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Mary G
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| Posted: April 28 2008 at 7:43am | IP Logged
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I saw this on my catholic.com main page this morning:
Quote:
Life in Christ: Catechism #2230
When they become adults, children have the right and duty to choose their profession and state of life. They should assume their new responsibilities within a trusting relationship with their parents, willingly asking and receiving their advice and counsel. Parents should be careful not to exert pressure on their children either in the choice of a profession or in that of a spouse. This necessary restraint does not prevent them – quite the contrary from giving their children judicious advice, particularly when they are planning to start a family.
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So, how do we let go and let God? When do we step in or let them make their own choices?
For instance, since the kids pay for college themselves, dh and I allow them to choose where they will go and what they will major in. I know some parents who pick the school, major etc with all the best intentions.
What's your view?
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MaryG
3 boys (22, 12, 8)2 girls (20, 11)
my website that combines my schooling, hand-knits work, writing and everything else in one spot!
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Maryan
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| Posted: April 28 2008 at 8:39am | IP Logged
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Mary, I was recently reading the catechism (for something else) and saw that quote... and wondered too.
I wondered: at what age is an adult? It seems that would be a different age for different kids. In other generations, an adult was probably a younger age? Even if in all good conscience, a parent is JUST giving advice, a child could still perceive this as pressure, etc.
It seems important to talk about the vocations, the selection of a spouse, and choices of profession BEFORE the volatile teenage years where advice can be taken as confrontation! etc. etc. etc.
I can clearly remember as a first grader (in public school) thinking that one boy was very cute, but I could never marry him because he wasn't Catholic. 
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Maryan
Mom to 6 boys & 1 girl: JP('01), B ('03), M('05), L('06), Ph ('08), M ('10), James born 5/1/12
A Lee in the Woudes
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TracyQ
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| Posted: April 29 2008 at 11:43am | IP Logged
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Maryan,
My just 13yo daughter thinks like this now. And part of me is glad, and part of me thinks that if my husband had that attitude, he wouldn't have married me! I was Presbyterian at the time, and through our relationship, God called me back to the Catholic Church and I'm a revert who is now *very Catholic*! So God uses so many people and situations to bring His will.
Mary G......I just saw this quote very recently too. Was it posted here, or elsewhere? Anyway, I too have been pondering this, and I can tell you after the couple of months I've had with our soon to be first graduate, there are many things I'd absolutely do over. Like Maryan said, I'd pay more attention to the vocation and spouse aspect much earlier, and so now wiht our 15yo, and just 13yo, I plan to do just that these last years of our homeschooling journey.
For now, I'm just trying to hang on for the bumpy ride, pray hard, especially invoking the prayers of St. Augustine, and St. Monica, and trying to gradually learn with our firstborn how to let go, and let God.
I do realize that each child is unique and different, and that there will be a point where I have absolutely no say in what their decisions will be. My dh says the only control we'll still have when he turns 18 this August is him living in our home, giving him food and shelter. All we can do is pray that after the tumultous years that we expect will be coming (at least tumultous in MY eyes), that the deep love for the Lord by example and teaching of our precious Faith will be understood, internalized, and realized by him, and that He will again return to it one day, as both my dh and I did.
Until then, I just keep praying, and praying, and praying some more. Adoration, Mass more often, and devotion/study will become more regular for me now, that's for SURE!!!! At least I feel God's hope when I'm fully with Him.
It's also very helpful to have this place here to find support, encouragement, prayer, and wisdom from others going through the same things.
I look at him, and think, wasn't it just yesterday I was picking our your clothes, changing your diaper, and deciding what you will eat that day??? Now, well, now it's very different, and very difficult. 
So I guess I'm in the exact same place you are....wondering how this all works, when to allow him to make his own mistakes....er.....decisions  and how to deal with the consequences when our only options for consequences keep shrinking.
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Blessings and Peace,
Tracy Q.
wife of Marty for 20 years, mom of 3 wonderful children (1 homeschool graduate, 1 12th grader, and a 9th grader),
 homeschooling in 15th year in Buffalo, NY
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Leonie
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| Posted: April 29 2008 at 4:43pm | IP Logged
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I find it is like parenting a toddler - there is no recipe and no one right way AND it is different for every kid. 
I pray a lot, I give guidance and then I just let them go - I know that God often has to work with my older kids, my young adults and that I need to be less in control and more like Mary.
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Leonie in Sydney
Living Without School
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TracyQ
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| Posted: May 06 2008 at 9:24am | IP Logged
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Leonie,
I know this in my head too, but being as I'm VERY new to it with our oldest graduating high school this June, it's not an easy thing to learn how to do. But God is faithful to teach me how to do everything He expects of me, so I'm sure if I'm willing, and I'm obedient, He'll teach me how to do this too. I'm just glad I have all of you here for support. This is the hardest time of my life!
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Blessings and Peace,
Tracy Q.
wife of Marty for 20 years, mom of 3 wonderful children (1 homeschool graduate, 1 12th grader, and a 9th grader),
homeschooling in 15th year in Buffalo, NY
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glinNC
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| Posted: May 08 2008 at 9:25pm | IP Logged
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TracyQ wrote:
It's also very helpful to have this place here to find support, encouragement, prayer, and wisdom from others going through the same things.
I look at him, and think, wasn't it just yesterday I was picking our your clothes, changing your diaper, and deciding what you will eat that day??? Now, well, now it's very different, and very difficult.
So I guess I'm in the exact same place you are....wondering how this all works, when to allow him to make his own mistakes....er.....decisions and how to deal with the consequences when our only options for consequences keep shrinking. |
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I share in this with you as my oldest is now 18 and moving out. It's a bittersweet time ... a time we were guiding him towards, of course; yet it is also sad. I have spent the last few weeks talking to him about our Faith even more to be sure that he's "got it" ... I know I have to let go of the strings, but it is hard.  I will be praying a lot more for him than I ever have as he steps out independently into this big, crazy world ... pray for the right people to cross his path, pray for the Holy Spirit to guide all his decisions. I know that we did our best, so I am "letting God" now.
glinNC
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4Real Forums : High School Years and Beyond
Topic: How do we do this?
