of Church teaching. I can also reassure that through obedience, many questions of faith have been answered for me over time.
Hmmmmmmm....I'll be thinking more about this and would be interested in learning more from others more knowledgeable than me.
Praying. You know I have a tender spot in my heart for your son.
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Willa
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| Posted: Oct 04 2008 at 4:23pm | IP Logged
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teachingmyown wrote:
| One specific issue that we are dealing with is attending Mass on Sundays. Skipping Mass is a mortal sin. My son "knows" that, but he doesn't believe it right now. He questions how not going to Mass can put him in the same state of sin as a serial killer. So, if someone genuinely questions the seriousness of a sin, (and I am really talking about a young person, not a mature adult who just refuses to accept Church teaching) is he still guilty of mortal sin? |
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For mortal sin you need the three conditions of grievous matter, sufficient reflection, and full consent of the will. Of course, with missing Mass intentionally you have grievous matter; but to me it has always seemed difficult to read a young person's heart well enough to know if the second and third conditions have been met. He may not be mature enough to make a reflective, consenting decision to sin mortally. It seems that this would be a good question to ask a trustworthy priest.
I think there are special graces to protect a young person. For one thing, the sacrament of Confirmation has specific graces that can be invoked. For another thing, I believe Our Lady has special affection for young people who are so beleaguered by temptation nowadays. As Angie says, that does not mean we can be presumptuous. I am just trying to point out that this is a spiritual treasury which we can consciously invoke for aid.
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Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
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hereinantwerp
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It was the process of questioning like this that led me to faith in God as a teen----I think it can definately be a "grace-filled" process! My 13 year old is doing the same thing (resisting going to church). We've pretty much told him, if you're under our roof, you are going to church. THat's just part of being in our family. We don't want to go through the big battle on Sunday mornings, it works better to remind/talk through it Saturday night. But I think it is really important to engage with their questions, take the questions seriously, and explore the answers together. In some ways it is even easy for a teen to throw out questions based on laziness/the flesh/even wanting to sleep, but to push them a bit and say, "Well, let's look at this . . .". It takes TIME, of course, which I find challenging with the younger ones. We just took a spontaneous 2-day "vacation" at a friend's cabin and I can't tell you how much this helped, to just reconnect with our teen (whose behaivor had been careening downhill!).
There could be "outside sources" a teen could talk to as well--a trusted priest or family friend, who could help them explore. As parents it can be so emotional--we fear for them, and we want them to know God sooooo much. Then they react to my emotions, etc. etc. . . .
I also think that teens respond to seeing faith that is very active . . . several years ago several of the teens in our church went on a mission trip to Thailand. Every single one of those kids came back totally affected, and four years later, that is still true. I have always had the dream to take our teens someplace like this for a mission trip. Some of teens' questions can push US in a good way, they want to see what's real, they challenge "the status quo" (albeit in an immature way). But they can have so much zeal and energy when they are challenged----which is a challenge to us adults, really.
Lately the "men" in our family have really liked the writings of Bob Schultz, which dh is reading aloud to the boys: "Boyhood and Beyond", and now "practical happiness". It is protestant but I think Catholics could use it just fine. It seems to address the questions and concerns and character issues and etc. that the boys have in a way they relate to, and when I overhear the readings I've been challenged by them as well!
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Angela Nelson
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Leonie
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| Posted: Oct 11 2008 at 12:22am | IP Logged
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Willa wrote:
I think there are special graces to protect a young person. For one thing, the sacrament of Confirmation has specific graces that can be invoked. For another thing, I believe Our Lady has special affection for young people who are so beleaguered by temptation nowadays. As Angie says, that does not mean we can be presumptuous. I am just trying to point out that this is a spiritual treasury which we can consciously invoke for aid.
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I am reminded of the power of payer, covering our teens and young adults in prayer...I try to do this in my morning novenas and,when I do this consistently, I can see God's graces working in the lives of my children.
Molly, I see in my family, now while we are going through a diffcult time, I see an adult son struggling with issues, mainly of family life and connecting and separating, and I am praying for him to receive the graces he needs. I was thinking that this is something similar for your son - he is being helped by your prayers.
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Leonie in Sydney
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4Real Forums : High School Years and Beyond
Topic: Special graces for teens?
