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nissag
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| Posted: April 17 2008 at 10:46am | IP Logged
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Our oldest daughter is really struggling with whether or not to attend college. She's been moving purposefully toward Biblical Archaeology for several years now, but is rethinking how to achieve that, or even if she still wants to.
She has said that she still wants to keep learning, though not necessarily on a career-oriented track; or even on a degree-oriented track. We will have some opportunities to travel extensively as a family fairly shortly and I know the kids will learn more that way than in a classroom, or from books alone. My questions are:
- should we shoot for a GED, SAT, ACT, etc. this summer (she turn 16 in June)?
- are there any undergrad programs being offered online, preferably by a Catholic college/uni?
My inclination is to let her test, then we'll all feel as though we've got something "out of the way" so that she is free to do whatever she's called to. I have no problem with her staying home until she marries (or discerns a calling to religious life). She's very attached to the family and is praying for the right young man to come along in a few years so that she can be blessed with 8 babes! 
Blessings,
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Nissa
Deacon's wife, mother of eleven, farmer, teacher, creator, cook.
At Home With the Gadbois Family
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folklaur
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| Posted: April 17 2008 at 11:35am | IP Logged
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nissag wrote:
She's very attached to the family and is praying for the right young man to come along in a few years so that she can be blessed with 8 babes!
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I am only sharing this because it is something we recently were discussing ("we" being my oldest dd18 and I). This is just the experience of our family, and our personal opinions, and I in no way think that "our way" is the best way or the only way.
My oldest dd18 went through a period of time at about age 16 where she felt that college wasn't necessary. She really wanted to "be a Mom, a Homeschooling Mom, with a large family!" And that is great. But I still had her plan on college of some sort - technical, vocational, university, something. She didn't understand why, thought it could be a waste of time and money, etc.
But recently, she approached me, and said she was quite glad I had not really let her "give up the idea of college." When we talked, she said that what if she were to marry, have a family, and then something were to happen to her dh? (Of course no one likes to think of situations like this, but they are a reality.) She would much rather have a skill set that she could use if she needed to support herself/her children, instead of just having enough skills to get a job a Wal-mart. Even having a degree in Music would enable to her do private music lessons, etc. She started to think of possible programs that she could do from home, or market towards other homeschool families, etc.
Anyway...
I would still have her test - PSAT, or whatnot. (DD18 did PSAT and then ACT.)
She also admitted that the idea of college was scary because of having to leave her family and siblings, having to take the ACT/PSAT, all the changes, etc. It scares the beejeebers out of dh & me too  . It isn't easy at all....
Anyway, just our experience....
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JennGM
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| Posted: April 17 2008 at 12:29pm | IP Logged
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Laura, your daughter's experience is almost mine to a "T". I homeschooled most of high school, oldest of 7 children, very close to the family. The idea of making a break, a change, leaving home, was VERY hard. And I fought it for a long time. Underneath it all I was scared. I didn't have a good support network to make that next step (my parents were a bit clueless), and so it intimidated me.
But for the same reasons you stated above, and also thinking that having a college degree helps a lot in bypassing homeschooling laws (in VA, at least), I thought it would be helpful to have that degree under my belt.
PLUS, in my scenario, I thought I was ready to settle down and be married, at a young age, like my mother. BUT God didn't think I was until I was 30. It's a chance the right man might not come along. Having that college degree is almost a necessity in the working world.
But college is also a time (if you go to a good one, or pick good teachers) where you learn to be on your own. I didn't want to give up being the big sister, but I needed to in some aspects. For me it was the typical "finding myself" but not in a bad way. It was looking at my life and clearly saying "yes" to the choices I've made (faith, family, morality, etc.)
Not that she made the wrong choice. There are 5 girls in our family, 1 went the "technical route", 1 did an associates degree, the other 3 did a bachelors. And we're all happily married and with children.
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
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folklaur
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| Posted: April 17 2008 at 12:40pm | IP Logged
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Jenn,
You said many of the same things in your post that my dd is saying - like "giving up being the big sister", etc. I know she is scared to go to college (and in all honesty I am scared to have her go!) I am glad she is going to be attending a smaller Catholic College, I think it will be a great fit for her, really. Benedictine is a good school...and I am glad she chose it! It is going to give her that chance to grow, but still in a safe - and very Catholic - environment.
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Mary G
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| Posted: April 17 2008 at 1:23pm | IP Logged
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Nissa -- your daughter is only 16 -- what grade has she gotten thru? ACT should be taken end of 11th/beg of 12th to ensure coverage of the material tested. The SAT could happen anytime during her 11th grade but I wouldn't stress it before then.
16 yos (especially girls) are notorious for not wanting to go to college ... but that changes or could change. I'd go ahead and do the testing (as noted above) and let her start exploring alternative forms of education -- mission work, work-study programs, internships, etc.
I'd avoid the GED if possible -- GED carries a negative connotation with lots of folks (the kid dropped out and had to take a GED) ... it'd be better to make a trnascript showing her graduation equivalency at the time than taking the test (altho some college/universities require the GED if the student is homeschooled -- I think Notre Dame is one!).
Anyway, hope that helps ... I wouldn't worry too much, and have her do the standardized tests and explore and have fun as she's got time ....
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MaryG
3 boys (22, 12, 8)2 girls (20, 11)
my website that combines my schooling, hand-knits work, writing and everything else in one spot!
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: April 17 2008 at 1:45pm | IP Logged
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As an alternative.. it may be possible for her to at least get a lot of the various basic classes (there's sooo many anymore) done from home with online classes. Some let you start taking classes as a younger age vs needing to finish high school before you start taking those classes. Even if it's not going to cover everything that way.. you can gain some at home time without losing "working your way through college classes time".
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Lisbet
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| Posted: April 17 2008 at 4:25pm | IP Logged
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Just as a bit of a side note...I never went to college, never even considered it at any point in my life...It's not for everyone, it simply isn't.
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Lisa, wife to Tony,
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JennyMaine
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| Posted: April 18 2008 at 5:33am | IP Logged
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I think the idea of having her take the GED exams is a good one. It will confirm her abilities in her own mind - I worked in adult education for a year, and it was amazing to me to have homeschoolers come in and get a perfect score on the GED. You wouldn't believe what it does for their confidence level!
With GED in hand, then, she might want to enroll in one or two online college courses for gen. ed. courses - Freshman English and a history, art or music class are good places to start. Just to see if she likes it.
I really wouldn't try to push and shove a child toward college if they have no interest. For myself, I knew I wasn't ready for college - I had no clue what I wanted to do with my life and didn't want to take out thousands and thousands in loans only to end up with a worthless degree. I'm glad I didn't begin working on college right away. When I began coursework as an adult, I really worked hard and appreciated the opportunity to get an education. If she has a GED and a couple As at a community college, she'll have no problem pursuing a degree at some point if she desires. If not, that's ok. I completely agree that college isn't for everyone.
Jen
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--JennyMaine, Mom to Catherine (17) and Sam (15) "The countenance is a reflection of the soul. You should always have a calm and serene countenance." -- Therese of Lisieux
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lamamaloca
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| Posted: April 18 2008 at 10:43am | IP Logged
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I agree that college isn't for everyone, but I also feel strongly that a woman should have a possible career, in case her plan to get married and stay at home isn't God's plan for her, whether she is called to the religious life, the single life or whether her husband becomes disabled or other circumstances force her to work.
Any individual needs to separate to a degree from his or her parents, and become their own person secure in their identity as an individual before they can truly give themselves to another in marriage. This doesn't necessitate moving out of the home in all cases, but in some it may.
Moreover, it is important that an individual have something to fill her time and energy and give her life direction rather than just waiting around for a husband. I don't think that actively looking for a husband is necessarily healthy. Matrimony is a vocation to be married to a specific individual, not a vocation to "be married" in general that necessitates a search to find your partner.
Anyway, just my thoughts.
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Becky
Mom to Pauly, Roger and Rosemarie
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teachingmom
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| Posted: April 19 2008 at 12:09am | IP Logged
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Great thoughts, Becky, in my opinion! After watching at least four women (family members and close friends) go through unexpecting single parenting - one was widowed, three were the victims of divorce - I feel pretty strongly that every woman should do what she can while single to prepare for some sort of career, even if she never ends up working a day in that field. It's just too hard to go back later, as a single mom to get a degree in order to get a job that pays enough to support a family.
And I guess I should qualify that to say that the career preparation doesn't have to be a "degree" per se, it just ought to be enough education or vocational prep to have something to fall back on. It might be a few years at a community college preparing to be a dental technician or something similar, so it needn't be a four year degree costing tens of thousands of dollars.
And Jenn is right in saying that having a four year college degree helps immensely in homeschooling in states with more strict requirements. So it might be the perfect preparation to go on to become a homeschooling mom of many!
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~Irene (Mom to 6 girls, ages 7-19)
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4Real Forums : High School Years and Beyond
Topic: Questioning College
